One Great Takeaway from READY PLAYER ONE

Yesterday, I was feeling a little more tired than usual and was passing time in Megamall as my sister and I waited for our turn at the dentist.

As someone who has depression, I think it’s pretty normal to have days when you don’t feel like doing anything. Yesterday was one of those days when even the thought of doing something artsy didn’t excite me as much, and it bothered me.

Good thing, there was “READY PLAYER ONE“!

I’ve been wanting to see this for about a week now and I’m glad I saw it with none other than my sister coz I went home in Manila for the loooong weekend to celebrate a lot of my family’s birthdays.

So I’m right back to feeling high again. Truthfully, I don’t like this “YOYO” effect on my emotions, but I’ll make do with what I get for now, and what I got was one heck of a reality check (pun intended), thanks to RPO!

I’m assuming everyone has seen this since it’s a Steven Spielberg movie, so a little spoiler won’t hurt, but I just wanna make sure I get this one great takeaway from the movie on this blog as I would with any other thing I treasure the most and it’s the moral.

I didn’t get the exact lines (and I couldn’t find them online), but I loved the scene in James Halliday‘s room in the end, where he said that most of us choose to escape reality by resorting to virtual realities or for most of us, the online world. Because of this, we fail to make connections in real life, in the real world, which is how one should live.

I also loved the part when he said that we shouldn’t be afraid to feel disappointed or hurt, because that is part of living. We get hurt every once in a while, but that shouldn’t stop us from living life in REALITY.

So I found the quote from the book, (Thanks GOODREADS!)

“I created the OASIS because I never felt at home in the real world. I didn’t know how to connect with the people there. I was afraid, for all of my life, right up until I knew it was ending. That was when I realized, as terrifying and painful as reality can be, it’s also the only place where you can find true happiness. Because reality is real.
Ernest Cline, Ready Player One“‘

I cried a little on that part, partly coz I felt sorry for James Halliday, and hugely because I somehow felt the same way. One day, we would all be living a life in a box if we don’t start living right now.

I know this sounds easy for me to say, but in a few days when the movie’s effect on me wears off, and I’m back in reality, I would say that we escape it because of our fears. Fear of rejection, failure, disappointment, fear of losing your job, your partner, your money, that is all there is. So we stop living because all we have are our fears.

When this happens to me, I pray and I think of how great our God is and how in a blink of an eye, He can turn things around and how He is bigger than all of our fears and problems.

One day we are all going to die, but before that happens, I wanna make sure that I truly have lived. Even if the world seems so full of shit, there is still some good in it.

Tears for Fears (Scared Sh*itless at 3am) + an urban legend

Shame on me for using a great band’s name for this (sort of) spooky entry, but I looked it up to see what it really means and if it means the same way for others what I think it means for me.

I tried squeezing my brain out for an explanation and I think that it means being tough despite having this huge fear of something. I can just imagine myself in a middle of a dark room feeling really scared while crying hard (not the depressing, wimpy cry). I’m scared to death, but I still have this tough front, to tell the unknown enemy that yeah, I may be crying, but I’m ready to punch you still. So in my imaginary scenario, I’m not just curled up in a corner, but instead ready to lash out on anything that jumps right in front of me.

So I see it working both ways or maybe just ironically. Crying can literally be a sign of weakness or maybe vulnerability but deep down, you know it’s actually a tough man’s act. After all, crying makes us feel better, right? It’s a way to vent out or flush out this negative emotion out of your system then makes you feel so much lighter after.

Okay, I just feel like I robbed this guy’s idea, but how else can you define this phrase?

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It didn’t help that this guy’s definition made crying look even tougher. I mean, getting a tattoo that says “TforF” makes you wanna say, “real guys wear pink” or “tough men cry”.

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I don’t know if I made sense at all. Well anyway, since I don’t think I have ever listed all of my fears in one entry before (at least not all the supernatural ones), I’m doing it today because according to Jane, one of the writers on this group I’ve been following for a long time now, “By naming it [fear], you gain control over it. It no longer has the ability to make you afraid.“. Also, it’s Halloween season, so I’m kind of in the mood to write about the scary stuff, and these shows and documentaries featuring the paranormal mysteries and unexplained phenomena that I’ve been watching the past week may have built up the momentum to do so.

So here goes the things that scare me the most (supernaturals only):

  1. ghosts – I don’t think I’ve ever seen one or felt the presence of one though there’s still this need for me to sprint (faster than Usain Bolt) back to bed every time I have to pee in the middle of the night or when I have to climb up the stairs when most of the people at home are asleep because I ain’t scared of no ghosts, my friend, I’M NOT!!! LOL! To make it worse, I’ve just seen an interview of this priest on tv saying that souls of the departed cannot go back to the living world unless given permission SOLELY by God. So what are these entities we think people really see? Go figure it yourself coz I ain’t gonna. Pag takot, gume-ghetto?
  2. violent ghosts/beings/entities/poltergeists – What’s scarier than harmless ghosts? Well, those that can harm you, of course. Since the priest made it perfectly clear that ghosts are only given permission by God to deal with unfinished business, which also implies that they’re of good nature, it just makes sense that those that do harm are the enemies of God; therefore, only makes these beings scarier. Insidious, The Conjuring, anyone?
  3. batibat – (No this isn’t even close to that puppet show on tv we used to watch when we were young, millennials not included) Have you ever experienced having sleep paralysis? I almost always have before. According to Wikipedia, apparently, this brief inability to move your muscles is a transitional state between wakefulness and sleep. There you go! No biggie, there’s Science behind this sh*t, but have you also heard of the supernatural explanation for this? Well, according to this previous KJMS Gabi ng Lagim episode (not 100% sure though if it was on this show), this paralysis is caused by this big, old, fat lady that sits on top of you when you’re asleep. So when I wake up in the middle of the night (I know I’m awake because I can see my sister sleeping all the way from the other side of the room and I’m aware that I’m awake because I can see everything), unable to move, not even one finger, I’m thinking, “f*ck there’s something sitting on top of me again!”. Crazy imagination, I know.
  4. dark – I wouldn’t really be if it weren’t for #’s 1, 2 and 3. Hate that my imagination goes crazy when it’s dark. I can imagine someone whispering in my ear or that room in the game hotel666 where you have to take a picture of the ghost in a pitch black bathroom using a camera. The tension builds with the ghost not showing up in the first few takes and with the sound of the camera flash recharging before she suddenly jumps at you screaming with the scariest face and I’m scared sh*tless again.
  5. hanging any limb off the bed – I just almost always have this weird feeling that something’s going to pull my hand, feet, even hair if it sticks out of the perimeter of my bed. I know it’s weird AF, but I’ve had this fear since I was a kid, except that when I was young, I would make a fortress out of my pillows. It doesn’t help that I cannot erase that scene when Joey King fell off her bed on the Conjuring off my mind. After seeing that, I think I slept beside my sister again for weeks and curled up in a cocoon smack dab in the middle of the bed every time, with my back against hers. It should be touching hers, btw.hang-off
  6. In relation to #5, I used to be scared AF to sleep with my back facing the edge of the bed. When my sister and I used to sleep on the same bed, my back is always turned to her. Di bale nang magka-bedsores, hindi ako magpapalit ng posisyon hanggang magka-araw, but now that we sleep in separate beds, I’m like, “f*ck! I ain’t getting no sleep tonight!!” every night. Kidding aside, this doesn’t bother me anymore unless I’ve recently seen a scary movie.
  7. being afraid of my own shadow – Figuratively and yes even literally! Again, this only happens when I have recently seen some scary sh*t. I get so jumpy, I literally dove/dived into my sister’s bed and woke her up at the sound of my father’s footsteps one time.
  8. Freaky distorted faces and contorted bodies – I soooooper hate jump scares especially those that you don’t see coming therefore making you spill popcorn all over the floor and curse like shi*t so that people start giving you those death stares that tell you to shut the eff up, ang OA na kasi pero sa loob mo taena eh sa nalaglag yung bato ko sa takot eh, bakit ba? but what I hate more are those that include freaky, disturbing visuals that haunt you for days. After you’ve been caught off guard, you still have to endure whatever that thing that you saw for days, which is a good technique, btw. I’ve literally blurted out to a friend I’m with, one time, “Ano yaaaaaan? POTEK! TAE!” because I felt so confused as to what I was seeing at the moment and at the same time, I’m questioning my choice of film. Parang gusto mo ring sabihin sa direktor, “ano bang gusto mong patunayan? Ha?” That girl that freakishly smiles, or the one that doesn’t, that kid that sits in a corner, or that girl that used to be a gymnast and contorts her body in a way unimaginable, that old man that sits on a rocking chair or that nun with an espasol for a face. They make me adore jump scares, and you know I don’t.
  9. my own imagination (scariest out of the list) – My mind’s so complex (yehes genius pala) or my imagination rather, that I sometimes think I see things that aren’t even there. Ya know, the power of x-ray peripheral vision. And even if I don’t, I think of the craziest things that could happen when I’m alone and scared. There’s this one  story that gives me the chills just thinking about it. It’s one of those urban legends a schoolmate shared when I was in grade school. You see, I studied in an all-girls’, Catholic school run by nuns for 11 years, so you can just imagine tons of urban legends I’ve heard while I was there. There was particularly one that stuck with me to this very day. If I remember it correctly, there was this girl that went to pee in what we used to call the “black washroom” (I don’t know if this is what they call it still), she said that in the middle of peeing, she felt something poking her forehead. She wanted to brush it off and get the f*ck out of there, but it became too annoying that she finally looked up. What she saw sent chills down my spine. It was a nun hanging from the ceiling and the thing that was poking her forehead was the nun’s toes. FUCK DIBA?!?!??!?! Sinong grade schooler and magkkwento nun? I know this must have a thousand other versions and it must have been an urban legend from another school also run by nuns pero nakarating sya sa school namin kaya effing sh*t talaga! Kulang na lang umihi ka ng nakayuko  or nakahawak sa noo eh. I still get scared at times when I think about it especially when I’m peeing in a completely empty and quiet restroom. I also imagine that girl they say that peeks from above the cubicle door when you pee but when you look at the gap below, you wouldn’t see her feet. I also hate the fact that I sometimes imagine my sister turning into some scary sh*t when I sleep on her bed, and she makes it worse by gnarling like an effing zombie with matching eye-rolling.

There are tons of scary stories I will never forget like that UP ikot story from a UP Diliman urban legends clipping that I once cut out from the newspaper, or those freaky stories that the construction workers shared when they were building our house, not to mention those that have been experienced by some of our house helps themselves in the past. I can save those for later. For now, I think I’m going to catch up on some sleep.

Woke up at 3am and I couldn’t go back to sleep, but now can because the sun’s finally out! WAhahahaha!

So you can tell by now how big of a wuss or a chicken I am for still being scared of the dark. There were times that I actually hung up the phone when friends or the boyfriend suddenly changes the topic to say, anything that’s floating. Kidding aside, I’m still grateful that somehow the phrase, “My God is bigger than my problems (or in some cases, my fears)” gives me courage. I know it would take a deeper faith to be able to conquer fears (especially those bigger than ghosts), so I’m working on it. For now, I’ll start by sticking a finger out of my bed even after just watching a scary movie. 😛 Dayum, how I wish I really have gained control of those fears by naming them. A few hours ago, I was making quick glances at the window, thinking I must be inviting negative energies just by writing this entry, but WTF, I did finish it and I did it like a boss! Even made this calligraphy quote of one of my favorite verses that I’m posting on my wall.

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P.S. I really apologize for all the cursing and for trying too hard to be ghetto. My sister rubs off on me sometimes. HAHAHA 😛

Happy Halloween!

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30 Day Writing Challenge: DAY 18

Post 30 facts about Yourself

I’m not sure I’m ready to divulge 30 friggin’ facts about myself, but here goes nothing!

1. When I was in preschool, I remember being a bully and a brat. I remember my parents consoling a crying classmate during a small gathering at school. I’m not sure what I did to her exactly, but I know I was the reason she was crying that day!

2. I used to be so good in Math especially back in grade school and my parents know that. In high school, I may only have been an average kid, but I loved solving problems, fractions, solving for that infamous letter X!

3. I may need to confirm this with my parents, but almost 2 decades ago, when our house was just being built, I may have pushed my little brother against some hollow cement blocks sitting on top of a gravel mound. He ended up getting stitched and I think he was just 3 then! That was very traumatizing for me and I guess for him!

4. My first kiss on the lips was back in preschool and if I’m not mistaken, the boy’s name is Ryan.

5. I studied in an all girls’ Catholic school run by nuns for 11 years!

6.  My first celebrity crush was Carlo Aquino (G-mik days) and my whole extended family would tease me whenever we see him on tv.

7. I don’t eat peanut butter and I would never eat Loaf bread with Nutella, unless it’s on a donut or on crepes. I’m weird, I know!

8. My favorite fruit is mango and I would eat anything with mango: Mango Graham cake, Mango tapioca, Mango crepes, Mango tart from Iloilo, Mango ice cream (my favorite), salad with mango dressing, anything with mango except for mango juice! I know, it gets weirder!

9. No matter how tan I get, my upper body always returns to its natural color, but my lower torso doesn’t!

10. I love bookstores and craft stores and when most girls go gaga shopping for clothes, I go wild over books and art materials!

11. I haven’t read 60% of the books I have bought over the years!

12. I’m such a visual person. I judge books by their covers, I am very critical of people’s clothes and the way they carry themselves, my closet is full of colorful stuff (even my bags and shoes), I love artsy places, coffee shops and restaurants.

13. Growing up, my favorite color was BLUE. That was until grade school. Since college, I’ve become so into YELLOW and that’s where the obsession fascination for this color started!

https://instagram.com/p/k_RbUgtlk_/?taken-by=marsymallows

14. There was a time when we didn’t have a house help and that’s when I started to learn how to cook by myself. I was in grade school, I think.

15. I can say that the scariest, saddest, happiest, most degrading but rewarding moments of my life were when I used to work in the hospital. That’s cheesy!

16. I felt loved more by my college classmates than any of the high school classmates I had, ever did.

17. Being a nurse, I’ve done things I never thought I would ever do,ever in my life, things that most people would find scary or disgusting.

18. Inserting an IV cannula was one of the scariest things I had to learn, but when I did, I became obsessed with it! I used to look at people’s veins all the time and I think I still do!!

practice!
Here were my two senior nurses that let me practice IV insertion on them back when I was just a nurse trainee

19. My favorite shift at work used to be the Night Shift: Patients would all be asleep, and we could eat, share scary stories, chat and play, sleep or even practice IV insertion like what we did on the photo above!

20. I am an extreme procrastinator except when it comes to art projects and little DIY projects!

21. I lived with my grandmother and my uncle until I was about 1-2 years old and just like in the movies, when my parents showed up at the door one day to finally get me, I ran back into my grandma’s house which made my mama cry. They only told me about this story when I was in college.

22. I’ve been indirectly bullied in high school.

23. I have the worst trust issues in the world.

24. I have this thing for feel good movies and disaster movies!

25. I don’t have any unusual abilities like flipping eyelids inside out or having any double joints. I’m very ordinary! haha!

26. I started shooting in film with a real camera back in May 2014 and I haven’t stopped since! Check out some of the photos here! Here’s my little camera collection to date:

https://instagram.com/p/0M1dkjtloN/?taken-by=marsymallows

https://instagram.com/p/28RyGvtlnL/?taken-by=marsymallows

27. Some of my hobbies include calligraphy, stamp carving, art-journaling, watercolor painting, crafting and snail-mailing.

https://instagram.com/p/2DedH_tlv2/?taken-by=marsymallows

28. I follow over 2k people on Instagram and most of which are artists, crafters and photographers! 🙂

29. I started blogging back in 2002, when I was in grade 6 and I wrote about it here.

30. I’m extremely afraid of ghosts, of heights and falling and a whole bunch of other little things!