Screwball

I did it! I screwed my life over again.

Earlier today, as I was lugging 2 boxes of promotional materials down four flights of stairs from our apartment, I was thinking, is this what God wants me to do in life? Is this the life I’ve chosen?

Funny how I always get these thoughts clouding my mind whenever I am alone on a stairway. Could that be any more dramatic?

I mean, if I were to choose, I would always go for getting surprise-attacked by a bunch of zombies on a dark fire exit rather than having any of these depressing thoughts.

Well anyway, I’m here. This is the life that was laid out for me. So in between waking up in the middle of the night and tossing and turning in bed, I pray that I get to live this life the way I want to and the way God has planned.

Just needed to let out some of these thoughts in my head because they’re getting way out of hand. There’s a lot more coming, but I’d rather keep these rants short.

I’m so tired of screwing up. God please help me get to where I need to be.

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This Cray Cray Life

I’m doing a quick post because my brother and his girlfriend are going to pick me up in an hour or so for dinner.

Today has been quite a relief because I have been meaning to spend time alone after a long week of meetings, promotional work, flights to Manila and back here in Cebu in a span of 36-39 hours, training, catching up, etc.

In short, it was quite a long and tiring week which is why I’ve been looking forward to this weekend because all the other ones are jam-packed with summer activities.

I can’t wrap my head around the fact that my life is now a whirlwind of socializing events and activities. I’m not even sure I know what I’m doing, but I’m trying not to resist the current and just go with the flow. After all, YOLO. Haha. Yes, it’s funny that I still live by that mantra. Can’t blame me. It is true, after all.

Quick update:

For starters, I now live in the middle of busy Cebu! Yeeees! Maayong adlaw, buntag, hapon, gabii sa inyong tanan, wherever you are in the world! I’ve been here for about 3 weeks, or so. I’m still adjusting to this drastic change in my life, but I’m getting by.

I’m living with my former co-trainee and now colleague in a 2-bedroom unit in an area peppered with a bunch of our other colleagues.

Fortunately, I have had a chance to see the beauty of Cebu’s wonders in the form of Moalboal beach (which we visited before), Mantayupan falls and the beauty of the north in Tabogon, Cebu. All thanks to my brother and his girlfriend who have been nothing but supportive and helpful just as the rest of our colleagues. Unfortunately, as expected, I am now tanner than I’ve ever been, but I love it! I’ve always wanted to get tan and dirty. What?

Kidding aside, our “tour guides” also took us around incredible spots such as the Temple of Leah and Sirao Peak.

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taken from the Temple of Leah

There you go! I’ve been wanting to write after soooo long, but my job has swallowed me whole, I couldn’t find time to pour my heart out as I normally do. I’m really grateful to God, He’s given me time to breathe and relax after those long nights of drinking and working over time. I needed and longed for this “me time” away from the crazy world I jumped into.

Wishing for more days like this! Thank You, Lord! 🙂

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Life Lately / 12

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Gone were the days when I could write as often and as much as I can. At the moment, I am squeezing this teeny tiny time to write not because I have something spectacularly interesting to say, but only because my hands are itching to!

I used to always have all the time in the world to do whatever I want and I missed that since there is only so little that I could do with the free time I have off work (a.k.a. training). I couldn’t afford to slack nor to sleep longer than 4 hours, not even to go online  (yeah well not totally true), but just the same, I couldn’t do most of what a couch potato me has been doing for most of the time last year. I don’t even have the time to check my emails.

Today, all I want is time to relax, yet every time I think of getting a quick nap, I panic at the possibility that I could sleep through most of the day, therefore wasting time I should have spared for studying.

For this weekend, my goal is to completely memorize all 14 drugs in our division’s medication portfolio including their marketing communication and FAQ’s for our revalida on Wednesday.

I’m having doubts I can smoothly pass that test, but what the heck, I have something more to show them and I’m going to do what it takes to do that. Or not.

Lately, I’ve been having second thoughts, hearing mentors subtly and indirectly point out reasons why “I” cannot or should not go through with the training. I feel like I have made them lose their confidence in me and so they are somehow trying to discourage me by saying things such as “you have impressed no one with your awkwardness and dulling brain, therefore someone has been forced to take you instead of the other way around.” and “You have this weekend to think if this is the right job for you. You may back out if you don’t feel like being in this line of work and we won’t take it against you.” while looking directly at me.

Harsh. I know, but like what one of them also said, they might be actually doing me a favor.

I don’t think I can get those words out of my mind, nevertheless, I’m still determined to continue, (thanks to the encouraging words of my friend, Jan). I just want to believe in the fact that I am still here because God allowed for it to happen, this is where He led me to, where I should really be as I have prayed for ever so deeply; and so I trust that this is where He wants me to be.

I’m not happy with my performance as well, but with God’s grace, I hope I could do so much better especially on the final tests. I want this underdog to emerge a winner all for the glory of Him.

This is just one of the mountains I have yet to conquer. All for the glory of God!

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“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

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Life Lately / 11

I wasn’t going to say something until maybe after the training is over and done with. It’s not like I’m scared of jinxing anything now, because, you know, I’m YOLO-ing all over again plus, I’m surrendering it all to the Big Guy up there, but I guess I just really can’t find the time at the moment to actually lay it all out and spill the deets on this great, big turn my life has taken.

So I’m back in college or at least it feels like it, except that this time, we’re taking a crash course on what some of us have studied for a semester or two all in just about 2 weeks or so. For the past weeks, my co-trainees and I have been getting about 3-4 hours of sleep on a daily basis to pull off the pre-tests, post tests, learning checks and discussions also on a daily basis. I thought I was done with this stuff when I graduated 5 years ago, but I guess that was just a pretty dream that I now have to put behind me.

So that pretty sums up the last 2 weeks, not to mention the added physical training aka walking in heels with a big bag of weights in tow everywhere we go, which is actually a mental training in disguise (coz’ it’s all in the mind and when there’s no pain, none will be gained, ain’t that right?).

Had I known I was in for a treat like this, I would have taken off to outer space or as far as I could in seconds! Juuuuust kidding! So there, so far, I failed 1 exam which bums me out big time because I know for a fact that I have written enough info on those essays (YES, YOU READ IT RIGHT, ESSAYS) to get me at least a passing rate, but I didn’t. Plus, I was trying hard to keep my grades up, now that 75 is just going to pull down my first 2 90+ test grades. That sucks and to think that I’ve never been this grade conscious in my life!

I knew though that this wasn’t going to be easy so I had to reevaluate my self, my life and my faith in order to get going. I know that there would always be tough days, days when all I could do is cry and pray hopelessly and times when I could just do this all day long:

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But I also know and believe that there’d be days when I could genuinely feel as if I’m not constipated and heavy at all! LOL! I’ll be light as a feather and I could leap into the heavens, saying I survived!

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Until then, I’m going to have to take studying even more seriously. Gone are the days when I could just slack off, add more weight to my belly and watch movies and blog all day.

Though I have to say, I missed writing a lot. I missed this! I still have a long way to go on my Trip Down Memory Lane series, but hopefully, I could squeeze in time to complete that by midyear.

That’s it for now! I’ll leave you be!

P.S. I made a little somethin’ somethin’! It’s one of my stress busters! Thank God for Art and Photography!

 

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Soundtrack Love | Before We Go

I swear, I have never listened to a movie soundtrack as perfect as BEFORE WE GO‘s. Not even my love for Warm Bodies‘ and Elizabethtown‘s respective OSTs can trump this one.

If you haven’t heard of it, it’s that super bokehlicious film co-produced, directed and starred in by the charming Chris Evans with his semi-love interest played by Alice Eve.

It’s also where this beautiful quote was from:

 

 

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photo linked to owner

 

I’ve seen the movie twice or thrice now, so I can’t help but feel annoyed that I’ve never once been struck by its songs, until today. It’s so unusual for me to focus so much on the story line that I fail to appreciate the musical scoring or the songs in the background. Very unusual. It’s probably more likely for me not to finish my popcorn than to ignore the music in movies, and I love popcorn!

It’s probably easier to think of a reason, say them using these unfamiliar songs, then again, so did Warm Bodies.

Knowing myself, I’m very particular with the songs I listen to and I love discovering new ones especially those in movies or tv shows I watch, so why is it that I’m only figuring it now how well put together the soundtrack of this movie was?

I don’t really know how to answer that question too. All I know now is that, other than my favorite pop songs, fave pop indies and little bit of oldies, I have found my ultimate life playlist here, a playlist even so for when I’m driving. I mean, these songs will actually slow my heart rate down to normal when I’m super stressed or will keep my mind off rude drivers. These may even be songs I’ll listen to for when I want to believe that nothing can bring me down!

I’m listening to it right now and I literally haven’t even skipped a song yet! That’s how good it is!

I originally looked the OST up because I was looking for a particular song in a scene when the lead characters were in a hotel room at the end of the movie. A montage of them spending their last hours together while they were having fun, in a wholesome way was shown as the song is played. That song that captured my heart first among many others is Jason Collet‘s “Rave on Sad Songs“. Jason sounds like one of those romantic country balladeers and this song is just lovely.

So, I’m trying to narrow down my top favorites, but it really is quite hard to choose as ALL (I can’t stress that enough) of the songs are really good, so I kind of just grouped them together in all these little clusters instead.

Songs from the OST that I can listen to over and over again:

  1. Rave on Sad Songs – Jason Collet – This reminds me so much of Elizabethtown and its own OST
  2. Over & Out – Oliver North Boy Choir – This is soooo going into Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist!
  3. Song for Zula – Phosphorescent – was also used in that charmingly cute scene in TASM 2 when Peter was crossing the street with eyes focused only on Gwen.
  4. Best Part of Me – St. Leonards – also heard in Beauty and the Beast (only one of the few shows with a really great soundtrack)
  5. Restless Lover – Lesands – so Warm Bodies! I associate it with Delta Spirit‘s “Yamaha”
  6. The Alchemy Between Us – Young Galaxy – This is soooo going into Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist too!
  7. Into the Sea – Aidan Hawken (really feeling like going into the water now, aren’t you?)

Songs from the OST for when you are driving along a highway on a cliff overlooking the sea or when chasing sunsets on a long, chill road trip:

  1. Restless Lover – Lesands
  2. Sun Burns – Blue Boats – so M83‘s Midnight City!
  3. Burning Blue – Kowalski – so light and airy like a merengue! haha! must be fun to drive around with your windows down and this on your speakers
  4. Song for Zula – Phosphorescent
  5. The Alchemy Between Us – Young Galaxy
  6. So Here We Are – Bloc Party – great band! Brings back The OC memories, though I don’t think this song was on one of their “mixtapes”!
  7. Into the Sea – Aidan Hawken

Songs from the OST to listen to to help you calm your mind:

  1. Moonbeams – Family Band – the vocals are incredible!
  2. I Don’t – Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s – this one’s so easy to the ears with great vocals and guitars
  3. Flaws – Vancouver Sleep Clinic – can also associate with M83!
  4. Urchin – Labyrinth Ear – This is sooooo Stranger Things!!
  5. Only Yesterday – Taken by Trees – so dreamy + good vocals!

Songs from the OST that are also really good but I can’t put them up on the other lists:

  1. Where’s the Baby? – The Loud – I can definitely hear this on The Perks of Being a Wallflower OST
  2. Dark Morning – Count Basie Orchestra – This one’s definitely going into The Notebook‘s OST!

I think I just died, but I’m not complaining ‘coz I have hell lot of incredible songs to bring with me to my grave!

 

I think I wanna make more of this! A new series, maybe?

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