Life Lately / Biggest Regret

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Just recently, I had to go through another forked road in my life and it has to be THE MOST challenging yet to date.

You see, I was offered an opportunity that was extremely difficult to turn down. It was my dream job; and I have been praying for it for the longest time now, but I let it slip off my hands.

How come?

Well, I had to take into consideration a lot of things and by that, I mean my parents’ opinion. I know they mean well for me, but let’s just say that my decisions in life are still somehow 80% influenced by them.

When I got through it, my friends helped me realize that there is no one to blame for the decision except for me and me alone. I am 29 freaking years old and I am way beyond the period when parents make all the decisions for their kids, but I let them, solely because I respect and love them and I am afraid of the karma that comes with going against your parents.

Adulting sucks and life is unfair a lot of times, but reality is, PASSION isn’t everything. (not if you’re not filthy rich!) That’s the way I see it now and I learned that the hard way.

Although some friends wanted me to pursue it without any second thoughts (It’s not like I am the breadwinner nor do I ask money from my parents), I needed to think about security. I needed to understand that I am turning 30 and I HAVE to comply with what society dictates and that is being PRACTICAL. I needed to think about my imaginary husband and kids. I needed to think about what other people would think about me and my achievements in life. I needed to stop having that YOLO mindset that parents associate so much with millennials.

On the other hand, my heart tells me otherwise. I am turning 30 and I have waited long enough for an opportunity like this. I may never get another one as beautiful as this. I may not live long enough for a chance to finally do what I love doing. Life is short and uncertain. The job pays good, it should keep me afloat. It’s not like I’m rebelling against them by doing something irresponsible. IT IS A JOB AFTER ALL,  a job that offers continuous learning of the craft, connections in the industry, not to mention, PEACE OF MIND, which I don’t think anyone will just offer for free. At my age, I should’ve grabbed the opportunity, but sadly, I needed to be practical.

My friends slapped me with the big ass reality check in my face and told me that letting this chance go has its consequences and I have to face them like a real fucking adult:

  1. I cannot blame anyone for the decision but myself. It was all on me.
  2. I have to accept that this opportunity may never come again.
  3. I cannot bring it up with my parents ever again because they are gonna react the same way, and so would I. (Unless I finally get the guts to fight for what I want) -Hi Jan!
  4. It’s not solely about following my passion, but in taking a stand for myself, making those difficult decisions and swallowing the consequences because that is life! – Hi Joey!
  5. REGRETS. This has been my biggest so far.

Then again, it cannot all be bad.

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Right before I sent my letter to the company owner declining the offer, another idea came up which my brother and I have been originally planning for since the beginning of the year. So I went back to that path and now, all I want is to be able to get to that goal in the next year and a half, max!

It’s all I could think about now, because who knows, that may even pave the way for me to finally do what I have been dreaming of.

Maybe I let this chance slip off because there is something much better ahead, or I needed to learn something more before I get a chance to take the wheel.

Been reading my favorite book in the Bible, Ecclesiastes (ever since my world came tumbling down and cried my heart out over the weekend) and I love that it is so realistic, that it sounded dark and negative, but you still couldn’t take out the fact that it still beams with positivity. After all, it is a book in the Bible.

So anyhow, whatever path we opt to take in this life, it all boils down to my favorite quote from a religious book I got last year, “God’s primary will for your life is not the circumstances you inhabit; it’s the person you become.” (You can read more of this on my past entry HERE).

At the end of the day, we won’t be able to take our plaques of achievements, our positions in our respective companies and our money to the afterlife. All we have are what we did to be worthy of a beautiful life in eternity with HIM.

Also, people (including me) tend to focus so much on going after dreams and in getting that promotion or increase or that next travel destination that we forget that we can lose this life we’ve been busy building up with trophies in a snap of a finger! We are such mundane creatures. We almost always think about worldly matters that we forget about the life that comes after this one.

Boy, I am proud of the selfless things I’ve done for others, but heck, there’s A TON of things I still need to fix in myself (one of which is boasting about what I do for others LELZ) and that’s what I want to do before I die. If I do that, then I deem myself successful should I die unexpectedly. That for now is my definition of success.

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