The Only Good Thing in My Life

We all know that FRIENDS episode when Ross was super whiney (I mean, whinier than usual) because someone at work ate his sandwich, right?

Well, he was having a difficult time with his second marriage at the time and he explained that the only good thing in his life then was the sandwich he brought to work; but then, a co-worker ate it so he came running to his friends and threw the biggest tantrum an adult could ever do.

That’s super painful to watch. Imagine this gigantic man screaming like a girl.

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That was before I got into a little mishap (or should I say, a couple of them) today.

My day was going fine, until the security alarm in the department store I went to today went off when I passed through it. As per routine, the security personnel asked to check my stuff, so I handed him my bag without hesitation. I was calm the whole time and they apologized when they learned that the alarm was triggered by the bar code sticker (of National Bookstore) at the back of the book in my bag.

With utter nonchalance, I went on with my business, which was just to go home after a long day, not caring about those who stopped to see what the commotion was about.

When I got inside my car, I texted my brother and one of my dearest friends here in Cebu about what happened, but then I couldn’t brush it off my head, remembering how one girl looked at me as if I did something wrong.

I was overthinking again. What if someone took my photo. What if those people judged me outright for something I did not do? Why did it have to happen to me? Did I honestly deserve to be put to shame like that? Was that karma for something I did in the past? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY DID I HAVE TO BE PUT IN THAT SITUATION?!

I let it go then off I went to get food for me and a friend. Unfortunately, all the odds weren’t in my favor as the food I got for myself spilled. I wasn’t going to cry, but then THAT WAS THE ONLY GOOD THING IN MY LIFE, but just like that, it was gone.

For the first time ever, I drove off with tears running uncontrollably down my eyes.

My hormones must be on fire as I couldn’t hold back my tears.

Suddenly, all my other worries came rushing in my mind. I was so sad, I wanted God to hug me.

When I was walking back up to my apartment, I thought, this must have been what Ross felt when someone ate the only good thing in his life, right?!!

Truly, things happen for a reason, but since I couldn’t think of what that may be and since I got to write about it here anyway, I’ll just let it go and let God.

I am sooo f*cking tired, emotional and saaaaaaaaaaad. I wish I could crawl back into my shell and never come out again.

Why did it have to happen to me? I was slaving my a** off helping people around all weekend, but that wasn’t enough to spare me that moment.

Have you ever considered that being kind doesn’t equate to a problem-free life? That’s why people often ask “Why do bad things happen to good people?”

I guess, we all need to be put in such situations in order to learn, to not take things for granted and to be more cautious in the choices that we make in life.

Happy Sunday everyone! Laban lang!

xoxo,

mars2

 

 

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Every Blessing is a Gising!

Gotchar attention, didn’t I?

I didn’t mean to write that on purpose. I am just beaming with positive energy at the moment and I couldn’t get my fingers to type the expression correctly.

I love this saying. I used to hear that from Ogie Diaz on their morning show day in and day out and it made me smile every time because it did make sense, and it still does!

Every gising is a blessing!” only means “Every waking day is a blessing!“.

There aren’t a lot of good things happening in the world today as Toni’s husband, Paul said in one of her interviews (particularly on Bianca’s PBT show), “Life has its way of putting you down“.

Yesterday, I wasn’t in a very good position as I couldn’t really get to one of my targets ever since I started working for this current company, and it’s hard especially since I’m letting myself and those around me down.

What’s tougher is that some of those I count on in times like this, whom I have also constantly supported in their lowest points couldn’t do the same for me. It hurt me a lot, although I have to understand that they too are going through a lot.

Anyway, I went home all down and mad as bad vibes were apparently unleashed all in one day and that day was yesterday.

I woke up not feeling any better. I was looking for a way to turn things around and in prayer, I have found my solace. Thank God. -> always!

I am also grateful for Bianca Gonzalez-Intal‘s “Paano Ba ‘To?!“, which is sort of a mini online show to help those in need of solicited advice. Sort of like the Joe the Mango show of our times, except that this one goes beyond love problems.

If you have seen her series of interviews with these amazing people, good on ya! If not, you HAVE to!

So I have seen most if not all of her PBT videos, but the first and the topic I could relate to the most was this:

So, how to deal with difficult or toxic people as per Piolo Pascual himself? Putting yourself in the person’s shoes, do the sandwich technique, pray for the person and forget about pride raw. How to do all those things po?

Another favorite from this series is her interview with Anthony Pangilinan:

I loved this because I love learning from counselors, career advisers, life coaches etc. They have all these techniques that are applicable to businesses and life in general.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from this 7-minute interview is “Never separate the word purpose from opportunity” which Anthony quoted from Peter Drucker, the father of management. Any opportunity that isn’t connected with your purpose is considered a DISTRACTION. Cool eh?

and I know I should also include her interview with Karen Davila but I’m way past my fresh grad years and I could relate more to the concern of Mr. Kulang sa Kumpiyansa, a.k.a her interview with Iza Calzado.

I like her tips which I really have figured out before, but I just don’t always do:

  1. Always bring something to the table and must keep up with the times. – contribute to the conversation
  2. Everyone makes mistakes. – this one I have not really figured out yet, but thanks to Iza for reminding us.

So that’s it! I guess you could tell by my PBT choices how old I am, with the concerns I am focusing more on. Haha!

Oh, this just in, I also love her interview with Atom Araullo, a.k.a. the eternal question: Practical Job or Dream Job?

And his advice? I know I have heard this one before, ehem ehem paging NIN!!

Have a stable job to support your passion!” and lots of other things like “finding your passion in the job that you have” –which may not be as applicable to my line of work, but what the heck, it’s still pretty true.

P.S. this just made me realize, I’m still lucky I have a day job to support my passion and for me to be able to still do what I love on the side. 🙂

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xoxo,

mars2

Time for Solitude

One thing I realized as I started working away from home is that I actually liked and appreciated being A-L-O-N-E.

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You know when you watch these coming of age movies and see this independent protagonist, who btw, also happens to be an outcast loser weave his way through the cafeteria only to be judged and mocked by all these other kids who are so full of themselves, and you think, “why wasn’t I as brave as this kid when I was in elementary (or HS even)?” Some would ask, “Why am I not still brave enough now that I’m freakin’ turning 100?”. Wehhh OA!

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I wasn’t an outcast loser back when I used to wear my checkered uniform, but I also wasn’t the popular kid, and I have to say, back then, I dreaded being alone.

I couldn’t go down to our school canteen without anyone to accompany me. I feared not having anyone to talk to on the way to our school gymnasium for first Friday masses with the entire school. Heck, I even feared going to the restroom alone, but for way scarier reasons, if you know what I mean! 😛

Like most people, I grew up caring so much about what others thought about me. I guess, it’s part of growing up. You have to look good, smell nice. You have to do well in class. You have to have Jansport backpacks. CHOS! And most importantly, you can’t be seen alone, because people will feel sorry for you. WRONG!!!!

I used to hate being alone, but no so much anymore.

When I broke up with my ex, it felt weird to be shopping alone or eating alone, but it wouldn’t take long before I got used to the feeling. I started feeling comfortable doing things on my own. I carried my gigantic bags. I sit in coffee shops alone. I go to church alone (although my eyes still well up at the sight of families holding hands and kissing in church). I even go on roadtrips alone!

I started enjoying the feeling of being able to go wherever because you don’t have to consider what your companion has in mind. All decisions are up to you. It doesn’t matter if you change your mind faster than you blink your eyes, you have no one else to blame but yourself, and it’s okay!

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I like being alone on most days. In fact, I enjoy being alone. It’s a breath of fresh air. It makes you think out loud, yet it also silences the mind. You get to clear your head, talk to God, be mindful of the beautiful things that you have taken for granted.

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You also get to be grateful for the chance to have time all to yourself. It’s time that can never be lived again. It’s time that you will crave for on chaotic days. It’s your escape on negativity. It’s your time to rest and set everything aside. It’s your time to spread your wings on top of a hill while feeling the breeze through your hair without caring what other people also on the same hill think about you. 😛 Life doesn’t get any better than that, so cherish every moment that you’re alone. It’s a blessing in disguise.

Time alone also made me realize all thaaaaat! O diba? May kagandahan sa pag-e-emote! 😛

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With all these goodness spilling over from having that well-needed solitude, I am slowly learning to stop caring about what other people think of me. I can never have control over that. I try to focus instead on what God thinks of me, which is waaay more important than what anyone else thinks of me.

Plus, I also got to take lots of photos in my me-time!

 

xoxo,

mars2

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Creative Block and Renewal

The latter part of my 2016 was so jam-packed, I forgot what RELAX even means anymore.

Seriously though, it was so chaotic that I even missed putting up a review for our host in HK during the 14-day period Airbnb provides for their users, which bothers me terribly, but will probably just save that for a separate post.

So going back, when all the trips, adventures and all the holiday hoopla finally died down, I realized my body must have missed bumming around, writing, playing with watercolors, brushes, GIMP and all that shizz. That’s because for the last 5 days (January 1st not included), I have been doing nothing but catching up on some blogging and tenenenenen…

Designing!

Yeah, well, no biggie right? Well, it is for me!

You see, there were times when I silently panic because I thought I’m losing touch with meee artsy soul. It gets worse because sometimes I feel like I don’t want anything to do with art altogether. Could it be what they call the dreaded Creative Block? I’m not so sure about that, but fortunately, I realized soon enough that I could never ever get tired of ART.

ART is one of the things on earth that makes me feel alive. When God brought me to life, He must have breathed a multitude of rainbows, unicorns and stars into me, much like the sparkly stuff you vomit on Snapchat, except that it’s the other way around. On a serious note, we all grew up surrounded by our Father’s majestic creations and I with my papa’s work, his passion and creativity, so I blame it all on those why art definitely runs through my veins now, and why I know I could never ever get tired of it.

So after climbing mountains, doing touristy stuff in a foreign land, downing heaps of Christmas sweets and then washing tons of holiday dishes, not to mention partying with the girlfriends and then mourning for a grandfather 2 days after, my body must have snapped because my hand just involuntarily grabbed a brush and started creating art once again!

If that was indeed creative block that I went through, then I’m glad I snapped out of it, all thanks to the inspiration I found throughout my [mis]adventures!

I looked it up and found out that creative block can be resolved by a change in the environment or a break from the routine, facts that aren’t new to us, and techniques that are undeniably effective. Two of the tips designer and writer, Tom May listed were (see the entire list HERE):

  • Don’t be afraid to step away
    • Completely open briefs can be the worst for causing creative block. Try to distance yourself from the project; take a break and come back to it with a clear head.
  • Look in unlikely places
    • Go and do something else entirely. You’d be amazed at where new ideas are hiding out. They’re often where you would least expect them to be.

He also mentioned exploring other creative disciplines which is why it would be helpful to have a hobby outside of your hobby (LOL), in my case, Photography.

I may have babbled more than I have to, again so before this goes entirely out of hand, I leave you with some of the stuff I have been doing lately to release the already overflowing creative juices I gratefully gained in the past months or so.

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This was my favorite line from the latest Disney film, Moana, which reminded me so much of my own grandmother. I also made this for me to keep in mind that God is always with us. 🙂

Also made this odd-looking (and definitely one-of-a-kind) dreamcatcher for the bestie!

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I must say that my year ended with a bang and even though it was overwhelming, I couldn’t have wished for anything better because it reignited my love for ART in more ways than one. Now, I’m back, feeling renewed and more than inspired to CREATE again, to spread optimism and of course God’s love through ART.

mars2

You

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They say that after a woman gives birth, she eventually forgets how painful the whole process is that she wouldn’t mind getting pregnant again and going through all the pain that she once went through.

I can’t help but see a resemblance in the way we feel about falling in and out of love. Love isn’t so much about the way the other person makes us feel. It should be way beyond that, for love is a choice, to stick through the pain and perils of finally giving away your heart entirely to someone who stole and eventually owned it.

I can say for sure how easily I find it to forget all the pain love has caused me because like magic, love has a way to make us feel so many emotions at once. Like magic, love can make us believe in the impossible. Like magic, love can overwhelm us and catch us off guard. Love can lift us up even when it wears us out over and over. Because love is magical and it gives us that giddy feeling in our stomach, we easily want more of it despite all the complications and pain that come with it.

In the past 5 years, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve gotten hurt or hurt the one I love, but we easily fought through all the hard times and negativity because we are just so persistent and determined like that. We just wouldn’t give up, at least not completely. We both are each other’s first loves and I know how first loves are messy and beautiful at the same time. I also know that despite those, we both love each other so much that we just wouldn’t let each other go, no matter how many times we’ve broken up; but sometimes, holding on can do more damage than letting go ever can.

I don’t even know if I’m doing it right, but I love you. I’ve found a best friend and a partner in you which no one can ever replace in my heart.

I hate the fact that our love seems so right, yet everything else feels so wrong. I hate that the we were given but a fleeting chance to love. I hate that you were given to me, yet will only be taken away. I hate that those that once cheered us on, now only want us apart. I hate that I now have to put away this ring with your name on it. I hate how the once sweet words we have for each other became bitter and sad. I hate that we always talked about marriage and having our own family, yet here we are back to being strangers again.I hate that our paths met, but never to remain intertwined like how I always dreamed of.

But just so you know, I don’t hate you. I don’t hate the fact that the whole universe seem to conspire to break us apart. I don’t even hate the fact that there is now a story of more woe than of Romeo and Juliet’s, and that is ours.

I love you and I hope that when you look at the stars at night, you see the world not as a traitor that robbed you of happiness. I wish that the brightly peppered sky rather remind you of the hope and happiness He promised to come. I hope that when I see you again, we both are rid of all the pain, have completely forgiven each other and eager and brave to love again (whether each other or strangers we have yet to meet), much like the women who fear not the pain of bringing another child into this curious, little world.

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Nobody said it was easy. Missing you already.

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