I should teach myself to cry

I miss my bum days. I miss staying up late and pigging out. I miss doing nothing and everything at the same time, and today, I’m going to miss one more thing…..eerrr person that has been a HUGE part of my life for the past years. B.

Our relationship has been a real roller coaster ride for us both and this blog has been a big witness to that. Over the years, I’ve seen our relationship transitioned from what we were before to what we have become now and by the tone of my writing, you should already know how it turned out.

I’m not really sure I should be doing what I’m doing just hours after “it” happened, but who knows exactly what to do after a breakup, right? There, I said it. But it’s true. It’s different for every person, I guess. Take for example how I’m not surprised I didn’t wallow in self pity or cry myself to sleep tonight. It might be because I’ve already been through those one too many times before, or I did really see this coming, or maybe because I felt like I was boyfriendless long before I really became boyfriendless? or maybe, just maybe, it hasn’t really sunk it yet because I’ll have to admit, we did exchange a few more texts after we broke up because our last phone call got cut when my sister got home (we share a bedroom, technically). Talk about bad timing, but I did try to make it less dramatic this time and laughed it off and he did the same, so it’s not really how I expected our “real break up” would be. I guess it also has something to do with it being a mutual decision because we both knew that it really had to happen anyway. We accepted it. We did it. We should deal with it…the right way. IT. So it that how I’m going to pertain to “it” now? IT? I should name it something else, something less bitter? Like jellybean? Para sweet? sabaaaaaaaaaaaaw

So now, speaking of dealing with it the right way, I’m just waiting for FRIENDS to buffer on another tab so I could stay up all night for a marathon of the best thing left on this planet. CHOS. (Ooopsie Here goes the emoterang frog again.) The moment he and some friends who are still up or at work, stopped texting and I realized that I just woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep, I had the sudden craving for this all nighter.

The first whole season I’ve seen of FRIENDS was the third one and it kind of revolved around Ross and Rachel and how they fell in love the first time and how it ended up badly. So now, I’m kind of torn if I’m going to continue watching season 1 first to see how they ended up together or season 4 to see how they moved on to still being friends after the break up. Hmmmmmm…. tough choice, I know!

Anyway, I know whichever I choose, I won’t be disappointed because it’s too funny and I shouldn’t even be too hard on myself. I just broke up with the love of my life! Heeellleeeeerrrrrrrrr! I should be laughing hard right now. Speaking of something funny, since I’m following Hollywood Life here on WordPress, I get my daily dose of surprise!—–hollywood life, and the first thing I saw on my feed was this! It’s about Karrueche Tran and Chris Brown. It says there that they’ve been together for years na pala, mygad and no matter how hard it has been for her to stick with him, she never let him go, hoping that in time, he’ll change into a better man. It also said that she ain’t working her a** off making him a better man for someone else, so she’s all clingy and overprotective of her man…. or something like that. What struck me most though was this:

Our insider also revealed why Karrueche is overprotective of their relationship.”He made her this way. He broke her heart several times and she loves him so much she’s still there. I ain’t saying she’s blaming him but if there’s someone to blame for making her crazy and act like a guard dog, it’s Chris.” (Hollywood Life)

Story of my life? charot Story of Jelena yata yan! Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. 😛 When I read that, I just felt sorry for them because that’s exactly what happened between me and my ex. OOOOUUUCH! EX agad??!? Should I really use that term already? Can I use bebelove, even for just the next 3 days? hahaha! Kidding aside, that’s not even healthy anymore. She’s being too idealistic when she should be realistic. But who am I to judge, right? I’ve been there too and had bebelove refused to let me go again this time, I wouldn’t have had the guts to end our…..our……..I’m thinking of something really funny to say….. please bear with me….. our failed happy ending. YUN EH!

Anyway, B and I, I still believe in a happy ending for us. It might not be for the next maybe 3-5 years? **kitty puss-in-boots eyes** but I still want it to work between us. We both still want it to work, diba Bri, umagree ka pag mabasa mo ‘to or lagot ka sakin! haha! But for now, we really have to stay out of each other’s lives and try to focus on ourselves. If in time, he falls for another girl, then I should just jump off any building from at least the 40th floor………………………….just kidding! Well, I should be happy for him because he found someone much more deserving of his love. Meganon? And it’s something that he shouldn’t deny of himself…to find someone to be really happy with and I should be okay with that. yesss, akala naka move on na agad. Daming side comments noh? I think I’m starting to have a dual personality. Chos. This is just how I’m choosing to deal with it. By making fun of it, so again, bear with me, friends.

So should I still teach myself to cry? Naaaah, I don’t need that. We only cry for the dead and our love, it hasn’t died yet! Lakas ng fighting spirit! And I know that whatever happens after this, I know that our love was (emphasis) real and I’m happy I met him and that he’s my first love. I wouldn’t change a thing in our story (yea even the negatives because those taught me a lot), because that’s ours and nothing and no one can take that away from me.

P.S.I know he’s going to get mad when he sees I’m playing this song, because he knows I’ve dedicated this to someone else before, but it’s all that has been playing in my mind for weeks now….

And i like what this guy said and I agree with him.

ouch

So now I’m reading people’s comments about the song and it’s finally sinking in. I’m really going to need God, all my friends and all the help I can get. It’s really been a long time since I last held hands with you, more so since I last hugged or kissed you and I never even got to for one last time. I miss everything about you, but I’m glad I told you.

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B’s 15 questions!

Last week I had this crazy idea to interview my boyfriend, B out of the blue. I had been reading one too many lifestyle magazines on http://issuu.com/ that I wanted to come up with my own. What better way to start one than to feature a special person for an issue right? Seeing how these publications turn out, I feel giddy just thinking about how I can layout my own articles and photos too to create a really amateur magazine of my own. More on these magazines and my dream of making one on another post soon!

So there we were last night making fun of each other, though still stressing upon him that it needed to be a serious one. You see, I find B very talented and full of potential. I may not be the most supportive girlfriend in the world, but I really am proud of him and his incredibly attractive voice. La la la la! Though I know he chooses to pursue a degree in Mass Communication at the moment, that can’t take the fact that the dream of becoming a star still lives on within him. So I asked him a couple of questions for me and some of you to get to know him a bit more (though he was a little more mum than usual, which defeats the purpose of the interview).

1. What is your ultimate dream job?

  • I want to be a musician.

2. Why do you think dreams are important?

  • Dreams will determine one’s future.

3. How do you see yourself 5 years from now?

  • Singing in front of a large crowd.

4. Who do you look up to and why?

  • I look up to my mother because she is a strong and intelligent woman and I want to raise my future children the way she raised us.

5. What do you consider your life’s best lessons that you wish to impart to the younger ones?

  • Take risks because you only live once and never be afraid of failure.
  • Learn to accept things you cannot change.

6. What do you value most in life?

  • My friends, family and girlfriend

7. If you don’t get to be a singer, what other options do you have in mind?

  • Anything related to music like a music professor or a radio DJ

8. Can you think of a special memory that made you into the man you are today?

  • Nung mga bata kami, grade two ako noon, umuwi si papa na lasing. Nandun kami ni Ivan sa kwarto namin at takot na takot dahil kapag lasing si papa, nagiging barumbado siya. Kinausap niya kami tungkol sa naging buhay niya. Kinuwento niya lahat sa amin pati pagkamatay ng tatay niya and panganay nilang kapatid. Doon ko natutunan i-value yung mga taong nakapaligid sa akin at natutunan ko rin na hindi porket lalaki ka, hindi mo na pwede ipakita yung soft side mo, yung vulnerable side mo. 

9. If you have any, what do you regret the most?

  • Not being a good brother to my siblings and not being expressive enough.

10. And what are you most proud of?

  • I get to live my dream one day at a time.

11. Aside from singing, what other things are you good at?

  • I’m good at giving advice, cooking and making my ears move without using my hands.

12. Are there still things that you’d like to try?

  • I want to be an astronaut and go to space, be a pilot and fly because those would make me feel liberated.

13. 3 things on your personal bucket list:

  • Travel the world
  • Ride a space shuttle and go to the moon
  • Be on any US show like Ellen or on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon

14. Top 3 favorite songs:

  • With a Smile
  • Huling El Bimbo
  • Won’t Go Home Without You

15. Do you think that your life is now falling into place?

  • Yes because I’m much more content in my life. Dati masyado kang materialistic pero ngayon na-realize ko na meron pang ilang mas mahalaga bukod sa materyal na bagay.

I know, I know they’re not the golden, million dollar questions to ask to get featured on the best magazines or in Buzz ng Bayan, but hey, they sure did help us get something out of this boy who’s feigning his shyness here. Just kidding! I guess he isn’t really very keen on these types of conversations yet, especially with me being uncomfortably serious and demanding. Maybe I’ll do another one some other time when he gets famous or something and ask him forbidden questions as well! Abangan!

Image

One of my favorite photos that I took of him! 🙂

Compatibility

I got a chance to visit Bianca Gonzalez’ blog once again after so long and I’m glad she started blogging again! Then I saw this Bro Show season ender she and boyfriend, JC Intal were in and I thought that it was too funny not to repost. So here I am, an hour of laughing out loud (as in when watching-vice-ganda-videos-loud) after, posting it here as well.

I’m a huuuuge fan of Bianca ever since her starting up years in the entertainment industry. I can’t remember if I first discovered her in a magazine, in Y-speak or through her blog. What I know is that I hoarded all of the magazines she was in, watched PBB Celebrity edition where she was in as well, followed her blog ever since her college years and pretty much just watched all of the shows she was in. No this is not a fan girl I-wanna-be-like-her-someday kind of thing. It’s pretty much more than that after being her follower all these years. How I wish I could have the life she’s having, but now that I am slowly starting to figure out what I want, I thought, maybe I just admire her for who she is. I remember hating her for having those PDA moments with now actor, Zanjoe Marudo inside the PBB house when she has Direk Lino Cayetano waiting for her out in the real world. It wasn’t a great move for her, but now I realize that she’s just a person and though she’s someone I looked up to, there can never be a perfect person to ever walk this planet. Now that she’s become more mature and much more where she wants to be (I think), I still admire her because she’s made much more responsible choices (being an advocate of different organizations and all that) and she continues to inspire so many, including me!

Being a supermodel (fashion, tv ads, and role model) or so I’d like to think, is one thing that I like about her, but being in a really beautiful relationship with beau JC Intal is another thing! When I first heard about them, all I could think of was, “teka, they must have been friends back in college pa!” which got me soooo giddy, knowing that they both went to Ateneo, but after watching this Bro Show episode, I thought that it was actually cute that they didn’t even know each other personally back then.

I look up to both of them since they may be a power couple to most of us, but seeing them together for the first time in a show (we mostly only see them in photos) made it seem like they’re two kids who are madly in love with each other but are afraid to get caught doing PDA. Also, aside from Bianca, I also know JC as one of the best players of Ateneo back when I was in high school. (Yes, though I came from an all girls’ school, most of us were also fans of the ADMU-DLSU rivalry ever since then). So it just seems fitting for them to end up together, parang two of the most accomplished personalities who you idolize, who may seem confident in their own but different careers, but shy in real life, both good-looking and young…….you get what I mean. No, you don’t, but to cut to the chase, all I wanted to say is that they’re prefect for each other.

Gulo lang, pero what they are to most of  us is a perfect combination. Compatible! Aren’t they? So now, it got me thinking, how do you know if you’re compatible with the person you’re with right now? I know most of my posts are pretty much about love, though it’s March already and I should be posting fire prevention stuff, I wanted to know, how do you know?

I have a friend named Jannina and she blogs too (http://janninadaydreams.blogspot.com/), and if I’m not mistaken, just a few days ago, we were talking about knowing more about a someone’s personality through her sign (Zodiac or Chinese). She’s really good at this. So here I am getting the idea from it and checking my compatibility with my boyfriend, B. When we first started going out, I checked this astrology book I had for years and I was encouraged because he is a Capricorn and I’m a Scorpio and it said in the book that we were compatible. True enough, if you look it up somewhere else, they would say that it’s a good combination, not perfect though, but it’s got a potential. Now that we’re going through something, I remembered to check it again and lo and behold, it’s not something that I expected.

If you were to sign a pre-nup, Schedule A must clearly designate who will play the “Top” and who will be the “Bottom.” After your attorneys haggle over the prone position, you may just call off the engagement. An inability to reach settlement is likely for two uncompromising Alphas such as yourselves. Although your business-savvy signs can make quite the contemporary Napoleon and Josephine, LLC, there are terms that must be negotiated in advance. For one, you’ll need to swear off secrecy—and that will be the true test of your relationship. Scorpio and Capricorn are masters of underhanded power plays that could topple this merger fast. Your first job: learn and practice direct communication (“whip me like THIS” or “no, darling, the leather corset, not the PVC”). Master it, and the rest is a cakewalk. You can lash each other to bedposts, tryst on the conference table in your glass-paned office tower, or earn your mile-high wings with nary a flight attendant knowing. The 2.5 kids you produce will have some interesting conception stories, that’s for sure. Not that you’ll ever tell. A little secrecy with the rest of the world is fine. Just make sure to erase those sex tapes before the housekeeper finds them.

Read more: Scorpio and Capricorn Compatibility – Horoscope Love Compatibility – ELLE
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Okay, I’m not so sure about the whole prediction, but what struck me the most was the one I underlined. That’s exactly why we are currently having this major fight! No one wants to compromise. Well, I do, but it’s not consistent and we both have our own beliefs that would just not coincide!

Here’s another reading, but this time based on the Chinese Zodiac…

The compatibility rating for Brianne and Marielle is 70% (Well Suited)

You are a couple that craves for romance, but have to face the truth. Both of you are perfectionists and like to pursue a lofty goal. The marriage makes you restrain your idealization and learn to walk abreast and treat each other with your true heart. The male sheep is very frank and easily affected by the surroundings. While the female snake is calculating, strong-minded and resolute. You may have complaints on the other because of high expections.

ImageSo I highlighted the ones that I agree with and find true. For B, I don’t exactly know what having and iron hand in a velvet glove mean, but thanks to the free dictionary, I learned that it means: something that you say when you are describing someone who seems to be gentle but is in fact severe and firm! That’s kinda sexy! HAHA! Kidding aside, it may seem true at times. I also love how he described a sheep as pessimistic, moody and sentimental! That is soooooo like him, although he started working on being optimistic as part of his resolution this year. Also, I agree that he looks charming and gets so much attention from girls, but how could the Chinese zodiac tell that? It also says that a sheep will work hard for those they love, this pretty much I agree with and I can see it! Lastly, his lucky direction?——syempre towards me in the EAST! 🙂

As for my reading, I was struck by the statement that I am rational but can lose myself once I fall in love. This can be applicable to most if not all, but maybe this is the reason for my falling head over heels for him. Cheeseballs! On the other hand, I could not agree with the fact that my weakness is communication. You could say that, for all I care, but I’m sure that if there’s one thing I learned from our relationship is that we’ve fixed a lot of our problems through good communication. Although when I think about it, maybe I’m really not good in handling fights and all.

Oh well, I’d like to say that everything we read or everything that these signs say are all right and we should depend on them every time, but we shouldn’t. Some of them are true, but the rest is still up to us. We cannot always rely on these things but they can help us, probably guide us in the way we interact and communicate with others, just as Jan said.

Compatibility isn’t figured out through first dates (although it can help if you click on the first day), but through your willingness to make yourself perfect for the person you’re with. You adjust to your partner’s personality and that’s how you see way past compatibility… That’s how you see that you are truly the missing piece of the puzzle that is his/her heart.

food trip!

My duty as a nurse trainee in the hospital has been stressing me out lately. Although it’s quite fun (thanks to friendly senior staff nurses) and rewarding at times, I still don’t get enough time to unwind especially since the 8-hour shifts make me want to sleep in bed for the remaining 16 hours or less.

Thanks to my friends for the sooooper rare/occasional gimiks we have when time permits and to my family for the Sunday bonding time and to my boyfriend who puts in much effort in order for us to spend some sneaky, quality time together. And what better way to spend time with your loved ones other than going on food trips?

The last time my boyfriend and I went out, he accompanied me to my interview in another hospital (which touched me to the bones, btw! kakilig!), but the day before that, we went out too and tried this small restaurant in CubaoX! I love discovering small restaurants online. Last time I did this, I was with 2 of my ex-roomies, Caks and Gel (whom I fondly call the soooper twins!) and we tried PENPEN’s at tomas morato because I found their posters all over tumblr for their pasta-buffet-past-tuesday 2 years ago (wow, didn’t realize it has been 2 years already!).

So I was checking out clickthecity for restos in cubaox just because I was dying to go there when I found HALO! There were some good reviews and a few good enough people who even posted their menu online. All I needed to know was that they served pasta dishes before I barely slept the night before. In short, I was itching to go there so I made sure that everything went perfectly as planned. So after my duty in the OR and before I left the hospital that day, I had to write an on-the-spot excuse letter and fill up a leave form so I could go to my interview the next day at CSMC. We got delayed for a couple of minutes but still, we were able to visit Padre Pio church in Libis then eat at Halo and even do a little bit of Ukay shopping. It was a very productive and fun day! I even got my boyfriend to stay at the ministop branch near our village just so he could finally meet my sister! ODIBA! Sulit na sulit ang araw! 🙂

 

These are one of the many times that I am truly grateful to God, even though it makes me feel bad and guilty for having to sneak out in order for us to meet. But still, I’m thankful! :’)

my boyfriend <3

Ika nga ni kumareng Keri Hilson, “I never thought I’d be in love like this!“….

7 months ago, Brianne asked if he could court me, 5 months prior to that, he introduced himself to me. So, on December 26 of this year, we will be boyfriend-girlfriend for 7 months now. That’s more than half a school year, 2 months longer than a semester in college (that is, if you went to a university with 2 semesters a year! ehem ehem!), that’s almost 28 weeks! that’s more or less 196 days (if I’m not mistaken).

7 months is a short time, compared to 2 or 10 or 50 years of being together by other couples, either married or just plain mag-jowas; but still, I’m proud to say that, in such a short span of time, and in our case as “first timers”, we were able to make it and now, we’re getting close to making it known to everyone.

I won’t exactly elaborate on our love story and how it came to be. All I can say is that, I’m truly grateful to have been blessed with a great boyfriend in Brianne and I would never want to spend my life with anyone else but him. Aside from being my boyfriend, he’s been a really good friend of mine and I really appreciate all the times he’s been there for me, though we’re very far apart. And for that, I LOVE YOU so much babe :*

To end this entry, I’d like to say that Love is not only a mere feeling or emotion, but a choice. We’ve discussed this in class and I’ve once told him this before. Love is a choice, to stay or to leave when troubles and hardships arise. It is a choice of whether to hold on or to let go… a choice of who and when to love and I choose to love Brianne now and forever, despite our differences and our petty fights! MEGANON?!?!  I. Am. So. Freakin’. IN.LOVE! HOMAYGOLAAAAY! :’)

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