Time for Solitude

One thing I realized as I started working away from home is that I actually liked and appreciated being A-L-O-N-E.

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You know when you watch these coming of age movies and see this independent protagonist, who btw, also happens to be an outcast loser weave his way through the cafeteria only to be judged and mocked by all these other kids who are so full of themselves, and you think, “why wasn’t I as brave as this kid when I was in elementary (or HS even)?” Some would ask, “Why am I not still brave enough now that I’m freakin’ turning 100?”. Wehhh OA!

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I wasn’t an outcast loser back when I used to wear my checkered uniform, but I also wasn’t the popular kid, and I have to say, back then, I dreaded being alone.

I couldn’t go down to our school canteen without anyone to accompany me. I feared not having anyone to talk to on the way to our school gymnasium for first Friday masses with the entire school. Heck, I even feared going to the restroom alone, but for way scarier reasons, if you know what I mean! 😛

Like most people, I grew up caring so much about what others thought about me. I guess, it’s part of growing up. You have to look good, smell nice. You have to do well in class. You have to have Jansport backpacks. CHOS! And most importantly, you can’t be seen alone, because people will feel sorry for you. WRONG!!!!

I used to hate being alone, but no so much anymore.

When I broke up with my ex, it felt weird to be shopping alone or eating alone, but it wouldn’t take long before I got used to the feeling. I started feeling comfortable doing things on my own. I carried my gigantic bags. I sit in coffee shops alone. I go to church alone (although my eyes still well up at the sight of families holding hands and kissing in church). I even go on roadtrips alone!

I started enjoying the feeling of being able to go wherever because you don’t have to consider what your companion has in mind. All decisions are up to you. It doesn’t matter if you change your mind faster than you blink your eyes, you have no one else to blame but yourself, and it’s okay!

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I like being alone on most days. In fact, I enjoy being alone. It’s a breath of fresh air. It makes you think out loud, yet it also silences the mind. You get to clear your head, talk to God, be mindful of the beautiful things that you have taken for granted.

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You also get to be grateful for the chance to have time all to yourself. It’s time that can never be lived again. It’s time that you will crave for on chaotic days. It’s your escape on negativity. It’s your time to rest and set everything aside. It’s your time to spread your wings on top of a hill while feeling the breeze through your hair without caring what other people also on the same hill think about you. 😛 Life doesn’t get any better than that, so cherish every moment that you’re alone. It’s a blessing in disguise.

Time alone also made me realize all thaaaaat! O diba? May kagandahan sa pag-e-emote! 😛

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With all these goodness spilling over from having that well-needed solitude, I am slowly learning to stop caring about what other people think of me. I can never have control over that. I try to focus instead on what God thinks of me, which is waaay more important than what anyone else thinks of me.

Plus, I also got to take lots of photos in my me-time!

 

xoxo,

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Life Lately / 11

I wasn’t going to say something until maybe after the training is over and done with. It’s not like I’m scared of jinxing anything now, because, you know, I’m YOLO-ing all over again plus, I’m surrendering it all to the Big Guy up there, but I guess I just really can’t find the time at the moment to actually lay it all out and spill the deets on this great, big turn my life has taken.

So I’m back in college or at least it feels like it, except that this time, we’re taking a crash course on what some of us have studied for a semester or two all in just about 2 weeks or so. For the past weeks, my co-trainees and I have been getting about 3-4 hours of sleep on a daily basis to pull off the pre-tests, post tests, learning checks and discussions also on a daily basis. I thought I was done with this stuff when I graduated 5 years ago, but I guess that was just a pretty dream that I now have to put behind me.

So that pretty sums up the last 2 weeks, not to mention the added physical training aka walking in heels with a big bag of weights in tow everywhere we go, which is actually a mental training in disguise (coz’ it’s all in the mind and when there’s no pain, none will be gained, ain’t that right?).

Had I known I was in for a treat like this, I would have taken off to outer space or as far as I could in seconds! Juuuuust kidding! So there, so far, I failed 1 exam which bums me out big time because I know for a fact that I have written enough info on those essays (YES, YOU READ IT RIGHT, ESSAYS) to get me at least a passing rate, but I didn’t. Plus, I was trying hard to keep my grades up, now that 75 is just going to pull down my first 2 90+ test grades. That sucks and to think that I’ve never been this grade conscious in my life!

I knew though that this wasn’t going to be easy so I had to reevaluate my self, my life and my faith in order to get going. I know that there would always be tough days, days when all I could do is cry and pray hopelessly and times when I could just do this all day long:

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But I also know and believe that there’d be days when I could genuinely feel as if I’m not constipated and heavy at all! LOL! I’ll be light as a feather and I could leap into the heavens, saying I survived!

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Until then, I’m going to have to take studying even more seriously. Gone are the days when I could just slack off, add more weight to my belly and watch movies and blog all day.

Though I have to say, I missed writing a lot. I missed this! I still have a long way to go on my Trip Down Memory Lane series, but hopefully, I could squeeze in time to complete that by midyear.

That’s it for now! I’ll leave you be!

P.S. I made a little somethin’ somethin’! It’s one of my stress busters! Thank God for Art and Photography!

 

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Early Morning January Light

I really love the cool January breeze. All thanks to the countries north of the Philippines, it’s past 10 yet my feet are still cold and the air is still surprisingly pleasant!

I went up early to go on a morning photowalk with our dog, Charlie although it didn’t go exactly as planned. Apparently, there was an ordinance implemented last year prohibiting homeowners to take their dogs to the park especially to pee and take a dump. I thought it wouldn’t matter as I’m ready to pick up his poop anyway, and Charlie did his thing before we left.

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Unfortunately, he had to poop again, right before entered the park area and I couldn’t pick it up because it was semi-formed…..okay, it was slightly watery. So I had to cut short what would have been my chance to shoot some street photos and just bought Pandesal earlier than planned. Just my luck though, I bumped into a vendor who sold these beautiful, colored corn that he said was from Benguet.

I never thought I’d see this kind of corn for real. It was a curious thing I first saw last year on Instagram so I couldn’t help but buy some for breakfast.

So here I was, back home playing with food even though I was told not to. LOL. Well don’t worry, this is only for the sake of photography and nothing else. You know how much I love and respect food just as much as I love and respect those who worked hard to get them on our tables. 😛

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I’m planning to go on a photowalk again tomorrow and chase the golden light and maybe jog a little while the air is still cool and while I still have the time.

Maybe I could also be braver to take more photos of people too, but I wouldn’t mind shooting photographing animals like I did today.

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Life Lately / 11

I woke up at 4:18am today and I don’t remember going back to sleep.

At 5:30am, just before sunrise, I went out to get some air, although a bit hesitant because of the cold.

Still, I sat outside in darkness and prayed.

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I’m getting anxious again for I know that in a few days, I’ll be getting on a roller coaster ride, I don’t even know if I’ll survive.

Then I talked to Him, like I always do–as if talking to a friend. I told him how much I want to be a photographer someday and I’ll do what it takes to get there.

I told Him even if He already knew that I recently spoke with someone who’s passionate about photography too and how in a way, that shook me out of a long slumber. I was wakened by his eagerness and enthusiasm. I was inspired to follow my own dreams just as he is.

For a moment, I was envious of him for he’s young yet he knows what he wants and he works hard to get it. For a moment, I wanted to go back in time and wish I could have been braver to do the same.

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I wish I could have figured this out sooner.

But regrets are useless to dwell upon. I value more the opportune chance I was given to clear my head and to see what remains constant and that is my dream. That is my heart’s desire.

I’m glad He allowed this to happen so I could see that this dream is within reach. I’m glad He helped me make up my mind and know for sure within the depths of my mind, heart and soul that this is what I truly want. I hope that this is what He wants for me as well.

I promise, that it will all be for Your glory.

Thank You for the subtle nudges You make. Thank You for sending angels time and time again.

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And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters”

– Colossians 3:17, 23

 

Morning Person

If I were to choose a favorite time of day, it’ll be a tie between early in the morning or late in the afternoon, primarily because I’m obsessed with I adore taking golden hour photos, and also because I think I’m getting old and old people NORMALLY just wake up very early in the morning or bask in glorious sunsets to pass the time.

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Kidding aside, I do really love mornings, even more so than afternoons apparently, evidenced by this and this. I just love waking up early, not necessarily too early like when I used to have a 9-5 job, but earlier than most people do, especially on weekends, holidays and even when on vacations.

My body clock is probably just programmed to automatically wake up early enough for me to catch the news errr morning shows or the sunrise while enjoying the cool morning breeze or for me to do some chores or a quick workout to start me up with the rest of the day’s activities. Surprisingly, it doesn’t bother me at all. Like I said, I love mornings and I don’t only say this because I don’t have any choice.

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love the morning tones in photos

Most of the time, I also feel like I cannot afford to burn daylight, not with the productive things we can do if we just wake up a little early than usual. Plus, I love how peaceful it feels when you water the plants and you won’t hear anything except literally, the birds’ chirping. You’d think that city living has rid us of this little “luxury”, but yes, there’s still a big chance that you can have that provincial feel you’ve been longing for.

However, nothing beats the real thing, so whenever we’re on vacation, I make it a point to walk along the loveliest beaches we’ve been to at dawn. I’m not really the type to stay up late partying in Boracay (mostly because I can’t keep my eyes open way past 10pm LOL), but I sure did love waking up extra early to enjoy the seemingly abandoned beach, especially on low tide. I did the same when we stayed along the splendid shores of Pagudpud, Laiya, Bohol, Puerto Galera and Bataan. As expected, most of the people out strolling or jogging were 20-40 years my senior, and it couldn’t get any better than that.

Here are some of my favorite early morning photos…

Here’s when we woke up soooper early so we could catch the sunrise together in Laiya. A lot of these photos were shot in film, hence the light leaks! 😛

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Bumped into a pearl vendor at around 6 in the morning.

Lounging around early in the morning at home.

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This photo doesn’t even look special at all, but every time I see it, I can’t help but stare at the sunlight’s golden reflection on my bedroom window.

Then there’s my favorite set, Pagudpud morning stroll with the parents…

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The campsite, before and after sunrise!

And finally some digital, early morning photos from our trip to Galera…

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Apart from capturing such sceneries in the morning that would’ve totally looked different in broad daylight, I also love that mornings give me hope and make me want to look forward to better things to come. Then there’s also my love for breakfast food and the fact that mornings are more conducive for praying and reading the Bible.

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