One thing I realized as I started working away from home is that I actually liked and appreciated being A-L-O-N-E.
You know when you watch these coming of age movies and see this independent protagonist, who btw, also happens to be an outcast loser weave his way through the cafeteria only to be judged and mocked by all these other kids who are so full of themselves, and you think, “why wasn’t I as brave as this kid when I was in elementary (or HS even)?” Some would ask, “Why am I not still brave enough now that I’m freakin’ turning 100?”. Wehhh OA!
I wasn’t an outcast loser back when I used to wear my checkered uniform, but I also wasn’t the popular kid, and I have to say, back then, I dreaded being alone.
I couldn’t go down to our school canteen without anyone to accompany me. I feared not having anyone to talk to on the way to our school gymnasium for first Friday masses with the entire school. Heck, I even feared going to the restroom alone, but for way scarier reasons, if you know what I mean! 😛
Like most people, I grew up caring so much about what others thought about me. I guess, it’s part of growing up. You have to look good, smell nice. You have to do well in class. You have to have Jansport backpacks. CHOS! And most importantly, you can’t be seen alone, because
people will feel sorry for you. WRONG!!!!
I used to hate being alone, but no so much anymore.
When I broke up with my ex, it felt weird to be shopping alone or eating alone, but it wouldn’t take long before I got used to the feeling. I started feeling comfortable doing things on my own. I carried my gigantic bags. I sit in coffee shops alone. I go to church alone (although my eyes still well up at the sight of families holding hands and kissing in church). I even go on roadtrips alone!
I started enjoying the feeling of being able to go wherever because you don’t have to consider what your companion has in mind. All decisions are up to you. It doesn’t matter if you change your mind faster than you blink your eyes, you have no one else to blame but yourself, and it’s okay!
I like being alone on most days. In fact, I enjoy being alone. It’s a breath of fresh air. It makes you think out loud, yet it also silences the mind. You get to clear your head, talk to God, be mindful of the beautiful things that you have taken for granted.
You also get to be grateful for the chance to have time all to yourself. It’s time that can never be lived again. It’s time that you will crave for on chaotic days. It’s your escape on negativity. It’s your time to rest and set everything aside. It’s your time to spread your wings on top of a hill while feeling the breeze through your hair without caring what other people also on the same hill think about you. 😛 Life doesn’t get any better than that, so cherish every moment that you’re alone. It’s a blessing in disguise.
Time alone also made me realize all thaaaaat! O diba? May kagandahan sa pag-e-emote! 😛
With all these goodness spilling over from having that well-needed solitude, I am slowly learning to stop caring about what other people think of me. I can never have control over that. I try to focus instead on what God thinks of me, which is waaay more important than what anyone else thinks of me.
Plus, I also got to take lots of photos in my me-time!