I woke up at 4:18am today and I don’t remember going back to sleep.
At 5:30am, just before sunrise, I went out to get some air, although a bit hesitant because of the cold.
Still, I sat outside in darkness and prayed.
I’m getting anxious again for I know that in a few days, I’ll be getting on a roller coaster ride, I don’t even know if I’ll survive.
Then I talked to Him, like I always do–as if talking to a friend. I told him how much I want to be a photographer someday and I’ll do what it takes to get there.
I told Him even if He already knew that I recently spoke with someone who’s passionate about photography too and how in a way, that shook me out of a long slumber. I was wakened by his eagerness and enthusiasm. I was inspired to follow my own dreams just as he is.
For a moment, I was envious of him for he’s young yet he knows what he wants and he works hard to get it. For a moment, I wanted to go back in time and wish I could have been braver to do the same.
I wish I could have figured this out sooner.
But regrets are useless to dwell upon. I value more the opportune chance I was given to clear my head and to see what remains constant and that is my dream. That is my heart’s desire.
I’m glad He allowed this to happen so I could see that this dream is within reach. I’m glad He helped me make up my mind and know for sure within the depths of my mind, heart and soul that this is what I truly want. I hope that this is what He wants for me as well.
I promise, that it will all be for Your glory.
Thank You for the subtle nudges You make. Thank You for sending angels time and time again.
“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters”
In December of 2015, I made up my mind to finally quit my job in an Australian BPO company. No one in my family knew, but I told my friends in the office and my immediate supervisor whom I have grown close with.
Looking back, I knew I almost had the perfect job. It had a great basic pay. Their policies aren’t as strict as those of the bigger companies in the same industry. We were catering to Aussies so with the little time difference between AU and RP, our schedule was also very favorable. Office location was along ADB avenue, so the commute was very easy for me, not to mention that we were very near 3 of the major malls in the metro. People were nice and accommodating. Our supervisors were all very helpful. We had the perks of a typical BPO workplace. What more could I have asked for, right?
Then again, I grew tired of a lot of things. There was a major factor which I can only keep to myself. Then there were reasons that in a sense helped me think things through and then eventually helped me reach a final decision.
First, there were the changes that the management have constantly implemented. They are a very young company and I get that they have to build new strategies every now and then, but those changes drastically increased over time and affected not only their employees, but a lot of their clients as well. We saw how their company’s own clients took advantage of one another to avoid the burden of the said changes. Plus, they also made changes internally including some employee benefits that were one of the major reasons why I took the job in the first place.
Changes were also made with our schedules so my little group in the office was broken apart, at least in terms of having lunch together and all. Not to sound such a baby, but I admit I was a little clingy and I loved talking to and bonding over food with them. Made the already stressful work easier. Although that didn’t last long as I unexpectedly found new people to have lunch with, including my supervisor who has become a friend too.
Second, I knew that when I took that job, it was only going to be temporary. I had a plan to save up for a camera and workshops so I could go on in becoming the next America’s Top Photographer. Charrr! Seriously though, that was the plan all along, ever since I quit my job in the hospital. Unfortunately, I didn’t save enough as I splurged on my film photography hobby and on food. Yes, FOOD! I still couldn’t figure out why, but I didn’t have any savings at all.
Third, I was getting tired of talking to irate customers, which grew in number along with the changes that the company implemented. There even came a time that we honestly didn’t want to take the calls anymore because the customers were getting so impatient and rude that it became traumatic for me (callcenter virgin). And to think that Aussies are the most polite customers.
Lastly, one of my office friends offered me a home-based job and even though it wasn’t a sure thing, I took the risk, thinking that it was a sign for me to finally quit my job. So I quit when I got back from the holidays last year.
I finally told my parents a few days before my last day at work. My mother was surprised, but I knew I had to make that decision on my own. I knew I couldn’t tell them without a back up plan, so I told them I wanted to work full-time from home.
I applied for the home-based job, waited for 3 months for the whole application process to finish only to be turned down in the end. To be honest, I was led on to believe that I will get the job. My friend’s friend who referred me had to tell me that I had been an unfortunate victim of their manager’s power trip to console me, but I had to pick myself up as well and went back job hunting. To no avail, I failed to find a job, because I was either extremely picky or unqualified.
That, along with my grandmother’s death and break up with the ex, all happening simultaneously were 3 of the most devastating things that happened to me last year. Those almost pushed me over the edge and I didn’t know where else to go. My office friends were half-kidding that I take my job back, but thanks to them and their insane updates on even bigger changes in the company, I knew I wasn’t going back.
So there I was, devastated, heartbroken and broke. I didn’t know where else to go but to Him.
Then soon, I realized, working in the said company wasn’t all bad. I had really amazing supervisors and trainers that were not only very patient and helpful but kind people as well. I also got to work with colleagues that were very welcoming, extremely funny and equally helpful. Lastly, I met friends I never even thought I’d be friends with. They made me laugh, they chatted with me during and outside work, they taught me so much about life and they bonded with me over FOOD! (Have I not emphasized that enough? LOL). They all made my experience in a BPO company worthwhile and they helped me adjust easier with all their horror stories from their previous BPO companies and tips in providing great customer service.
Also, everyone was telling me I was very lucky to have worked for that company as it wasn’t the typical contact center with the strict KPIs, and all that shizzz I’m glad I never experienced.
Looking back, I didn’t think I’d reach such a low point in my life. I didn’t know I could go that low. I’m pretty sure it was my worst year, but like I said, it definitely was my best as well. It was a real roller coaster ride for me with all the ups and downs, but I’m glad that not once did I feel disregarded by God. I’m just glad that He was there with me all along. He made sure that it wasn’t going to be all bad for me so I’m even more sure now that He will hold my hand through the good and the bad times, in all the days ahead.
TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE: I’m traveling back in time to write about those 2016 moments that I haven’t had time to in the past year. This is mainly for my own benefit as this blog has been my personal diary for the past 5 years. If you happen to have a chance to share in the joy or to empathize with me, I will be more than grateful as life is better lived when shared. Have a great 2017! Cheers!
I failed miserably to write about a lot of stuff that happened last year. For someone who’s unemployed for 11 months, I never thought so much can actually happen. My 2016 was so packed; I think it was more eventful than the last 26 years of my existence!
I may or may not be going back to work in a few days (keeping fingers crossed), so before my whole world turns around, I’ll be doing a recap of my 2016 and will be writing about those that I haven’t had a chance to write about yet over the next few days.
Pending posts: (hopefully in this order)
Tribute to my Grandma (part 2)
a sad fling
Visita Iglesia Road trip with the clan
Puerto Galera trip with my girlies
Mt. Manalmon (part 2)
Japan trip (God knows how many parts there’d be)
Hong Kong trip
Christmas and NY with my family
Celebrating Nikki’s birthday and graduation with SR
Reuniting and Meeting relatives from La Union for the first time (Lolo Turing’s wake)
What God has done for me and how I give back to Him! 😉
People I met
Things I learned
Things I Look Forward To
Things and People I Pray For
What I’m Thankful for in 2016
This only means that if I write one entry a day, minus all the unnecessary rants and random posts in between and while working out (weh), I’ll be over and done with in 3 weeks. Not bad. Doesn’t sound good either, but I’ll be optimistic about this! LOL! XD
On a serious note, looking at all the things that happened this year, I couldn’t be more grateful to Him up there. Not once did I ever feel neglected and even though there were tough times on that list, the happier times really did dominate.
Now, I’m ashamed that I have been dwelling on the sad stuff when God has been pouring blessings on me all along. I seriously have got to practice counting my blessings more, especially since we welcomed a new year once again!
Last night, I was chatting with my friend, Jan and I couldn’t contain the mixed emotions I was feeling. On the way home from LU last night, it started sinking in on me that I’m about to embark on a new adventure and I can’t help but panic a little. Last thing I remember doing was planning for our trips and booking stuff, and now all that is over, I’m here, having cold feet, feeling a little scared but getting excited at the same time. But what the heck. I just came home from my lolo’s wake and I just realized (yet again) that LIFE IS FREAKING SHORT!
Although I won’t be riding roller coasters or jumping off cliffs anymore again (at least not anytime soon), I surely am braver to do more things that I don’t normally do like striking up a conversation with an aunt I have never met before, or entertaining guests (which I suck at most of the time). I wanna do things that even I will be surprised to know I can do.
I’m not listing any resolutions this year, but I promised God and myself that I’ll be kinder. Simple as that. I’m also done with thinking that people are bad. I welcomed the new year with a cleaner heart and I want it to stay like that for the rest of the year and maybe for the rest of my life.
P.S. I don’t remember listening nor hearing this song in the past days or even the whole entire year that has passed, but I don’t know why I was singing it in my head when I woke up this morning, so I looked for it and I was playing it on repeat mode the whole time I was writing this. PHEEEWWWW!
Can I just dedicate this song to God because I never knew love like HIS before and now I’m lonely never more, since He came into my life! 🙂That is true and I wish it is true for you as well! God’s love is the greatest and they say that you only truly have experienced God’s love when you go out into the world and get to share this love to others as well! Make others feel that God loves them! Make them feel the goodness of God’s heart! Make them feel loved always by doing what Ellen always says, being kind to one another!
Happy New Year! Happy 2017 to all of us! 🙂 CHEERS! May God bless all of us more and may we always pray for each other, not only for those we care about, but most especially for those who are feeling hopeless in life, those in difficult situations, those who don’t know God, all the souls in purgatory and those that are losing faith in Him! Good Vibes all the way! 🙂