I’ve been really busy the past few weeks and I feel like my whole life just revolves around work lately. Kulang na lang, sa doctors clinics na ako matulog….ooops, nagawa ko na pala yun, dun na ako kumakain at natutulog. Pathetic noh? haha.
Yesterday, it felt so wrong to go home before 7pm just because it was a Tuesday and on Tuesdays, we go home at around 9 to 11, but I thought, I owe that to myself. I need to give myself the time to rest because like what the successful people say, “HINDI NAUUBOS ANG TRABAHO, PERO ANG PASENSYA KO UBOS NA UBOS NA!” Charr!!! This is one advice I’ve heard from one of those career videos I watch online that really stuck with me, “Work is neverending, and it will still be there when you wake up in the morning, so give time for your family, for yourself and for all the other stuff called LIFE OUTSIDE WORK!” Syempre, binago ko na yan pero that’s mainly the gist.
So there, I just need you to know that I finally had a good night’s sleep last night and I woke up (still at 5am though — ganun na talaga eh! matanda na!) feeling well……..well rested. It was one of the best sleeps I’ve had in the past 2 weeks, which I think is the real reason why my brain has recuperated and thought “hey, maybe you’ve finally moved on!”. Ang random eh noh?
So this morning, I flooded my friends with messages that just came popping in and out of my head and I told them, hey I think I finally know why I am in this place and why I am in this job! I remember what one of my doctors told me, “YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LOOK AT THE THINGS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE IN A BIGGER PICTURE.” and I guess not a lot of us can do that consistently, but since my head was suddenly as clear as the glass faces of your Korean idols, I realized, maybe this is ONE of the reasons why I am so far from my comfort zone, to be able to feel alone (and lonely at times) for me to be able to find strength in myself and to grow! Pheeewwww!
To cut this whole post short, a light bulb lit in my head and I knew that maybe this is what God wants for me, to grow and mature and to help myself.
So the question is, have I finally moved on?
Before I beat around the bush again, I’ll tell you now that I really do think that I can finally say, YES, I have.
I think we all cope differently in life and I can’t give one advice that will be applicable to all, but what I think helped me is the fact that I am so far from home, which is my ultimate comfort zone. Obviously, I have to tend for myself, look after myself and pick up after…(guess who!)………… myself!
I couldn’t even drive outside our village before I got this job. I couldn’t go home too late without my mother giving me the cold treatment the next day. I rarely cleaned up after myself before I lived on my own. I didn’t think I could do the things I’m doing now before I was on my own. So I think, it helped a lot to realize that you’re really ON YOUR OWN for you to become really INDEPENDENT and hopefully STRONGER!
When I screwed curtain rods to the wall or bought and changed my light bulb in the bathroom, I felt really proud that I now could do all the things that I used to ask someone else to do before. I thought, “Hey, this is what growing up must really feel like!”.
My ex and I ended our relationship just like everyone else did……bad, like buildings-torn-apart-by-godzilla-BAD, but then eventually we became friends again. Until lately, I felt like we were growing apart. I can blame that to our really busy lives now. I used to talk to him a lot, sharing our horror work stories and somehow I felt like I needed him to still be a part of my life because obviously he’s one of my best friends. He really is, but because we don’t talk as much anymore, I realized that I can live without letting him know how work sucks or how bad I was feeling. I have my barkada to tell all those stuff to.
Recently, I felt the need to talk to him again about a really pressing personal problem, but in the middle of typing my message, I realized that I have to stop going to him whenever a problem comes up. So I erased the message. And that’s it! I am finally becoming independent!
To answer the title up there, I guess you’ll know that you’ve moved on:
- When you can finally say that your heart is full again. When you learn to love yourself despite your failures, your insecurities and your past.
- When you mature enough to realize that your love problems doesn’t even compare to the problems of the world or that starving orphan in Africa
- When you have spoiled yourself with all the YOU TIME in the world!!!! kapag nasulit mo na yung pagiging single mo
- When you are happy for yourself and for your ex moving on with your own lives and probably with your own new partners
- When despite missing having someone to always go with you wherever you want, you brave the world on your own; and when you don’t feel the need to depend on someone else to look after you or to shop with you or eat with you. You go those things on your own girl! Or perhaps your with your family and friends!
- When you have forgiven your ex partner and most importantly, YOURSELF!
- When you finally have the PEACE OF MIND you’ve been praying for!
- PRAYER. I tell this to everyone. Prayer can heal your heart from all the pain, the suffering, the heartache. God is closest to the people who are at the lowest points of their lives (my papa keeps reminding us of this!). Prayer can even help you with your depression!
- FAMILY and FRIENDS. Need I say more?
- Making time for the things you love doing! I had more time to pursue photography, art, traveling and mountaineering! You make time for working out too apart from pigging out! Get a tattoo! Dance naked! SLEEEEP for 16 hours straight! Do all the things you can’t do unless you’re alone!
- Traveling. It makes your heart grow bigger! (not literally though coz that’s baaaad!)
- Syempre, it helps to be ALONE, to feel ALONE and to maximize all the ALOOOONE time you can get! NAMNAMIN mo yung pagiging mag-isa! Treasure it before the next person comes trashing your life again! Charot! Kidding aside, it would really make you a stronger and independent person and you’ll feel that it’s not so bad to be alone after all! Again, love and treasure being single! It’s that golden period in your life that you get to know yourself again!
- Watch How to be Single! Lol! I’ll probably do again!
Hope it helped!