Tuesday Blues

 

Wasn’t able to go on a photowalk this morning. Wasn’t planning on going either. I had a hunch someone might report me for leaving our dog’s poop in the village park yesterday. Haha! Talk about being paranoid.

Plus, it also started raining, so I wouldn’t have been able to shoot anyway. It’s been raining since 7 this morning and the sun hasn’t come out since.

Also, my throat hurts again which sucks, but I wasn’t going to let that bum me out, not when I’m listening to Celine Dion‘s “I’m Alive” on repeat mode! I’ve been singing that to every karaoke night/day at home and it just makes me feel like I’m up on the clouds every time. Such a powerful, feel-good zzzong, isn’t it? (Can you share some of your favorite upbeat, feel-good, banyo-worthy songs as well? Say, JT‘s Can’t Stop The Feeling, Yes?).

So I made another project today, sort of a mantra for the year, inspired by that precious song.

To make it extra fancy, I translated “I’m alive and so are you” to French, with the help of the handy dandy Google Translate and voila!

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I always loved calligraphy in B&W, but I must admit, pink and black also look soooo good together, don’t you think?

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After having lunch, I had another light bulb moment and thought of making another project (ang daming time! Sorry na, sinusulit lang). This time, a short dramatic clip which was inspired by someone from Instagram. Note to self: find this talented human being after posting this! Apparently, I got the idea from his/her short clip of a pair of boots in the rain. It was brief, yet it was so beautiful and haunting at the same time, with the dramatic, natural lighting of course.

So I made a short clip myself and here it is. I’m glad I still have Ellie Goulding‘s cover of Kodaline‘s “All I Want” on my phone to listen to on days like this.

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A post shared by M A R S M E D I N A (@marsymallows) on

 

P.S. Our Daily Bread’s reading for today emphasized on:

“Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty

– Anne Herbert

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Creative Block and Renewal

The latter part of my 2016 was so jam-packed, I forgot what RELAX even means anymore.

Seriously though, it was so chaotic that I even missed putting up a review for our host in HK during the 14-day period Airbnb provides for their users, which bothers me terribly, but will probably just save that for a separate post.

So going back, when all the trips, adventures and all the holiday hoopla finally died down, I realized my body must have missed bumming around, writing, playing with watercolors, brushes, GIMP and all that shizz. That’s because for the last 5 days (January 1st not included), I have been doing nothing but catching up on some blogging and tenenenenen…

Designing!

Yeah, well, no biggie right? Well, it is for me!

You see, there were times when I silently panic because I thought I’m losing touch with meee artsy soul. It gets worse because sometimes I feel like I don’t want anything to do with art altogether. Could it be what they call the dreaded Creative Block? I’m not so sure about that, but fortunately, I realized soon enough that I could never ever get tired of ART.

ART is one of the things on earth that makes me feel alive. When God brought me to life, He must have breathed a multitude of rainbows, unicorns and stars into me, much like the sparkly stuff you vomit on Snapchat, except that it’s the other way around. On a serious note, we all grew up surrounded by our Father’s majestic creations and I with my papa’s work, his passion and creativity, so I blame it all on those why art definitely runs through my veins now, and why I know I could never ever get tired of it.

So after climbing mountains, doing touristy stuff in a foreign land, downing heaps of Christmas sweets and then washing tons of holiday dishes, not to mention partying with the girlfriends and then mourning for a grandfather 2 days after, my body must have snapped because my hand just involuntarily grabbed a brush and started creating art once again!

If that was indeed creative block that I went through, then I’m glad I snapped out of it, all thanks to the inspiration I found throughout my [mis]adventures!

I looked it up and found out that creative block can be resolved by a change in the environment or a break from the routine, facts that aren’t new to us, and techniques that are undeniably effective. Two of the tips designer and writer, Tom May listed were (see the entire list HERE):

  • Don’t be afraid to step away
    • Completely open briefs can be the worst for causing creative block. Try to distance yourself from the project; take a break and come back to it with a clear head.
  • Look in unlikely places
    • Go and do something else entirely. You’d be amazed at where new ideas are hiding out. They’re often where you would least expect them to be.

He also mentioned exploring other creative disciplines which is why it would be helpful to have a hobby outside of your hobby (LOL), in my case, Photography.

I may have babbled more than I have to, again so before this goes entirely out of hand, I leave you with some of the stuff I have been doing lately to release the already overflowing creative juices I gratefully gained in the past months or so.

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This was my favorite line from the latest Disney film, Moana, which reminded me so much of my own grandmother. I also made this for me to keep in mind that God is always with us. 🙂

Also made this odd-looking (and definitely one-of-a-kind) dreamcatcher for the bestie!

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I must say that my year ended with a bang and even though it was overwhelming, I couldn’t have wished for anything better because it reignited my love for ART in more ways than one. Now, I’m back, feeling renewed and more than inspired to CREATE again, to spread optimism and of course God’s love through ART.

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Tears for Fears (Scared Sh*itless at 3am) + an urban legend

Shame on me for using a great band’s name for this (sort of) spooky entry, but I looked it up to see what it really means and if it means the same way for others what I think it means for me.

I tried squeezing my brain out for an explanation and I think that it means being tough despite having this huge fear of something. I can just imagine myself in a middle of a dark room feeling really scared while crying hard (not the depressing, wimpy cry). I’m scared to death, but I still have this tough front, to tell the unknown enemy that yeah, I may be crying, but I’m ready to punch you still. So in my imaginary scenario, I’m not just curled up in a corner, but instead ready to lash out on anything that jumps right in front of me.

So I see it working both ways or maybe just ironically. Crying can literally be a sign of weakness or maybe vulnerability but deep down, you know it’s actually a tough man’s act. After all, crying makes us feel better, right? It’s a way to vent out or flush out this negative emotion out of your system then makes you feel so much lighter after.

Okay, I just feel like I robbed this guy’s idea, but how else can you define this phrase?

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It didn’t help that this guy’s definition made crying look even tougher. I mean, getting a tattoo that says “TforF” makes you wanna say, “real guys wear pink” or “tough men cry”.

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I don’t know if I made sense at all. Well anyway, since I don’t think I have ever listed all of my fears in one entry before (at least not all the supernatural ones), I’m doing it today because according to Jane, one of the writers on this group I’ve been following for a long time now, “By naming it [fear], you gain control over it. It no longer has the ability to make you afraid.“. Also, it’s Halloween season, so I’m kind of in the mood to write about the scary stuff, and these shows and documentaries featuring the paranormal mysteries and unexplained phenomena that I’ve been watching the past week may have built up the momentum to do so.

So here goes the things that scare me the most (supernaturals only):

  1. ghosts – I don’t think I’ve ever seen one or felt the presence of one though there’s still this need for me to sprint (faster than Usain Bolt) back to bed every time I have to pee in the middle of the night or when I have to climb up the stairs when most of the people at home are asleep because I ain’t scared of no ghosts, my friend, I’M NOT!!! LOL! To make it worse, I’ve just seen an interview of this priest on tv saying that souls of the departed cannot go back to the living world unless given permission SOLELY by God. So what are these entities we think people really see? Go figure it yourself coz I ain’t gonna. Pag takot, gume-ghetto?
  2. violent ghosts/beings/entities/poltergeists – What’s scarier than harmless ghosts? Well, those that can harm you, of course. Since the priest made it perfectly clear that ghosts are only given permission by God to deal with unfinished business, which also implies that they’re of good nature, it just makes sense that those that do harm are the enemies of God; therefore, only makes these beings scarier. Insidious, The Conjuring, anyone?
  3. batibat – (No this isn’t even close to that puppet show on tv we used to watch when we were young, millennials not included) Have you ever experienced having sleep paralysis? I almost always have before. According to Wikipedia, apparently, this brief inability to move your muscles is a transitional state between wakefulness and sleep. There you go! No biggie, there’s Science behind this sh*t, but have you also heard of the supernatural explanation for this? Well, according to this previous KJMS Gabi ng Lagim episode (not 100% sure though if it was on this show), this paralysis is caused by this big, old, fat lady that sits on top of you when you’re asleep. So when I wake up in the middle of the night (I know I’m awake because I can see my sister sleeping all the way from the other side of the room and I’m aware that I’m awake because I can see everything), unable to move, not even one finger, I’m thinking, “f*ck there’s something sitting on top of me again!”. Crazy imagination, I know.
  4. dark – I wouldn’t really be if it weren’t for #’s 1, 2 and 3. Hate that my imagination goes crazy when it’s dark. I can imagine someone whispering in my ear or that room in the game hotel666 where you have to take a picture of the ghost in a pitch black bathroom using a camera. The tension builds with the ghost not showing up in the first few takes and with the sound of the camera flash recharging before she suddenly jumps at you screaming with the scariest face and I’m scared sh*tless again.
  5. hanging any limb off the bed – I just almost always have this weird feeling that something’s going to pull my hand, feet, even hair if it sticks out of the perimeter of my bed. I know it’s weird AF, but I’ve had this fear since I was a kid, except that when I was young, I would make a fortress out of my pillows. It doesn’t help that I cannot erase that scene when Joey King fell off her bed on the Conjuring off my mind. After seeing that, I think I slept beside my sister again for weeks and curled up in a cocoon smack dab in the middle of the bed every time, with my back against hers. It should be touching hers, btw.hang-off
  6. In relation to #5, I used to be scared AF to sleep with my back facing the edge of the bed. When my sister and I used to sleep on the same bed, my back is always turned to her. Di bale nang magka-bedsores, hindi ako magpapalit ng posisyon hanggang magka-araw, but now that we sleep in separate beds, I’m like, “f*ck! I ain’t getting no sleep tonight!!” every night. Kidding aside, this doesn’t bother me anymore unless I’ve recently seen a scary movie.
  7. being afraid of my own shadow – Figuratively and yes even literally! Again, this only happens when I have recently seen some scary sh*t. I get so jumpy, I literally dove/dived into my sister’s bed and woke her up at the sound of my father’s footsteps one time.
  8. Freaky distorted faces and contorted bodies – I soooooper hate jump scares especially those that you don’t see coming therefore making you spill popcorn all over the floor and curse like shi*t so that people start giving you those death stares that tell you to shut the eff up, ang OA na kasi pero sa loob mo taena eh sa nalaglag yung bato ko sa takot eh, bakit ba? but what I hate more are those that include freaky, disturbing visuals that haunt you for days. After you’ve been caught off guard, you still have to endure whatever that thing that you saw for days, which is a good technique, btw. I’ve literally blurted out to a friend I’m with, one time, “Ano yaaaaaan? POTEK! TAE!” because I felt so confused as to what I was seeing at the moment and at the same time, I’m questioning my choice of film. Parang gusto mo ring sabihin sa direktor, “ano bang gusto mong patunayan? Ha?” That girl that freakishly smiles, or the one that doesn’t, that kid that sits in a corner, or that girl that used to be a gymnast and contorts her body in a way unimaginable, that old man that sits on a rocking chair or that nun with an espasol for a face. They make me adore jump scares, and you know I don’t.
  9. my own imagination (scariest out of the list) – My mind’s so complex (yehes genius pala) or my imagination rather, that I sometimes think I see things that aren’t even there. Ya know, the power of x-ray peripheral vision. And even if I don’t, I think of the craziest things that could happen when I’m alone and scared. There’s this one  story that gives me the chills just thinking about it. It’s one of those urban legends a schoolmate shared when I was in grade school. You see, I studied in an all-girls’, Catholic school run by nuns for 11 years, so you can just imagine tons of urban legends I’ve heard while I was there. There was particularly one that stuck with me to this very day. If I remember it correctly, there was this girl that went to pee in what we used to call the “black washroom” (I don’t know if this is what they call it still), she said that in the middle of peeing, she felt something poking her forehead. She wanted to brush it off and get the f*ck out of there, but it became too annoying that she finally looked up. What she saw sent chills down my spine. It was a nun hanging from the ceiling and the thing that was poking her forehead was the nun’s toes. FUCK DIBA?!?!??!?! Sinong grade schooler and magkkwento nun? I know this must have a thousand other versions and it must have been an urban legend from another school also run by nuns pero nakarating sya sa school namin kaya effing sh*t talaga! Kulang na lang umihi ka ng nakayuko  or nakahawak sa noo eh. I still get scared at times when I think about it especially when I’m peeing in a completely empty and quiet restroom. I also imagine that girl they say that peeks from above the cubicle door when you pee but when you look at the gap below, you wouldn’t see her feet. I also hate the fact that I sometimes imagine my sister turning into some scary sh*t when I sleep on her bed, and she makes it worse by gnarling like an effing zombie with matching eye-rolling.

There are tons of scary stories I will never forget like that UP ikot story from a UP Diliman urban legends clipping that I once cut out from the newspaper, or those freaky stories that the construction workers shared when they were building our house, not to mention those that have been experienced by some of our house helps themselves in the past. I can save those for later. For now, I think I’m going to catch up on some sleep.

Woke up at 3am and I couldn’t go back to sleep, but now can because the sun’s finally out! WAhahahaha!

So you can tell by now how big of a wuss or a chicken I am for still being scared of the dark. There were times that I actually hung up the phone when friends or the boyfriend suddenly changes the topic to say, anything that’s floating. Kidding aside, I’m still grateful that somehow the phrase, “My God is bigger than my problems (or in some cases, my fears)” gives me courage. I know it would take a deeper faith to be able to conquer fears (especially those bigger than ghosts), so I’m working on it. For now, I’ll start by sticking a finger out of my bed even after just watching a scary movie. 😛 Dayum, how I wish I really have gained control of those fears by naming them. A few hours ago, I was making quick glances at the window, thinking I must be inviting negative energies just by writing this entry, but WTF, I did finish it and I did it like a boss! Even made this calligraphy quote of one of my favorite verses that I’m posting on my wall.

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P.S. I really apologize for all the cursing and for trying too hard to be ghetto. My sister rubs off on me sometimes. HAHAHA 😛

Happy Halloween!

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5 Years on WordPress!

It has been 5 years since I imported a year’s worth of teenage rant from another blog hosting website to this one.

It has been 5 years since I made myself a promise that this will be the last personal blog I’ll ever create, but will maintain until I have grand kids of my own.

It has been 5 years since I have been completely mesmerized by WordPress‘ UI, themes, follow-worthy bloggers and user-friendliness that I never thought of trying out something else. I couldn’t be more content.

I still remember blogging in the wee hours of the night in the study hall of my college dormitory in between studying and prying into juicy celeb life online. And I also prayed I won’t see any dead nuns’ ghosts floating around the halls because that dorm stood there long before my mother went to the same university 3 decades before I did.

Although it didn’t take that long for me to fall in love with writing, it’s still quite a feat to look back and see that it has been a decade and a half since I realized I indeed love to write; and eventually poured my heart out and published my very first informal entry into a web full of strangers and readers that hid behind gravatars and anonymity. It also amazes me to have witnessed how simple, personal blogging evolved and continues to evolve  into what is now considered profitable writing and personal branding. Who knows what blogging will be like in the next 5 years? That, I’m looking forward to be a witness of again!

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So for now, I’ll enjoy the moment and celebrate the “wooden” anniversary of my blog! Can I get a high 5?

P.S. Credits to Jonathan Lavender for the super awesome hand illustrations above.

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Friday’s 10 Happy Things, Volume 4

This is a series and blog link up started by Helga Weber of Ditz Revolution. To quote her, “Friday’s 10 Happy Things is where I/we list ten things that made us smile this week so that we can start the weekend on an even more positive note!”. Click on the button below to join in on the fun!

So here are what I’m thankful for this week:

  1. Got time to rest again after roughing it out in driving school and the infamous city traffic.
  2. Talked to long-lost friends, some are nurses working abroad that are coming back home for the first time in the next few weeks, others are med friends that finally got through their licensure exams and two are from my barkada.
  3. Finally found a legit group/organization for our adventure #1 in December and they’re charging the least among all that we talked to/saw online. Don’t want to jinx it though, so that’s all I’m saying for now.
  4. Found a legit home-based job and passed their test! Gotta hustle while waiting for this other job.
  5. Finally got myself to create a few digital collages after sooo long! Here’s one for Halloween!
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  6. Seeing progress in the big clean up after the home renovations. Still a long way to go though.
  7. Med friend #1 made me realize something that never would have crossed my mind in a million years. Precious little “Light bulb moment” right there!
  8. Eat Bulaga! Been a fan of this show since grade school days, I think. These guys never fail to make me laugh (out loud) every single day. Laughing is very therapeutic for me, so I make sure to get my daily dose of it from them. 🙂
  9. Although I am so saddened by the news of the provinces severely affected by the 2 typhoons that came and went this week, I’m thankful that ours was spared. Praying for Lawin to be the last typhoon to enter PAR this year!
  10. God. Always have and always will. Love today’s reading as well as the sweet, accompanying anecdote on the Our Daily Bread app.

“Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you!”

                               – Psalm 63:3

Ditz Revolution

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