You

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They say that after a woman gives birth, she eventually forgets how painful the whole process is that she wouldn’t mind getting pregnant again and going through all the pain that she once went through.

I can’t help but see a resemblance in the way we feel about falling in and out of love. Love isn’t so much about the way the other person makes us feel. It should be way beyond that, for love is a choice, to stick through the pain and perils of finally giving away your heart entirely to someone who stole and eventually owned it.

I can say for sure how easily I find it to forget all the pain love has caused me because like magic, love has a way to make us feel so many emotions at once. Like magic, love can make us believe in the impossible. Like magic, love can overwhelm us and catch us off guard. Love can lift us up even when it wears us out over and over. Because love is magical and it gives us that giddy feeling in our stomach, we easily want more of it despite all the complications and pain that come with it.

In the past 5 years, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve gotten hurt or hurt the one I love, but we easily fought through all the hard times and negativity because we are just so persistent and determined like that. We just wouldn’t give up, at least not completely. We both are each other’s first loves and I know how first loves are messy and beautiful at the same time. I also know that despite those, we both love each other so much that we just wouldn’t let each other go, no matter how many times we’ve broken up; but sometimes, holding on can do more damage than letting go ever can.

I don’t even know if I’m doing it right, but I love you. I’ve found a best friend and a partner in you which no one can ever replace in my heart.

I hate the fact that our love seems so right, yet everything else feels so wrong. I hate that the we were given but a fleeting chance to love. I hate that you were given to me, yet will only be taken away. I hate that those that once cheered us on, now only want us apart. I hate that I now have to put away this ring with your name on it. I hate how the once sweet words we have for each other became bitter and sad. I hate that we always talked about marriage and having our own family, yet here we are back to being strangers again.I hate that our paths met, but never to remain intertwined like how I always dreamed of.

But just so you know, I don’t hate you. I don’t hate the fact that the whole universe seem to conspire to break us apart. I don’t even hate the fact that there is now a story of more woe than of Romeo and Juliet’s, and that is ours.

I love you and I hope that when you look at the stars at night, you see the world not as a traitor that robbed you of happiness. I wish that the brightly peppered sky rather remind you of the hope and happiness He promised to come. I hope that when I see you again, we both are rid of all the pain, have completely forgiven each other and eager and brave to love again (whether each other or strangers we have yet to meet), much like the women who fear not the pain of bringing another child into this curious, little world.

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Nobody said it was easy. Missing you already.

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Life Lately / 10

I’m still on cold, soft/liquid diet. Homemade mac & cheese, lugaw (rice porridge), Gatorade, and ice candy diet, to be specific.

My gums stopped bleeding and hurting a day after my teeth extraction, which is surprisingly weird, but really, really good. Gums didn’t swell too, therefore I can only say that my dentist did a great job for sure. Tiis ganda journey continues. Still can’t believe though that I got through it. My fear almost made me wanna live with my overbite forever.

Got great news regarding the new job.

Raket finally paid off. Received and withdrew the money I earned from one of my online jobs.

Work finally got rated in another online job and got a high rating despite the numerous errors.

Enrolled in a few more design, photography and writing MOOCs.

Created a new header for this blog. Thanks to these sites for the GIMP tutorials on MARBLING and on creating GOLDEN TEXTS.

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Parents finally used the juicer today. First combo was PEN POMELO and APPLES that tasted incredibly good! I have to add too that this greatly helped in bowel cleansing. 😛 It worked really fast!

Had meaningful and pleasant conversations with my cousin and friend about love and life.

Fought, made up, had a long, crazy, no holds barred, God-centered talk with someone and helped him with some paperwork afterwards.

All’s well that ends well. 🙂

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Friday’s 10 Happy Things, Volume 1

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I’ve become overly pessimistic and a bit of a downer the past couple of weeks, but I CANNOT not be thankful for things that still make me smile.

I was watching one of my favorite movies, “Elizabethtown” earlier. It’s one of those flicks that easily picks my mood back up. With Kirsten’s perky character, lovely clothes, and beautiful soundtrack, how can this movie ever go wrong?

On the contrary, with everything that I’ve been doing wrong in my life and with the sudden change in my perspective towards it, I’ve always avoided doing this “Friday” series because I don’t ever want to feel bad for not having 10 reasons to feel happy about each week, but I’m giving it a try tonight. I’m still not sure if I can get to the end of the list though, but it’s worth a try.

Since I’ve mentioned it earlier, let me start of with…

  1. This beautiful quote from Elizabethtown – “So you failed. Alright you really failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You failed. You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you’re still smiling.” 🙂
  2. Then there’s this really good news I’ve been waiting for in the mail:                                                                                                                                                                                           unnamed                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  They finally launched PHHHOTO for Android! (Photo from the company itself!)
  3. Then there’s OTWOL. Yes folks, I can’t believe I’m ever going to say this in this lifetime, but I’ve become a fan. Had you asked me a year ago, I would’ve responded with a big, fat MEH with eyes rolling, but what can I say? These 2 really make me smile and their time has finally come. Their show is the exact opposite of PSY, which is quite heavy and if it isn’t for #amorado, I wouldn’t be watching it anymore as it makes me feel even more depressed seeing Claudia and her uber nega vibe.
  4. I’ve filed 10 more vacation leaves up until the end of the year (all have been approved, I think?) and still have 2 left for conversion. Who would’ve thought?
  5. Was asked to join an online art magazine and my application….(should I jinx it by saying) got approved; and if that isn’t good news enough, the founder herself also told me a lot of things that I would forever keep in a safe place in my heart. No one else comes close! 😛 I don’t want to humblebrag so I’ll just keep it to myself, for now.
  6. In relation to #5, I told B about it and he was very happy for me, quite shocked too, but happy. I also have to commend him for making me smile and laugh despite me being a negatronic bumhead (which according to the urban dictionary is somebody who is annoying, negative, presents hermit like qualities, is sufficientlly awkward, irritating, stupid or a dumbass) for the longest time and I’m very grateful to him for being thoughtful and caring especially now. Your kakulitan and your endless love for me makes me so happy and giddy. You know that, right? 😛
  7. This made me smile and cry and it gave me goosebumps, as usual. It’s very hard for me not to get emotional when I see people do something they’re passionate about. They must really love the Foo Fighters so much! I remember “Learn To Fly” and Fatboy Slim’s “Weapon of Choice” with a much younger Christopher Walken are two of the most unforgettable videos I used to watch all the time on MTV when it was still on free tv!
  8. B’s text. Apparently, B and his family are stuck in their house with no electricity for 2 days now. Water in their area hasn’t yet receded #typhoonlando, so they have to go all the way to this grocery store powered by a generator just to charge their phones. I got his text a few hours when I got home from work and since I haven’t heard from him since last night, you can just imagine how happy I was to get a text from him.
  9. I’m getting my Daykeeper Planner next week!
  10. God made me smile. I was literally looking him in the eye (on His portrait in my room) thanking him profusely for granting me something I’ve been wishing and praying for, for a long time and for reminding me how merciful and kind He really is. Yay! I made it to the end and before the clock struck 12! ACHIEVE!

Life Lately: Bumming Around

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Not that anyone else cares, but here’s what I’ve been up to lately…

I’ve filed for a 2-day leave this week and boy it was…not enough. I have to say it went too fast and now, I only have about 31 hours before I wake up and go to work again. How dramatic. Typical me.

I also went on a date with B twice. The first was last Wednesday, when he picked me up after work. It was so much fun. I’ll always remember that day as the first time I’ve laughed heartily in weeks (not including crazy, silly days with my family). The second date was just yesterday, which wasn’t as crazy as Wednesday’s but equally special, nonetheless. We were supposed to go everywhere, but ended up just chilling at a nearby mall, our favorite mall, actually (just like the old times when he’d pick me up from home or from the hospital). We went to see the Martian (coz I’m a Martian myself :P), which kept me on the edge of my seat and made me squeeze his arms and hands (yes, both hands) a couple of times.

I also baked soft chocolate chip cookies for B and his family (his personal request when I asked what he wanted me to cook or bake for him) and these chewy revel bars we’ve (B, my sister and manang) been eating the past days. Yes, I also let B try it and even though I might have flooded the whole thing with chocolate on top, it still turned out to be the revel bar I always wanted, chocolatey and chewy! Thanks B and family for being the best fans of my baked goodies! This is actually why we were ROFL last Wednesday.

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I also posted several feetfies I’ve taken in the past year on film and uploaded them on my lomo wall (or whatever it’s called) and got about a hundred likes! I never thought I’ve accumulated so many, so I decided to put everything together and now, it’s my most liked album in there. That’s one big feat for me as I did not expect people to really appreciate #feetfies like I do.

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I also got a hair dryer through Lazada and it was delivered last Thursday, which was a good thing since I was at home. I really commend Lazada for not only getting me the dryer way ahead of the expected date of delivery, but also for giving me several updates on the status of my order through SMS and email. This was my first time and I have to say, I’m impressed! Good job!

So there, that’s the end of it! I’m looking forward to more chill days like this 2-day staycation, to making my own pandesal and Nanaimo bars (keeping fingers crossed), to getting my very own Daykeeper 2016 and to lots of scary features on TV because it’s that time of the year again, when Heidi Klum dresses incredibly to impress! Yay! Those should distract me from all these crazy introversion-ish thoughts I have! Yes, I now officially admit that I’m an introvert and I’m pretty content with that. More on that soon!

Ciao! I’ll finish this cooled cold jasmine green tea now!

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Goodnight!

30 Day Writing Challenge: DAY 19

Discuss Your First Love.

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This has got to be one of the most special entries I have yet to write about. I’m not sure whether to share how I met my first love or how we are now because a few clicks on the tags “B” or “Bri” or “boyfriend” will put the pieces of our story together. I have written so much about him since we’ve met and I don’t know what else to say now.

I have to say though, my first love is definitely an angel sent to me from above. I can’t forget how he always gave me butterflies in my stomach, the kind that made me feel nervous but happy inside. He made me feel like I was someone special when I’ve never even thought of myself as such before. I know how our parents make us feel loved and cared for, but this is different. It was a feeling I never even imagined I could have.

Did I say that he also has the most wonderful voice I have ever heard from among those who I know personally? When he speaks, you’d definitely gush at his manly, proper and calming voice, but when he sings, you might as well just pour a bucket of ice cold water on yourself and don’t say I didn’t warn you! You’d be swept off your feet in an instant and I’m not even exaggerating on this. His voice alone is so damn hot!

Since we’re on the topic, let me just say a few more things about how hot he is. You see, he’s the mysterious and the quiet type. He’s tall and handsome and the way he stares at me makes me melt like crazy. He’s a complete package, to tell you the truth and he’s definitely my type.

Part of this “complete package” I’m talking about is the fact that he’s more than just another guy who’s looking to hook up. Over time I felt our relationship deepened from a simple attraction to what I have come to learn as love. He has become not only my partner-in-crime but also my best friend. He knows everything about me—-my past, my insecurities, my problems, my fears, my imperfections, but those didn’t turn him off. He accepted me for who I am despite all the revelations and seeing the worst version of me.

Today, as I write this, I’m happy to say that I am still so much in love with him. It has been 4 years since we’ve met and even though our story doesn’t depict the perfect relationship we’ve always wanted, I know that I’ve found the perfect first love in him.

He’s my first and I definitely won’t mind if he also becomes my last. 🙂

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