Dig Deep 💛💛💛

Currently listening to two well-known, Asian MUAs, Veronica Chu and Christine Cho on Instagram Live talk about Asian hate, which has mostly been a recurring topic among my friends and I on social media for the past days.

If you have been spending time with loved ones this Holy Week and chose to get off social media for a bit, you might have missed the latest occurrences that shookdtdtdt the world and the Filipino/Asian community the past days. The news is already bad as it is, but with the sudden rise in attacks on Asians today and the plague that is Coronavirus, one would think that the world might really be coming to an end. Or it’s probably just me.

Just a few days ago, a 65-year old Filipina walking to Church in NYC was brutally attacked by a man in broad daylight. The security camera footage released by the police was harrowing to watch as the man kicked the Filipina several times; and the 2 men who witnessed the assault closed the door on her.

And last week, a Pakistani Uber Eats driver was killed in a carjacking incident by 2 teenage girls. It was filmed by one of the girls and just as the NYC incident, was also very painful to see.

I talked to my Indian friend about this, who was watching the Day 2 trial of Derek Chauvin (who else thinks that he might be living up to his name?) at the time; and unlike most of us who get our news on Twitter or on online platforms, he gets his on traditional, mainstream media. He insists that he wasn’t aware of the fact that Asians are being hugely discriminated against now, more than ever. He did, however confirmed this with his friend who currently resides in NYC. Said friend did say that it has been going on for a while now, but he observed that the attacks were mostly on East Asians, whom these attackers might be blaming for the global pandemic.

I also talk to my friends about this constantly and somehow because of these discriminatory crimes lately, we can’t help but air shared sentiments of completely aborting plans to migrate to another country in the near future. This brings me back to this episode on Racism by one of my favorite podcasts, “Long Distance Radio”.

Around this time last year, they published an episode called “Racism in the Time of Coronavirus”. It was not long since the countries were put on lockdown then when they released the episode, but thinking about it now, this AAPI hate has really been going on for a while now, maybe even prior to when this virus blew up, just not as violent as it is today.

You can listen to the said episode here:

I do get that people are tired of the pandemic, the crisis, wearing of masks, the loneliness, of unemployment and the of the hunger this entails. And when we are hungry and tired, we say and do inexplainable things; but those should not justify the violence that has gone up to a point of normalcy. It has gone mainstream and people, even kids act as if these actions don’t have consequences anymore.

I am truly sorry for everyone in the world right now. We are all victims of this pandemic, but despite being in a difficult situation myself, I cannot just go around blaming random people on the street just because they’re Chinese. Otherwise, all these fight for equality are completely pointless.

I cannot wait to for all of us to be in better circumstances soon. As the Lenten Season comes to an end, I really pray that when we find ourselves brimming with negativity, with hopelessness and even hate, we dig deep within us and look for that one thing that Jesus died on the cross for us ALL! 🙏🙏🙏😉💖

Love and sacrifice: Not always a bad thing

Happy Easter everyone and in light of this special event in all our lives (other religions included), I think it would be fitting for me to express my own perspective on love and its partner-in-crime, sacrifice!

It’s true what I said about sacrifice not always being a bad thing. I don’t know if it is just a good vibe kicking in or a post-holy week bug, but it still probably differs on how one takes it in. Take for example Jesus‘ death on the cross. It was both a sacrifice in His and God’s part (although They’re one) and a bloody one at that. A not so positive person may take it as a sad thing, but a more optimistic one can look at it as a gift from above. Although they may have different views on it, one can’t deny that either way, the act itself can and would evoke a positive realization for both of them, and that is a sense of gratitude. 

This holy week, my boyfriend wasn’t spared of my ever changing mood swings. It was supposed to be a part of my sacrifice this Lent to save him of all the drama, unfortunately it didn’t happen……….until today! We fought again early this morning (at around 1 am) over the phone and it wasn’t until I decided to read “The Fault in Our Stars” did I realize how lucky we are to have each other. Right then and there, I sent him of the most malambing text message I could compose at that moment, suddenly realizing how sacrifice is always going to be part of that pretty thing we call L-O-V-E. 

Our love story isn’t much of a secret, not to my barkada and FB friends at the least. There’s no one to blame but us. I guess we owe it to the public……….(CHAROOOOOOOOOT! artista lang?) Kidding aside, it started as an open book for everyone to see (I guess I felt it was so much more special to share it with the people who were ever as supportive from the start), which is why most if not all were also witnesses to our fights (which we took to twitter all the time, for a long time). It was only recently when we started “growing up” that we decided not to be too public about our relationship. No one really cares anyway and it makes us look cheap and very, very immature. So going back to my point, our relationship, being too “social” and too out in the open, most if not all of our friends must know how we have way too many fights, more than any other couple in the world could have in a lifetime. 

This explains why I often break up with him. OFTEN doesn’t even give justice to the million times I did, but you get my point. Our most recent one was about a certain dream of his that I just couldn’t get myself to accept. It has been a problem of ours for a long time, but one day, I decided that I love him too much to give our relationship up just for that. So for the longest time, I put on my supportive girlfriend plaque and cheered him on countless times. Then came a time wherein he was given another opportunity to be one step closer to his dream (although it was more of a step closer to “something related” to his dream, not exactly his dream) and I acted up and made the decision for him and it wasn’t a good one. To cut the story short, he sacrificed that chance for me and he lied to my face to save ourselves another argument. When I learned that he passed the chance just because I said so (even when I half-heartedly urged him to get it already), I got mad and burst into another “topak“. 

I could be a real, big pain in the butt, I admit, and somehow a break up is all I could think of whenever I feel like I’m holding him back from being the person he dreams to be. Isn’t that a good point and something a good person could have done if he/she were in my position? That is a big enough sacrifice to make me a modern day saint! Not funny, I know, I’m sorry! Then again, I realized that this guy has been one of the most wonderful people in my life right now and I could not afford to lose someone like him. I have to keep him and I have to think of a way how to and at the same time, not let him lose himself. There’s only one way I could think of and that is to love him. How exactly do I do that? Well that’s where the big S comes in. 

Just thinking of it makes me sick to my stomach, but that’s how love works. It’s not always all fireworks and dreamy starry skies. It has to be able to sustain through the stormy weather and excruciatingly torturous fights. That’s when I saw Jesus’ image being nailed to the cross. He loves us that much that despite Him being omnipotent, chose to be HUMAN and powerless against us, sinners and gave His own life for us. I told B a lot of times that I could sacrifice my own life for him, but how can I not accept his dream, the only thing that makes him hopeful for a meaningful life? That’s a rather much smaller sacrifice than giving up my life for him, isn’t it?

So you see, this not so unusual tandem of love and sacrifice is a power couple all along! It is the Brangelina and Jay-Z-Beyonce of the virtues and it isn’t always a bad thing! 

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