LIFE LATELY / I GOT INKED for Life!

I have a confession to make. I got a tattoo yesterday, July 14, 2018 in Cebu city!!!! That’s it! Thanks for reading guys! I just want to put it in writing! I am MARKED FOR LIFE! LOL!

My parents are gonna get really mad so I’ll tell them when I’m older, waaay older like when I’m in my 50’s or something. Seriously!

I knew in my heart, waaaay waay back that I want to get a tattoo. My parents would never allow for it to happen so while I’m living miles away from home, I got one!

Deep within my heart, I am an aching artist waiting to bloom fully and tattoos for me, are artistic expression of the heart, mind and soul.

How did it finally happen?

Well, my desire to get one intensified when some of the people I know started getting tattoos. There’s my grade school friend, Kara who got herself a ballerina and a serotonin chemical composition tattoo and whom I also asked to go with me when the right time comes, my friend from the hospital I worked for, Laurice who had her whole back tattooed with beautiful dandelions, my friends from the BPO company I worked for, Xuxa and Ton who each got geometric icons. Then there’s my cousin, ate Kaka, who is also staying here in Cebu, also a few miles away from home. She got tattoos all over her body now, her mom also not aware yet! LOL. My favorite tattoo on her is the mermaid on her rib, because she is a mermaid herself!

So, I’ve really been thinking for quite a while now. I decided, I would donate blood to Red Cross first before I go through with it, just in case something comes up, because as we all know, we cannot donate blood for at least a year after getting a tattoo. I wanted to make sure I get on RC’s priority list before I get marked for life!

Sadly, my hemoglobin levels are on a low (again) which rendered me unqualified for blood donation. So our plan (my colleague, Ma’am Grace and I) had to be moved until my Hgb goes back to normal.

A few days or weeks into taking iron supplements, I got to talk to my cousin, ate Kaka again and learned she got more tattoos, because it’s true what they say, particularly my ex, Bri, getting tattoos have an addicting feeling!

So she showed me a few more tattoos she got on her back, a beach wave, a dog paw, an anchor connected to a compass and a flower. So I asked her where she gets her tattoos done and recommended me, Ann Savage. She has a shop just within the city and she said they were all really friendly and accommodating!

I told my colleague that I am getting a tattoo whether I get to donate blood or not. I want to do it once and for all, for myself and she was determined to get one herself so before my beach trip with my friend Chris in August, I knew I had to get my first one!

My dream first tattoo!

I always wanted to get a Scorpio constellation tattoo as my first, but I guess, I’m just gonna have to go back for that (soon! JK!) because I got the quote on my IG account tattoed first.

The story behind the tattoo

For the longest time, Oasis’ “Stop Crying Your Heart Out” was my Instagram and Facebook and LIFE mantra, but a few months or almost a year ago, I changed it into a French statement. I wrote the statement and went to Google Translate and carefully restated each word into French.

My first French statement was “Je suis vivant et vous aussie!” I can still remember every word clearly. It translates to “I am alive and so are you!“.

Then I finally changed it into “Voir la magie de ce monde a travers mes yeux” which means, “See the magic of this world through my eyes“. As a photographer wannabe, my purpose is to inspire people to see beauty in the world, the magic that it still has through the moments and people that I capture, so I can spread inspiration and just the plain old good vibes!

I got that tattooed on my hip, which I could only show you when I’m wearing a bikini at the beach, so I had to get the tattoo fully healed before going to Iloilo this August!

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Did it hurt? How did I go through with it? What was I thinking the whole time?

Yes it hurt, but if I’m gonna rate it on the pain scale, it would be just a 5/10. My dysmenorrhea hurts waaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse than this! Some said it would feel like a cat scratch, but since I’ve never been scratched by a cat before, I would describe it as a little kid shallowly writing on your skin with a needle. There were times when it felt ticklish and there were times when it felt painful, but like I said, just a 5/10.

When we got to the shop, Ann wasn’t there. Sadly she had to go to the doctor to have her sinuses checked, and she does tattoos by appointment only and she’s fully booked til August, but I still wanted to get a tattoo so bad, I didn’t care anymore if it was a girl or a guy who was going to do it. I needed to get it done yesterday! So there I was, draped in a towel and a thin scarf in side lying position and got it over with!

I was quiet the whole time, even though we were so loud when we first stepped into the shop. I was thinking, “was my butt showing through my scarf? The disinfectant felt really cold on my skin and so was the razor! The first touch of the needle HURT!!!!” then it got tolerable, “oohh that felt nice! Now I know why they say it’s addicting! K Imma sleep now!”

Halfway through the tattooing, Ann walked in and we had a brief exchange of smiles. Didn’t get to take a photo with her, but will just probably snap one when I get my second tattoo!

So that’s it! No regrets! I loved my tattoo and so did my friend. We were marked for life and will be getting another one for sure!

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If you want to get inked and looking for a tattoo artist within the city of UBEC, you can find their complete contact information below and they have their own aftercare line in vintage art!

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What do YOU Want in Life?

If someone walks up to you and asks you, what you TRULY want in life for YOURSELF alone that would GENUINELY make you HAPPY in LIFE and promises to give you that in a blink of an eye, right then and there, what would you tell him/her?

I know for sure, we are all different. I grew up living comfortably, thanks to my parents, but I did not get everything I wanted as a kid. I remember I wanted my own polly pocket, but never got one. I wanted a vtech laptop, but never got one. I think my parents gave us everything we needed and just about half of the things we wanted. Hence the saying, you can’t always get what you want.

Now, as a grown up, I am still quite confused as to what I really want in life, because it is complicated. Our wants vary because we each have our own priorities, people to please and our own life goals. Our wants become complicated because our priorities and goal change over time and then the people we want to please demand so much more than before.

But what if that someone asks you what you want for yourself? The people you love and all the people suffering all over the world will be provided for and be well taken care of, what would you say to this person?

I wanna list mine down because some experts say that your dreams and wishes have a greater possibility of coming true when you list them down.

  • A simple life. I want a life free from toxic, negative and greedy people, preferably in Batanes, or somewhere similar. I want to live in the country, near the beach. I want to build a nice artsy house, nothing fancy, just a little bit weird or odd looking because I’d be the one to design it with eclectic, Boho, artsy style, completely out of this world, weird and fun but still simple. I want fresh air, lots of light coming in through large windows, but with a darkroom somewhere inside it to develop my photos. I want secret passages or perhaps that good old book shelf in Scooby Doo that turns around and leads you to another room? Then my house would have lots of colors, art work, indigenous textile on walls, weird jars, weird furniture, aztec pillow cases etc.
  • I may probably want to delete my social media accounts, except for my blogs of course and probably just create an anonymous account where I can show my photos. I also wanna keep all my analog cameras and 1 digital camera.
  • I want to have a lifetime supply of fresh veggies and fruits. I don’t want to go full on organic, because TBH, I KENNAT, but it would be good to have days eating good food only. I also wanna find the perfect workout for my lazy ass, something that I would definitely love doing despite the pain, something that would make me physically strong on top of giving me rock hard abs! Pagbigyan na!
  • I want to work as a freelance artist, be my own boss, sell my work and live life to the fullest in rainbows with unicorns and all that shizz! Somehow I’m tired of being a corporate slave or maybe I’m just not meant to stay in one place for a long time. (OH NO! This calls for another blog post). I just want to work as a photographer/artist with a purpose and to contribute to the goodness of mankind. Meganon?! But that’s true and if that could pay for my BASIC needs, I’m good!
  • Then I want to be in love again and just love and get married, have kids and maybe home school them for some time. (I listened to the Mothers’ show one Friday and learned lots about home schooling these days). I wanna be a mother and dress up my kids and teach them stuff that they wouldn’t learn from school.
  • I want to travel, to always travel, collect photos, memories, cheap trinkets from all over the world and go on food trips, always!
  • I could live in simple, light vintage dresses, vintage shirts and shorts and bikinis LOL coz let’s be honest, I was never the heels and luxury bag kind of girl. My family and friends know this.
  • FAMILY TIME. ALWAYS!
  • Help those that have nowhere to go, especially the old people.
  • And thank God always for the love, happiness, inspiration, hope, mercy and understanding that He continues to bless us with!

And that’s it! All I want in 10 bullets! Just thinking about them make me giddy. If I could live my life this way, I would be happy, TRULY HAPPY.

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13 reasons why

Binge-watched the first season over the weekend. I don’t know why I did. Even though it was too painful to watch, I sat through it for 2 straight days not because I was hooked, but because I think it was relevant, especially to me.

As I got deeper into the series, I felt emotional and emotionless at the same time. I was overwhelmed yet completely numbed by the issues they portrayed. It showed how cruel and traumatic the world can be, even if that world revolves in only high school.

These issues they tackled in the show are very sensitive and hard to understand why they’re happening, but they should be eye-opening and should help us be more critical of our thoughts, words and actions. They should also help us be more wary of how these 3 things can hurt someone and permanently damage them to the core.

I’ve been reading on how to not give a fuck about difficulties, challenges, problems and all that shizzz, and the author, Mark Manson helped me see a different side to facing the reality of how cruel life can be. Just about a chapter into the book, I began to appreciate the fact that we can really change our perspective towards these obstacles that will pop up into our lives, whether we like it or not.

13 Reasons Why is just a show, but everything it is about is REAL and it is happening NOW and that is what all of us should take a closer look on. The characters may be too young to be involved in such horrible situations, but they shouldn’t be brushed off. These issues are more than just high school problems. We have to understand that these things can damage kids and their lives permanently.

What’s in it for us though is the fact that awareness of these delicate issues can help prevent further and future damage to real individuals, to families, to our neighborhoods, to our world.

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Life in Freedom

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Life with courage is a life in freedom.

There are many words to define freedom and courage isn’t one of them, but if you wanna simplify the vast concept that is freedom, you’d most likely realize that huge part of it is brought about by courage. Now, I’m more confused.

Today, we celebrate Philippine’s 120th Independence Day.

When I hear that phrase, I always picture this humongous UFO hovering slowly over the sky and Will Smith on his yard looking at it like it was going to be his last day on earth. It creeps me out every time, but setting that feeling aside, I know that it is one of the iconic films of courage of our lifetime.

When you go 120 years back, ALL of the people we consider heroes today had extraordinary courage which, I should say was a major weapon against our colonists.

So maybe now you get why there is such an analogy between FREEDOM and COURAGE.

If you put it in a more contemporary setting, we could say that life lived with courage is a life in freedom. If you choose to brave heartache, failure, disappointment and all the negative but completely normal life stuff, then you choose to live freely as well.

The question is, do you? Do you choose to live your life courageously?

There are things that I want to change in my life that requires a whole lot of courage. I want to be able to face life as if it can never harm me or bring me down, even if it can and it will.

I want to be able to let go of the past, of the fears that only I inflict on myself to allow myself to open up to new people, to new possibilities.

I want to be able to do have the courage to do what I love even if it means taking a risky leap of faith.

I want to be able to express myself even if not everyone would agree with me.

I want to be brave enough to make a difference in the world even if it would seem impossible.

I want to be brave enough to do as I please without allowing the words of others easily pierce through me.

I want to be free from all these fears and live my life the way I want to, without hurting anyone, and without allowing people who hurt me to also take out the flame in me. This is my life. I will live it more courageously!

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Life Lately / Thank You, More Please!

Life sucks. It does. It’s not rainbows and butterflies, nor it is bound to have a perfectly happy ending.

W-w-wait! Before you move on to the next blog on your feed, I should say that this isn’t one of those rants that have become a regular on my blog for the past months. Believe me, it’s more beautiful than any of my feel good posts in the past!

So I have been spending my 3-day vacation procrastinating on work and just going on long, fast drives, which I should say, calm me and allow me to hear my mind think. –> weird. I know. I also got movies for days like today when I just plan on staying in at my apartment. I also got to the Church just in time for the Gospel and homily, just when I thought that I was too late.

I also got presents for my mom for Mother’s day and for my sister as a late birthday present, and since I don’t know when I’m going back, I got my titas, girl cousins, my brother’s girlfriend and my dad gifts too.

At the end of the day, I am about 6k poorer (half was probably spent for meself), but I’m happier.

I also did my own cards for everyone, and not just any card, embossed cards! Who would’ve thought I’d find a store here in Cebu which would make my heart flutter in all its art-craving valves and chambers?!

I went grocery shopping coz I wanted to cook in my apartment. I have red rice, so I went out to get food that can go with it.

I bought vegetables coz I am craving for healthy food. The lola that I am, IKR? I got asparagus and thought, boy it isn’t that expensive after all. I wish I could say the same for broccoli though.

At the cashier, my debit card acted up. My total grocery cost was about 1.5k, but I only got 1.2k cash so I had to return a plastic container and a 6-L drinking water. And I went home with almost empty pockets, but I got home.

Then I cleaned out my room/apartment, and just as the day was about to end, my neighbor, who’s also a colleague gave me her 4-rack shelf that came with the room. My room is now more spacious and more organized and not to mention, more livable. I like how I can put books and display a bit of my art on top of the shelf.

Then after cleaning up, I cleaned up for Church and even if it said 7:10pm on the clock, I didn’t lose hope. How dramatic, but I am always dramatic when it comes to God. Traffic was building up, but I was only about 10metres away from the church. I almost made a run for another church, coz I couldn’t hear the priest from where I was, windows down, but I went with my instincts and went for it. I got there at 7:30pm, and like what I said, just in time for the Gospel.

You know, I’ve been meaning to write for the longest time, or to write more often, but I found my old journal and I have been writing my thoughts in private lately. They say it’s therapeutic. I think so too, but these things are good enough to share so I’m putting it all out here.

Last night, after I got some goodies delivered to my brother, I went to get a copy of Pay It Forward, coz I wanted some positivity in life right now, but I got something better, at least I think it is, for now. I got “HAPPYTHANKYOUMOREPLEASE“. It’s a Sundance winner, which I only realized now, after looking at the dvd case.

It is a special movie that is now close to my heart. It’s set in NYC, only my fave city in the world and with twenty-something characters?!? Get out! It is a movie to die for! I am exaggerating, nonetheless, you should see it! We get as much good vibes as we can from the world, while we can, right?

I could relate to all the characters as I saw myself in all of them at different points in my life. I bet you will do to. We all go through our twenties unsure, undecided, lost. Some may pass that point in a bliss, others may take quite a while before they get back on track. *coughs* It doesn’t matter. What’s important is we move on, we live life the way we want, better than yesterday, if we can. Pursue a life that will pave way for others or for the next generation if we must.

One great takeaway from the movie though is it’s title. If you’re wondering, Malin’s character, Annie got in a cab and the driver just told her out of the blue that we should be thankful, all the time and then ask for “more please?” because the world is abundant because of it. Simple right, but it struck me and makes me want to make it a life mantra that I’ll add to my wall of weird/inspo wall/art wall.

cab driver: “Bliss is your birth right. You have great potential in this lifetime. The key to your life is gratitude, but you do not give enough thanks. Say Thank you all the time, then say, More Please! With gratitude, the universe is eternally abundant!”

If that didn’t make you want to watch it, then don’t. JK! Go see it for yourself!

As I’m typing this, I just finished another film, a local movie called “Mr. and Mrs. Cruz” which I also got last night as I was looking for “Pay It Forward”; and no, it’s not a local version of the Brangelina flick.

Like the other movie, I’m glad I got it because it isn’t the typical bitter film about break ups. It’s lighter than an airy cotton candy, which makes it my now go-to break up film in the future, if I’ll be needing it. I like the characters’ chemistry, the less heart-wrenching, dramatic scenes. There are a lot of hugot lines, but what makes it different is perhaps, the characters’ optimism and the fact that they didn’t end up together, or so I think. I loved how they managed to make the script less cringe-y, though there are still some scenes that are hard to watch. This movie makes soul-searching less dramatic and more exciting. It is a better “That Thing Called Tadhana”, especially when you’re already in that acceptance stage of loss and grief. You’ll appreciate it more!

You know when it’s all been said and done, what’s left to do is to think, to ponder, to relax.

I went through all of what’s happened for the past days and even if there were moments when I just wanted to disappear or perhaps just be an angel (seriously been haggling with God to just turn me into an angel to guide people even if I’m more sinner than saint), God always puts me back into the right path.

Yesterday, I took out my book, “365 Days of Wonder” and was looking for a quote for mama, then I got something for myself.

“Sometimes, rejection in life is really redirection.”

I realized, I have been through so many rejections in life, in love, in my career (if you call it that), in everything, but I have slowly learned to trust that whatever path I’m treading, it is a path that would lead me to where I need to be. Always believed in that shit, but that shit’s all I have, but God is all I have and with God are my family, my friends and loved ones.

I woke up extra early this morning as usual, probably because of my anxiety or I’m just really old now and old people wake up at 5 on the dot. I wanted to go back to sleep but my mind is too noisy, so I prayed. I wanted to relax so I picked up my Regina Brett book, “God is Always Hiring”, which I got when I was unemployed in 2016. I read lessons 26-30. Each of these “lessons” have real stories of people that have overcome hardships at work.

The last lesson said “There’s no whining on the yacht”. Basically it just said that if you’re currently going through a lot at work and sometimes, you get a little too over dramatic and plan to quit, you have to realize that you’re one of the few lucky ones who has a job to pay for the bills, to put a roof over your head and occasionally splurge on things you love. They mentioned http://www.waterislife.com and how they created a video of children from 3rd world countries reading on complaints of people from 1st world countries. I don’t have to see the video to realize what the point is, because I believe that what these children are going through are more traumatic and gut-wrenching than any of our “gee, my charger won’t reach my bed” problems. I am from a third-world country but I should be ashamed for all the complaints I have been putting out into the world, spreading negativity into a already sad world. First world problems are not problems.

I could go on and on on how one day, I am down and depressed and on other days, I’m back looking for the good in the bad.

Life sucks. It is what it is, but we can always make it better.

I want to share good vibes whenever I can because it is what I can do now to make others feel better. I may be failing a lot lately at what I do, but like anything in this world, it is not permanent. So try to make others smile when they no longer can. Who knows what change that can do for them.

I sure didn’t find myself a copy of “Pay It Forward”, but I hope with what I am doing now, I get to pay the good vibes forward to you all!

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Life is a wonder! Go live it meaningfully!