Life Lately: Keeping the Flame Alive

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I’ve been spending more time reading, the past couple of days or make that weeks, actually. It has come to the point where I’d rather read what other people have to say than get what I have brewing in my own mind out there.

I read these amazing essays and articles all the time, and I get overwhelmed by my own stirred up thoughts and emotions, so obviously, I do want to get those out too, but when I try to write them down, they all just suddenly disappear. Does that mean anything? I’m not sure. Did I lose motivation or inspiration to write or to even do anything? I guess. Am I too tired to even think that writing is therapeutic and that it can actually help me wind down and just clear my head of these thoughts? Definitely not!–which is why I’m getting out of this rut and doing myself a favor by putting into words what I’ve been meaning to.

Anyway, I decided I needed to finish the 30 Day Writing Challenge, no matter how ambitious it has become for me. I also want to start on this project (also related to writing) I’ve been thinking of doing for a long time now. I wouldn’t say it won’t be something I might lose interest in doing in the long run because I have been on this road before and you know where that led to. Looking on the bright side though, if this works out, it should serve its purpose, which is to help someone who may be in dire need of I don’t know, an anonymous friend? Any clue what it might be?

I also signed up for 2 courses this week. One is a free course offered by The Nectar Collective called Social Media Superhero, which I fortunately didn’t miss on my email (otherwise I would’ve been moping in a corner by now). Feel free to join too if you’re interested to “learn how to use social media to increase your income, grow your online presence, and build a likable online brand”.

The other one will be a 4-week course created by Sofia Cope called the Open Art School (which I was glad I saw on my email as well). Tagline says “IT’S TIME TO PUT YOUR PASSION FIRST AND START SHIPPING YOUR ART (WITHOUT SELLING YOUR SOUL).”

These should be intimidating but sure as hell as fun! I can’t wait! Last time I enrolled for an art course was 2 years ago (Stefano Mirti’s Design 101) and it was similar to Sofia’s, except that it took 3 months/101 days to complete.

I may really have lost inspiration to do something about my passion so I’m working hard to get that back one step at a time. I still owe Elle Luna a lot for igniting the fire in me to get back on track in pursuing what I believe my heart, mind and soul all thirst for. So big thanks and a pat on the back for that!

Then there’s Abbey Sy, who like most accomplished artists, created a way to share and teach her passion to aspiring hand letterers by creating her own book!

There are a lot more artists I really look up to like the lovely Googley Gooeys, the creative The Postman’s Knock, the inspiring Aida Azlin and Susannah Conway, the analogue ladies Katie and April, the hardworking Jim Black and the rest of them who have continued to support and inspire fellow artists through their work and passion.

I should write a separate entry for all of them as these words are not enough to acknowledge the hard work they do for their followers. They all deserve recognition for what they have done. Cheers! 🙂

It’s been 4-5 hours since I started writing this and I can’t say I didn’t miss this because I did! I’m so glad I still have so much to be thankful for despite having lost a lot. I’m terribly lost in life, but I’m glad I still get to find my way back every time I trudge a little further away from the path leading to where I need and want to be.

I’m also glad I have finally written something after so long!

I was watching the movie “The River Wild” starring Merryl Streep and Kevin Bacon and I remember watching this when I was younger than half my age now and I also did not forget how it felt as intense as it was when I saw it again earlier this afternoon. It was such an incredible, fist-clenching, teeth-gritting, old school film that I’m glad I’ve seen and would be happy to watch over and over again in the future. It was exciting as it was inspiring. I love good, old movies with stories that bring back broken families together.

Speaking of inspiring, I’d like to share something I read this morning that I couldn’t shake off my mind. It was from MEDIUM, written by Nic Haralambous:

“How do you know what you want to do if you don’t know what’s out there to do?”

I don’t know how this could work for me as I’ve never been anywhere out of my comfort zone in a long time, but I’m hoping it is the answer to what I’ve been looking for. I’m hoping I could go out into the world by myself and see how it could bring out the best in me and what I really want to do in life. #soulsearching 🙂

So that’s what I’ve been up to lately. Not that you care, I know, but I’m #justsaying.

P.S. I found it funny how Saab used one too many hashtags on an entry and I thought it’s actually a good idea, being a fan of OA hashtags myself. Ktnxbye!

30 Day Writing Challenge: DAY 19

Discuss Your First Love.

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This has got to be one of the most special entries I have yet to write about. I’m not sure whether to share how I met my first love or how we are now because a few clicks on the tags “B” or “Bri” or “boyfriend” will put the pieces of our story together. I have written so much about him since we’ve met and I don’t know what else to say now.

I have to say though, my first love is definitely an angel sent to me from above. I can’t forget how he always gave me butterflies in my stomach, the kind that made me feel nervous but happy inside. He made me feel like I was someone special when I’ve never even thought of myself as such before. I know how our parents make us feel loved and cared for, but this is different. It was a feeling I never even imagined I could have.

Did I say that he also has the most wonderful voice I have ever heard from among those who I know personally? When he speaks, you’d definitely gush at his manly, proper and calming voice, but when he sings, you might as well just pour a bucket of ice cold water on yourself and don’t say I didn’t warn you! You’d be swept off your feet in an instant and I’m not even exaggerating on this. His voice alone is so damn hot!

Since we’re on the topic, let me just say a few more things about how hot he is. You see, he’s the mysterious and the quiet type. He’s tall and handsome and the way he stares at me makes me melt like crazy. He’s a complete package, to tell you the truth and he’s definitely my type.

Part of this “complete package” I’m talking about is the fact that he’s more than just another guy who’s looking to hook up. Over time I felt our relationship deepened from a simple attraction to what I have come to learn as love. He has become not only my partner-in-crime but also my best friend. He knows everything about me—-my past, my insecurities, my problems, my fears, my imperfections, but those didn’t turn him off. He accepted me for who I am despite all the revelations and seeing the worst version of me.

Today, as I write this, I’m happy to say that I am still so much in love with him. It has been 4 years since we’ve met and even though our story doesn’t depict the perfect relationship we’ve always wanted, I know that I’ve found the perfect first love in him.

He’s my first and I definitely won’t mind if he also becomes my last. 🙂

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30 Day Writing Challenge: DAY 18

Post 30 facts about Yourself

I’m not sure I’m ready to divulge 30 friggin’ facts about myself, but here goes nothing!

1. When I was in preschool, I remember being a bully and a brat. I remember my parents consoling a crying classmate during a small gathering at school. I’m not sure what I did to her exactly, but I know I was the reason she was crying that day!

2. I used to be so good in Math especially back in grade school and my parents know that. In high school, I may only have been an average kid, but I loved solving problems, fractions, solving for that infamous letter X!

3. I may need to confirm this with my parents, but almost 2 decades ago, when our house was just being built, I may have pushed my little brother against some hollow cement blocks sitting on top of a gravel mound. He ended up getting stitched and I think he was just 3 then! That was very traumatizing for me and I guess for him!

4. My first kiss on the lips was back in preschool and if I’m not mistaken, the boy’s name is Ryan.

5. I studied in an all girls’ Catholic school run by nuns for 11 years!

6.  My first celebrity crush was Carlo Aquino (G-mik days) and my whole extended family would tease me whenever we see him on tv.

7. I don’t eat peanut butter and I would never eat Loaf bread with Nutella, unless it’s on a donut or on crepes. I’m weird, I know!

8. My favorite fruit is mango and I would eat anything with mango: Mango Graham cake, Mango tapioca, Mango crepes, Mango tart from Iloilo, Mango ice cream (my favorite), salad with mango dressing, anything with mango except for mango juice! I know, it gets weirder!

9. No matter how tan I get, my upper body always returns to its natural color, but my lower torso doesn’t!

10. I love bookstores and craft stores and when most girls go gaga shopping for clothes, I go wild over books and art materials!

11. I haven’t read 60% of the books I have bought over the years!

12. I’m such a visual person. I judge books by their covers, I am very critical of people’s clothes and the way they carry themselves, my closet is full of colorful stuff (even my bags and shoes), I love artsy places, coffee shops and restaurants.

13. Growing up, my favorite color was BLUE. That was until grade school. Since college, I’ve become so into YELLOW and that’s where the obsession fascination for this color started!

14. There was a time when we didn’t have a house help and that’s when I started to learn how to cook by myself. I was in grade school, I think.

15. I can say that the scariest, saddest, happiest, most degrading but rewarding moments of my life were when I used to work in the hospital. That’s cheesy!

16. I felt loved more by my college classmates than any of the high school classmates I had, ever did.

17. Being a nurse, I’ve done things I never thought I would ever do,ever in my life, things that most people would find scary or disgusting.

18. Inserting an IV cannula was one of the scariest things I had to learn, but when I did, I became obsessed with it! I used to look at people’s veins all the time and I think I still do!!

practice!

Here were my two senior nurses that let me practice IV insertion on them back when I was just a nurse trainee

19. My favorite shift at work used to be the Night Shift: Patients would all be asleep, and we could eat, share scary stories, chat and play, sleep or even practice IV insertion like what we did on the photo above!

20. I am an extreme procrastinator except when it comes to art projects and little DIY projects!

21. I lived with my grandmother and my uncle until I was about 1-2 years old and just like in the movies, when my parents showed up at the door one day to finally get me, I ran back into my grandma’s house which made my mama cry. They only told me about this story when I was in college.

22. I’ve been indirectly bullied in high school.

23. I have the worst trust issues in the world.

24. I have this thing for feel good movies and disaster movies!

25. I don’t have any unusual abilities like flipping eyelids inside out or having any double joints. I’m very ordinary! haha!

26. I started shooting in film with a real camera back in May 2014 and I haven’t stopped since! Check out some of the photos here! Here’s my little camera collection to date:

Work it! #marsshootsfilm #keepfilmalive #believeinfilm #filmisnotdead

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27. Some of my hobbies include calligraphy, stamp carving, art-journaling, watercolor painting, crafting and snail-mailing.

28. I follow over 2k people on Instagram and most of which are artists, crafters and photographers! 🙂

29. I started blogging back in 2002, when I was in grade 6 and I wrote about it here.

30. I’m extremely afraid of ghosts, of heights and falling and a whole bunch of other little things!

The Sunday Currently, Volume 7

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R E A D I N G
this self-help book by Francis Kong called “Being the Best You Can Ever Be“, which my parents brought home from their conference. Yes, there’s still hope for me and yep, I’ve always liked this person, mainly for being able to “move mountains” by way of his words and probably (or most definitely) faith too! I’ve been in one of his talks back in college so I know why he has been in demand over the years.

W R I T I N G
Nothing for today except this entry and another one for the 30 day writing challenge!

L I S T E N I N G
to a lot of Gospel and Worship songs on 8tracks. I was supposed to just listen to “Still” by Hillsong United on repeat mode but I might end up “turning on the waterworks” again like I did in church this morning when the choir sang this during the Holy Communion!

T H I N K I N G
of how happy I am today…

of how good our God is, being able to forgive endlessly…

and how lucky I am to have my family.

I’m content and I’m good, I’m good, I’m good, I’m good! 😛

I’m also thinking about tomorrow and how I’ll turn my zombie mode on again. Uuuugghhh!

S M E L L I N G
my father smoking cigarettes…

W I S H I N G
for the plans we made earlier today as a family to push through! I’m so looking forward to this!

H O P I N G
for the plans above to push through! Not to jinx it though, I really hope we could make it come true, together as a family!

W E A R I N G
my boyfriend’s shirt and comfy pair of bedroom shorts!

L O V I N G
this coding guide/suggestions I found on tumblr written by Devon Meyer. I won’t ever be patient enough to learn about dev stuff, but I can probably make time to study the basics and see where that can lead to… Is this really me, speaking…errr typing?

W A N T I N G
more VLs!!!!!

N E E D I N G
to learn more about make up, to make the next 5 months more productive and to just enjoy life as it is!

F E E L I N G
anxious, sad, happy, crazy and sleepy. I ain’t ready to go back to work yet! Can I have one more day off please??!?!

C L I C K I N G
on my 4th Buzzfeed’s Books Newsletter since I signed up back in June! I have to say that it made me want to get a copy of and read: Jane Eyre (I haven’t been interested since I’ve seen the movie, Definitely, Maybe), The Kite Runner, Great Expectations (not a fan of classic novels, but I’m really having great expectations this time!–no pun intended), The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (even though I completely abhor anything that has to do with the holocaust), Mansfield Park (I know right?) and The Virgin Suicides (and maybe watch the movie after too!) and Tiger Eyes (this one, I have a feeling that I’ll only want to watch the movie rather than read the book).

30 Day Writing Challenge: DAY 17

Post about your zodiac sign, and whether or not it fits you.

I came across this blogger and I’m glad I did because she made my life easier by compiling FACTS ABOUT SCORPIOs on her blog.

This is pretty revealing, reading general facts about Scorpios and some really explain why I am the way I am. I’m not really a big believer of astrology or zodiac signs being connected to someone’s personality, but some of these are really good!

So, I’ll just draw a line across the facts that are true, at least for me, and justify some, when needed, (italicized).

Facts about Scorpios:

1. They hold trust above everything else in the world.I have the greatest fear of being stabbed at the back, which is why I have these crazy trust issues that I may never get rid of, ever.

2. They either love you extremely or they hate you extremely, which direction you want to go is your choice.

3. They have an uncanny and incomparable ability to distinguish the difference between the truth and a lie. AKA — never lie to a Scorpio. They’ll know it in an instant. – Unfortunately, I don’t have this uncanny ability, but I am paranoid so does that count?

4. Scorpios are very passionate when it comes to feelings.

5. Scorpios are highly defensive because they fear that people close to them will deceive them and betray them.enough said!

6. A Scorpio will never forgive or forget when someone wrongs them and since they have immense patience, they can wait a long, long time before striking in revenge. Not that I don’t completely forgive, but I don’t easily forget, so does that make me a bad person? Fortunately, I’m not big on plotting revenge. 🙂 So, I’m not really pure evil!

7. Scorpios are experimental lovers and very passionate in bed. – This, I have yet to know, but I’d like to think that I’m really experimental and adventurous! haha!

8. They are huge procrastinators, but when they set their mind to work, they work diligently and efficiently. This is so meeeee!

9. The words “give up” are not in their vocabulary. – Not very me! I always give up pretty easily or not? haha!

10. They are natural observers in all situations and tend to hold a blank stare while they scan a situation and mentally analyze it. AKA–never challenge a Scorpio in a staring contest. You will lose. I’m not really the type who’s good in analysis, but I’d like to think of and overthink a situation a lot, sometimes, and yep I like to observe!

11. Scorpios like to challenge and be challenge, but they also like to be in control of most situations. – Hmmm, I’m not really the type who likes to be pressured and be challenged!

12. “A Scorpio in a bad shape (mentally, emotionally) can be a master manipulator. If you’ve broken their trust, even the sweetest Scorpio will likely have a hard time forgetting–and they will get back at you in the end.” – Like I said, I’m not really much of a fan of revenge, so…

13. Scorpios don’t like to be overly flirted with or over-complimented on. This one’s funny, but I guess it’s true! haha!

14. Despite their lack of trust in pretty much everybody, Scorpios will want to know everything. Keep them informed.  hahaha! Yes, I don’t trust a lot of people and yes, I need to know everything!

15. Scorpios have many methods–they are manipulative, vindictive, defensive, and passive-aggressive–however these methods can be so subtle that most people are oblivious to them. Since revenge has been brought up a couple of times now, I’ve thought about it and guess what, I think I can be really vindictive at times too and manipulative, but not all the time!

16. They want you to pay attention. Who doesn’t?

17. Their myriad of faces and emotions and lack of preference in talking make them naturally hard to read–very secretive, very mysterious. I’ve only discovered about this recently!

18. They can easily sense when something is wrong. In most people, this serves as a sixth-sense, where Scorpios can tell how another person is feeling. Not all the time though!

19. Once warmed up to you, they love affection and to cuddle. Not the cuddly type of person, but there’s one person I want to cuddle with forever 😉

20. They can bear pain very well and have better stability than most when they experience the darker sides of life. This, I’m not so sure anymore!

21. Once comfortable with you, a Scorpio will talk excessively.

22. Scorpios can easily detach and re-attach themselves to reality.

23. Scorpios can be highly possessive about the things their passionate about, including their significant others. Me? I’m possessive with my books. I guess now, I can justify this pretty selfish attitude of mine!

24. Many Scorpios have a fascination with death (in some forms). – No way!

25. Scorpios will put happiness of their loved ones before themselves. I think everyone does!

26. As unsociable as most Scorpios are, they hate to be isolated and alone or abandoned. Yeah, sad but true!

27. They will often do what most people only think of or say–they prefer to experiment, especially in the bedroom. – again, I have yet to know if this is true!

28. “Scorpios often thread between wanting to be better understood and remaining a mystery because they realize that both have its perks.”

29. Scorpios are highly unpredictable on all accounts. I think this is common among girls, in general! 🙂

30. Quality time with their significant other is very important to them. – HELL YEAH!!!

31. Scorpios are very perceptive and very wise. – Not applicable to me! hahahaha!

32. Most people can’t or don’t take the time to understand the truth and personal aspects of a Scorpio.

33. Scorpios have great self-discipline when they are emotionally stable. – Really? I guess I’m always emotionally unstable! JK!

34. Scorpios are likely to regret nothing. Everything they do is for a reason. -Nah!

35. They hate to be weak and vulnerable. To them, it is the worst most vile feeling in the world.

36. If they were endemic, they would be endemic to Antarctica for it’s mysteriousness and lack of human population.

37. Scorpios often use their sense of humor to counter the rage inside them.  – I think this is very effective!

38. No one holds a tighter grudge than a Scorpio. – Another sad fact!

39. Scorpios are very good at controlling their money. They prefer not to overspend.

40. Scorpios are more inclined to suffer headaches, fevers, and infections.

41. They dislike not being able to understand things that other people find easy.

42. Scorpios naturally expect you to run on their time.

43. Most Scorpios love to laugh and can be goofy at times.

44. They love to be acknowledged for their strengths.

45. Scorpio females are more likely to be tomboyish, but can also be very sexy. – Some co-workers feel like I’m soon going to come out of the closet as gay and it’s funny because I kind of just want to be really sexy most of the time! haha!

46. Statistically, Scorpios are the most misunderstood of all the zodiacs. Oh well! We are who we are!

47. Scorpios like people who are not afraid of being themselves. – Not me!

48. They tend not to care about social statuses.

49. They can be very demonstrative.When it comes to love, I guess so!

50. They have a very good understanding and sense of their surroundings.

Done!!! New addition to my #wallofweird #diy #wallart #MAaRtSventures

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