Screwball

I did it! I screwed my life over again.

Earlier today, as I was lugging 2 boxes of promotional materials down four flights of stairs from our apartment, I was thinking, is this what God wants me to do in life? Is this the life I’ve chosen?

Funny how I always get these thoughts clouding my mind whenever I am alone on a stairway. Could that be any more dramatic?

I mean, if I were to choose, I would always go for getting surprise-attacked by a bunch of zombies on a dark fire exit rather than having any of these depressing thoughts.

Well anyway, I’m here. This is the life that was laid out for me. So in between waking up in the middle of the night and tossing and turning in bed, I pray that I get to live this life the way I want to and the way God has planned.

Just needed to let out some of these thoughts in my head because they’re getting way out of hand. There’s a lot more coming, but I’d rather keep these rants short.

I’m so tired of screwing up. God please help me get to where I need to be.

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Life Lately / 11

I wasn’t going to say something until maybe after the training is over and done with. It’s not like I’m scared of jinxing anything now, because, you know, I’m YOLO-ing all over again plus, I’m surrendering it all to the Big Guy up there, but I guess I just really can’t find the time at the moment to actually lay it all out and spill the deets on this great, big turn my life has taken.

So I’m back in college or at least it feels like it, except that this time, we’re taking a crash course on what some of us have studied for a semester or two all in just about 2 weeks or so. For the past weeks, my co-trainees and I have been getting about 3-4 hours of sleep on a daily basis to pull off the pre-tests, post tests, learning checks and discussions also on a daily basis. I thought I was done with this stuff when I graduated 5 years ago, but I guess that was just a pretty dream that I now have to put behind me.

So that pretty sums up the last 2 weeks, not to mention the added physical training aka walking in heels with a big bag of weights in tow everywhere we go, which is actually a mental training in disguise (coz’ it’s all in the mind and when there’s no pain, none will be gained, ain’t that right?).

Had I known I was in for a treat like this, I would have taken off to outer space or as far as I could in seconds! Juuuuust kidding! So there, so far, I failed 1 exam which bums me out big time because I know for a fact that I have written enough info on those essays (YES, YOU READ IT RIGHT, ESSAYS) to get me at least a passing rate, but I didn’t. Plus, I was trying hard to keep my grades up, now that 75 is just going to pull down my first 2 90+ test grades. That sucks and to think that I’ve never been this grade conscious in my life!

I knew though that this wasn’t going to be easy so I had to reevaluate my self, my life and my faith in order to get going. I know that there would always be tough days, days when all I could do is cry and pray hopelessly and times when I could just do this all day long:

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But I also know and believe that there’d be days when I could genuinely feel as if I’m not constipated and heavy at all! LOL! I’ll be light as a feather and I could leap into the heavens, saying I survived!

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Until then, I’m going to have to take studying even more seriously. Gone are the days when I could just slack off, add more weight to my belly and watch movies and blog all day.

Though I have to say, I missed writing a lot. I missed this! I still have a long way to go on my Trip Down Memory Lane series, but hopefully, I could squeeze in time to complete that by midyear.

That’s it for now! I’ll leave you be!

P.S. I made a little somethin’ somethin’! It’s one of my stress busters! Thank God for Art and Photography!

 

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Life Lately / 11

I woke up at 4:18am today and I don’t remember going back to sleep.

At 5:30am, just before sunrise, I went out to get some air, although a bit hesitant because of the cold.

Still, I sat outside in darkness and prayed.

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I’m getting anxious again for I know that in a few days, I’ll be getting on a roller coaster ride, I don’t even know if I’ll survive.

Then I talked to Him, like I always do–as if talking to a friend. I told him how much I want to be a photographer someday and I’ll do what it takes to get there.

I told Him even if He already knew that I recently spoke with someone who’s passionate about photography too and how in a way, that shook me out of a long slumber. I was wakened by his eagerness and enthusiasm. I was inspired to follow my own dreams just as he is.

For a moment, I was envious of him for he’s young yet he knows what he wants and he works hard to get it. For a moment, I wanted to go back in time and wish I could have been braver to do the same.

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I wish I could have figured this out sooner.

But regrets are useless to dwell upon. I value more the opportune chance I was given to clear my head and to see what remains constant and that is my dream. That is my heart’s desire.

I’m glad He allowed this to happen so I could see that this dream is within reach. I’m glad He helped me make up my mind and know for sure within the depths of my mind, heart and soul that this is what I truly want. I hope that this is what He wants for me as well.

I promise, that it will all be for Your glory.

Thank You for the subtle nudges You make. Thank You for sending angels time and time again.

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And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters”

– Colossians 3:17, 23

 

Morning Person

If I were to choose a favorite time of day, it’ll be a tie between early in the morning or late in the afternoon, primarily because I’m obsessed with I adore taking golden hour photos, and also because I think I’m getting old and old people NORMALLY just wake up very early in the morning or bask in glorious sunsets to pass the time.

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Kidding aside, I do really love mornings, even more so than afternoons apparently, evidenced by this and this. I just love waking up early, not necessarily too early like when I used to have a 9-5 job, but earlier than most people do, especially on weekends, holidays and even when on vacations.

My body clock is probably just programmed to automatically wake up early enough for me to catch the news errr morning shows or the sunrise while enjoying the cool morning breeze or for me to do some chores or a quick workout to start me up with the rest of the day’s activities. Surprisingly, it doesn’t bother me at all. Like I said, I love mornings and I don’t only say this because I don’t have any choice.

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love the morning tones in photos

Most of the time, I also feel like I cannot afford to burn daylight, not with the productive things we can do if we just wake up a little early than usual. Plus, I love how peaceful it feels when you water the plants and you won’t hear anything except literally, the birds’ chirping. You’d think that city living has rid us of this little “luxury”, but yes, there’s still a big chance that you can have that provincial feel you’ve been longing for.

However, nothing beats the real thing, so whenever we’re on vacation, I make it a point to walk along the loveliest beaches we’ve been to at dawn. I’m not really the type to stay up late partying in Boracay (mostly because I can’t keep my eyes open way past 10pm LOL), but I sure did love waking up extra early to enjoy the seemingly abandoned beach, especially on low tide. I did the same when we stayed along the splendid shores of Pagudpud, Laiya, Bohol, Puerto Galera and Bataan. As expected, most of the people out strolling or jogging were 20-40 years my senior, and it couldn’t get any better than that.

Here are some of my favorite early morning photos…

Here’s when we woke up soooper early so we could catch the sunrise together in Laiya. A lot of these photos were shot in film, hence the light leaks! 😛

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Bumped into a pearl vendor at around 6 in the morning.

Lounging around early in the morning at home.

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This photo doesn’t even look special at all, but every time I see it, I can’t help but stare at the sunlight’s golden reflection on my bedroom window.

Then there’s my favorite set, Pagudpud morning stroll with the parents…

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The campsite, before and after sunrise!

And finally some digital, early morning photos from our trip to Galera…

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Apart from capturing such sceneries in the morning that would’ve totally looked different in broad daylight, I also love that mornings give me hope and make me want to look forward to better things to come. Then there’s also my love for breakfast food and the fact that mornings are more conducive for praying and reading the Bible.

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August Break 2016 | day 9

Okay, I skipped a day because nothing was left of what I was supposed to take a photo of for day 8 – “favorite taste”. It was too late when I realized it. All that was left was the wrapper. At least I know for sure that it was indeed my favorite taste in the world. 😛

Good thing though, this photo challenge isn’t strict with their rules, so I’m thinking of posting something for the said prompt some other time. Like I said, I didn’t want to feel pressured into doing this challenge. It was meant to be fun and so far, it has been fun.

Anyway, today’s prompt is RED and here’s one of my favorite cameras that was refurbished by the previous owner.

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