Life Lately / Thank You, More Please!

Life sucks. It does. It’s not rainbows and butterflies, nor it is bound to have a perfectly happy ending.

W-w-wait! Before you move on to the next blog on your feed, I should say that this isn’t one of those rants that have become a regular on my blog for the past months. Believe me, it’s more beautiful than any of my feel good posts in the past!

So I have been spending my 3-day vacation procrastinating on work and just going on long, fast drives, which I should say, calm me and allow me to hear my mind think. –> weird. I know. I also got movies for days like today when I just plan on staying in at my apartment. I also got to the Church just in time for the Gospel and homily, just when I thought that I was too late.

I also got presents for my mom for Mother’s day and for my sister as a late birthday present, and since I don’t know when I’m going back, I got my titas, girl cousins, my brother’s girlfriend and my dad gifts too.

At the end of the day, I am about 6k poorer (half was probably spent for meself), but I’m happier.

I also did my own cards for everyone, and not just any card, embossed cards! Who would’ve thought I’d find a store here in Cebu which would make my heart flutter in all its art-craving valves and chambers?!

I went grocery shopping coz I wanted to cook in my apartment. I have red rice, so I went out to get food that can go with it.

I bought vegetables coz I am craving for healthy food. The lola that I am, IKR? I got asparagus and thought, boy it isn’t that expensive after all. I wish I could say the same for broccoli though.

At the cashier, my debit card acted up. My total grocery cost was about 1.5k, but I only got 1.2k cash so I had to return a plastic container and a 6-L drinking water. And I went home with almost empty pockets, but I got home.

Then I cleaned out my room/apartment, and just as the day was about to end, my neighbor, who’s also a colleague gave me her 4-rack shelf that came with the room. My room is now more spacious and more organized and not to mention, more livable. I like how I can put books and display a bit of my art on top of the shelf.

Then after cleaning up, I cleaned up for Church and even if it said 7:10pm on the clock, I didn’t lose hope. How dramatic, but I am always dramatic when it comes to God. Traffic was building up, but I was only about 10metres away from the church. I almost made a run for another church, coz I couldn’t hear the priest from where I was, windows down, but I went with my instincts and went for it. I got there at 7:30pm, and like what I said, just in time for the Gospel.

You know, I’ve been meaning to write for the longest time, or to write more often, but I found my old journal and I have been writing my thoughts in private lately. They say it’s therapeutic. I think so too, but these things are good enough to share so I’m putting it all out here.

Last night, after I got some goodies delivered to my brother, I went to get a copy of Pay It Forward, coz I wanted some positivity in life right now, but I got something better, at least I think it is, for now. I got “HAPPYTHANKYOUMOREPLEASE“. It’s a Sundance winner, which I only realized now, after looking at the dvd case.

It is a special movie that is now close to my heart. It’s set in NYC, only my fave city in the world and with twenty-something characters?!? Get out! It is a movie to die for! I am exaggerating, nonetheless, you should see it! We get as much good vibes as we can from the world, while we can, right?

I could relate to all the characters as I saw myself in all of them at different points in my life. I bet you will do to. We all go through our twenties unsure, undecided, lost. Some may pass that point in a bliss, others may take quite a while before they get back on track. *coughs* It doesn’t matter. What’s important is we move on, we live life the way we want, better than yesterday, if we can. Pursue a life that will pave way for others or for the next generation if we must.

One great takeaway from the movie though is it’s title. If you’re wondering, Malin’s character, Annie got in a cab and the driver just told her out of the blue that we should be thankful, all the time and then ask for “more please?” because the world is abundant because of it. Simple right, but it struck me and makes me want to make it a life mantra that I’ll add to my wall of weird/inspo wall/art wall.

cab driver: “Bliss is your birth right. You have great potential in this lifetime. The key to your life is gratitude, but you do not give enough thanks. Say Thank you all the time, then say, More Please! With gratitude, the universe is eternally abundant!”

If that didn’t make you want to watch it, then don’t. JK! Go see it for yourself!

As I’m typing this, I just finished another film, a local movie called “Mr. and Mrs. Cruz” which I also got last night as I was looking for “Pay It Forward”; and no, it’s not a local version of the Brangelina flick.

Like the other movie, I’m glad I got it because it isn’t the typical bitter film about break ups. It’s lighter than an airy cotton candy, which makes it my now go-to break up film in the future, if I’ll be needing it. I like the characters’ chemistry, the less heart-wrenching, dramatic scenes. There are a lot of hugot lines, but what makes it different is perhaps, the characters’ optimism and the fact that they didn’t end up together, or so I think. I loved how they managed to make the script less cringe-y, though there are still some scenes that are hard to watch. This movie makes soul-searching less dramatic and more exciting. It is a better “That Thing Called Tadhana”, especially when you’re already in that acceptance stage of loss and grief. You’ll appreciate it more!

You know when it’s all been said and done, what’s left to do is to think, to ponder, to relax.

I went through all of what’s happened for the past days and even if there were moments when I just wanted to disappear or perhaps just be an angel (seriously been haggling with God to just turn me into an angel to guide people even if I’m more sinner than saint), God always puts me back into the right path.

Yesterday, I took out my book, “365 Days of Wonder” and was looking for a quote for mama, then I got something for myself.

“Sometimes, rejection in life is really redirection.”

I realized, I have been through so many rejections in life, in love, in my career (if you call it that), in everything, but I have slowly learned to trust that whatever path I’m treading, it is a path that would lead me to where I need to be. Always believed in that shit, but that shit’s all I have, but God is all I have and with God are my family, my friends and loved ones.

I woke up extra early this morning as usual, probably because of my anxiety or I’m just really old now and old people wake up at 5 on the dot. I wanted to go back to sleep but my mind is too noisy, so I prayed. I wanted to relax so I picked up my Regina Brett book, “God is Always Hiring”, which I got when I was unemployed in 2016. I read lessons 26-30. Each of these “lessons” have real stories of people that have overcome hardships at work.

The last lesson said “There’s no whining on the yacht”. Basically it just said that if you’re currently going through a lot at work and sometimes, you get a little too over dramatic and plan to quit, you have to realize that you’re one of the few lucky ones who has a job to pay for the bills, to put a roof over your head and occasionally splurge on things you love. They mentioned http://www.waterislife.com and how they created a video of children from 3rd world countries reading on complaints of people from 1st world countries. I don’t have to see the video to realize what the point is, because I believe that what these children are going through are more traumatic and gut-wrenching than any of our “gee, my charger won’t reach my bed” problems. I am from a third-world country but I should be ashamed for all the complaints I have been putting out into the world, spreading negativity into a already sad world. First world problems are not problems.

I could go on and on on how one day, I am down and depressed and on other days, I’m back looking for the good in the bad.

Life sucks. It is what it is, but we can always make it better.

I want to share good vibes whenever I can because it is what I can do now to make others feel better. I may be failing a lot lately at what I do, but like anything in this world, it is not permanent. So try to make others smile when they no longer can. Who knows what change that can do for them.

I sure didn’t find myself a copy of “Pay It Forward”, but I hope with what I am doing now, I get to pay the good vibes forward to you all!

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Life is a wonder! Go live it meaningfully!

 

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Mama and I just finished watching Titanic. I found our old VCDs earlier and ended up watching the first half of Vertical Limit and the discs 2 and 3 of Titanic.

This film is (as usual) emotionally exhausting to watch, so we both found ourselves barely moving on our seats as we watched everything right to the very end of the credits (yep, we both even uttered names of those we thought are Filipinos). It was her first time to watch it again after sooooo long and I knew by the look on her face and tears on her eyes that she was a bit traumatized.

Likewise, no matter how many times I see this film, I cannot keep myself from breaking into tears. I know it has a lot to do with the musical scoring, thanks to my favorite, James Horner, but I also have to give it to Jack and Rose for the short but truly sweet thing they had going, until the very end.

I love how this film affects me in so many ways possible and differently each time I watch it. I love how I’m always reminded that life is short and how we always take it for granted.

I also realized how lucky they were (had they been real people) for finding true love, despite it being short-lived. That won’t take away the fact that it was still truly special.

I realized how small my problems are, compared to what the passengers of the infamous liner have gone through. I also realized how love can make everything seem so simple and easy…nothing a little lovin’ can’t fix.

Watching Jack and Rose fight their way through one obstacle after another gave me hope and inspiration to keep moving forward myself. After all, it is what life is all about…

to keep breathing, to pick yourself up, to treat everyone nicely and to love.

In the end, Rose struck me with her little speech and with this line that I didn’t realize was there until today…

“But now you know there was a man named Jack Dawson and that he saved me… in every way that a person can be saved.”

Much like how this film saved me from losing my sanity in such a difficult time.

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P.S. Didn’t know Google has this little treat for their users. Made me smile yesterday 🙂

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Life Lately / 10

I’m still on cold, soft/liquid diet. Homemade mac & cheese, lugaw (rice porridge), Gatorade, and ice candy diet, to be specific.

My gums stopped bleeding and hurting a day after my teeth extraction, which is surprisingly weird, but really, really good. Gums didn’t swell too, therefore I can only say that my dentist did a great job for sure. Tiis ganda journey continues. Still can’t believe though that I got through it. My fear almost made me wanna live with my overbite forever.

Got great news regarding the new job.

Raket finally paid off. Received and withdrew the money I earned from one of my online jobs.

Work finally got rated in another online job and got a high rating despite the numerous errors.

Enrolled in a few more design, photography and writing MOOCs.

Created a new header for this blog. Thanks to these sites for the GIMP tutorials on MARBLING and on creating GOLDEN TEXTS.

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Parents finally used the juicer today. First combo was PEN POMELO and APPLES that tasted incredibly good! I have to add too that this greatly helped in bowel cleansing. 😛 It worked really fast!

Had meaningful and pleasant conversations with my cousin and friend about love and life.

Fought, made up, had a long, crazy, no holds barred, God-centered talk with someone and helped him with some paperwork afterwards.

All’s well that ends well. 🙂

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On Zombies, Putting DADs under the limelight and Lots of Other Important Stuff

With all the explosive events happening on the news lately, it’s quite hard to see the beauty of life anymore.

Sometimes, I find myself contemplating on the rampant killings (bombings included) in and out of the country, on the safety of my loved ones, their future and their emotional and psychological health and conditions because those things scare the heck out of me.

So how does anyone still see the beauty of living in a world as chaotic and seemingly as loveless as ours?

What bothers me now isn’t just our President’s campaign against drugs, which now also includes a battle against terrorism, but also the fact that the HiddleSwift hoopla has now ended. Taylor is indeed living up to her name, having swift, fleeting relationships with men I’ve lost count of. Kidding aside, no one can blame her, because it is her life after all and only she knows what she wants and who can make her happy. Relationships are cases of trial and error, for some. It just wouldn’t be right to settle with someone just to be safe because that wouldn’t be fair to both people involved. Anyway, apart from this slight segue to hollywood news, which isn’t really the whole point of this entry, I have also been affected enormously by the 2 movies I’ve seen over the weekend, the first one being, the well sensationalized, but not disappointing, “Train to Busan”.

So, how do all of these relate to one another? I’m guessing, I’m in the manic phase of my Bipolar disorder again, having these “flight of ideas”, jumping from one thought to another. 😛 On a serious note, all this thinking after watching the said movie, and another heartbreaking one in a span of 2 days made me realize that first, there is always hope, despite all the negativity in the world and second, dads are important in our lives too. 😛

I’m not doing a review of the movie because it came out weeks ago, or months even, and I probably might be the last one to have seen it, but I’m not saying that there won’t be any spoilers in this entry, so don’t tell me I didn’t warn you. ALSO, I’d like to say that the film had such an enormous impact on meh heart and brain, so huge and deep that I ended up writing this post. But why’d you even take my word for it? Even a Pixar movie can get me bawling like a baby. 😛 Well, maybe because, for one, and I know a lot would agree with me when I say that there is so much to learn from the film, underneath all the sudden awkward and stiff break-dancing (as what my sister loves to call it) and chaos in the train, and it had a good plot, cinematography and special effects, effective acting and musical score, stunts and a heart. 😥

To break it down for you, I’ve listed some of the important stuff I realized while watching the film. First of all, for sure, we all learned that most of the time, we bring this upon ourselves, and the “this” I’m talking about can be anything from drug-addiction to failing in an exam, or sometimes, even losing a loved one. Mankind has so much potential, talent, power and intelligence, but when used inappropriately, can lead to greed and eventually to all the other bad stuff I don’t need to tell you anymore. Somehow, we know that we made those things happen. We may not be the root of all evil, but we allowed ourselves to be instruments of evil, out of hunger for more fame, money or power. Later on in the movie, it was revealed through one of the main lead’s employees that the outbreak was caused by their company’s plant, which made him cry silently in the lavatory.

Another thing I liked about the movie is that we were reminded to look after one other, because like what they say, we are our brother’s keeper. In line with this, the priest kept on repeating himself on his Homily yesterday that “when we think about Jesus, we think about our neighbor/s“, which brings us back to the 2 main rules of God–which is to love God and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. It’s pretty simple, and I know that even though we’re from different nationalities, cultures and religions, we were all taught the same thing, to love one another. It was so hard for me to see the characters on the movie die because I get attached so easily, especially to the husband of the pregnant lady. I admired his character so much for his selflessness and concern for others. In everything he did on the movie, it’s like he always had the welfare of others in mind before his own. I could even say the same for the homeless guy, who saved the lead characters’ lives twice. So It wasn’t a surprise to see the lead guy’s change of heart in the middle of the film and of his prior plan to just look after themselves. Of course, I’d have to give credit to the little girl as well. We saw how she was brought up well by her mother for she always was concerned with the other passengers’ welfare. Amazing group of kind-hearted people. Isn’t it comforting that even at a time like that, you can see God in each of the people on that train? When some people say that they don’t feel God’s presence, this is a perfect example of how we can.

Sad to say, despite having a group of people who are willing to help, there’d still be people who will trample on others for their own sake, which brings me to my third realization, look out for people like them. I’m very lucky not to have met someone or at least not that I know of, who is as painfully-irritating as Yon-Suk who was apparently the COO of a train company. It isn’t such as surprise to see someone like him do what he did because desperate times call for desperate measures, but it is quite bothersome to think what people would do will there be such a similar catastrophe in the future.

Lastly, and should I say the thing that left the deepest dent in my heart was the fact that dads, even though they’re almost always on the sidelines and not always recognized, are important too. No, it wasn’t a joke when I said that earlier. I liked the scene when big-husband-of-preggy-lady called Sang-hwa, one baseball team member and the main lead, Seok-Woo came to rescue the ladies and the homeless guy in a lavatory and ended up waiting in the lavatory across theirs while waiting for the train to go into a tunnel. Sang-hwa had a small talk with Seok-woo on how dads often work hard for their kids and that he knows that when Soo-an grows older, she would understand and appreciate why he worked so hard. It was a brief exchange between them, but it somehow gave tribute to the fathers who aren’t always recognized for their part in raising their children. This is mostly obvious in families with stay-at-home, hands-on moms and working dads.

In the end, when Seok-woo got bitten by none other than the irritating COO whom I felt sorry for when he said he was just trying to get home to his mother, he had to bid a quick and not to mention, a very emotional goodbye to his daughter, Soo-an. I cried the hardest when I saw Soo-an holding on tightly to her dad’s shirt. It reminded me of that time in Tokyo when we lined up at this sushi restaurant. We broke into 2 groups because some (aka my mother and aunt) didn’t like to eat raw food. My father originally went with my mama and aunt and eventually went with us. We originally told the waiter we were 4, but when my father joined us, we had to tell him we want to add 1 to our group but he said it wasn’t possible to seat 5 in a table so 1 would have to sit alone on a counter seat. My brother agreed with the waiter and said he’ll be the one to sit on the counter seat, but my father probably thought he was intruding, so he said he’ll just stick with my mama and aunt. We were asking him to stay so I grabbed a hold of his sleeve as tight as I could with a desperately begging face like a kid, because I could see how he was being too selfless again. It was the worst case of non-intentional guilt trip that I almost couldn’t bear at that time and makes me break into tears when I remember it.

I also loved the part just before Seok-woo turned into a full-on zombie at the back of the train, the scene when he first held Soo-an as a baby flashed before his eyes and he suddenly stopped crying and just smiled. There was a soft piano music playing in the background and it gets me every time, even as I watch it now. I don’t know why, but as I watched that scene, I remembered this article my friend sent me to read. It just said that we should spend more time with our parents, because they’re not getting any younger. They used to be so strong when they were younger (cue the scene from the movie below when Seok-woo holds Soo-an in his arms), but as time passes by, they become older and weaker and before we know it, their time on earth will eventually come to an end.

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I couldn’t find the article itself, but just the same, this article’s title alone says it all,

“Love your Parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old.” – Amy Anderson

Read it, preferably while listening to the sad OST of the film below :P, you won’t regret it.

The day after I saw TTB, I also watched the dubbed version of “About Time” on tv, which I’m glad I did because it has been years since I first saw it and I almost forgot the most special parts of the movie with the lead guy’s dad on them. Again, it was another movie intended to break the viewers’ hearts and of course, to put dads under the limelight.

I myself have given little tributes to my own father on social media and even on this blog and on the other one countless times, and I remember a time being called a papa’s girl when I was young. They’d tell me stories of how I would go with my father when he would get his owner jeep fixed. Growing up, I would also eventually develop an inclination for the arts, influenced by my papa who is an artist. He taught us bits on how to paint, how to take photos, how to play the keyboard and a few songs that I know how to play until today, taught us how to play the guitar and one that I’m most proud of, how to use Photoshop back in high school, which I’m glad I’m still able to use today. He is so gifted passionate and I know wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for him being supportive of my passions. Did I say he enrolled me in a photography workshop in an institute he loves?

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So going back, I feel like I know the answer to that question even before I came up with it. With all the realizations (including doing cardio exercises for when real zombies with effing kangaroofic and puma-ish abilities arise) I have now after watching the said films , I learned that we, the inhabitants of this world we’re gradually destroying are also the hope we have been praying for, for a better world. God has given us each a part of him when he created us, so that only means, we are all naturally good. And in the darkest times, when some fear that God has forsaken us, let us be the ones to shed some light on them and remind them that God IS ALWAYS WITH US.

A week ago, my papa and mama collided into another car in front of them when a reckless jeepney driver crashed on to them from behind. There were 8 vehicles involved in total and our car was one that got severely damaged. It was a good thing that there wasn’t a passenger at the back and that they were able to come home safely that day with just minor gashes and hurting backs. I couldn’t thank God enough for saving them and not to mention for the help and support of my relatives, friends and B. I have always believed that God is always around. We just have to keep the faith that despite the most difficult times, He remains with us, holding our hands, or carrying us through it all. 🙂

So indeed, the beauty of living in a world like ours comes not from living a luxurious, safe and comfortable life, but one that is at times, difficult, but undeniably colorful and meaningful and most importantly, should be centered on God and in love.

P.S. Apart from my sister, my Papa also encouraged me to watch the film, being a movie-buff himself. He commended the cinematography and the plot, the director and even the stunt men. I’m guessing it’s his first time to see a Korean film, but he wasn’t disappointed either.

So Kudos too to Yeon-Sang-ho (director), Park Joo-suk (writer), Lee Hyung-deok (cinematography), Lee Dong-ha (producer), Jang Young-gyu (music) and to the whole cast for making this film successful not only on the big screen but more importantly, in penetrating through the hearts of people from all over the world!

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Friday’s 10 Happy Things, Volume 2

For real? Am I really doing this for real now? Well, I guess, just as long as I still have the time to spare.

Let’s just say that I’m currently bumming around for a week now because I was “indirectly” offered another opportunity by a friend, which I couldn’t let pass. I really think this would work for me because it fits the lifestyle I have long been dreaming of and even though I don’t want to jinx it by being too excited, I have to admit, I really am.

Anyway, as Helga would say, Welcome to Friday’s 10 Happy Things where we list ten things that made us smile this week so that we can start the weekend on an even more positive note!

I’m really happy that I have a Daykeeper where I can literally take note of the things that make me smile every week.

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  1. First thing this week, even though mama is still throwing the silent tantrum (cool, there is actually such a thing!) at me, she made me laugh deep inside with one of her little bloopers. Seemingly, she was pointing out that there’s a huge tarpaulin in Edsa Central, if my memory serves me right. I could sense my father feeling weirded out by the fact that a tarp sparked interest in my mother. It took my him a couple of minutes to realize she was actually repeatedly pertaining to a “trampoline”. I didn’t get it myself at first, but when my father finally blurted it out, I had to control even the slightest jerk of my lip.
  2. Papa wasn’t too upset when he found out that I resigned. Although he didn’t give me “the talk” like he previously did, he’s being supportive again by making an effort to save all the photography tutorials he could find online and letting me watch those. He has been the sweetest seeing my mother is kind of giving me a hard time.
  3. In connection to that, he has been pushing me again to enroll in short photography classes in this institute they go to for seminars on Art and Design.
  4. Our mentor for this digital art class I’m currently enrolled in commented on my work and it wasn’t one of those generic statements someone gives when he/she has nothing to say. I’m glad my work was appreciated, not to mention, made sense at all. All I was primarily aiming for was to get the message through, and I’m glad she said it did!
  5. I bought homemade, fresh lumpia again from this old man who stays in this mini-market near the tricycle terminal. I bought lumpia from him once and same as before, I had a quick chat with him and remembered that he goes to all these different spots just around the neighborhood to sell the vegetable snack his wife makes. What made me smile though was when he greeted me “happy birthday” when I was about to cross the road. Then he quickly uttered “may pansit ka kasi eh”. Little did he know that I planned it all along, to buy the noodles so I can get close to him and buy his lumpia. I admire him along with the other elderlies that continue to work hard despite their age.
  6.  Just found out today that the bluetooth speakers my parents bought us last Christmas has an FM radio function! I was ecstatic!
  7. I still get in touch with my former workmates via viber and yesterday when I was updating them on my new endeavor, the conversation turned pretty crazy again.
  8. My sister being so helpful and generous as always. She lent me money for me to get a new laptop.
  9. Bought a new laptop yesterday with spanking specs, which I’ve never even dreamed of. I just remembered now that prior to buying it, I was praying to God to “take the wheel” and I think that it’s sinking in to me now that this might be why I never got what I planned on getting in the first place. He got me something better!
  10. I woke up today and was walking around the house and thinking, this could work. I am loving the current atmosphere at home, all thanks to my parents, who both have become plant addicts and have filled our garden and the veranda with so many plants and flowers. I was feeling much better than I have been the past weeks. It was this morning when I woke up that I did not feel anxious at all, like everything’s going to be okay. 🙂

 

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