On Zombies, Putting DADs under the limelight and Lots of Other Important Stuff

With all the explosive events happening on the news lately, it’s quite hard to see the beauty of life anymore.

Sometimes, I find myself contemplating on the rampant killings (bombings included) in and out of the country, on the safety of my loved ones, their future and their emotional and psychological health and conditions because those things scare the heck out of me.

So how does anyone still see the beauty of living in a world as chaotic and seemingly as loveless as ours?

What bothers me now isn’t just our President’s campaign against drugs, which now also includes a battle against terrorism, but also the fact that the HiddleSwift hoopla has now ended. Taylor is indeed living up to her name, having swift, fleeting relationships with men I’ve lost count of. Kidding aside, no one can blame her, because it is her life after all and only she knows what she wants and who can make her happy. Relationships are cases of trial and error, for some. It just wouldn’t be right to settle with someone just to be safe because that wouldn’t be fair to both people involved. Anyway, apart from this slight segue to hollywood news, which isn’t really the whole point of this entry, I have also been affected enormously by the 2 movies I’ve seen over the weekend, the first one being, the well sensationalized, but not disappointing, “Train to Busan”.

So, how do all of these relate to one another? I’m guessing, I’m in the manic phase of my Bipolar disorder again, having these “flight of ideas”, jumping from one thought to another. 😛 On a serious note, all this thinking after watching the said movie, and another heartbreaking one in a span of 2 days made me realize that first, there is always hope, despite all the negativity in the world and second, dads are important in our lives too. 😛

I’m not doing a review of the movie because it came out weeks ago, or months even, and I probably might be the last one to have seen it, but I’m not saying that there won’t be any spoilers in this entry, so don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. ALSO, I’d like to say that the film had such an enormous impact on meh heart and brain, so huge and deep that I ended up writing this post. But why’d you even take my word for it? Even a Pixar movie can get me bawling like a baby. 😛 Well, maybe because, for one, and I know a lot would agree with me when I say that there is so much to learn from the film, underneath all the sudden awkward and stiff break-dancing (as what my sister loves to call it) and chaos in the train, and it had a good plot, cinematography and special effects, effective acting and musical score, stunts and a heart. 😥

To break it down for you, I’ve listed some of the important stuff I realized while watching the film. First of all, for sure, we all learned that most of the time, we bring this upon ourselves, and the “this” I’m talking about can be anything from drug-addiction to failing in an exam, or sometimes, even losing a loved one. Mankind has so much potential, talent, power and intelligence, but when used inappropriately, can lead to greed and eventually to all the other bad stuff I don’t need to tell you anymore. Somehow, we know that we made those things happen. We may not be the root of all evil, but we allowed ourselves to be instruments of evil, out of hunger for more fame, money or power. Later on in the movie, it was revealed through one of the main lead’s employees that the outbreak was caused by their company’s plant, which made him cry silently in the lavatory.

Another thing I liked about the movie is that we were reminded to look after one other, because like what they say, we are our brother’s keeper. In line with this, the priest kept on repeating himself on his Homily yesterday that “when we think about Jesus, we think about our neighbor/s“, which brings us back to the 2 main rules of God–which is to love God and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. It’s pretty simple, and I know that even though we’re from different nationalities, cultures and religions, we were all taught the same thing, to love one another. It was so hard for me to see the characters on the movie die because I get attached so easily, especially to the husband of the pregnant lady. I admired his character so much for his selflessness and concern for others. In everything he did on the movie, it’s like he always had the welfare of others in mind before his own. I could even say the same for the homeless guy, who saved the lead characters’ lives twice. So It wasn’t a surprise to see the lead guy’s change of heart in the middle of the film and of his prior plan to just look after themselves. Of course, I’d have to give credit to the little girl as well. We saw how she was brought up well by her mother for she always was concerned with the other passengers’ welfare. Amazing group of kind-hearted people. Isn’t it comforting that even at a time like that, you can see God in each of the people on that train? When some people say that they don’t feel God’s presence, this is a perfect example of how we can.

Sad to say, despite having a group of people who are willing to help, there’d still be people who will trample on others for their own sake, which brings me to my third realization, look out for people like them. I’m very lucky not to have met someone or at least not that I know of, who is as painfully-irritating as Yon-Suk who was apparently the COO of a train company. It isn’t such as surprise to see someone like him do what he did because desperate times call for desperate measures, but it is quite bothersome to think what people would do will there be such a similar catastrophe in the future.

Lastly, and should I say the thing that left the deepest dent in my heart was the fact that dads, even though they’re almost always on the sidelines and not always recognized, are important too. No, it wasn’t a joke when I said that earlier. I liked the scene when big-husband-of-preggy-lady called Sang-hwa, one baseball team member and the main lead, Seok-Woo came to rescue the ladies and the homeless guy in a lavatory and ended up waiting in the lavatory across theirs while waiting for the train to go into a tunnel. Sang-hwa had a small talk with Seok-woo on how dads often work hard for their kids and that he knows that when Soo-an grows older, she would understand and appreciate why he worked so hard. It was a brief exchange between them, but it somehow gave tribute to the fathers who aren’t always recognized for their part in raising their children. This is mostly obvious in families with stay-at-home, hands-on moms and working dads.

In the end, when Seok-woo got bitten by none other than the irritating COO whom I felt sorry for when he said he was just trying to get home to his mother, he had to bid a quick and not to mention, a very emotional goodbye to his daughter, Soo-an. I cried the hardest when I saw Soo-an holding on tightly to her dad’s shirt. It reminded me of that time in Tokyo when we lined up at this sushi restaurant. We broke into 2 groups because some (aka my mother and aunt) didn’t like to eat raw food. My father originally went with my mama and aunt and eventually went with us. We originally told the waiter we were 4, but when my father joined us, we had to tell him we want to add 1 to our group but he said it wasn’t possible to seat 5 in a table so 1 would have to sit alone on a counter seat. My brother agreed with the waiter and said he’ll be the one to sit on the counter seat, but my father probably thought he was intruding, so he said he’ll just stick with my mama and aunt. We were asking him to stay so I grabbed a hold of his sleeve as tight as I could with a desperately begging face like a kid, because I could see how he was being too selfless again. It was the worst case of non-intentional guilt trip that I almost couldn’t bear at that time and makes me break into tears when I remember it.

I also loved the part just before Seok-woo turned into a full-on zombie at the back of the train, the scene when he first held Soo-an as a baby flashed before his eyes and he suddenly stopped crying and just smiled. There was a soft piano music playing in the background and it gets me every time, even as I watch it now. I don’t know why, but as I watched that scene, I remembered this article my friend sent me to read. It just said that we should spend more time with our parents, because they’re not getting any younger. They used to be so strong when they were younger (cue the scene from the movie below when Seok-woo holds Soo-an in his arms), but as time passes by, they become older and weaker and before we know it, their time on earth will eventually come to an end.


I couldn’t find the article itself, but just the same, this article’s title alone says it all,

“Love your Parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.” – Amy Anderson

Read it, preferably while listening to the sad OST of the film below :P, you won’t regret it.

The day after I saw TTB, I also watched the dubbed version of “About Time” on tv, which I’m glad I did because it has been years since I first saw it and I almost forgot the most special parts of the movie with the lead guy’s dad on them. Again, it was another movie intended to break the viewers’ hearts and of course, to put dads under the limelight.

I myself have given little tributes to my own father on social media and even on this blog and on the other one countless times, and I remember a time being called a papa’s girl when I was young. They’d tell me stories of how I would go with my father when he would get his owner jeep fixed. Growing up, I would also eventually develop an inclination for the arts, influenced by my papa who is an artist. He taught us bits on how to paint, how to take photos, how to play the keyboard and a few songs that I know how to play until today, taught us how to play the guitar and one that I’m most proud of, how to use Photoshop back in high school, which I’m glad I’m still able to use today. He is so gifted passionate and I know wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for him being supportive of my passions. Did I say he enrolled me in a photography workshop in an institute he loves?


So going back, I feel like I know the answer to that question even before I came up with it. With all the realizations (including doing cardio exercises for when real zombies with effing kangaroofic and puma-ish abilities arise) I have now after watching the said films , I learned that we, the inhabitants of this world we’re gradually destroying are also the hope we have been praying for, for a better world. God has given us each a part of him when he created us, so that only means, we are all naturally good. And in the darkest times, when some fear that God has forsaken us, let us be the ones to shed some light on them and remind them that God IS ALWAYS WITH US.

A week ago, my papa and mama collided into another car in front of them when a reckless jeepney driver crashed on to them from behind. There were 8 vehicles involved in total and our car was one that got severely damaged. It was a good thing that there wasn’t a passenger at the back and that they were able to come home safely that day with just minor gashes and hurting backs. I couldn’t thank God enough for saving them and not to mention for the help and support of my relatives, friends and B. I have always believed that God is always around. We just have to keep the faith that despite the most difficult times, He remains with us, holding our hands, or carrying us through it all. 🙂

So indeed, the beauty of living in a world like ours comes not from living a luxurious, safe and comfortable life, but one that is at times, difficult, but undeniably colorful and meaningful and most importantly, should be centered on God and in love.

P.S. Apart from my sister, my Papa also encouraged me to watch the film, being a movie-buff himself. He commended the cinematography and the plot, the director and even the stunt men. I’m guessing it’s his first time to see a Korean film, but he wasn’t disappointed either.

So Kudos too to Yeon-Sang-ho (director), Park Joo-suk (writer), Lee Hyung-deok (cinematography), Lee Dong-ha (producer), Jang Young-gyu (music) and to the whole cast for making this film successful not only on the big screen but more importantly, in penetrating through the hearts of people from all over the world!


Marriage Goals

It’s my parents’ 27th anniversary and our car’s 2nd! Haha! Yes, I had to include that since it’s always going to be a part of their celebration now.


I know they’ve been through so much and still going through a lot, but I also know they’re both happy and content with each other and with what they have.

Everyday, I get to witness their conversations and I find it amusing that at their age and at this point in their lives, they still get to talk about the smallest things, tease each other and even laugh at their mistakes.

I’m pretty sure they didn’t plan anything for today. They went to work and will be coming home late again, waiting for my sister. It would be like any ordinary day, but it’s no biggie. I know they both wouldn’t mind having dinner at a non fancy place or going to work when they could’ve taken the day off.

I have to say I’m really lucky to have parents like these two. They’re not perfect, but their generosity, kindness, simplicity and faith makes them one of those couples a lot could easily look up to. They’re both soft spoken but their actions speak louder than their words. They don’t have a lot, but they always have something to give. They’ve come a long way since they got married, but they remained simple and content. I don’t see why God wouldn’t bless them for they have always shared what little they have in life to those in need. And as for faith? I don’t think they would have remained together all these years without God at the center of their lives and that’s what I’m most thankful for.


I’m really blessed for having parents that are more than what I could have hoped for. They’ll always be the source of my strength, inspiration and of course, my life, couple and marriage peg/goals!



30 Day Writing Challenge: DAY 4

Write about someone who inspires you

This is hard. I have quite a lot of people in mind who inspire me. First, there’s God. I don’t want to sound like I’m religious or that I have a perfect relationship with this GUY because I don’t; but He’s always the one who I think picks me up whenever I fall down and He doesn’t have to be with me physically here on earth for me to realize that. When I read the Bible, and the Didache that a friend gave me for Christmas, I feel like He’s always around, trying to reach out even when I know I’m being hypocritical, turning my back on Him at times. When I’m at church, I feel moved by His words through the priests’ homilies every time, and I feel that that’s His way of inspiring someone like me to be a much better person even if it’s so hard to. His words pierce through me mainly because I am guilty of doing wrong especially when there’s someone like Him out there, always ready to forgive and to give a sinner like me, infinite chances. It’s inspiring to have a God that doesn’t judge, that forgives and that believes in you no matter what.

Then there’s my Papa and Mama. I feel inspired seeing them do everything they can just to make our lives so much easier. I can see how almost everything they’ve been working hard for, they’re not doing for themselves, but for us and the people around them. They’re so selfless and generous, they don’t even expect anything in return. They give what they can and they do it through the goodness of their hearts. They’re not saints, but they have the most beautiful hearts. Also, seeing them together on their 26th year as a married couple makes me want to be a part of a relationship like that, and I’d like to believe so.

This brings me to my next inspiration, my boyfriend. He knows this, but I still want to say how much he inspires me to become a better me, to work even harder for us both, to sacrifice and wait til everything falls into place. The fact that he makes me happy and he loves me so much makes me fall in love with him all over again and this time, harder than I’ve been before.

Last of all, there’s my whole family. Seeing my them reunite and just spend time together in the simplest way possible makes my heart melt. We can be having lunch together or panicking when lola’s having one of her dyspneic moments, it doesn’t matter, as long as we know we’re all together and we have each other to lean on to. It just feels good that there will be people you can always come home to, talk to, have fun with and make fun of, all without reservation and they’d still take you in without hesitation.

There are people I look up to, those that inspire me to be more creative or do things I would only want to do just because we only live once, but then, there are these people/Him who inspire me to be good and to be content and happy for who or what I am even if the whole world would conspire against me.

Naiinis ako

Naiinis lang ako sa katotohanang hindi ako totally maging masaya, when it comes to my lovelife. Naiinis ako na dito lang sa blog ko nalalabas yung kasayahan na gustung-gusto kong ipagsigawan sa mundo. Naiinis ako na masyadong strict parents ko, lalung-lalo na yung nanay ko. Naiinis ako, to the point na gusto ko na lang umiyak gabi-gabi kasi alam kong naging mabuting anak naman ako kahit papano pero parang wala pa ring tiwala sa akin mga magulang ko.

Naiinis ako na tinuruan nila kaming maging independent pero kung kailan pa kami tumanda, nagtapos sa pag-aaral, kumuha at pumasa sa board exams, nagsusumikap magtrabaho kahit walang sweldo, doon pa sila naging strict bigla. Hindi naman sa nanunumbat ako pero gusto ko lang malaman nila kung gaano ako katakot sa kanila at takot na masaktan sila kaya simula’t pagkabata, wala akong ginawang kalokohan sa buhay. Naging responsableng anak, kapatid, pamangking, pinsan, apo, kaibigan ako. Ginawa ko lahat ng gusto nila. Nag-aral akong mabuti. Inalagaan ko yung lola ko nung mga panahong hindi nila kayang alagaan yung nanay nila dahil may mga sarili silang trabaho. Tumutulong ako sa mga gawaing-bahay lalo na kapag namalansta si manang at wala nang iba pang maghuhugas ng pinagkainan.

Nung mga panahong gusto ko nang sumuko sa course ko, sinunod ko pa rin sila at tinuloy ‘to hanggang sa makapagtapos kasi kahit nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa, yung feelings, mga sakripisyo at reputasyon nila sa trabaho yung inaalala ko. Nung gusto kong kumita panandalian habang naghihintay sa resulta ng board exams at mag-apply sa call centers, hindi nila ako pinayagan, sinunod ko sila. Nung gusto kong mag-apply katulad ng kaibigan ko bilang nurse receptionist sa isang Medical City satellite clinic at hindi sila pumayag, sinunod ko sila. Nung gusto kong mag-apply bilang interpreter for the deaf na may higit kumulang 20k na panimulang sweldo at hindi sila pumayag dahil nahihiya sila sa mga ka-opisina nila, sinunod ko sila.

Hanggang kailan ako magiging ganito? Alam kong labag sa 10 Utos ng Diyos ang sumuway sa mga magulang, pero kahit kailan, hindi ako sumagot pabaling sa kanila. Hindi ako gumawa ng bagay na ikapapahiya nila. Hindi ako gumawa ng mga iresponsableng bagay at mga desisyon sa buhay. Alam ko sa sarili ko na naging mabait akong tao at utang ko yun sa kanila, pero hanggang kailan ako magiging ganito? Yung walang sariling desisyon, yung walang kontrol sa buhay. Oo alam ko pagdating sa maliliit na desisyon tulad ng pamimili ng damit, kurso, sa kurtina sa kwarto, kami ang nasusunod, pero paano naman yung mga bagay na gusto naming gawin sa buhay? Hindi ba mas matututo kami sa buhay kung hahayaan nila kaming madapa at bumangon ulit? Hindi ko lang matanggap na sobrang respeto ko sa inyo, nawawalan na ako ng kumpyansa sa sarili, hindi dahil minamaliit nila kami (kung suporta lang ang pag-uusapan, sobra-sobra ang binibigay nila, kaya’t nagpapasalamat ako para doon), kundi dahil hindi sila nagtitiwala sa mga desisyon na ginagawa namin.

Madami akong gustong subukan sa buhay. Madami akong plano at mga pangarap pero hangga’t wala akong naibabalik sa kanila, hangga’t wala akong napapatunayan sa buhay, wala akong karapatang gawin yung mga bagay na gusto ko. Alam kong hindi kami mayaman at kailangan kong kumita sa lalong madaling panahon. Alam kong pagod na sila sa kakatrabaho. Alam kong madami silang inaalala tulad ng bayad sa bahay, sa pagpapagamot ni lola, pero paano naman kami? Ayokong maging makasarili kaya hanggang kaya ko pang tiisin, gagawin ko. Hangga’t kaya ko pang ilihim yung mga bagay tulad ng pag-ibig (na sobrang nakapagpapasaya sa akin na walang katulad), gagawin ko, mapasaya ko lang sila, dahil mahal ko sila. Sana dumating yung panahon na tanggapin nila yung mga desisyon ko sa buhay hindi dahil anak nila ako at wala silang choice, kundi dahil mahal nila ako at masaya silang masaya ako.

Sana dumating yung panahon na matanggap nilang matanda na ako at pwede na rin akong magmahal at may paninindigan ako sa relasyong pinasok ko. Sana matanggap nila na bukod sa pagmamahal nila, ng mga kapatid, kamag-anak at mga kaibigan, kailangan ko rin ng pagmamahal ng isang lalaking alam kong hindi ako lolokohin at sasaktan. Hindi naman pwedeng puro na lang puro bahay at trabaho na lang iniisip ko. Paano ko ba makakamit yung “Self Actualization” sa Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs kung hindi ko muna makakamit yung “Love and Belongingness” diba?

Gusto ko lang umiyak sa Diyos na sana kampihan Niya kami at pakibatukan lang yung mga magulang ko. Mahal na mahal ko sila pero sana intindihin nila na hindi ako nagrerebelde at kahit kailan hindi ko gagawin yun. Masyado na akong matanda para doon. Kung sila, nagpakilala lang sa lolo kong sundalo nung malapit na silang magpakasal, sana maintindihan nila kami. Mabait sila kung mabait. Wala akong mairereklamo sa ugali nila at pakikisama sa ibang tao. Maraming nagmamahal sa kanila pero sana, sana, sanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, alam niyo na…. 😦