Time for Solitude

One thing I realized as I started working away from home is that I actually liked and appreciated being A-L-O-N-E.

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You know when you watch these coming of age movies and see this independent protagonist, who btw, also happens to be an outcast loser weave his way through the cafeteria only to be judged and mocked by all these other kids who are so full of themselves, and you think, “why wasn’t I as brave as this kid when I was in elementary (or HS even)?” Some would ask, “Why am I not still brave enough now that I’m freakin’ turning 100?”. Wehhh OA!

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I wasn’t an outcast loser back when I used to wear my checkered uniform, but I also wasn’t the popular kid, and I have to say, back then, I dreaded being alone.

I couldn’t go down to our school canteen without anyone to accompany me. I feared not having anyone to talk to on the way to our school gymnasium for first Friday masses with the entire school. Heck, I even feared going to the restroom alone, but for way scarier reasons, if you know what I mean! 😛

Like most people, I grew up caring so much about what others thought about me. I guess, it’s part of growing up. You have to look good, smell nice. You have to do well in class. You have to have Jansport backpacks. CHOS! And most importantly, you can’t be seen alone, because people will feel sorry for you. WRONG!!!!

I used to hate being alone, but no so much anymore.

When I broke up with my ex, it felt weird to be shopping alone or eating alone, but it wouldn’t take long before I got used to the feeling. I started feeling comfortable doing things on my own. I carried my gigantic bags. I sit in coffee shops alone. I go to church alone (although my eyes still well up at the sight of families holding hands and kissing in church). I even go on roadtrips alone!

I started enjoying the feeling of being able to go wherever because you don’t have to consider what your companion has in mind. All decisions are up to you. It doesn’t matter if you change your mind faster than you blink your eyes, you have no one else to blame but yourself, and it’s okay!

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I like being alone on most days. In fact, I enjoy being alone. It’s a breath of fresh air. It makes you think out loud, yet it also silences the mind. You get to clear your head, talk to God, be mindful of the beautiful things that you have taken for granted.

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You also get to be grateful for the chance to have time all to yourself. It’s time that can never be lived again. It’s time that you will crave for on chaotic days. It’s your escape on negativity. It’s your time to rest and set everything aside. It’s your time to spread your wings on top of a hill while feeling the breeze through your hair without caring what other people also on the same hill think about you. 😛 Life doesn’t get any better than that, so cherish every moment that you’re alone. It’s a blessing in disguise.

Time alone also made me realize all thaaaaat! O diba? May kagandahan sa pag-e-emote! 😛

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With all these goodness spilling over from having that well-needed solitude, I am slowly learning to stop caring about what other people think of me. I can never have control over that. I try to focus instead on what God thinks of me, which is waaay more important than what anyone else thinks of me.

Plus, I also got to take lots of photos in my me-time!

 

xoxo,

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2 am thoughts

I can’t sleep, partly because I slept a bit after having brunch and late lunch in a span of 2 hours, read stuff on reddit (no sleep) again and mostly because I read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child the whole night.

My cousin sent me a copy after she read it and binge-read all the 7 others in the series. She got a free epub copy somewhere, and I know I should be ashamed for not purchasing a copy or acquiring one rightfully. Then again, so are those who have provided her and the rest of the online world this copy. Nandamay pa!

So, I started reading late in the afternoon today and I figured, I couldn’t put the book errr my laptop down until I read it to its very end. It was that good, coming from someone with a very short attention span. And just the same, I could never have been more excited to go back to that magical place I know we all missed!

Don’t you think that reading Albus and Scorpius’ misadventures through time is in a way a privilege for us all to go back in time as well? I know a lot of us still feel kind of hungover the fact that it ended even though the film franchise concluded 5 years ago. So it’s really good to have an 8th book, though sad that it will be Rowling’s last Potter book.

Although I’ve read a lot of negative reactions towards Albus weeks earlier, I wasn’t as irritated as I expected to be. He was such a rebellious boy, but he wasn’t as bad as I thought he’d be. It probably helped that I found his best friend, Scorpius quite a character and their friendship unlikely but complementary.

I can say that the 8th book is an easy second favorite book of mine in the series (lots of quotable lines and memorable moments with a softie Draco :P), next to book 7 of course, for how clever it had been created. I mean, using a time-turner to go back in time and visit events, some we are all familiar with and some others that have never been told before, but nonetheless, equally-striking. It was also moving to have been able to see Snape again and in a more compassionate and heroic persona, and an amusing, unmarried Ron and Hermione even in just an alternate world.

Overall, I felt happy to have seen the world beyond platform nine and three quarters again and ultimately to have known what it was like for Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Draco and their families to move on and start anew, nineteen years after the defeat of Voldemort. It was good to see them working together against the forces of evil and to see them grow older and wiser, but I must admit, seeing them in alternate realities scared the heck out of me, knowing that history can be rewritten. It made me realize certain things about my own life as well.

We may not be privileged and equipped to go back in time and rewrite our pasts, but this book couldn’t stress more on the consequences that may come along in doing so. Instead, it’s better to make good use of our time now so we don’t have to ever think of going back and changing what is behind us.

P.S. I thought I was seeing things as I wrote this (thanks to reddit) so I had to type the latter part of the post on my sister’s bed. I was a little jumpy so when my father went to the bathroom, I panicked at the sound of his footsteps and jolted my sister out of bed. 😛 I really need to get some sleep now! Goodnight!

 

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Emma Watson with Noma Dumezweni, her stage play counterpart. (photo linked to owner)

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