Welcome Back

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Lately, I have been busy doing a lot of things and nothing at the same time. I have been living a routine that can really get taxing, not to mention deadly.

Days have become routinary wherein I look forward to weekends and ignore the rest of the week. Well, that’s how it used to be until I started dreading Fridays too because lately, weekends tend to fleet almost as if they don’t exist anymore. The next thing I know, it’s Monday again and unlike weekends, the other 5 days of the week feel more like years than days, especially when I’m at work. I know what’s in your mind, “she’s become a zombie again!“.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel like with my work schedule, the pay and the fixed weekends off, I get to do more and spend more time with the people I love more than I have ever had in my entire adult life. I can never be more thankful for that, but I know that this is still not the life I have been dreaming of.

Whatever it is though, I still haven’t figured it out. I’m 25, lost and directionless, but I cannot give up now. Not when I get to do more of what I love.

Take for example, the photo above. I could never afford to buy a camera to take that photo and get it printed and paint the exact image with watercolors had I not left my old job. I finally got that “privilege” which I think has brought more inspiration for me to work on my hobbies and passion even more, but I know there’s still something lacking in my life.

Like what I said, I still feel lost. Talk about quarter life crisis. When it feels like everyone I know right now has found their place in this world, it makes me feel envious but it also excites me in a way thinking that one day, I can be in their shoes too, and I believe that.

For now, I’m trying my best not to put aside my hobbies especially not because I’m too tired to do so. I’ve once been told that

“If you’re having a hard time finding motivation in doing what you so called “love doing” than maybe you don’t actually love it? When something is important to you, you make time for it. So if your having a hard time doing that, you may need to reevaluate what you actually enjoy doing. People evolve and so do their interests. It’s natural. “

I still get giddy whenever an opportunity comes for me to get creative and to be able to get down and dirty with art stuff. It is the glucose to my blood therefore making me instantly pumped up and before I know it, my workspace explodes into a mess again!

On our recent trip to divi, I splurged 95% of my money on craft materials. We bought paper mache letters (finally) and when my sister asked me to paint on the ones she bought for an officemate’s birthday surprise, I did it minutes before I went to bed at 2AM. It didn’t matter if I had to wake up only 2 hours after, I cannot not paint on it.

She also asked me to wrap a birthday gift for another co-worker recently and I convinced her that I use my recent finds to cover it up and here’s how it looked like in the end.

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So there you go, I am happy to say that “I’m back baby” and so I’m cutting short my sudden hiatus to the artsy fartsy world!

Finally, it’s the weeeeeeekeeeeeeeeeeeend!!!

When one of our trainers asked us to tell 3 truths and a lie about ourselves, one truth I told them was “I love waking up early when I don’t have to go to work“. Though I felt like that statement probably sent chills down my trainer’s spine, it is the truth! I do wake up early on weekends, well at least earlier than most do and it shouldn’t worry them because I know I do have to get to work early and I can program myself to do that because I used to do that in my previous jobs. But you got to admit, there’s a BIG difference between saying “I love waking up early” and “I can wake up early” and that’s what I was trying to tell them.

And to follow up on that truth when she asked me to, I said “I just didn’t want to wake up in the middle of the day and realize I have wasted half the time I should be doing something enjoyable because after all, it is the weekend!” or something like that.

Sounds weird, I know, but I guess I wanted to have time for all the other things I couldn’t really do on weekdays. For the past two weeks I have been on training, I have been sleeping as early as 6pm! So I haven’t had time to go online for hours like I used to and sometimes I don’t even get to have dinner anymore. Sounds like I’m training for the Olympics right?

So today, to relive my bum days, I want to:

  1. Catch up on my online courses that have started this week!
  2. Write/draw/create something on my art journal.
  3. Make a gesso for my art journal! (DIY/kuripot queen mode on)
  4. Watch FRIENDS!
  5. Watch movies I got from my trainers and co-trainees:
    1. Buried
    2. City of God
    3. Beauty and the Beast
    4. Lars and the Real Girl
    5. Blue is the Warmest Color and maybe, just maybe force myself to watch (just because I got curious and looked it up after a co-trainee talked about how she saw this in the hospital the other night)….
    6. MAMA
  6. Finish Eleanore and Park
  7. Finally, catch up on some Bible time and continue my novena to Padre Pio before I sleep tonight 🙂

YEHES akala ang daming oras!!!!

And then tomorrow, it’ll be a day for God and of course, my family! Hopefully, papa would let me drive on the way home again! Yesss ladies and gentlemen, he has started to let me drive again, especially since our weekend driver, my litol brother is already living miles away, so he doesn’t have any choice but to trust that I still know how and surprisingly, I still do!

IMG_2902P.S. just this past weekend, papa noticed and brought it up that whenever I’m behind the wheel, this song would always be played on the radio and it’s funny when he says it’s the “bada-bass” song hahaha!

Amateur

Recently, I took on another hobby and it wasn’t far from the other hobbies that I loved and still love. Though I know I won’t be as good at this as the others, I wanted to do it so bad still, because that’s just me, I’m a wannabe and an amateur on a lot of things. 

Anyway, I feel pressured to make everything on my art journal look as creative and inspirational as possible. I wanted it to look as beautiful as those I’ve seen so far so I tried very hard to think of what to put in there. 

Ironically, I found something random to write about, or rather draw about. As I was making room for my new books (see previous post), I came across the things B gave me that I’ve kept hidden behind my nursing books in one of my shelves. I kept the whole bouquet he gave me for Valentine’s last year, and so all of his love letters, the balloon that was a peace offering, the box of the bb cream he gave me for my birthday and a lot more. What I also found (which I obviously know was there all along, I just wasn’t able to take it out as often), was this rose I saved from the very first bouquet he gave me. I kept it pressed in my Microbiology book including the wrap that came with it. 

When I saw it again, I knew it needed to be a part of my journal, after all, I’ve kept it in there too long. It does need a better place for storage. 

2014-08-15 14.06.37So I was trying to figure out how to stick it in there, but I was worried it won’t stay intact in one piece if I literally stuck it in, so I had a better idea. I traced the flower on the journal and stored it back into the wrap and hid it, again. You see, this is very important to me, knowing how overly sentimental I am that I couldn’t see it fall off eventually, plus it could be risky to put it somewhere it could so easily be seen. Imagine what a turmoil that could cause.

So when I finally traced it, I colored it with watercolor pencils, and planned on dabbing water on it afterwards, but since it didn’t look that bad, I decided just to leave it like that. Although, I seriously need to work on visualizing the lighting on this one.

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Then right before the end, I put in a few calligraphy and typography (sort of) and put in a piece of the wrapper too and some washi tapes..

2014-08-15 15.24.42I couldn’t really decided between leaving the drawing as it was or adding some stuff in, but I finally chose the latter and ta-da, it turned out quite well. Naaahhh, I was just trying to make myself feel better. It looked really pretty and simple without the text and the hideous red wrapper, but in a way, I felt that those were what gave it meaning. 🙂 So I convinced myself that it looks more special this way. 

So there’s my second entry in my art journal. I’m hoping to fill it up with lovely sentimental stuff and lots of paint hopefully! I better get myself gesso from Deovir soon so I could get started on that. 

Why I Blog

When I first created a blog, I think I was in grade school and I did it because my friends were doing it. It was a fad which I liked to be a part of. I also did it because I loved reading other people’s blogs and commenting on their issues and opinion and just dropping by to flood their tagboards. Yep, blogdrive probably was the only one that offered that feature and it was home to my first blog. 

When I created that blog, it was also for the fact that I wanted a place online where I could rant about my life, talk about my crushes and the “silay moments” we had back then. I don’t know if people from co-ed schools or kids these days still call it that too, but yeah, back in the day, in my all-girls’ Catholic school, we call it silay. It’s Filipino for “catching a glimpse of”, or something like that. And it’s what we do back then to our crushes and yep, I repeat, I’m from an all-girls’ school. 

We would all be excited during gatherings like first Friday Mass celebrations, or flag ceremonies, student council elections or during our school fairs because those were perfect opportunities for catching a glimpse of our crushes. Sometimes, we could also be stalking them, which only comes with great courage and crazy friends. 

So most of the time, my entries would circle around our crushes if not on classmates I used to hate.

Come high school, I was surprised I still kept one, and another one and another one. I learned about other blog hosting sites and tried them all. I found my first ever blog idol, Bianca G and her then college adventures and I kept mine trying to save all the memories I had, good or bad. I think it was also the time I started trying to write in English, but I thought that I was trying too hard so I just maintained it in a Taglish format. I also visited strangers’ blogs and had them visit mine. It helped me gain anonymous friends whom shared their opinion and sympathy, which I welcomed wholeheartedly.

Then came college when I still had a few Taglish entries, but thinking that this could help me practice my writing, I started writing in English. Looking back (since I still have them here), I realized how much I’ve changed and how much I haven’t. I found things I have completely forgotten and things that still haunt me to this day. 

So I realized, my purpose for keeping this blog is not to gain followers or readers, but to keep a journal where I can write the things I want to remember the most, or to have an escape from the real world. I also realized that I need this because it acts as my very own pensieve just like what Dumbledore kept in his office, to get all the excess thoughts and memories out of my head and into a written form which I can visit again whenever I want to. I love going back to the times I have written my entries every once in a while. It is like traveling back in time and remembering the sights, sounds and most importantly, the feeling. It truly is like a pensieve, isn’t it?

It is funny though that no matter how completely true and honest I am here, I never want anyone I know to find out about this blog, at least not those who would violently react to my opinion, issues and most importantly to my love story (which I do write about, a lot, no holds barred). This is my safe place and as ironic as it sounds, strangers are welcome here, but the people closest to me are not. Although somehow, I just wish that they’d find it and see how much I admire, respect and love them, which isn’t any less than I admire, respect and love another person in my life right now. 

In line with this, I’ve been thinking of keeping another journal, but this time, a real one. I’d still find time pouring my heart out here, but I’d like to take things to the next level (though I don’t exactly know how that is a step higher than blogging). Somewhere I can be more creative and personal in and somewhere I can truly “write” on. I started drooling on this idea when I saw Chynna Ortaleza‘s mixed media journal on tv and began looking up art journals online. 

Here are a few ones I loved:

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tumblr_n84eeucqsj1qzms0qo1_400These first two I reblogged on tumblr and when I found his/her flickr page, there were so much more art to drool on! So beautiful.

tumblr_n7u6dt79301qzms0qo1_400This next art journalist I also found on tumblr, but when I saw her photostream on flickr as well, I knew, she was someone I would follow online from now on. She is like what it says there, a real craft junkie!

tumblr_n9r6kvbYaj1qzms0qo1_400I feel so pathetic not doing art journals early on in life. The next one is also a very creative art journalist named Tracy and her flickr page is a witness to that. 

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This last one is also an art journalist I only found out about now, and I’m glad that he/she has a wordpress account too. He/she is Casey Nelson and I’m really excited to learn a lot about art journaling from her/him.

I can’t wait to get started. I found lots of tumblr accounts on art journaling and like learning about the snail mail revolution, my mind is blown.

Writing is not as easy for me as for the real writers. I guess I found it easier to keep a blog than a journal because it’s easier to edit and re-edit your entries. Unlike in blogging, real writing would be awfully tragic once you find the grammatical errors after. So good luck to me! Here’s to another artsy and crafty adventure!!