Life Lately / Biggest Regret


Just recently, I had to go through another forked road in my life and it has to be THE MOST challenging yet to date.

You see, I was offered an opportunity that was extremely difficult to turn down. It was my dream job; and I have been praying for it for the longest time now, but I let it slip off my hands.

How come?

Well, I had to take into consideration a lot of things and by that, I mean my parents’ opinion. I know they mean well for me, but let’s just say that my decisions in life are still somehow 80% influenced by them.

When I got through it, my friends helped me realize that there is no one to blame for the decision except for me and me alone. I am 29 freaking years old and I am way beyond the period when parents make all the decisions for their kids, but I let them, solely because I respect and love them and I am afraid of the karma that comes with going against your parents.

Adulting sucks and life is unfair a lot of times, but reality is, PASSION isn’t everything. (not if you’re not filthy rich!) That’s the way I see it now and I learned that the hard way.

Although some friends wanted me to pursue it without any second thoughts (It’s not like I am the breadwinner nor do I ask money from my parents), I needed to think about security. I needed to understand that I am turning 30 and I HAVE to comply with what society dictates and that is being PRACTICAL. I needed to think about my imaginary husband and kids. I needed to think about what other people would think about me and my achievements in life. I needed to stop having that YOLO mindset that parents associate so much with millennials.

On the other hand, my heart tells me otherwise. I am turning 30 and I have waited long enough for an opportunity like this. I may never get another one as beautiful as this. I may not live long enough for a chance to finally do what I love doing. Life is short and uncertain. The job pays good, it should keep me afloat. It’s not like I’m rebelling against them by doing something irresponsible. IT IS A JOB AFTER ALL,  a job that offers continuous learning of the craft, connections in the industry, not to mention, PEACE OF MIND, which I don’t think anyone will just offer for free. At my age, I should’ve grabbed the opportunity, but sadly, I needed to be practical.

My friends slapped me with the big ass reality check in my face and told me that letting this chance go has its consequences and I have to face them like a real fucking adult:

  1. I cannot blame anyone for the decision but myself. It was all on me.
  2. I have to accept that this opportunity may never come again.
  3. I cannot bring it up with my parents ever again because they are gonna react the same way, and so would I. (Unless I finally get the guts to fight for what I want) -Hi Jan!
  4. It’s not solely about following my passion, but in taking a stand for myself, making those difficult decisions and swallowing the consequences because that is life! – Hi Joey!
  5. REGRETS. This has been my biggest so far.

Then again, it cannot all be bad.


Right before I sent my letter to the company owner declining the offer, another idea came up which my brother and I have been originally planning for since the beginning of the year. So I went back to that path and now, all I want is to be able to get to that goal in the next year and a half, max!

It’s all I could think about now, because who knows, that may even pave the way for me to finally do what I have been dreaming of.

Maybe I let this chance slip off because there is something much better ahead, or I needed to learn something more before I get a chance to take the wheel.

Been reading my favorite book in the Bible, Ecclesiastes (ever since my world came tumbling down and cried my heart out over the weekend) and I love that it is so realistic, that it sounded dark and negative, but you still couldn’t take out the fact that it still beams with positivity. After all, it is a book in the Bible.

So anyhow, whatever path we opt to take in this life, it all boils down to my favorite quote from a religious book I got last year, “God’s primary will for your life is not the circumstances you inhabit; it’s the person you become.” (You can read more of this on my past entry HERE).

At the end of the day, we won’t be able to take our plaques of achievements, our positions in our respective companies and our money to the afterlife. All we have are what we did to be worthy of a beautiful life in eternity with HIM.

Also, people (including me) tend to focus so much on going after dreams and in getting that promotion or increase or that next travel destination that we forget that we can lose this life we’ve been busy building up with trophies in a snap of a finger! We are such mundane creatures. We almost always think about worldly matters that we forget about the life that comes after this one.

Boy, I am proud of the selfless things I’ve done for others, but heck, there’s A TON of things I still need to fix in myself (one of which is boasting about what I do for others LELZ) and that’s what I want to do before I die. If I do that, then I deem myself successful should I die unexpectedly. That for now is my definition of success.



Every Blessing is a Gising!

Gotchar attention, didn’t I?

I didn’t mean to write that on purpose. I am just beaming with positive energy at the moment and I couldn’t get my fingers to type the expression correctly.

I love this saying. I used to hear that from Ogie Diaz on their morning show day in and day out and it made me smile every time because it did make sense, and it still does!

Every gising is a blessing!” only means “Every waking day is a blessing!“.

There aren’t a lot of good things happening in the world today as Toni’s husband, Paul said in one of her interviews (particularly on Bianca’s PBT show), “Life has its way of putting you down“.

Yesterday, I wasn’t in a very good position as I couldn’t really get to one of my targets ever since I started working for this current company, and it’s hard especially since I’m letting myself and those around me down.

What’s tougher is that some of those I count on in times like this, whom I have also constantly supported in their lowest points couldn’t do the same for me. It hurt me a lot, although I have to understand that they too are going through a lot.

Anyway, I went home all down and mad as bad vibes were apparently unleashed all in one day and that day was yesterday.

I woke up not feeling any better. I was looking for a way to turn things around and in prayer, I have found my solace. Thank God. -> always!

I am also grateful for Bianca Gonzalez-Intal‘s “Paano Ba ‘To?!“, which is sort of a mini online show to help those in need of solicited advice. Sort of like the Joe the Mango show of our times, except that this one goes beyond love problems.

If you have seen her series of interviews with these amazing people, good on ya! If not, you HAVE to!

So I have seen most if not all of her PBT videos, but the first and the topic I could relate to the most was this:

So, how to deal with difficult or toxic people as per Piolo Pascual himself? Putting yourself in the person’s shoes, do the sandwich technique, pray for the person and forget about pride raw. How to do all those things po?

Another favorite from this series is her interview with Anthony Pangilinan:

I loved this because I love learning from counselors, career advisers, life coaches etc. They have all these techniques that are applicable to businesses and life in general.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from this 7-minute interview is “Never separate the word purpose from opportunity” which Anthony quoted from Peter Drucker, the father of management. Any opportunity that isn’t connected with your purpose is considered a DISTRACTION. Cool eh?

and I know I should also include her interview with Karen Davila but I’m way past my fresh grad years and I could relate more to the concern of Mr. Kulang sa Kumpiyansa, a.k.a her interview with Iza Calzado.

I like her tips which I really have figured out before, but I just don’t always do:

  1. Always bring something to the table and must keep up with the times. – contribute to the conversation
  2. Everyone makes mistakes. – this one I have not really figured out yet, but thanks to Iza for reminding us.

So that’s it! I guess you could tell by my PBT choices how old I am, with the concerns I am focusing more on. Haha!

Oh, this just in, I also love her interview with Atom Araullo, a.k.a. the eternal question: Practical Job or Dream Job?

And his advice? I know I have heard this one before, ehem ehem paging NIN!!

Have a stable job to support your passion!” and lots of other things like “finding your passion in the job that you have” –which may not be as applicable to my line of work, but what the heck, it’s still pretty true.

P.S. this just made me realize, I’m still lucky I have a day job to support my passion and for me to be able to still do what I love on the side. 🙂




This Cray Cray Life

I’m doing a quick post because my brother and his girlfriend are going to pick me up in an hour or so for dinner.

Today has been quite a relief because I have been meaning to spend time alone after a long week of meetings, promotional work, flights to Manila and back here in Cebu in a span of 36-39 hours, training, catching up, etc.

In short, it was quite a long and tiring week which is why I’ve been looking forward to this weekend because all the other ones are jam-packed with summer activities.

I can’t wrap my head around the fact that my life is now a whirlwind of socializing events and activities. I’m not even sure I know what I’m doing, but I’m trying not to resist the current and just go with the flow. After all, YOLO. Haha. Yes, it’s funny that I still live by that mantra. Can’t blame me. It is true, after all.

Quick update:

For starters, I now live in the middle of busy Cebu! Yeeees! Maayong adlaw, buntag, hapon, gabii sa inyong tanan, wherever you are in the world! I’ve been here for about 3 weeks, or so. I’m still adjusting to this drastic change in my life, but I’m getting by.

I’m living with my former co-trainee and now colleague in a 2-bedroom unit in an area peppered with a bunch of our other colleagues.

Fortunately, I have had a chance to see the beauty of Cebu’s wonders in the form of Moalboal beach (which we visited before), Mantayupan falls and the beauty of the north in Tabogon, Cebu. All thanks to my brother and his girlfriend who have been nothing but supportive and helpful just as the rest of our colleagues. Unfortunately, as expected, I am now tanner than I’ve ever been, but I love it! I’ve always wanted to get tan and dirty. What?

Kidding aside, our “tour guides” also took us around incredible spots such as the Temple of Leah and Sirao Peak.

agfa vista026.JPG
taken from the Temple of Leah

There you go! I’ve been wanting to write after soooo long, but my job has swallowed me whole, I couldn’t find time to pour my heart out as I normally do. I’m really grateful to God, He’s given me time to breathe and relax after those long nights of drinking and working over time. I needed and longed for this “me time” away from the crazy world I jumped into.

Wishing for more days like this! Thank You, Lord! 🙂







Life Lately / 10

It has been just a little over a week since my last post, but it felt like ages to me, most of it due so many things happening all at the same time. I still have yet to wrap my head around each of those milestones and moments, but I’m thankful for all of them nonetheless.

Since September, I have been interviewing with a company half of my family is currently working for. There was almost a month’s interval for each of the interviews (HR, Provincial Managers and Division Head) and it all ended last month when I got the go signal from their HR department to do and pass all the necessary pre-employment exams and requirements. I still can’t believe it. Sometimes, I’m so scared to take this leap so bad, I want to back out, but there are times that I think about finally getting out of my comfort zone so I can grow out of my crumbly shell.

I haven’t been this busy since my grandmother’s hospital admission, wake and burial back in Feb-March, so I could tell my body has yet to adjust to finally getting back on track. I have to keep mum on this as I might jinx it and because it still scares me just thinking about what this new career path holds for me.

On the other hand, we’ve also managed to conquer 2 tactical and challenging mountains exactly one week apart. The first one being Mt. Pamitinan in Rizal a week ago and and Mt. Pulag in Benguet yesterday.

I still can’t believe how I managed to do so, but with great company, a strong mindset and permission and guidance from God, both climbs have been made possible.

More on these wild adventures and milestones later on. For now, I leave you these majestic views from above.




depress-depresan, where do I go from here?

I’ve been thinking, for the past couple of weeks if I should continue on in becoming america’s next top model………….CHOS! Kidding aside, I’ve been having second thoughts regarding my current job. You see, lately, I’ve been having a hard time keeping up with the pace and toxicity of being a staff nurse, not to mention the responsibility that comes with it. I have no regrets whatsoever since nursing taught me a lot of things, from the incredible parts and function of the smallest unit of the human body to the horrific diseases that invade it!

I had a tough time studying this course for the last 4 years, but there’s no doubt that I had fun too. I’m damn too proud of myself for being able to complete my requirements to graduate and even more for passing the board examinations, and now for getting into a hospital just 4 months after the NLE! But why in the world do I still feel unaccomplished? Why do I still feel like I’m meant to do something else? There’s something lacking in me that keeps me from putting 100% effort and commitment in this job!

I know I’m doing well today as compared to my performance when I was still in school! True enough, experience is still the best teacher and I never thought, being a “pasang awa” nursing student in college would bring me where I am today! I know I should feel blessed that I got a job when most board passers would wait for years just to have a decent job, but I feel like this shouldn’t be what I’m doing!

Back in high school, I would always have this ambivalent/uncertain/unfocused goal in mind since I was torn between science and art (don’t you tell me nursing is an art and science, I know that, but you know what I mean!). In all the career tests our guidance counselor would let us answer, I would be torn between being a photographer or a nurse.Of course, being a daughter of a great artist, I was inspired and influenced by the great pieces my father would make ever since we were small. Who wouldn’t look up to their own parents, right? Well, I was a big fan of my father and everything he did, I did want to do as well; but as I was growing up, I realized that I’m not as talented as him so I accepted that fact and moved on and focused my goal towards science.

So going back to 2nd year high school, I met this great teacher in the person of Ms. Mortel who taught us BIOLOGY in such a fun way that made me love Science soooooo much! That was when I realized that I could do well in Nursing (and probably work abroad after!). Ever since then, I had nothing in mind except to get in UST and take up Nursing.

Luckily, I passed USTET and the interview! I got through the cutoff to get in to sophomore year and everything went slightly smooth-sailing (slightly lang kasi sa totoo lang, hell na yung mga sumunod na taon! haha!) after that! Then after a few alternating over-sleeping/1-2 hours of sleep, I got a hold of my DIPLOMAAAAAAA!!!!!! Then after surviving the application-test-taking-claiming of my license, I did it! My parents told me I was free to do anything I’d like to do!

But that was merely true. My parents told me, I shouldn’t waste everything “we” worked hard for and find a job asap. So being the obedient kid that I am, and to repay for all their sacrifices for me, I scoured the whole of Manila and Rizal to pass my resume, hoping for any vacancies or positions available.

On November of 2011, I got a phone call from MEMC asking me to go back for their examination and interview and voila, I got in! I trained for 5 months and luckily (again and again), I got hired as a probationary nurse. I’m on the last month of our 6-month probationary period and as of now, I am having half-hearted, lost soul, mixed emotions chorvalooooooo regarding this job.

I know I cannot blame my parents unlike those thousands of others who were forced to take up nursing because I made this choice, with my own impulsive mind! I could even remember them discouraging me in taking up nursing, but I was sooooo stubborn that I disregarded everything that they said!

I told myself that I’m gonna have to think with a positive perspective. No regrets. No worries. Ala-One Tree Hill and motto! But it’s hard to have no regrets since we all make mistakes and it’s impossible not to think of “what ifs”!

What if I actually took up a degree in fine arts, or in education or in tourism? Would I be happier now? Would I feel more rewarded and fulfilled?

But what if I stop figuring things in my mind (kasi maloloka na ko) and start taking risks? I know it’s going to be hard for my parents to accept this, but I need to make decisions NOW because I’m not getting any younger and we all know how opportunities get less for people who get older!

But where do I start? I have a plan in my mind, I just have to consult GOD first, then myself and lastly, my parents! I know I’d get tons of sermon na naman, but how will I learn if I do not stand and trip on my own, right?

Nakakainis kasi tong HOLSTEE MANIFESTO na facebook cover photo ko eh! ANG NAKIKITA KO LANG LAGI YUNG PART NA:


Call me oblivious, but I want to make things uncomplicated for me. We only live once and we should be maximizing our time doing the things we love. So what if I don’t choose to think LONG-TERM? So what if I just want to be able to live in a carefree, HIPPIE way? What if I choose to do all the things I love before I die? Isn’t that the purpose of life? We only live once and I don’t want to get stuck hating my job. I know I can still help others and still do God’s purpose for me in other ways.

I have no regrets in taking up NURSING! I am thankful in so many ways to Manila East Medical Center for teaching me a little more than what I have learned in school! I am thankful to everyone who took the time to teach me everything I know now, but I guess Nursing is just not for me!

Please Lord, Help me find the real path I need to go through to live my life to the fullest! I just don’t want to do this anymore! PLEASE HELP ME LORD!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!