PAIN

How many times have you been hurt? When was the first time you did? Any debilitating ones? And do you also ask yourself again and again, why the heck do we need to experience pain?

As I write this, my eyes are a bit swollen from crying about a certain character in one of the fictitious series I’ve long been following. I won’t spoil anything, don’t worry. When the episode was over, I took a leak after holding it for too long and realized, how many times do we have to experience pain in our lifetime?

In my 31 years of existence, I’ve experienced all kinds of pain. Not even gonna sugarcoat it with “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, because it fucks the shit out of you. From jellyfish stings, to my oftentimes unbearable period cramps, to losing myself and even loved ones and to thinking that one day, I’ll lose more.

Was supposed to publish this a few days ago, but I didn’t feel like doing so ’til today when I learned about a girl, an artist only a year younger than me, found dead. Another loss, another reason to feel pain, but it doesn’t stop, does it? Pain is part of life, ironically.

Back in college, a professor once said that people tend to forget what pain feels like. She was teaching OB Nursing. She said that it’s also partly why women get pregnant for the second time, even though the first one made them go through hell of a pain. Ain’t that just wonderful?

But then again, aren’t you grateful for when that day comes, and you wake up not feeling so hurt anymore? The jellyfish sting eventually fades. The cramps eventually go away, thanks to my meds lol (I know I have to go to an OB the soonest). And surprisingly, the pain of losing a loved one progresses from DENIAL in DABDA (5 stages of grief) to that last A which stands for what leads to healing, which is ACCEPTANCE.

Whenever I get scared or feel like questioning all the painful things happening around lately, I look up and ask for strength and grace to go through, accept and eventually be grateful for it all. Not an easy feat, but it is what it is. Let it fulfill its purpose.

xoxo,