Time for Solitude

One thing I realized as I started working away from home is that I actually liked and appreciated being A-L-O-N-E.

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You know when you watch these coming of age movies and see this independent protagonist, who btw, also happens to be an outcast loser weave his way through the cafeteria only to be judged and mocked by all these other kids who are so full of themselves, and you think, “why wasn’t I as brave as this kid when I was in elementary (or HS even)?” Some would ask, “Why am I not still brave enough now that I’m freakin’ turning 100?”. Wehhh OA!

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I wasn’t an outcast loser back when I used to wear my checkered uniform, but I also wasn’t the popular kid, and I have to say, back then, I dreaded being alone.

I couldn’t go down to our school canteen without anyone to accompany me. I feared not having anyone to talk to on the way to our school gymnasium for first Friday masses with the entire school. Heck, I even feared going to the restroom alone, but for way scarier reasons, if you know what I mean! ๐Ÿ˜›

Like most people, I grew up caring so much about what others thought about me. I guess, it’s part of growing up. You have to look good, smell nice. You have to do well in class. You have to have Jansport backpacks. CHOS! And most importantly, you can’t be seen alone, because people will feel sorry for you. WRONG!!!!

I used to hate being alone, but no so much anymore.

When I broke up with my ex, it felt weird to be shopping alone or eating alone, but it wouldn’t take long before I got used to the feeling. I started feeling comfortable doing things on my own. I carried my gigantic bags. I sit in coffee shops alone. I go to church alone (although my eyes still well up at the sight of families holding hands and kissing in church). I even go on roadtrips alone!

I started enjoying the feeling of being able to go wherever because you don’t have to consider what your companion has in mind. All decisions are up to you. It doesn’t matter if you change your mind faster than you blink your eyes, you have no one else to blame but yourself, and it’s okay!

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I like being alone on most days. In fact, I enjoy being alone. It’s a breath of fresh air. It makes you think out loud, yet it also silences the mind. You get to clear your head, talk to God, be mindful of the beautiful things that you have taken for granted.

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You also get to be grateful for the chance to have time all to yourself. It’s time that can never be lived again. It’s time that you will crave for on chaotic days. It’s your escape on negativity. It’s your time to rest and set everything aside. It’s your time to spread your wings on top of a hill while feeling the breeze through your hair without caring what other people also on the same hill think about you. ๐Ÿ˜› Life doesn’t get any better than that, so cherish every moment that you’re alone. It’s a blessing in disguise.

Time alone also made me realize all thaaaaat! O diba? May kagandahan sa pag-e-emote! ๐Ÿ˜›

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With all these goodness spilling over from having that well-needed solitude, I am slowly learning to stop caring about what other people think of me. I can never have control over that. I try to focus instead on what God thinks of me, which is waaay more important than what anyone else thinks of me.

Plus, I also got to take lots of photos in my me-time!

 

xoxo,

mars2

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LIFE LATELY: Walwal WORK DAYS and Realizations on this new Career

Happy are those who are always “kapoy” for they have jobs to sustain their “needs” and satisfy their “wants”.

A typical Wednesday in my line of work and ย within my territory is a slow day. Normally, doctors wouldn’t hold consultations in their clinics as Wednesdays seem to be their rest days, hence, we wouldn’t be as busy as we are on regular days.

I dreaded Wednesdays because I don’t like NOT doing anything on a regular working day while everyone else had “out-towns” itineraries. Thankfully, Wednesday this week was different. I had a very busy itinerary and I was determined to accomplish everything by sweat and by faith!

In the morning, I had to pick up an important document in a post grad convention in a hospital nearby. Happy I got to the hospital via a multicab! Saved me some moolah!

Didn’t get the document though, but got it yesterday, so consider that done!

Funny coz that same day was my first time to be asked by a security personnel for some “goods” a.k.a. samples. Good thing, I always bring our handy dandy, paracetamol ng bayan!

I then took a cab to my designated hospital for the day. Got there early enough to cover 4 of my doctors that I almost never met this cycle. So that’s another tick mark on my list!

My senior counterparts and I didn’t have breakfast so the three of us met up with another senior counterpart in a nearby mall. Had our favorite sisig before going on to our respective hospitals in the afternoon.

Wednesdays are also perfect for visiting the departments to cover residents as they also help in prescribing our medications. The department I was visiting for the day was transferred to their new office which was unbelievably hard to find with people having no clue at all where it really was. I almost gave up thinking that I was being punk’d by everyone including the information personnel, although I felt their sincerity to really help me out. Good thing I got there in time to cover 3 senior residents!! So that’s another task done for the day!

I would’ve covered another set of doctors in the Orthopedic Center, but it was almost 5 and I had to run to the other side of the city to pay for the service of one of my doctors, which turned out to be another challenge for me as the cab driver doesn’t know where exactly the car service office was. I had to coordinate with their point person and google maps and my driver to find where it was! And voila! I did!

Got there in time to have a quick chat with their sales personnel which happened to be quite enjoyable and paid for the service! Met another person to establish a good relationship with as we always use their services!

Before I knew it, I was commuting back to the hospital to see if there were any more doctors to visit. Good thing, the odds were definitely in my favor that day as I finally had the opportunity to see the doctor I was chasing for days! Got my document for product inclusion signed and that’s definitely another BIG TASK done on my list of things to do!

My senior counterpart also got there in time as she needed this particular doctor as well!

After all that was done, she and I went to Casino Espaรฑol to prepare stuff and our booths for the Pulmo convention for the next 2 days. We didn’t expect to be stuck in a meeting with the organizers and other reps from other Pharma companies that night, but we had free dinner, so I couldn’t complain!

The next day, I had even more things to do. Plus I got to visit my other 2 hospitals and got to cover 3 of my doctors, one of whom I got to talk to longer than usual as she was transferring to her new clinic.

I had to run back to my main hospital as they close at 7pm and wouldn’t let reps in after closing time. Took a cab and got back in time to buy me some dinner and got in by 7pm!

It was unusually dark because of the rotating electricity shortage(s) (or what not), but I had to meet 1 doctor whom I had previous commitments that I had to settle so the dark couldn’t scare me away! I was so dayummm determined!

Before I got in the hospital premises, I asked the guard about the electricity problems and it took, he was asking me for this special med that I was handling. He needed it for better performance (if you know what I mean!)

When I got in the medical arts building, the lights went on as if an angel (ehem ehem) came down from the heavens. JK!

I was really feeling lucky though, not just because the lights went back (to think that they waited an hour for it to be fixed), but also because this doctor who almost always finishes her consultations very late in the evening had only 2 more patients a few minutes before 7 that night. Plus, this other doctor whom we find hard to cover also was ready to accommodate reps that exact same time. Got to cover them both!

Just when I thought that that night was over, I went wandering into the abandoned annex building wishing that this doctor I originally needed to talk to that night was still there. True enough, she was still there! I was able to settle this little conflict we had with the commitments I had with her.

At the end of that night, I was feeling ACCOMPLISHED as I got almost everything I needed done, done!

I didn’t feel as tired as I do on normal days because I did so many things I never thought I could do alone.

4 months into this job, I never thought I would be able to do things I’m doing now.

I just realized that:

  1. In 4 months that I’ve been here in Cebu, I’ve met more people than I have in the past year.
  2. I’m slowly getting out of my shell and gradually feeling more comfortable doing it, (who would’ve thought I could do a product presentation with our bosses and all of our counterparts there not to mention about 30 residents, let alone host an equally big event with even more bigger bosses!) which brings me to…
  3. Me being comfortable in approaching people, to talk business or just to have a quick chat.
  4. I can live on taking cabs for now (and I enjoy chatting with chatty drivers when they realize I’m Tagalog), but I would really like it if my car gets here, say next week maybe? haha
  5. I’m slowly getting familiar with the streets around the city of Cebu and how to get to places I need to know for this job, which is a big help for when my car arrives.
  6. I am getting more independent by the minute. I hate owing people so much that I try as much as I can to do things on my own, even if it means spending more on my commute, walking very late at night or risking my life riding habal habals to look for computer shops.
  7. At the end of the day, after talking to so many people, I still want to be back in my shell, be alone and have that quality time with God, me-self and to do things I love doing like my ARTSY FARTSY stuff, photography and of course, writing! Yaaayyy I got to post 1 more entry into this not so personal diary of mine!

Maybe I could write more on my current life as an independent, lost girl next time!

Bye for now! Got to work a little on a rainy Saturday, but God is good for He takes care of all of us and always has good timing! He always saves me especially in times that I get in trouble and when I need Him the most! He is sooooo good, don’t you think?

Leaving you with one of my favorite Golden Hour Photos for more good vibes on a cool, rainy weekend!

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Taken in Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte! Camera: Canon FTb, Film: my favorite, YKL 100

Since I’m on a high feeling all the good vibes this freakin’ weekend, I just got off the phone with my familyyyy all the way from Manilaaaa and they are on the way to QUIAPO and BANAWE to get my car seat covers done!!!! I’m so excited!!!!!!!

Since we’re also on the topic, of good vibes, I mean, I’M FINALLY SEEING MY FAMILY AGAIN coz it’s the longggg awaited, LONG WEEKEND!!!!!! YAHOOOOO!!!!!!

CURRENTLY SINGING MY LUNGS OUT (and dancing to Toploader‘s “DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT“) coz my roommate went home to Tacloban for the weekend! Can dance in my underwear the whole weekend! Chos!

Love lots,

mars2

 

 

 

Screwball

I did it! I screwed my life over again.

Earlier today, as I was lugging 2 boxes of promotional materials down four flights of stairs from our apartment, I was thinking, is this what God wants me to do in life? Is this the life I’ve chosen?

Funny how I always get these thoughts clouding my mind whenever I am alone on a stairway. Could that be any more dramatic?

I mean, if I were to choose, I would always go for getting surprise-attacked by a bunch of zombies on a dark fire exit rather than having any of these depressing thoughts.

Well anyway, I’m here. This is the life that was laid out for me. So in between waking up in the middle of the night and tossing and turning in bed, I pray that I get to live this life the way I want to and the way God has planned.

Just needed to let out some of these thoughts in my head because they’re getting way out of hand. There’s a lot more coming, but I’d rather keep these rants short.

I’m so tired of screwing up. God please help me get to where I need to be.

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thoughts on being a staff nurse…..FINALLY!

Today, I was on my way to the Medical City and Lourdes Hospital (to submit my resumes) when I got “the” text from MEMC (the hospital where I trained for the last 5 months) informing me of my interview at 12 noon. They also included at the end of the text that I was one of the 12 (out of 20) who got absorbed as a *ehem ehem* staff nurse! That was 10:19am and I was on the tricycle already. So, I just had my IVT certificate photocopied and took the trike back to our house. When I got home, I had to take a bath again (because it was damn too hot today—36.6C according to twitter) because I was sweating like a pig and I had to look nice, plus I had to change into a business attire. So I ironed my clothes and I even had to sew my pants (ripped at the crotch part). I skipped lunch because I had 10 remaining minutes before noon. I arrived 15 minutes late, as expected, but I wasn’t worrying about that. I know whoever is in charge of interviewing us would be considerate enough to let that pass. When I got there, they were waiting for 4 more people, since the remaining 2 were out of town and my partner claimed she didn’t get the text. PHEW!

Anyway, the chief nurse just informed us that we had to be at the conference room 15 minutes before 6am on Wednesday (our first day) before we went to our respective stations for the next 6 months (if I’m lucky enough to stay), where we had to get our schedules, make courtesy calls, before we took off.

Speaking of schedule, here’s mine for the next 2 weeks……aaarrrggghhhhh!

Can’t argue with that….I’m gonna have to endure all the things they had to say about what happens on AM shift in that station (5 days lang naman, Mars) . I should be scared. To tell you honestly, I really am. When was I not, right? But look at the bright side, at least I got briefed about it and “her”. No, it’s not a ghost I’m talking about. On second thought, I should be afraid of that too! HUHUHU!!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

ย Then we stayed for a while, shared our thoughts about being absorbed. Most were a bit ambivalent (including me) about it since we only had a week to rest when the previous batches had at least 2 weeks to a month of bumming around before they got called in for contract signing and all; and to think they only trained for 3 months!!! HAYAYAY!!!

Then, my new partner, Nicole and I stayed when everyone else left because I was dishing about our station and our infamous head nurse. Hopefully I’d become good enough to please her. I know being a worrier, I shouldn’t be letting people scare me with their experiences and horror stories, but I can’t go to battle unarmed, right? So we had merienda/late lunch at Chowking before we went our separate ways. I even got to meet her mom who ranted about the heat and other stuff, which was quite entertaining but comforting in a way.

So that’s about it. Apparently our swimming party won’t push through anymore. Poor pink, Selena Gomez-inspired, bandeau bikini and denim, short shorts I bought in Divisoria yesterday, it would take years before I get to wear them for the first time. Poor me, I haven’t even experienced summer 2012 yet (except for the punishing, smoldering, excruciatingly irritating weather) it is about to end. Then before I know it, I’d be going to work in boots or submerged in floodwater already!

So what does this tell you about me finally getting my paid twice a month as a real nurse? Well, I’m sure as hell happy, sad, thankful, unsure, happy, sad and thankful. I never thought things would go this way for me. I never thought I’d be blessed like this. I never thought I’d pursue this career, not when my grades were getting shaky and I getting depressed a few years back, when I was still in college. I never thought I’d be able to get through the cutoff in first year college, or graduate, or pass the board exams, or be able to find a job. Crazy, things have been falling slowly into place for me and it’s all because of Him. So again, thank You, Lord. You really do move in mysterious ways and You really have a knack for making me feel better after I cry myself a few times to sleep. Thank You!

I could tell, I made my parents happy today, which made me happy too! **teary-eyed** CHOS! I told my father jokingly (since he was the 2nd to the last to know) when he woke up for dinner earlier, “Pa, ako na mag-papa-aral kay Kat!“. I also proudly told my mother immediately after I got home, “Ma, ako na magbabayad ng tubig“, then she replied “Ano ka? Pang-pamasahe mo yun noh?” and I thought, oo nga noh?? haha!!

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh I still couldn’t believe it (even though we had people leaking the news even before our training ended). It still hasn’t sunk in. Maybe in 2 days, when I get to handle patients on my own. As in for real. ON MY OWN. Waaaahhhhhh the big world scares me. I just wanna go back to being scolded by our yayas when we wouldn’t sleep during siesta time! I miss being young. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

A lot has happened lately, I cannot fully digest it all. I could still remember us on our oath taking on October of last year…… then came this training at a local hospital!

I cannot thank God enough for all of this. I am so blessed to have known people who helped me become a good nurse and a good person. ๐Ÿ™‚