Creative Block and Renewal

The latter part of my 2016 was so jam-packed, I forgot what RELAX even means anymore.

Seriously though, it was so chaotic that I even missed putting up a review for our host in HK during the 14-day period Airbnb provides for their users, which bothers me terribly, but will probably just save that for a separate post.

So going back, when all the trips, adventures and all the holiday hoopla finally died down, I realized my body must have missed bumming around, writing, playing with watercolors, brushes, GIMP and all that shizz. That’s because for the last 5 days (January 1st not included), I have been doing nothing but catching up on some blogging and tenenenenen…

Designing!

Yeah, well, no biggie right? Well, it is for me!

You see, there were times when I silently panic because I thought I’m losing touch with meee artsy soul. It gets worse because sometimes I feel like I don’t want anything to do with art altogether. Could it be what they call the dreaded Creative Block? I’m not so sure about that, but fortunately, I realized soon enough that I could never ever get tired of ART.

ART is one of the things on earth that makes me feel alive. When God brought me to life, He must have breathed a multitude of rainbows, unicorns and stars into me, much like the sparkly stuff you vomit on Snapchat, except that it’s the other way around. On a serious note, we all grew up surrounded by our Father’s majestic creations and I with my papa’s work, his passion and creativity, so I blame it all on those why art definitely runs through my veins now, and why I know I could never ever get tired of it.

So after climbing mountains, doing touristy stuff in a foreign land, downing heaps of Christmas sweets and then washing tons of holiday dishes, not to mention partying with the girlfriends and then mourning for a grandfather 2 days after, my body must have snapped because my hand just involuntarily grabbed a brush and started creating art once again!

If that was indeed creative block that I went through, then I’m glad I snapped out of it, all thanks to the inspiration I found throughout my [mis]adventures!

I looked it up and found out that creative block can be resolved by a change in the environment or a break from the routine, facts that aren’t new to us, and techniques that are undeniably effective. Two of the tips designer and writer, Tom May listed were (see the entire list HERE):

  • Don’t be afraid to step away
    • Completely open briefs can be the worst for causing creative block. Try to distance yourself from the project; take a break and come back to it with a clear head.
  • Look in unlikely places
    • Go and do something else entirely. You’d be amazed at where new ideas are hiding out. They’re often where you would least expect them to be.

He also mentioned exploring other creative disciplines which is why it would be helpful to have a hobby outside of your hobby (LOL), in my case, Photography.

I may have babbled more than I have to, again so before this goes entirely out of hand, I leave you with some of the stuff I have been doing lately to release the already overflowing creative juices I gratefully gained in the past months or so.

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This was my favorite line from the latest Disney film, Moana, which reminded me so much of my own grandmother. I also made this for me to keep in mind that God is always with us. 🙂

Also made this odd-looking (and definitely one-of-a-kind) dreamcatcher for the bestie!

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I must say that my year ended with a bang and even though it was overwhelming, I couldn’t have wished for anything better because it reignited my love for ART in more ways than one. Now, I’m back, feeling renewed and more than inspired to CREATE again, to spread optimism and of course God’s love through ART.

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They say that after a woman gives birth, she eventually forgets how painful the whole process is that she wouldn’t mind getting pregnant again and going through all the pain that she once went through.

I can’t help but see a resemblance in the way we feel about falling in and out of love. Love isn’t so much about the way the other person makes us feel. It should be way beyond that, for love is a choice, to stick through the pain and perils of finally giving away your heart entirely to someone who stole and eventually owned it.

I can say for sure how easily I find it to forget all the pain love has caused me because like magic, love has a way to make us feel so many emotions at once. Like magic, love can make us believe in the impossible. Like magic, love can overwhelm us and catch us off guard. Love can lift us up even when it wears us out over and over. Because love is magical and it gives us that giddy feeling in our stomach, we easily want more of it despite all the complications and pain that come with it.

In the past 5 years, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve gotten hurt or hurt the one I love, but we easily fought through all the hard times and negativity because we are just so persistent and determined like that. We just wouldn’t give up, at least not completely. We both are each other’s first loves and I know how first loves are messy and beautiful at the same time. I also know that despite those, we both love each other so much that we just wouldn’t let each other go, no matter how many times we’ve broken up; but sometimes, holding on can do more damage than letting go ever can.

I don’t even know if I’m doing it right, but I love you. I’ve found a best friend and a partner in you which no one can ever replace in my heart.

I hate the fact that our love seems so right, yet everything else feels so wrong. I hate that the we were given but a fleeting chance to love. I hate that you were given to me, yet will only be taken away. I hate that those that once cheered us on, now only want us apart. I hate that I now have to put away this ring with your name on it. I hate how the once sweet words we have for each other became bitter and sad. I hate that we always talked about marriage and having our own family, yet here we are back to being strangers again.I hate that our paths met, but never to remain intertwined like how I always dreamed of.

But just so you know, I don’t hate you. I don’t hate the fact that the whole universe seem to conspire to break us apart. I don’t even hate the fact that there is now a story of more woe than of Romeo and Juliet’s, and that is ours.

I love you and I hope that when you look at the stars at night, you see the world not as a traitor that robbed you of happiness. I wish that the brightly peppered sky rather remind you of the hope and happiness He promised to come. I hope that when I see you again, we both are rid of all the pain, have completely forgiven each other and eager and brave to love again (whether each other or strangers we have yet to meet), much like the women who fear not the pain of bringing another child into this curious, little world.

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Nobody said it was easy. Missing you already.

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Hypocrisy

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

-Matthew 7: 1-5

What pisses me off more than criminals and people who leech off those who are weak and vulnerable are the HYPOCRITES (which sounds like a name of a bad-ass band).

Anyway, we find a lot of them around us; and sometimes, if we aren’t careful enough, we become hypocrites too. Good thing there’s a Bible that teaches us how to avoid becoming one. I especially like this verse above that has a similar thought to the “Golden Rule“, which is also mentioned in the very same chapter as this one.

It’s ironic that I had to use a bible verse to start off a post that is basically just a good ol’ RANT on something that I strongly feel bad about at the moment, but since they always say that the teachings in the Bible are timeless, wouldn’t it make sense to do so?

Of course, I’d feel bad if I don’t admit being a hypocrite myself, at times, because I’m definitely not an exception, so it’s good that certain things have to happen to slap us back to reality.

Take this boss of a friend for example, who for some reason, may possibly deliberately degrade them (my friend and her colleagues) at work (where else?), on a regular basis. She’s almost comparable to Miranda Priestly, only worse because they’re not in a movie and no one seems to be as brave as Andy to tell the boss she crossed way beyond the line. My friend has put up with the boss for a long time now and like Andy, she’s sacrificed so much for the company and also just to please her, but the harsh treatment doesn’t seem to end. What makes it worse than it already is, is the fact that this boss leads a bible study group among her employees. Isn’t it ironic, not to mention hypocritical?

Trying to be unbiased at first, I tried thinking of reasons behind the said boss’ attitude. There has to be a reason why she’s what she is, but in the end, we gave up because no matter how things add up, nothing can justify the bad treatment and the offensive language she’s using on her subordinates. It’s just unacceptable, even to the standards of the most foul-mouthed person in the world.

Then again, her hypocrisy is nothing compared to this controversial politician’s whom I have had the worst feeling about for weeks now. She’s making my blood pressure shoot up to 100/70 (which is pretty high for someone with a normal BP of 90/60 LOL!). She just doesn’t seem trustworthy herself, no matter how strongly she condemns the wrongdoing of others.

I’m a Scorpio and naturally, I use my instinct for a lot of things and for some reason, I just couldn’t get myself to like her. There’s something about her that makes her look like she’s in a quicksand where the more she struggles, the deeper she sinks into it. I feel sorry for her being put in the raucous spotlight of inquisitions that led to the surfacing of an offensive, “below-the-belt” video, which she now uses as a tool to turn the tables on her accusers. Nonetheless, she still doesn’t get my trust, for now. I just hope that she wins her battle, if she’s proven innocent, otherwise, she’s just like most of them/us, hypocrites, only worse because she’s been, in the words of our very own, Dr. Jose Rizal, one of the biggest of this society’s “cancers” all along.

Not to be the one to point a finger on anyone, I must admit, as I’ve had earlier, I feel guilty about being a hypocrite too. I know I’ve been trying my best to get the most out of the Scriptures on the Bible, but when it comes to my relationship with my boyfriend, I just couldn’t seem to get things right.

While I was watching ROAD TRIP on the Light Network one night, I was struck by something Pastor Ru mentioned; and it wasn’t something new to most, if not all of us. It was so simple yet so profound and easily taken for granted. What he said was “If you truly have experienced the love of God, then you shouldn’t have a problem making this love felt by others” or something like that. Okay, that wasn’t even close to what I think he said, but you get the idea, right? So I was left pondering on it for a long time. And right then and there, I was “b*tchslapped” so hard, my blemishes came off. Kidding aside, I felt so ashamed for thinking I was becoming better by reading the Bible and praying everyday, yet at the same time, I was being a bratty, inconsiderate girlfriend. To be fair though, it really does take hard work and a whole lot of understanding to keep relationships strong, and sometimes I just feel like banging my head to the wall; but just the same, it doesn’t give me the right to completely disregard my partner’s feelings.

Ayun eh, sa lovelife nauwi. Anyway, some of us might feel a little guilty of having opposing thoughts and actions or of not practicing what we preach. I’m even proud to acknowledge giving love advice I could barely do myself, but I also acknowledge the fact that I have to do something about it. I can’t despise the Scribes and Pharisees yet be one of them, right? because I really can’t stand even  just the thought of them.

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disclaimer: photo is linked to its owner

 

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Manic Mondays (late post!)

Normally, I’d really hate Mondays and I’d be dreading them even just before weekends start. Each week, I sulk at having to cut short my fun Sunday with my family, because Monday just couldn’t wait to make her presence felt. Yes, I just referred to her as a girl, and no I wasn’t sarcastic at all. 😛

I want to say that Mondays are the best and they’re something to be thankful for, but most of the time, they really aren’t. For one, people tend to be extremely panicky AF on this day and on this day only that sometimes, I don’t know what rush hour means anymore. We could leave the house at 5:15am or earlier and it still wouldn’t be early enough to avoid the whole Monday madness. If we leave our house around the same time on a Tuesday though, I wouldn’t be surprised to see the roads almost completely empty. Like I’ve literally blurted out to my parents quite a few times, “where did all the people from yesterday go?”, in total shock. I can’t say for sure if that’s the same in other areas, but in this particular corner between Amang Rodriquez avenue and E bank road in Pasig, it almost always is. I guess people tend to relax more on the 4 remaining working days of the week? I wonder what difference that makes exactly.

For some reason, Mondays also made me feel anxious and agitated. Mondays had me wishing for any work interruption, may it be in a form of a weather disturbance or more often than not, something more realistic, say, a zombie apocalypse…anything that can stop me from going to work.

But now that I’ve been a bum for four 5 months, I feel like Mondays make me feel the complete opposite of all that! Funny how my perspective changed all of a sudden.

I feel like what once was a dreaded day is now a chance given by Him to redeem myself or to correct the mistakes of the week that has passed. I feel more energized and more optimistic. I wake up early, I work out a bit, I cook breakfast. I feel inspired. I try to be as optimistic as possible. Mondays never felt the same way.

It really isn’t going to be the same though once I find a job I would hate eventually, but I realized, what if I start thinking otherwise? Of course, I’d say this now because I’m bored to death, but I want to believe that maybe I can change that. Maybe I can try to see Monday as a clean slate, as a new beginning, as a day I should look forward to just as any other day of the week, just as they say in those motivational buzzfeed/thoughtcatalog/medium articles. Maybe I should give it a little more enthusiasm and maybe then, can it also bring much happiness and positivity in return.

P.S. was supposed to post this last week, but you know, Monday blues. LOL.

 

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Life ends as I know it

Today, I thought that I’ve gone too far with being someone I’m not. I used to be someone else. I used to be naive, hopeful, but ironically, a hopeless romantic.

I found someone special and to quote Gerry from the movie/book P.S. I Love You, meeting him “was the end of life as I knew it“.

Beautiful quote, isn’t it? I’m never going to get tired of watching Gerard Butler and Hilary Swank in the movie adaptation. They were awesome and they always make me cry, no matter how many times I watch the film. It is after all, my comfort movie. I watch it when I’m happy and even when I’m sad because it has its way of always making me feel better, whether I’m in a mood or not.

I watched it early this afternoon and as always, I broke into tears.

It really isn’t easy losing someone, let alone someone you care for so much; and you don’t realize how special and important he/she is in your life until he/she’s gone.

What makes this a feel good movie, even though everyone knows Gerard’s character, Gerry dies, is that it gives so much hope that no matter how tragic life can get, eventually, anyone can and will get back on their feet, if they want to.

I love how realistic they made the movie seem, how beautiful the twist was, how lovely Irish people and Irish music are, how husband material Gerry’s character is and how moving Holly‘s, Hilary Swank’s character, journey became.

**btw, I love how Gerard’s character’s name started with a G and Hilary’s character’s name started with an H! 😉

Going back, I also love how the movie always reminds me that life is short and that anything can happen. If you’re a softy like me, I know you’d feel as remorseful as I do, every single time I watch this.

Like in the movie, sometimes, life can really be unfair.You lose someone you just can never have back in your life. It’s irreversible and there’s just nothing you can do about it. Likewise, life ends there as you know it. There’d even be a time when you don’t even get to say goodbye. How much more painful can it get than that?

I’m much luckier to get the chance to say goodbye though. It would’ve been harder for me if I didn’t, but I’m still not over the fact that he’s gone as he’s been a part of me and my life for so long that I may have forgotten what it’s like to live without him.

I can’t keep chasing after him though and I can’t keep moping around, at least not for long, so I decided to write to him instead. Writing is very therapeutic for me but I can’t keep putting down everything in here so I thought I’d write to him through another way, through letters. Everyday, I’d write to him until I don’t feel so bad anymore, or maybe until I have finally and fully accepted that he’s gone forever.

I don’t have to give the letters to him though because, duh, he’s gone. I just want to do it because it would seem as if I’m able to talk to him again.

It sucks that life hasn’t been easy for me for the past year and that I had to learn things the hard way, but again, I’m not blaming anyone but myself. I know what I did and I know what I could have done, but didn’t. I’m not wishing for anything right now except that we both get by and find peace in going our separate ways.

So that’s it! I guess it’s time to write him letter #1.

Here are two of my favorite scenes and favorite songs in the movie. One makes me cry and the other makes me feel so giddy.

Love you til the end

Galway Girl