How to know if you’ve FINALLY moved on

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I’ve been really busy the past few weeks and I feel like my whole life  just revolves around work lately. Kulang na lang, sa doctors clinics na ako matulog….ooops, nagawa ko na pala yun, dun na ako kumakain at natutulog. Pathetic noh? haha.

Yesterday, it felt so wrong to go home before 7pm just because it was a Tuesday and on Tuesdays, we go home at around 9 to 11, but I thought, I owe that to myself. I need to give myself the time to rest because like what the successful people say, “HINDI NAUUBOS ANG TRABAHO, PERO ANG PASENSYA KO UBOS NA UBOS NA!” Charr!!! This is one advice I’ve heard from one of those career videos I watch online that really stuck with me, “Work is neverending, and it will still be there when you wake up in the morning, so give time for your family, for yourself and for all the other stuff called LIFE OUTSIDE WORK!” Syempre, binago ko na yan pero that’s mainly the gist.

So there, I just need you to know that I finally had a good night’s sleep last night and I woke up (still at 5am though — ganun na talaga eh! matanda na!) feeling well……..well rested. It was one of the best sleeps I’ve had in the past 2 weeks, which I think is the real reason why my brain has recuperated and thought “hey, maybe you’ve finally moved on!”. Ang random eh noh?

So this morning, I flooded my friends with messages that just came popping in and out of my head and I told them, hey I think I finally know why I am in this place and why I am in this job! I remember what one of my doctors told me, “YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LOOK AT THE THINGS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE IN A BIGGER PICTURE.” and I guess not a lot of us can do that consistently, but since my head was suddenly as clear as the glass faces of your Korean idols, I realized, maybe this is ONE of the reasons why I am so far from my comfort zone, to be able to feel alone (and lonely at times) for me to be able to find strength in myself and to grow! Pheeewwww!

To cut this whole post short, a light bulb lit in my head and I knew that maybe this is what God wants for me, to grow and mature and to help myself.

So the question is, have I finally moved on? 

Before I beat around the bush again, I’ll tell you now that I really do think that I can finally say, YES, I have.

I think we all cope differently in life and I can’t give one advice that will be applicable to all, but what I think helped me is the fact that I am so far from home, which is my ultimate comfort zone. Obviously, I have to tend for myself, look after myself and pick up after…(guess who!)………… myself!

I couldn’t even drive outside our village before I got this job. I couldn’t go home too late without my mother giving me the cold treatment the next day. I rarely cleaned up after myself before I lived on my own. I didn’t think I could do the things I’m doing now before I was on my own. So I think, it helped a lot to realize that you’re really ON YOUR OWN for you to become really INDEPENDENT and hopefully STRONGER! 

When I screwed curtain rods to the wall or bought and changed my light bulb in the bathroom, I felt really proud that I now could do all the things that I used to ask someone else to do before. I thought, “Hey, this is what growing up must really feel like!”.

My ex and I ended our relationship just like everyone else did……bad, like buildings-torn-apart-by-godzilla-BAD, but then eventually we became friends again. Until lately, I felt like we were growing apart. I can blame that to our really busy lives now. I used to talk to him a lot, sharing our horror work stories and somehow I felt like I needed him to still be a part of my life because obviously he’s one of my best friends. He really is, but because we don’t talk as much anymore, I realized that I can live without letting him know how work sucks or how bad I was feeling. I have my barkada to tell all those stuff to.

Recently, I felt the need to talk to him again about a really pressing personal problem, but in the middle of typing my message, I realized that I have to stop going to him whenever a problem comes up. So I erased the message. And that’s it! I am finally becoming independent!

To answer the title up there, I guess you’ll know that you’ve moved on:

  1. When you can finally say that your heart is full again. When you learn to love yourself despite your failures, your insecurities and your past.
  2. When you mature enough to realize that your love problems doesn’t even compare to the problems of the world or that starving orphan in Africa
  3. When you have spoiled yourself with all the YOU TIME in the world!!!! kapag nasulit mo na yung pagiging single mo
  4. When you are happy for yourself and for your ex moving on with your own lives and probably with your own new partners
  5. When despite missing having someone to always go with you wherever you want, you brave the world on your own; and when you don’t feel the need to depend on someone else to look after you or to shop with you or eat with you. You go those things on your own girl! Or perhaps your with your family and friends!
  6. When you have forgiven your ex partner and most importantly, YOURSELF!
  7. When you finally have the PEACE OF MIND you’ve been praying for!

WHAT HELPED?

  1. PRAYER. I tell this to everyone. Prayer can heal your heart from all the pain, the suffering, the heartache. God is closest to the people who are at the lowest points of their lives (my papa keeps reminding us of this!). Prayer can even help you with your depression!
  2. FAMILY and FRIENDS. Need I say more?
  3. Making time for the things you love doing! I had more time to pursue photography, art, traveling and mountaineering! You make time for working out too apart from pigging out! Get a tattoo! Dance naked! SLEEEEP for 16 hours straight! Do all the things you can’t do unless you’re alone!
  4. Traveling. It makes your heart grow bigger! (not literally though coz that’s baaaad!)
  5. Syempre, it helps to be ALONE, to feel ALONE and to maximize all the ALOOOONE time you can get! NAMNAMIN mo yung pagiging mag-isa! Treasure it before the next person comes trashing your life again! Charot! Kidding aside, it would really make you a stronger and independent person and you’ll feel that it’s not so bad to be alone after all! Again, love and treasure being single! It’s that golden period in your life that you get to know yourself again!
  6. Watch How to be Single! Lol! I’ll probably do again!

Hope it helped!

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LIFE LATELY: Walwal WORK DAYS and Realizations on this new Career

Happy are those who are always “kapoy” for they have jobs to sustain their “needs” and satisfy their “wants”.

A typical Wednesday in my line of work and  within my territory is a slow day. Normally, doctors wouldn’t hold consultations in their clinics as Wednesdays seem to be their rest days, hence, we wouldn’t be as busy as we are on regular days.

I dreaded Wednesdays because I don’t like NOT doing anything on a regular working day while everyone else had “out-towns” itineraries. Thankfully, Wednesday this week was different. I had a very busy itinerary and I was determined to accomplish everything by sweat and by faith!

In the morning, I had to pick up an important document in a post grad convention in a hospital nearby. Happy I got to the hospital via a multicab! Saved me some moolah!

Didn’t get the document though, but got it yesterday, so consider that done!

Funny coz that same day was my first time to be asked by a security personnel for some “goods” a.k.a. samples. Good thing, I always bring our handy dandy, paracetamol ng bayan!

I then took a cab to my designated hospital for the day. Got there early enough to cover 4 of my doctors that I almost never met this cycle. So that’s another tick mark on my list!

My senior counterparts and I didn’t have breakfast so the three of us met up with another senior counterpart in a nearby mall. Had our favorite sisig before going on to our respective hospitals in the afternoon.

Wednesdays are also perfect for visiting the departments to cover residents as they also help in prescribing our medications. The department I was visiting for the day was transferred to their new office which was unbelievably hard to find with people having no clue at all where it really was. I almost gave up thinking that I was being punk’d by everyone including the information personnel, although I felt their sincerity to really help me out. Good thing I got there in time to cover 3 senior residents!! So that’s another task done for the day!

I would’ve covered another set of doctors in the Orthopedic Center, but it was almost 5 and I had to run to the other side of the city to pay for the service of one of my doctors, which turned out to be another challenge for me as the cab driver doesn’t know where exactly the car service office was. I had to coordinate with their point person and google maps and my driver to find where it was! And voila! I did!

Got there in time to have a quick chat with their sales personnel which happened to be quite enjoyable and paid for the service! Met another person to establish a good relationship with as we always use their services!

Before I knew it, I was commuting back to the hospital to see if there were any more doctors to visit. Good thing, the odds were definitely in my favor that day as I finally had the opportunity to see the doctor I was chasing for days! Got my document for product inclusion signed and that’s definitely another BIG TASK done on my list of things to do!

My senior counterpart also got there in time as she needed this particular doctor as well!

After all that was done, she and I went to Casino Español to prepare stuff and our booths for the Pulmo convention for the next 2 days. We didn’t expect to be stuck in a meeting with the organizers and other reps from other Pharma companies that night, but we had free dinner, so I couldn’t complain!

The next day, I had even more things to do. Plus I got to visit my other 2 hospitals and got to cover 3 of my doctors, one of whom I got to talk to longer than usual as she was transferring to her new clinic.

I had to run back to my main hospital as they close at 7pm and wouldn’t let reps in after closing time. Took a cab and got back in time to buy me some dinner and got in by 7pm!

It was unusually dark because of the rotating electricity shortage(s) (or what not), but I had to meet 1 doctor whom I had previous commitments that I had to settle so the dark couldn’t scare me away! I was so dayummm determined!

Before I got in the hospital premises, I asked the guard about the electricity problems and it took, he was asking me for this special med that I was handling. He needed it for better performance (if you know what I mean!)

When I got in the medical arts building, the lights went on as if an angel (ehem ehem) came down from the heavens. JK!

I was really feeling lucky though, not just because the lights went back (to think that they waited an hour for it to be fixed), but also because this doctor who almost always finishes her consultations very late in the evening had only 2 more patients a few minutes before 7 that night. Plus, this other doctor whom we find hard to cover also was ready to accommodate reps that exact same time. Got to cover them both!

Just when I thought that that night was over, I went wandering into the abandoned annex building wishing that this doctor I originally needed to talk to that night was still there. True enough, she was still there! I was able to settle this little conflict we had with the commitments I had with her.

At the end of that night, I was feeling ACCOMPLISHED as I got almost everything I needed done, done!

I didn’t feel as tired as I do on normal days because I did so many things I never thought I could do alone.

4 months into this job, I never thought I would be able to do things I’m doing now.

I just realized that:

  1. In 4 months that I’ve been here in Cebu, I’ve met more people than I have in the past year.
  2. I’m slowly getting out of my shell and gradually feeling more comfortable doing it, (who would’ve thought I could do a product presentation with our bosses and all of our counterparts there not to mention about 30 residents, let alone host an equally big event with even more bigger bosses!) which brings me to…
  3. Me being comfortable in approaching people, to talk business or just to have a quick chat.
  4. I can live on taking cabs for now (and I enjoy chatting with chatty drivers when they realize I’m Tagalog), but I would really like it if my car gets here, say next week maybe? haha
  5. I’m slowly getting familiar with the streets around the city of Cebu and how to get to places I need to know for this job, which is a big help for when my car arrives.
  6. I am getting more independent by the minute. I hate owing people so much that I try as much as I can to do things on my own, even if it means spending more on my commute, walking very late at night or risking my life riding habal habals to look for computer shops.
  7. At the end of the day, after talking to so many people, I still want to be back in my shell, be alone and have that quality time with God, me-self and to do things I love doing like my ARTSY FARTSY stuff, photography and of course, writing! Yaaayyy I got to post 1 more entry into this not so personal diary of mine!

Maybe I could write more on my current life as an independent, lost girl next time!

Bye for now! Got to work a little on a rainy Saturday, but God is good for He takes care of all of us and always has good timing! He always saves me especially in times that I get in trouble and when I need Him the most! He is sooooo good, don’t you think?

Leaving you with one of my favorite Golden Hour Photos for more good vibes on a cool, rainy weekend!

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Taken in Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte! Camera: Canon FTb, Film: my favorite, YKL 100

Since I’m on a high feeling all the good vibes this freakin’ weekend, I just got off the phone with my familyyyy all the way from Manilaaaa and they are on the way to QUIAPO and BANAWE to get my car seat covers done!!!! I’m so excited!!!!!!!

Since we’re also on the topic, of good vibes, I mean, I’M FINALLY SEEING MY FAMILY AGAIN coz it’s the longggg awaited, LONG WEEKEND!!!!!! YAHOOOOO!!!!!!

CURRENTLY SINGING MY LUNGS OUT (and dancing to Toploader‘s “DANCING IN THE MOONLIGHT“) coz my roommate went home to Tacloban for the weekend! Can dance in my underwear the whole weekend! Chos!

Love lots,

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