No More Wasted Nights

I don’t remember falling asleep last night; although I am sure I went to bed early as I was dead tired from the equally excruciating weather and job of mine.

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I woke up at 2:30-ish this morning and I realized that I didn’t take a bath before I went to bed, just as I would have wanted. I heard the water still running in the bath. Oooops, I did it again!

I couldn’t stand the heat so I had a quick bath, yep in the wee hours of the morning and I haven’t slept since.

As usual, I went to scour my phone for likes. I posted another film photo on my gram. I watched Chris Evans and Elizabeth Olsen on Ellen. I looked it up to see if they were dating. I was relieved to find out they weren’t, but who can prove that? Then, I began thinking whether I’d ever get myself my very own Chris Evans with America’s ass. JK.

I put down my phone for a bit, but I still couldn’t go back to sleep.

So, I decided I’d read my Neil Gaiman book, hoping it would eventually get me sleepy, but it didn’t. I got it from the Book Binge Bazaar of National Bookstore here in Cebu. I finished chapter 9, which is his “MAKE GOOD ART” speech for the graduates of University of Arts in Philadelphia. I ended on page 495 this afternoon while waiting to cover an oncologist, not knowing that the chapter ends in page 496. 

I went on to read the next chapter, “The View from the Cheap Seats“, which is also the book’s title. It was eye-opening and a little amusing as it talks about his Oscar’s experience, with all the celebrities he did and did not know. After that, I proceeded to reading the introduction. Just as he said in it, I was right in thinking that this book can be read in no particular order, as it is a collection of his speeches and essays. It is very engaging. It didn’t make me want to go back to sleep.

Instead, it made me want to make good art and to write this entry.

1 1/2 chapters into the book, yet I’ve already got loads of takeaways from the book.

I like what he said on how to focus on a goal and how not to get sidetracked by doing work that pays but isn’t in line with your objectives. I also like the way he sees making art as a lifesaver, because it would get you through good and bad times.

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It also is very timely that I got his book at this point in my life as I am faced with a crossroads once again. Just as he didn’t, I also don’t want to be stuck in a position that would lead me further away from my goal, so I need to make decisions may they make or break me.

I am turning 30 this year yet I feel like I might as well retire from work, just because I’m tired of doing something I do not love. It is pathetic.

Good thing though, I have a good support system as ever. I did get over my little dramatic moment with my boss a week ago and I’m choosing to fight this battle as courageous as possible, with the help from God and my loved ones of course. 

I had to get out of the house quickly and early this morning as my landlady warned me that people are fixing our street today. I am stuck in my car in the hospital parking lot because all of our clients are in Manila for the PCP convention. So I guess, I’m gonna make that art now!

P.S. I am so in love with my photos that were scanned by Sunny 16 Lab!

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P.S. 2, I am so in love with Avengers Endgame. I watched it alone, and I’m glad I did!

P.S. 3, No more wasted nights is from one of my favorite songs to date by ONE OK. And yes, I’ll keep doing what I want, I want, I want. No more wasted nights!

Off to make good art now!

 

 

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Filmmaking and Deliberate Living

FILM MAKING

Last Saturday, I attended another Colours Foto event here in Cebu. This time around, it was sponsored by SONY PH INC., which is why I was so excited! They offered free cleaning services for the first 15 attendees! Did I mention that the seminar itself was also free (with free snacks) and the speaker was none other than the the great, Pepe Diokno!

 

 

 

 

The talk ended earlier than planned as there weren’t a lot of questions from the participants; but it was packed with lots of amazing takeaways on filming documentaries and travel videos, I had to take notes!

What struck me the most at the beginning of the talk was the story behind his successful career in the film industry. I guess every great person had something to struggle with before they got to where they are now and Mr. Diokno was no different. He shared how he struggled to find his voice at the start of his career, not to mention how he went through a couple of mishaps, which I had to admit were terrifying but inspiring at the same time. It made him a bit more relatable and a little less infallible, at least through my eyes.

Another important takeaway from this talk was (of course) about filming documentaries. He taught us the 3 golden questions to ask before deciding if a documentary is worth doing or not:

  1. Who is the story about?
  2. Who is telling the story?
  3. What interests you the most about the story?

Simple, but these questions are the deal breakers as these would align all the other elements of the film to your plot.

Apart from these, he also shared a lot of tips, from evoking answers you need from the people involved in the story, to the camera set ups, to the pre, post and production of the film.

He also showed a lot of his works, most of which brought a lot of the attendees to tears, me included.

His award-winning films include “Engwentro“, “Above the Clouds” and “Kapatiran“.

 

 

 

 

He’s also known for tv ads that could make even the toughest men cry.

 

 

In the middle of the talk, I remember I had an epiphany! Well, it’s either that or I just got carried away so bad, my emotions were playing tricks on me! So I realized, I’m not meant to pursue nursing (despite having a license and hospital experience) nor am I destined to be successful in a corporate world, because my heart will truly beat only for ARTS and MEDIA. Though I know it would be hell to pursue, I feel that it is something I should go after, may it be in the near future or not.


DELIBERATE LIVING

Speaking of epiphanies, I must be on a roll this weekend as I had another one while watching this documentary on Netflix called MINIMALISM.

I watched it twice yesterday and I felt like it was speaking to me knowing that in my heart, I yearn for a life in simplicity.

I have struggled with depression and eternal quarter life crisis, not only because I used to constantly compare myself to my peers and social media made it worse, but also because I didn’t know how to fill the void in my soul, heart and mind.

This documentary and the Minimalists, Joshua Fields Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus helped me understand why people remain unhappy despite having everything money can buy.

After watching it twice, I felt the need to follow a minimalist lifestyle to be able to save up money this year, to live a deliberate life rather than a compulsive one and to be content and happy.

That is the goal and that is what I want for my life from now on.

Right now, I wanna learn more about living a minimalist life and how to declutter my life so I could let go of the excess stuff, not only the physical but as well as the emotional and psychological baggage that burdens me.

Boy, am I glad to have found a new PODCAST to follow and 173 episodes to indulge myself with!

 

I know the first 3 months of this year went by so fast, but I’m committing myself to continue with boxing for a stronger me, to pursue my real dreams and to live a more minimalist lifestyle. I have never been more excited!

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What is GOOD Customer Service?

In all of my jobs in the past, of course not excluding my current job, ATTITUDE is a crucial factor. It’s one of those “make or break” criteria that can significantly affect your status in the company.

I remember when I worked as an underpaid-overworked (it is important that I emphasize those) nurse in the past, not once did I ever show any horrible attitude to any of my patients nor to their relatives, even if I was provoked or so sick myself with effing cramps and dysmenorrhea while wiping their asses. Well, at least not in their faces.

That was my first job ever and being a nurse taught me not just the skills and expertise in health care but also the patience and respect that are both VERY important in customer service bec obviously, it is still 101% a customer service industry.

I remember there was a time I was going to work with very little sleep and stressed over a break up. I was feeling confused, scared and panicky all at the same time and the break up was all I could think of on the bus going to the hospital, but the moment I stepped in to our station, I knew that I had to focus if I don’t want to fuck up any of my patients’ lives too. I was there to work and to serve these people. I should give them the best care they can get, and I have to say that I am pretty proud of myself for being able to put a line between work and my personal issues.

That was true even for my callcenter stint. I talked to quite a few (lucky me!) @$$holes on the phone and some did really get on my nerves, but I couldn’t curse them back bec customers (no matter how wrong and offensive they are) are always right. But once the call is done, so was my composure—–mura galore before I took the next call.

So really, I was trained to exercise a whole loooooooot of patience in the past and to maintain self-control no matter how horrible the customer was.

So it really sucks to be on the other side for once and be given a crappy service just because they’re fucking tired of their lives or the previous customer was an ass. At the end of the day, everyone is fucking tired and you don’t know what crap one of your cutomers took from their own clients as well, so be effing nice even if it sucks, even if you’ve taken crap from your own boss too because guess what, that is life!

Nothing in particular triggered this post and this rant though. This just popped out of my head. LOL. JK, last night, tired from doing field work all day, not to mention the night before and I just wanted to bring home a nice dinner for myself real quick and this effing new girl from this place I love was OBVIOUSLY having a bad day. I noticed that she was getting impatient with the customer before me who took all the time in the world to fish the BEST chicken there ever was in the serving tray. When it was my turn, I courteously asked for a beef steak “take out”, which she obviously wasn’t paying attention to because she put the beef on a plate so I had to tell her again politely, “miss, iputos ra.”

I didn’t know she was sooo mad at the whooooole world and as expected she threw my food on top of the dish trays instead of handing them to me properly. I was thinking, “What the fuck did I do to you, girl?!”

I am not the type to spark an argument with people because let’s be real, I wouldn’t win in any of those haha and I don’t ever wanna pick a fight with my food servers ever, but I’ve done this once (to a short-tempered, lying LBC girl) and just told the cashier “mainit ulo ng server nyo noh?” before I left.

I knew I couldn’t let that moment pass without doing something to correct her attitude. When I was younger, I could take a crap from everyone, but I realized, I’ve been through the worst in life but I never took it out on strangers and that should be the same for everyone. For all I know, they could be facing so much worse. So I had to make sure that she learned her lesson without demeaning her.

What I told the LBC girl after she wrapped my package in a calm manner (I was trying hard to) “next time miss wag masyado mainit ulo mo.” Then she defensively denied that she was angrily tossing and taping my package.

To be honest, I could really feel (and I’m not the first person to say this) that somehow, it boils down to me being “Tagalog” in Cebu, why I get the crappy customer service (calls for another post soon!), which is why I do try my best to learn Cebuano, but that’s just my personal observation in general, but kudos to a number of Cebuanos who are genuinely kind and accommodating! You deserve all love in the world!

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LIFE LATELY / I GOT INKED for Life!

I have a confession to make. I got a tattoo yesterday, July 14, 2018 in Cebu city!!!! That’s it! Thanks for reading guys! I just want to put it in writing! I am MARKED FOR LIFE! LOL!

My parents are gonna get really mad so I’ll tell them when I’m older, waaay older like when I’m in my 50’s or something. Seriously!

I knew in my heart, waaaay waay back that I want to get a tattoo. My parents would never allow for it to happen so while I’m living miles away from home, I got one!

Deep within my heart, I am an aching artist waiting to bloom fully and tattoos for me, are artistic expression of the heart, mind and soul.

How did it finally happen?

Well, my desire to get one intensified when some of the people I know started getting tattoos. There’s my grade school friend, Kara who got herself a ballerina and a serotonin chemical composition tattoo and whom I also asked to go with me when the right time comes, my friend from the hospital I worked for, Laurice who had her whole back tattooed with beautiful dandelions, my friends from the BPO company I worked for, Xuxa and Ton who each got geometric icons. Then there’s my cousin, ate Kaka, who is also staying here in Cebu, also a few miles away from home. She got tattoos all over her body now, her mom also not aware yet! LOL. My favorite tattoo on her is the mermaid on her rib, because she is a mermaid herself!

So, I’ve really been thinking for quite a while now. I decided, I would donate blood to Red Cross first before I go through with it, just in case something comes up, because as we all know, we cannot donate blood for at least a year after getting a tattoo. I wanted to make sure I get on RC’s priority list before I get marked for life!

Sadly, my hemoglobin levels are on a low (again) which rendered me unqualified for blood donation. So our plan (my colleague, Ma’am Grace and I) had to be moved until my Hgb goes back to normal.

A few days or weeks into taking iron supplements, I got to talk to my cousin, ate Kaka again and learned she got more tattoos, because it’s true what they say, particularly my ex, Bri, getting tattoos have an addicting feeling!

So she showed me a few more tattoos she got on her back, a beach wave, a dog paw, an anchor connected to a compass and a flower. So I asked her where she gets her tattoos done and recommended me, Ann Savage. She has a shop just within the city and she said they were all really friendly and accommodating!

I told my colleague that I am getting a tattoo whether I get to donate blood or not. I want to do it once and for all, for myself and she was determined to get one herself so before my beach trip with my friend Chris in August, I knew I had to get my first one!

My dream first tattoo!

I always wanted to get a Scorpio constellation tattoo as my first, but I guess, I’m just gonna have to go back for that (soon! JK!) because I got the quote on my IG account tattoed first.

The story behind the tattoo

For the longest time, Oasis’ “Stop Crying Your Heart Out” was my Instagram and Facebook and LIFE mantra, but a few months or almost a year ago, I changed it into a French statement. I wrote the statement and went to Google Translate and carefully restated each word into French.

My first French statement was “Je suis vivant et vous aussie!” I can still remember every word clearly. It translates to “I am alive and so are you!“.

Then I finally changed it into “Voir la magie de ce monde a travers mes yeux” which means, “See the magic of this world through my eyes“. As a photographer wannabe, my purpose is to inspire people to see beauty in the world, the magic that it still has through the moments and people that I capture, so I can spread inspiration and just the plain old good vibes!

I got that tattooed on my hip, which I could only show you when I’m wearing a bikini at the beach, so I had to get the tattoo fully healed before going to Iloilo this August!

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Did it hurt? How did I go through with it? What was I thinking the whole time?

Yes it hurt, but if I’m gonna rate it on the pain scale, it would be just a 5/10. My dysmenorrhea hurts waaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse than this! Some said it would feel like a cat scratch, but since I’ve never been scratched by a cat before, I would describe it as a little kid shallowly writing on your skin with a needle. There were times when it felt ticklish and there were times when it felt painful, but like I said, just a 5/10.

When we got to the shop, Ann wasn’t there. Sadly she had to go to the doctor to have her sinuses checked, and she does tattoos by appointment only and she’s fully booked til August, but I still wanted to get a tattoo so bad, I didn’t care anymore if it was a girl or a guy who was going to do it. I needed to get it done yesterday! So there I was, draped in a towel and a thin scarf in side lying position and got it over with!

I was quiet the whole time, even though we were so loud when we first stepped into the shop. I was thinking, “was my butt showing through my scarf? The disinfectant felt really cold on my skin and so was the razor! The first touch of the needle HURT!!!!” then it got tolerable, “oohh that felt nice! Now I know why they say it’s addicting! K Imma sleep now!”

Halfway through the tattooing, Ann walked in and we had a brief exchange of smiles. Didn’t get to take a photo with her, but will just probably snap one when I get my second tattoo!

So that’s it! No regrets! I loved my tattoo and so did my friend. We were marked for life and will be getting another one for sure!

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If you want to get inked and looking for a tattoo artist within the city of UBEC, you can find their complete contact information below and they have their own aftercare line in vintage art!

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Life Lately / Thank You, More Please!

Life sucks. It does. It’s not rainbows and butterflies, nor it is bound to have a perfectly happy ending.

W-w-wait! Before you move on to the next blog on your feed, I should say that this isn’t one of those rants that have become a regular on my blog for the past months. Believe me, it’s more beautiful than any of my feel good posts in the past!

So I have been spending my 3-day vacation procrastinating on work and just going on long, fast drives, which I should say, calm me and allow me to hear my mind think. –> weird. I know. I also got movies for days like today when I just plan on staying in at my apartment. I also got to the Church just in time for the Gospel and homily, just when I thought that I was too late.

I also got presents for my mom for Mother’s day and for my sister as a late birthday present, and since I don’t know when I’m going back, I got my titas, girl cousins, my brother’s girlfriend and my dad gifts too.

At the end of the day, I am about 6k poorer (half was probably spent for meself), but I’m happier.

I also did my own cards for everyone, and not just any card, embossed cards! Who would’ve thought I’d find a store here in Cebu which would make my heart flutter in all its art-craving valves and chambers?!

I went grocery shopping coz I wanted to cook in my apartment. I have red rice, so I went out to get food that can go with it.

I bought vegetables coz I am craving for healthy food. The lola that I am, IKR? I got asparagus and thought, boy it isn’t that expensive after all. I wish I could say the same for broccoli though.

At the cashier, my debit card acted up. My total grocery cost was about 1.5k, but I only got 1.2k cash so I had to return a plastic container and a 6-L drinking water. And I went home with almost empty pockets, but I got home.

Then I cleaned out my room/apartment, and just as the day was about to end, my neighbor, who’s also a colleague gave me her 4-rack shelf that came with the room. My room is now more spacious and more organized and not to mention, more livable. I like how I can put books and display a bit of my art on top of the shelf.

Then after cleaning up, I cleaned up for Church and even if it said 7:10pm on the clock, I didn’t lose hope. How dramatic, but I am always dramatic when it comes to God. Traffic was building up, but I was only about 10metres away from the church. I almost made a run for another church, coz I couldn’t hear the priest from where I was, windows down, but I went with my instincts and went for it. I got there at 7:30pm, and like what I said, just in time for the Gospel.

You know, I’ve been meaning to write for the longest time, or to write more often, but I found my old journal and I have been writing my thoughts in private lately. They say it’s therapeutic. I think so too, but these things are good enough to share so I’m putting it all out here.

Last night, after I got some goodies delivered to my brother, I went to get a copy of Pay It Forward, coz I wanted some positivity in life right now, but I got something better, at least I think it is, for now. I got “HAPPYTHANKYOUMOREPLEASE“. It’s a Sundance winner, which I only realized now, after looking at the dvd case.

It is a special movie that is now close to my heart. It’s set in NYC, only my fave city in the world and with twenty-something characters?!? Get out! It is a movie to die for! I am exaggerating, nonetheless, you should see it! We get as much good vibes as we can from the world, while we can, right?

I could relate to all the characters as I saw myself in all of them at different points in my life. I bet you will do to. We all go through our twenties unsure, undecided, lost. Some may pass that point in a bliss, others may take quite a while before they get back on track. *coughs* It doesn’t matter. What’s important is we move on, we live life the way we want, better than yesterday, if we can. Pursue a life that will pave way for others or for the next generation if we must.

One great takeaway from the movie though is it’s title. If you’re wondering, Malin’s character, Annie got in a cab and the driver just told her out of the blue that we should be thankful, all the time and then ask for “more please?” because the world is abundant because of it. Simple right, but it struck me and makes me want to make it a life mantra that I’ll add to my wall of weird/inspo wall/art wall.

cab driver: “Bliss is your birth right. You have great potential in this lifetime. The key to your life is gratitude, but you do not give enough thanks. Say Thank you all the time, then say, More Please! With gratitude, the universe is eternally abundant!”

If that didn’t make you want to watch it, then don’t. JK! Go see it for yourself!

As I’m typing this, I just finished another film, a local movie called “Mr. and Mrs. Cruz” which I also got last night as I was looking for “Pay It Forward”; and no, it’s not a local version of the Brangelina flick.

Like the other movie, I’m glad I got it because it isn’t the typical bitter film about break ups. It’s lighter than an airy cotton candy, which makes it my now go-to break up film in the future, if I’ll be needing it. I like the characters’ chemistry, the less heart-wrenching, dramatic scenes. There are a lot of hugot lines, but what makes it different is perhaps, the characters’ optimism and the fact that they didn’t end up together, or so I think. I loved how they managed to make the script less cringe-y, though there are still some scenes that are hard to watch. This movie makes soul-searching less dramatic and more exciting. It is a better “That Thing Called Tadhana”, especially when you’re already in that acceptance stage of loss and grief. You’ll appreciate it more!

You know when it’s all been said and done, what’s left to do is to think, to ponder, to relax.

I went through all of what’s happened for the past days and even if there were moments when I just wanted to disappear or perhaps just be an angel (seriously been haggling with God to just turn me into an angel to guide people even if I’m more sinner than saint), God always puts me back into the right path.

Yesterday, I took out my book, “365 Days of Wonder” and was looking for a quote for mama, then I got something for myself.

“Sometimes, rejection in life is really redirection.”

I realized, I have been through so many rejections in life, in love, in my career (if you call it that), in everything, but I have slowly learned to trust that whatever path I’m treading, it is a path that would lead me to where I need to be. Always believed in that shit, but that shit’s all I have, but God is all I have and with God are my family, my friends and loved ones.

I woke up extra early this morning as usual, probably because of my anxiety or I’m just really old now and old people wake up at 5 on the dot. I wanted to go back to sleep but my mind is too noisy, so I prayed. I wanted to relax so I picked up my Regina Brett book, “God is Always Hiring”, which I got when I was unemployed in 2016. I read lessons 26-30. Each of these “lessons” have real stories of people that have overcome hardships at work.

The last lesson said “There’s no whining on the yacht”. Basically it just said that if you’re currently going through a lot at work and sometimes, you get a little too over dramatic and plan to quit, you have to realize that you’re one of the few lucky ones who has a job to pay for the bills, to put a roof over your head and occasionally splurge on things you love. They mentioned http://www.waterislife.com and how they created a video of children from 3rd world countries reading on complaints of people from 1st world countries. I don’t have to see the video to realize what the point is, because I believe that what these children are going through are more traumatic and gut-wrenching than any of our “gee, my charger won’t reach my bed” problems. I am from a third-world country but I should be ashamed for all the complaints I have been putting out into the world, spreading negativity into a already sad world. First world problems are not problems.

I could go on and on on how one day, I am down and depressed and on other days, I’m back looking for the good in the bad.

Life sucks. It is what it is, but we can always make it better.

I want to share good vibes whenever I can because it is what I can do now to make others feel better. I may be failing a lot lately at what I do, but like anything in this world, it is not permanent. So try to make others smile when they no longer can. Who knows what change that can do for them.

I sure didn’t find myself a copy of “Pay It Forward”, but I hope with what I am doing now, I get to pay the good vibes forward to you all!

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Life is a wonder! Go live it meaningfully!