PAIN

How many times have you been hurt? When was the first time you did? Any debilitating ones? And do you also ask yourself again and again, why the heck do we need to experience pain?

As I write this, my eyes are a bit swollen from crying about a certain character in one of the fictitious series I’ve long been following. I won’t spoil anything, don’t worry. When the episode was over, I took a leak after holding it for too long and realized, how many times do we have to experience pain in our lifetime?

In my 31 years of existence, I’ve experienced all kinds of pain. Not even gonna sugarcoat it with “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, because it fucks the shit out of you. From jellyfish stings, to my oftentimes unbearable period cramps, to losing myself and even loved ones and to thinking that one day, I’ll lose more.

Was supposed to publish this a few days ago, but I didn’t feel like doing so ’til today when I learned about a girl, an artist only a year younger than me, found dead. Another loss, another reason to feel pain, but it doesn’t stop, does it? Pain is part of life, ironically.

Back in college, a professor once said that people tend to forget what pain feels like. She was teaching OB Nursing. She said that it’s also partly why women get pregnant for the second time, even though the first one made them go through hell of a pain. Ain’t that just wonderful?

But then again, aren’t you grateful for when that day comes, and you wake up not feeling so hurt anymore? The jellyfish sting eventually fades. The cramps eventually go away, thanks to my meds lol (I know I have to go to an OB the soonest). And surprisingly, the pain of losing a loved one progresses from DENIAL in DABDA (5 stages of grief) to that last A which stands for what leads to healing, which is ACCEPTANCE.

Whenever I get scared or feel like questioning all the painful things happening around lately, I look up and ask for strength and grace to go through, accept and eventually be grateful for it all. Not an easy feat, but it is what it is. Let it fulfill its purpose.

xoxo,

KAPANGYARIHAN

First things first, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAMA MARY! Haven’t prayed the Rosary in a while, but glad we were able to squeeze in a quick trip back home for Mama’s birthday over the weekend—this meant praying the Rosary as a family every day after dinner. To me, praying has always been very calming and reassuring. Gives you that feeling of certainty and safety amidst all the bad stuff happening around. Speaking of KAPANGYARIHAN, don’t you also feel oh so powerful when you pray and when you know God and Mama Mary both got yerrr back?

I could say the same for Ben & Ben‘s new song and also my ultimate favorite atm, “KAPANGYARIHAN“. I finally gave in to Spotify’s suggestion to listen to the band’s—(are they actually called a band? coz they seem so much more than just a band. Yehes meganern?) second album, Pebble House, Vol. 1: Kuwaderno.

I’ve actually seen previews a few weeks before their new album launch through a photographer I follow, Aia Solis. I assumed (based on her stories) that together with other photographers, she helped shoot photos for Ben & Ben’s album cover and other publicity photos.

I think I may like this new album more than their first. It had lots of collaboration with equally talented artists including Chito Miranda, Moira Dela Torre, KZ Tandingan, Juan Karlos and some artists whom I’ve heard first on this album, Zild, Munimuni and SB19 who all did great, btw!

I only got to listen to their most popular songs from their first album, so comparing that to my obsession with their second album would be unfair and only leave a bad taste in your mouth, so no comparison here, promise! To be fair though, I think that listening to their sophomore album gives you a grasp into a reality that goes beyond break ups and heartaches. I felt empowered and not just because of their song “Kapangyarihan”. They incorporated so much more issues in this album, which is a plus! You’ll have to listen to it to know, and like what they said in this interview on TV Patrol, these songs hit you in the spot. I couldn’t explain it any better than that. Lol.

Last week, while working from home and when I finally listened to the album, I literally dropped whatever it was I was doing when “Kapangyarihan” played. The words were too powerful, I couldn’t contain what that song evoked in me. In my mind, all I can think of was the “Tumindig” movement–closed fist high up in the air!

Over the weekend, the song was also featured on TV Patrol saying it was a big hit and I suddenly remembered just a few days prior, I posted about how the song made me feel on literally all of my social media accounts. Wait, it’s not why it’s trending right now, is it? CHAROT! Echos lang powshshzhswwhh! Kidding aside, it should be listened to by everyone, especially by those in position.

I know being a Filipino right now, in this pandemic seems like a long and agonizing torture, but we will have to endure this for now, knowing that God’s grace will help us go through it all. And of course, the biggest thing we can do right now is to do our research before the elections and when the time comes, VOTE for the right people! I cannot stress that enough, because we’ve had enough!!

Leaving you guys with THE SONG! I hope it does more than give you LSS, the goosebumps and teary eyes!

P.S. Kudos to Ben & Ben! Was listening to this song on repeat on my flight back to Cebu and all I could think of was how beautiful the Philippines is (it looks so glorious from above) and we cannot just let people destroy it.

Akala niyo ba, ang kapangyarihan
Ay nasa inyo? Sino ba kayo?

‘Di naman kami nagkulang
Sa aming pag-uunawa
‘Di ka namin isusuka
Kung hindi ka pa sukdulan

Huwag niyong tapakan
Ang katarungan

Akala niyo ba, ang kapangyarihan
Ay nasa inyo? Sino ba kayo?
Magwawagi ang katotohanan
Ang kadiliman ay ibabagsak

Nagsisilbi ka dapat
Nagsisilbi ka dapat

Ibon na may layang lumipad
‘Di mo na makukulong

Akala niyo ba, ang kapangyarihan
Ay nasa inyo? Sino ba kayo?
Magwawagi, ang katotohanan
Ang kadiliman ay ibabagsak

Nagsisilbi ka dapat
Nagsisilbi ka dapat

Katotohanan ang dapat mamuno
Sa namumuno sa mamamayan
Makatarungan ang dapat mamuno
Sa namumuno sa mamamayan

Nagsisilbi ka dapat
Nagsisilbi ka dapat

xoxo,