I did it! I screwed my life over again.
Earlier today, as I was lugging 2 boxes of promotional materials down four flights of stairs from our apartment, I was thinking, is this what God wants me to do in life? Is this the life I’ve chosen?
Funny how I always get these thoughts clouding my mind whenever I am alone on a stairway. Could that be any more dramatic?
I mean, if I were to choose, I would always go for getting surprise-attacked by a bunch of zombies on a dark fire exit rather than having any of these depressing thoughts.
Well anyway, I’m here. This is the life that was laid out for me. So in between waking up in the middle of the night and tossing and turning in bed, I pray that I get to live this life the way I want to and the way God has planned.
Just needed to let out some of these thoughts in my head because they’re getting way out of hand. There’s a lot more coming, but I’d rather keep these rants short.
I’m so tired of screwing up. God please help me get to where I need to be.
It saddens me that I could barely even squeeze in time for writing nowadays, well at least for the past 2 weeks. If it wasn’t for the Sunday Currently series, I would’ve abandoned this blog completely. Just kidding! I know I couldn’t do that. This blog has been my life journal for the past 5 years and hopefully for the 5 years ahead.
Anyway, it’s the weekend again and I get to stay home all day! You read that right! I love staying in on weekends. These are 2 days of the week that I don’t have to wake up as early as I do on weekdays, but still early enough for me to help with the chores and do my thing.
This week, I was busy doing a small project for a friend who’s now living and working in London. It was for her and her colleagues’ presentation for when they finish training at a university. I didn’t feel like doing it at first but I couldn’t turn it down even though the fact that I had a deadline to meet pressured me to death. Last time I did something like this was back in college or maybe last year, for a friend’s birthday, but nonetheless, deadlines for me have long been a thing of the past.
It turned out that I made it to the deadline and my friend liked it! HUZZAH! She and her colleagues agreed to pay me when she first brought up the favor, but I brushed off the idea knowing for a fact that I wouldn’t really accept the payment in the end. It was too little of a job and we’ve been friends for a long time, so I thought that she was just being polite. When I finally did it, she asked for my bank account details and she insisted that if I don’t give it to her, she’d look for another way to send it to me. It was flattering and at the same time, it made me feel like I’m one of those freelancers that do jobs on the side, apart from their primary source of income. It was a good feeling and I thought, maybe I could really do freelancing in the future!
**I still haven’t accepted the money, but thinking about it now, I could use the extra cash!