Tears for Fears (Scared Sh*itless at 3am) + an urban legend

Shame on me for using a great band’s name for this (sort of) spooky entry, but I looked it up to see what it really means and if it means the same way for others what I think it means for me.

I tried squeezing my brain out for an explanation and I think that it means being tough despite having this huge fear of something. I can just imagine myself in a middle of a dark room feeling really scared while crying hard (not the depressing, wimpy cry). I’m scared to death, but I still have this tough front, to tell the unknown enemy that yeah, I may be crying, but I’m ready to punch you still. So in my imaginary scenario, I’m not just curled up in a corner, but instead ready to lash out on anything that jumps right in front of me.

So I see it working both ways or maybe just ironically. Crying can literally be a sign of weakness or maybe vulnerability but deep down, you know it’s actually a tough man’s act. After all, crying makes us feel better, right? It’s a way to vent out or flush out this negative emotion out of your system then makes you feel so much lighter after.

Okay, I just feel like I robbed this guy’s idea, but how else can you define this phrase?

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It didn’t help that this guy’s definition made crying look even tougher. I mean, getting a tattoo that says “TforF” makes you wanna say, “real guys wear pink” or “tough men cry”.

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I don’t know if I made sense at all. Well anyway, since I don’t think I have ever listed all of my fears in one entry before (at least not all the supernatural ones), I’m doing it today because according to Jane, one of the writers on this group I’ve been following for a long time now, “By naming it [fear], you gain control over it. It no longer has the ability to make you afraid.“. Also, it’s Halloween season, so I’m kind of in the mood to write about the scary stuff, and these shows and documentaries featuring the paranormal mysteries and unexplained phenomena that I’ve been watching the past week may have built up the momentum to do so.

So here goes the things that scare me the most (supernaturals only):

  1. ghosts – I don’t think I’ve ever seen one or felt the presence of one though there’s still this need for me to sprint (faster than Usain Bolt) back to bed every time I have to pee in the middle of the night or when I have to climb up the stairs when most of the people at home are asleep because I ain’t scared of no ghosts, my friend, I’M NOT!!! LOL! To make it worse, I’ve just seen an interview of this priest on tv saying that souls of the departed cannot go back to the living world unless given permission SOLELY by God. So what are these entities we think people really see? Go figure it yourself coz I ain’t gonna. Pag takot, gume-ghetto?
  2. violent ghosts/beings/entities/poltergeists – What’s scarier than harmless ghosts? Well, those that can harm you, of course. Since the priest made it perfectly clear that ghosts are only given permission by God to deal with unfinished business, which also implies that they’re of good nature, it just makes sense that those that do harm are the enemies of God; therefore, only makes these beings scarier. Insidious, The Conjuring, anyone?
  3. batibat – (No this isn’t even close to that puppet show on tv we used to watch when we were young, millennials not included) Have you ever experienced having sleep paralysis? I almost always have before. According to Wikipedia, apparently, this brief inability to move your muscles is a transitional state between wakefulness and sleep. There you go! No biggie, there’s Science behind this sh*t, but have you also heard of the supernatural explanation for this? Well, according to this previous KJMS Gabi ng Lagim episode (not 100% sure though if it was on this show), this paralysis is caused by this big, old, fat lady that sits on top of you when you’re asleep. So when I wake up in the middle of the night (I know I’m awake because I can see my sister sleeping all the way from the other side of the room and I’m aware that I’m awake because I can see everything), unable to move, not even one finger, I’m thinking, “f*ck there’s something sitting on top of me again!”. Crazy imagination, I know.
  4. dark – I wouldn’t really be if it weren’t for #’s 1, 2 and 3. Hate that my imagination goes crazy when it’s dark. I can imagine someone whispering in my ear or that room in the game hotel666 where you have to take a picture of the ghost in a pitch black bathroom using a camera. The tension builds with the ghost not showing up in the first few takes and with the sound of the camera flash recharging before she suddenly jumps at you screaming with the scariest face and I’m scared sh*tless again.
  5. hanging any limb off the bed – I just almost always have this weird feeling that something’s going to pull my hand, feet, even hair if it sticks out of the perimeter of my bed. I know it’s weird AF, but I’ve had this fear since I was a kid, except that when I was young, I would make a fortress out of my pillows. It doesn’t help that I cannot erase that scene when Joey King fell off her bed on the Conjuring off my mind. After seeing that, I think I slept beside my sister again for weeks and curled up in a cocoon smack dab in the middle of the bed every time, with my back against hers. It should be touching hers, btw.hang-off
  6. In relation to #5, I used to be scared AF to sleep with my back facing the edge of the bed. When my sister and I used to sleep on the same bed, my back is always turned to her. Di bale nang magka-bedsores, hindi ako magpapalit ng posisyon hanggang magka-araw, but now that we sleep in separate beds, I’m like, “f*ck! I ain’t getting no sleep tonight!!” every night. Kidding aside, this doesn’t bother me anymore unless I’ve recently seen a scary movie.
  7. being afraid of my own shadow – Figuratively and yes even literally! Again, this only happens when I have recently seen some scary sh*t. I get so jumpy, I literally dove/dived into my sister’s bed and woke her up at the sound of my father’s footsteps one time.
  8. Freaky distorted faces and contorted bodies – I soooooper hate jump scares especially those that you don’t see coming therefore making you spill popcorn all over the floor and curse like shi*t so that people start giving you those death stares that tell you to shut the eff up, ang OA na kasi pero sa loob mo taena eh sa nalaglag yung bato ko sa takot eh, bakit ba? but what I hate more are those that include freaky, disturbing visuals that haunt you for days. After you’ve been caught off guard, you still have to endure whatever that thing that you saw for days, which is a good technique, btw. I’ve literally blurted out to a friend I’m with, one time, “Ano yaaaaaan? POTEK! TAE!” because I felt so confused as to what I was seeing at the moment and at the same time, I’m questioning my choice of film. Parang gusto mo ring sabihin sa direktor, “ano bang gusto mong patunayan? Ha?” That girl that freakishly smiles, or the one that doesn’t, that kid that sits in a corner, or that girl that used to be a gymnast and contorts her body in a way unimaginable, that old man that sits on a rocking chair or that nun with an espasol for a face. They make me adore jump scares, and you know I don’t.
  9. my own imagination (scariest out of the list) – My mind’s so complex (yehes genius pala) or my imagination rather, that I sometimes think I see things that aren’t even there. Ya know, the power of x-ray peripheral vision. And even if I don’t, I think of the craziest things that could happen when I’m alone and scared. There’s this one  story that gives me the chills just thinking about it. It’s one of those urban legends a schoolmate shared when I was in grade school. You see, I studied in an all-girls’, Catholic school run by nuns for 11 years, so you can just imagine tons of urban legends I’ve heard while I was there. There was particularly one that stuck with me to this very day. If I remember it correctly, there was this girl that went to pee in what we used to call the “black washroom” (I don’t know if this is what they call it still), she said that in the middle of peeing, she felt something poking her forehead. She wanted to brush it off and get the f*ck out of there, but it became too annoying that she finally looked up. What she saw sent chills down my spine. It was a nun hanging from the ceiling and the thing that was poking her forehead was the nun’s toes. FUCK DIBA?!?!??!?! Sinong grade schooler and magkkwento nun? I know this must have a thousand other versions and it must have been an urban legend from another school also run by nuns pero nakarating sya sa school namin kaya effing sh*t talaga! Kulang na lang umihi ka ng nakayuko  or nakahawak sa noo eh. I still get scared at times when I think about it especially when I’m peeing in a completely empty and quiet restroom. I also imagine that girl they say that peeks from above the cubicle door when you pee but when you look at the gap below, you wouldn’t see her feet. I also hate the fact that I sometimes imagine my sister turning into some scary sh*t when I sleep on her bed, and she makes it worse by gnarling like an effing zombie with matching eye-rolling.

There are tons of scary stories I will never forget like that UP ikot story from a UP Diliman urban legends clipping that I once cut out from the newspaper, or those freaky stories that the construction workers shared when they were building our house, not to mention those that have been experienced by some of our house helps themselves in the past. I can save those for later. For now, I think I’m going to catch up on some sleep.

Woke up at 3am and I couldn’t go back to sleep, but now can because the sun’s finally out! WAhahahaha!

So you can tell by now how big of a wuss or a chicken I am for still being scared of the dark. There were times that I actually hung up the phone when friends or the boyfriend suddenly changes the topic to say, anything that’s floating. Kidding aside, I’m still grateful that somehow the phrase, “My God is bigger than my problems (or in some cases, my fears)” gives me courage. I know it would take a deeper faith to be able to conquer fears (especially those bigger than ghosts), so I’m working on it. For now, I’ll start by sticking a finger out of my bed even after just watching a scary movie. 😛 Dayum, how I wish I really have gained control of those fears by naming them. A few hours ago, I was making quick glances at the window, thinking I must be inviting negative energies just by writing this entry, but WTF, I did finish it and I did it like a boss! Even made this calligraphy quote of one of my favorite verses that I’m posting on my wall.

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P.S. I really apologize for all the cursing and for trying too hard to be ghetto. My sister rubs off on me sometimes. HAHAHA 😛

Happy Halloween!

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Life Lately / 9

2 days ago, I celebrated my 5th year here on WordPress and I was reminded once again to look back on my life. After all, this is what this blog is really all about, what I made it for– for my future self to have a time capsule to dig up and reminisce on how my life turned out to be.

So I got down and dirty and did a little digging (not funneh)…

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photo is linked to the owner

…and walked down memory lane, in the years 2010 and 2012, to be specific. Funny ‘coz I know always say this, but I really find this whole blog very relative to Dumbledore’s pensieve, because it really does serve as one.

“I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind…. At these times… I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one’s mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one’s leisure.”

-Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)

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photo linked to the owner

So anyway, I was taken back to that really fun time on the first day of my senior year in college, a gameboard night with friends, cute moment with the sis and my parents, all of which I would have completely forgotten AF with a memory like mine (I’m really starting to think I might have early onset Alzheimer‘s disease too). So this made me appreciate more the time I spared (time which all along I thought was just pure waste, but not anymore) to write all this shizzzzz because I know I’d want to go back to every single moment that happened in my life, big or small. In relation to that, I’m having a mini panic attack at the moment, thinking of the craziest things that happened this year that I still have yet to write about. So until those are completely cast in stone, I can’t slack off, not with the year slowly swiftly coming to an end. Hayayayay!

And one more thing I learned throughout this whole reminiscing thing is how I never really write about the smallest, funniest and most embarrassing moments in my life anymore, not that I have a lot of those lately, but still. I realized how I used to be childlike and unworried with the way I see and write about things, whereas now, all I think I really talk about are the heavy and more serious stuff. I know we’re accountable for whatever we write online, but I should really try to be less conscious of that from time to time, just to cut myself some slack. Maybe then I could go back to being the carefree (but still responsible) blogger I used to be. Hair flip!

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photo is linked to the owner

Good thing, things are looking up for me, I hope. Right now, I’m mostly looking forward to the last quarter of the year. Lots of exciting things up ahead like our annual family reunions spent lounging around (chill lang talaga) in the numerous cemeteries were bound to be in again in the next few days (yes, that’s plural and yes at this age, I still find it exciting! There’s nothing like going to a picnic in a park full of dead and the undead).

What I’m not looking forward to is the inevitable and imminent double teeth extraction (for aesthetic purposes! tiis ganda!) that I have yet to set an appointment for. Hopefully that won’t get in the way of the trips we haven’t finished planning yet. There goes another mini panic attack!

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photo linked to the owner

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So clearly, we couldn’t really chill around, especially during these last 3 months of the year, I don’t think…

…much like what my cousin and I did last night after a long day.

She (who has been staying with us for 2 days now for some school stuff) and I planned on cooking this clan-favorite dish (recipe courtesy of our tita’s amazing house help/cook), Ginataang Manok (Chicken in Coconut milk) for dinner, before she suddenly had a change of heart and craved for Pork Binagoongan (Pork in Sauteed Shrimp).

We were both up for it and got so psyched until I realized I thawed chicken instead of Pork so we ended up grilling the chicken instead, but it was sooooo goooood, I’m so excited to try it again soon! We were able to whip up a quickie Chicken Inasal in just about an hour. We were really so hungry and dead-tired after she and I went hotel-hopping for her OJT application around Ortigas  yesterday, so we marinated the chicken for only about 10-15 minutes, which surprisingly wasn’t bad at all. Good thing the lemongrass that has been sitting in the fridge for weeks was still really good! We loved its char-grilled goodness to the bones! It’s either that or we were just really, really hungry and I’m just really, really sugarcoating this AF. LOL!

We used Panlasang Pinoy’s recipe here and we even poured the leftover basting oil into our rice for that real inasal experience. Haha! Boy how I missed inasal. I know we have a big chain of this commercialized grilled chicken in almost every nook and corner, but I really miss the original, less sweet and more authentic taste of Bacolod Chicken Inasal and their garlic rice, which is to die for. Eating this takes me back to those times when my Papa would take all three of us to this resto’s branch that used to sit on the good, ol’ Edsa Central after school when Mama would work overtime. Dang! Good times!

She didn’t look tired here at all. In fact, we were both in soooooper high spirits, it reminded me of That 70’s Show, so I told her all about my favorite scenes of the boys getting high in the basement and watched them after having dinner.

DISCLAIMER: I know the topic of drugs is really sensitive, especially at this time, but for the record, we’re not high on drugs and we won’t ever try it (and the chicken above is marinated in lemongrass mixture and not in any other grass) , but these four sure were (on the show). And not that drugs aren’t to be taken seriously, but I have to say, I’ll never get tired of watching them in their epic circle sessions.

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photo is linked to its owner

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Did you a favor and got you the best scene ever. XD

**Credits to Giphy, Tumblr, Cheezburger for the gifs and memes!

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5 Years on WordPress!

It has been 5 years since I imported a year’s worth of teenage rant from another blog hosting website to this one.

It has been 5 years since I made myself a promise that this will be the last personal blog I’ll ever create, but will maintain until I have grand kids of my own.

It has been 5 years since I have been completely mesmerized by WordPress‘ UI, themes, follow-worthy bloggers and user-friendliness that I never thought of trying out something else. I couldn’t be more content.

I still remember blogging in the wee hours of the night in the study hall of my college dormitory in between studying and prying into juicy celeb life online. And I also prayed I won’t see any dead nuns’ ghosts floating around the halls because that dorm stood there long before my mother went to the same university 3 decades before I did.

Although it didn’t take that long for me to fall in love with writing, it’s still quite a feat to look back and see that it has been a decade and a half since I realized I indeed love to write; and eventually poured my heart out and published my very first informal entry into a web full of strangers and readers that hid behind gravatars and anonymity. It also amazes me to have witnessed how simple, personal blogging evolved and continues to evolve  into what is now considered profitable writing and personal branding. Who knows what blogging will be like in the next 5 years? That, I’m looking forward to be a witness of again!

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So for now, I’ll enjoy the moment and celebrate the “wooden” anniversary of my blog! Can I get a high 5?

P.S. Credits to Jonathan Lavender for the super awesome hand illustrations above.

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Friday’s 10 Happy Things, Volume 4

This is a series and blog link up started by Helga Weber of Ditz Revolution. To quote her, “Friday’s 10 Happy Things is where I/we list ten things that made us smile this week so that we can start the weekend on an even more positive note!”. Click on the button below to join in on the fun!

So here are what I’m thankful for this week:

  1. Got time to rest again after roughing it out in driving school and the infamous city traffic.
  2. Talked to long-lost friends, some are nurses working abroad that are coming back home for the first time in the next few weeks, others are med friends that finally got through their licensure exams and two are from my barkada.
  3. Finally found a legit group/organization for our adventure #1 in December and they’re charging the least among all that we talked to/saw online. Don’t want to jinx it though, so that’s all I’m saying for now.
  4. Found a legit home-based job and passed their test! Gotta hustle while waiting for this other job.
  5. Finally got myself to create a few digital collages after sooo long! Here’s one for Halloween!
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  6. Seeing progress in the big clean up after the home renovations. Still a long way to go though.
  7. Med friend #1 made me realize something that never would have crossed my mind in a million years. Precious little “Light bulb moment” right there!
  8. Eat Bulaga! Been a fan of this show since grade school days, I think. These guys never fail to make me laugh (out loud) every single day. Laughing is very therapeutic for me, so I make sure to get my daily dose of it from them. 🙂
  9. Although I am so saddened by the news of the provinces severely affected by the 2 typhoons that came and went this week, I’m thankful that ours was spared. Praying for Lawin to be the last typhoon to enter PAR this year!
  10. God. Always have and always will. Love today’s reading as well as the sweet, accompanying anecdote on the Our Daily Bread app.

“Your unfailing love is better than life itself; how I praise you!”

                               – Psalm 63:3

Ditz Revolution

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Stuff I See 2: “Kevin ❤ HEART”

If you type in Kevin Hart on Youtube’s search bar, don’t be surprised to see tons of clips of of him everywhere! He’s been on Conan and Jimmy‘s shows a couple of times, rode a roller coaster, visited a haunted mansion, even shared a Lyft with Ice Cube(another favorite) and Conan, not to mention, “helped out” a student driver. He’s literally everywhere and he’s so effing FUNNEHHH, I can’t even!

His clips get millions of views and if that isn’t impressive enough, even the comments on the said videos get thousands of likes. So it’s not a secret that people can’t get enough of him and some even want to be best friends with him. I know I do because he’s so damn cute, like munchkin cute!

People always make fun of his height, but I think that it’s one of the things that really makes him stand out, as well as his voice. He also seems so humble, despite him being on the spotlight and he’s got this great way of telling stories when he’s on talk shows, which is what I feel what draws people to him. Well, we can expect those from him, charisma and wit, being a great stand-up comedian!

Obviously, I love funny people and I would be proud to say that he’s my favorite comedian to date and there’s not one video of him that didn’t make me laugh, yet. I’m such a huge fan, so I’m always on the look out for more of his funny antics.

Here’s some of those I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of watching:

P.S. Ice Cube was freaking hilarious in both videos as well!

photo credit: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0366389/

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