No Time

I Just saw the movie “The Fault In Our Stars” and I cried as much as I have when I read the book. Such a crybaby! First of all, kudos to them TFIOS team for being so faithful to the book. The famous lines, their eulogies for each other, the green car they egged, the infected peg of Gus (what I was actually waiting for just because i missed seeing one), they made the movie equally as heartbreaking and meaningful. I’m impressed, but more importantly, I was moved…again.

I started reading the book a couple of months ago and I got to finish it just last week. Like any other movie adaptation I’m a fan of, I would like to read the book first before seeing it on the big screen and this one’s not an exception. Though I didn’t get to see it with anyone special like my family, friends or my forever movie date, B, I find it actually comforting to have seen it alone and at home. I just saw it now and like what I said, I didn’t mind at all that my tears + snot were flash flooding through my face.

Like any other book, movie or story that tackles death or loss of a loved one, it would leave you more or less thankful but not in a selfish way, remorseful but in a sense that it would lead you to do something about the things you feel sorry about. It moves you to be a better person. Easy for me to say, but really, I want the things I realized after seeing the movie and reading the book to linger on in me and change the way I see life from now on just as the Imperial Affliction moved Hazel Grace and Augustus’s lives. (phew!)

Although I don’t know for how long I could tell myself to be good to everyone, to live every day as if it were my last or to treasure each moment with the ones that I love, I would do my best to make my life as meaningful as possible. Bullsh*t, I know, I guess what I’m trying to say is people make books and movies and stories not just to fade into oblivion. I know it’s a reference to Gus’ fear, but it’s true. It’s what happened when I saw the “Passion of the Christ”, “Magnifico” and all the other inspirational tearjerkers. I watched, cried, got inspired, but it ended there and my life moved on. I don’t like for something as tragic to happen in my life before I realize what my purpose in life is or that I need to be at least a better person. I can take it if I’d be forgotten, to get thrown into oblivion. I don’t dream to become a hero. I don’t want to be be someone great, I just want to be someone better.

If being better instead of being great is absurd then forgive me. I just don’t want to make promises I can’t keep, even more because this is a promise that I’m making for and to myself. Like what the title says, there’s no time. Not that I’m saying tomorrow’s the end of the world, but who can tell, right? So there’s nothing wrong by being better instead of being great if it makes a difference in yours and someone else’s life, but if being great is possible, then that would be better.

My brain’s making me say things again. Anyway other than the book and movie, the soundtrack’s also responsible for making me overly sentimental and emotional. Before I saw the movie, I listened to this playlist below for a million times. I listened to it when I blog. I played it while painting my “Okay? Okay.” masterpiece etc. So I was familiar with the songs even before I watched the movie today. I guess this added to the intensity of how I felt during the scenes where these songs were played. Two songs struck me the most unknowingly. The first one is “Let Me In” by Grouplove and “Wait” by M83. Grouplove was introduced to me by my sister a few months back, while I got to know M83 through the movie, Warm Bodies. I love them both or them all. Such talented people.

Here’s LET ME IN (with scenes from the movie):

and the official video of WAIT (which looks apocalyptic to me): BTW, aside from this entry being an inspirational and Carpe Diem-y hence the title, it also is the lyrics to this song below that I thought was sung as “Hosanna”. Crazy! No time = hosanna, sounds the same right? haha! Try listening to it!

P.S. Funny how when I was choosing categories and tags for this entry, I clicked on love, life, loss, death, happiness, inspirational etc. Words were ironically connected to one another. 🙂

of love and loss…

Today, as I had breakfast, I started checking out FB and Twitter (as usual), and sadly, I learned that the sister of one of my dearest college classmates, who also happened to be one of the happiest people I’ve met and whom I have been lucky enough to be friends with especially during our last year in college, lost her sister yesterday due to cerebral hemorrhage secondary to a ruptured aneurysm.

This classmate of ours texted us last Wednesday asking for prayers when her sister had an unexpected seizure attack which rendered her unconscious. A few hours later, she texted again telling us her sister was then already in comatose. My heart sank deep and immediately, I was at a loss for words. Her sister and I weren’t friends but there was this heavy feeling in me that made me fall in deep thought for a while. Maybe because I knew that she was very young and I can always remember her as the girl whom like her sister had this really, really cute and sweet smile. Today, I also learned that close friends made this beautiful FB page for her. It was then that I realized how truly blessed her family is to have a beautiful girl like her who gained a lot of people who loved her. I know that her family will be touched knowing that at least their daughter lived a very beautiful life filled with love and happiness. So wherever she is right this very moment, I know that she still has that smile that even a very depressed and problematic person could not resist smiling back to.

And before I end this, I’d like myself and everyone else to realize that in every loss, there is also something we gain. We might not know the reason for these losses in life, but in time, with genuine acceptance, we learn that God has already had everything planned for all of us. It is our duty instead to know whatever it is that He has in store for us, what His purpose is for us because we are merely His instruments for a much greater plan beyond this mundane life we are all living.

And as everyone always says especially in times like these, LIFE IS SHORT and we all know what comes after that! God bless us all!

Millicent Pangilinan
joined Christ in paradise August 4, 2011
**Photo was taken from her FB page and apparently her last FB profile pic.