World in B&W

Have you ever thought what the world would be like in black and white?

Would it be like a Charlie Chaplin movie where everything is mime-like?

Would there be complete silence?

Would it be better or would it be the loneliest thing you could ever imagine?

Black and white to me seems quieter, and more peaceful. There would be less pretention and more expression. It would bring a more careful understanding of the world as there would be more focus and observation on the substance rather than the superficial.

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Life in Freedom

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Life with courage is a life in freedom.

There are many words to define freedom and courage isn’t one of them, but if you wanna simplify the vast concept that is freedom, you’d most likely realize that huge part of it is brought about by courage. Now, I’m more confused.

Today, we celebrate Philippine’s 120th Independence Day.

When I hear that phrase, I always picture this humongous UFO hovering slowly over the sky and Will Smith on his yard looking at it like it was going to be his last day on earth. It creeps me out every time, but setting that feeling aside, I know that it is one of the iconic films of courage of our lifetime.

When you go 120 years back, ALL of the people we consider heroes today had extraordinary courage which, I should say was a major weapon against our colonists.

So maybe now you get why there is such an analogy between FREEDOM and COURAGE.

If you put it in a more contemporary setting, we could say that life lived with courage is a life in freedom. If you choose to brave heartache, failure, disappointment and all the negative but completely normal life stuff, then you choose to live freely as well.

The question is, do you? Do you choose to live your life courageously?

There are things that I want to change in my life that requires a whole lot of courage. I want to be able to face life as if it can never harm me or bring me down, even if it can and it will.

I want to be able to let go of the past, of the fears that only I inflict on myself to allow myself to open up to new people, to new possibilities.

I want to be able to do have the courage to do what I love even if it means taking a risky leap of faith.

I want to be able to express myself even if not everyone would agree with me.

I want to be brave enough to make a difference in the world even if it would seem impossible.

I want to be brave enough to do as I please without allowing the words of others easily pierce through me.

I want to be free from all these fears and live my life the way I want to, without hurting anyone, and without allowing people who hurt me to also take out the flame in me. This is my life. I will live it more courageously!

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Screwball

I did it! I screwed my life over again.

Earlier today, as I was lugging 2 boxes of promotional materials down four flights of stairs from our apartment, I was thinking, is this what God wants me to do in life? Is this the life I’ve chosen?

Funny how I always get these thoughts clouding my mind whenever I am alone on a stairway. Could that be any more dramatic?

I mean, if I were to choose, I would always go for getting surprise-attacked by a bunch of zombies on a dark fire exit rather than having any of these depressing thoughts.

Well anyway, I’m here. This is the life that was laid out for me. So in between waking up in the middle of the night and tossing and turning in bed, I pray that I get to live this life the way I want to and the way God has planned.

Just needed to let out some of these thoughts in my head because they’re getting way out of hand. There’s a lot more coming, but I’d rather keep these rants short.

I’m so tired of screwing up. God please help me get to where I need to be.

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Life Lately / 11

I wasn’t going to say something until maybe after the training is over and done with. It’s not like I’m scared of jinxing anything now, because, you know, I’m YOLO-ing all over again plus, I’m surrendering it all to the Big Guy up there, but I guess I just really can’t find the time at the moment to actually lay it all out and spill the deets on this great, big turn my life has taken.

So I’m back in college or at least it feels like it, except that this time, we’re taking a crash course on what some of us have studied for a semester or two all in just about 2 weeks or so. For the past weeks, my co-trainees and I have been getting about 3-4 hours of sleep on a daily basis to pull off the pre-tests, post tests, learning checks and discussions also on a daily basis. I thought I was done with this stuff when I graduated 5 years ago, but I guess that was just a pretty dream that I now have to put behind me.

So that pretty sums up the last 2 weeks, not to mention the added physical training aka walking in heels with a big bag of weights in tow everywhere we go, which is actually a mental training in disguise (coz’ it’s all in the mind and when there’s no pain, none will be gained, ain’t that right?).

Had I known I was in for a treat like this, I would have taken off to outer space or as far as I could in seconds! Juuuuust kidding! So there, so far, I failed 1 exam which bums me out big time because I know for a fact that I have written enough info on those essays (YES, YOU READ IT RIGHT, ESSAYS) to get me at least a passing rate, but I didn’t. Plus, I was trying hard to keep my grades up, now that 75 is just going to pull down my first 2 90+ test grades. That sucks and to think that I’ve never been this grade conscious in my life!

I knew though that this wasn’t going to be easy so I had to reevaluate my self, my life and my faith in order to get going. I know that there would always be tough days, days when all I could do is cry and pray hopelessly and times when I could just do this all day long:

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But I also know and believe that there’d be days when I could genuinely feel as if I’m not constipated and heavy at all! LOL! I’ll be light as a feather and I could leap into the heavens, saying I survived!

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Until then, I’m going to have to take studying even more seriously. Gone are the days when I could just slack off, add more weight to my belly and watch movies and blog all day.

Though I have to say, I missed writing a lot. I missed this! I still have a long way to go on my Trip Down Memory Lane series, but hopefully, I could squeeze in time to complete that by midyear.

That’s it for now! I’ll leave you be!

P.S. I made a little somethin’ somethin’! It’s one of my stress busters! Thank God for Art and Photography!

 

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