Life ends as I know it

Today, I thought that I’ve gone too far with being someone I’m not. I used to be someone else. I used to be naive, hopeful, but ironically, a hopeless romantic.

I found someone special and to quote Gerry from the movie/book P.S. I Love You, meeting him “was the end of life as I knew it“.

Beautiful quote, isn’t it? I’m never going to get tired of watching Gerard Butler and Hilary Swank in the movie adaptation. They were awesome and they always make me cry, no matter how many times I watch the film. It is after all, my comfort movie. I watch it when I’m happy and even when I’m sad because it has its way of always making me feel better, whether I’m in a mood or not.

I watched it early this afternoon and as always, I broke into tears.

It really isn’t easy losing someone, let alone someone you care for so much; and you don’t realize how special and important he/she is in your life until he/she’s gone.

What makes this a feel good movie, even though everyone knows Gerard’s character, Gerry dies, is that it gives so much hope that no matter how tragic life can get, eventually, anyone can and will get back on their feet, if they want to.

I love how realistic they made the movie seem, how beautiful the twist was, how lovely Irish people and Irish music are, how husband material Gerry’s character is and how moving Holly‘s, Hilary Swank’s character, journey became.

**btw, I love how Gerard’s character’s name started with a G and Hilary’s character’s name started with an H! 😉

Going back, I also love how the movie always reminds me that life is short and that anything can happen. If you’re a softy like me, I know you’d feel as remorseful as I do, every single time I watch this.

Like in the movie, sometimes, life can really be unfair.You lose someone you just can never have back in your life. It’s irreversible and there’s just nothing you can do about it. Likewise, life ends there as you know it. There’d even be a time when you don’t even get to say goodbye. How much more painful can it get than that?

I’m much luckier to get the chance to say goodbye though. It would’ve been harder for me if I didn’t, but I’m still not over the fact that he’s gone as he’s been a part of me and my life for so long that I may have forgotten what it’s like to live without him.

I can’t keep chasing after him though and I can’t keep moping around, at least not for long, so I decided to write to him instead. Writing is very therapeutic for me but I can’t keep putting down everything in here so I thought I’d write to him through another way, through letters. Everyday, I’d write to him until I don’t feel so bad anymore, or maybe until I have finally and fully accepted that he’s gone forever.

I don’t have to give the letters to him though because, duh, he’s gone. I just want to do it because it would seem as if I’m able to talk to him again.

It sucks that life hasn’t been easy for me for the past year and that I had to learn things the hard way, but again, I’m not blaming anyone but myself. I know what I did and I know what I could have done, but didn’t. I’m not wishing for anything right now except that we both get by and find peace in going our separate ways.

So that’s it! I guess it’s time to write him letter #1.

Here are two of my favorite scenes and favorite songs in the movie. One makes me cry and the other makes me feel so giddy.

Love you til the end

Galway Girl

 

“Where we must go…”

“…we who wander this wasteland, in search of our better selves.”

Obviously, I’ve just seen Mad Max: Fury Road. To tell you honestly, I didn’t want to watch this before I read a few reviews online and I didn’t get to watch it until a few months after reading those reviews.

I was extremely overwhelmed by the trailer and I thought I couldn’t possibly handle such a way over the top action movie. You see, I’m more of a Fast and the Furious, Mission Impossible type of girl. Don’t get me wrong, I have this love-hate relationship with war movies, but sometimes they’re just too much, e.g. The Patriot, not to mention, Lone Survivor. I need my action movies to have just the right amount of comic relief in between action sequences, but this movie surprised me in so many levels, in a good way.

I was taken aback by this little quote at the end of the movie. I looked it up and learned from some that director, George Miller made it up himself. I didn’t get it at first so I had to pause the movie and read it about 4-5 times to myself before I got (I think) what the idea was about.

I was like, wait a minute, I could relate to this!! –Emphasis on ‘wasteland’ and ‘better selves. I knew right then and there that I had to take note of it, make it one of my many mantras, maybe even do a quick entry on it on my blog. 😛 It turned out surprisingly inspiring me.

The movie was really good and amidst the dirt, the freaky characters (which I think I might see in my dreams in the next few nights), the furious war boys and all things bad you can think of (but not the visual effects), you can tell that there’s too much negativity, there had to be something good in all of this. I was especially waiting for Nicholas Hoult‘s character, Nux to do something spectacular, seeing that he’s formerly an antagonist but he lived long enough through 98% of the movie, and he did! I also loved Charlize Theron‘s character, Imperator Furiosa, who was my favorite because she alone was screaming girl power! I was fighting the urge to spread grease all over my forehead, not that I don’t have enough of that already. That was how her character exuded true strength, courage and power, all of which I really need at this point in my life.

Life took me by surprise yet again in the past days and just when I thought I couldn’t sink any lower and reach rock bottom, I did. All I wanted to do was sulk and feel sorry for myself and watch all these depressing movies, but I chose to watch this instead, first because it was too early in the afternoon to see a sappy movie, hence I couldn’t weep without my sister seeing me. Second, I’ve seen Love, Rosie before and so I thought I could save it for later at night, when I’m aloud to discreetly bawl my heart out.

Now, I feel so much better knowing that life’s going to be fine even though it really could get worse, and I know it will (how optimistic!). I just feel like I can go through anything now that I’ve been through so much. Seriously though, life couldn’t possibly get any worse than it already is, and I am on the search of my better self, in this wasteland of a world. Too harsh. I know. I’m sorry but I’ll get over this soon. Promise.

I’m slowly realizing that it actually feels good to get hurt, not in a masochistic way. It really does because you’ll learn from it, then you’ll heal and even though you’re scarred, it will serve as a reminder that you’ve been through something you didn’t think you can survive, but you did anyway.

Funny that I came up with all these just because of a pretty little quote in an epic movie. Thanks again, Mr. Miller!

 

Life Lately / 7

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I’m doing another quick, little update for when I want to go back to this moment in the future. I’m hoping that by then, I’ll still feel excited going through the ups and  a lot of downs of my life lately. I know I did a Life Lately entry just a little over a week ago, but I’ve been keeping myself really busy and been doing a lot of catching up on the things that I’ve neglected doing the past months.

So my father is really eager and determined to enroll me in these short photography courses at this really good institute somewhere in Makati. The only problem is, he might have forgotten one little thing, I’m applying for a new job and it’s too early to tell if I would even have time for a 3-day short course, you know, in case I make it, which I should!

He’s also been saving these online tutorials for me and wants me to familiarize myself with his new camera. Apparently, digital cameras are so much complicated than my analog cameras. Who would’ve thought that fully manual, decades-old vintage cameras would be way easier to use in this complicated age of technology? I mean, I understood the fundamentals of photography just fine using my manual cameras, but why can’t I apply all that when using a digital camera? I know, I’m too biased.

Anyway, there’s still so much to like about these well-made, high-tech cameras though (I’m speaking like I’m from the 70’s haha), like the fact that they’re smaller, especially the mirrorless cameras and lighter, thus easier to carry around. My father’s camera has this option to easily transfer photos to other gadgets through wifi. I’m also loving using the manual mode since I get to tweak the settings myself and see the changes in exposure, real time! That I won’t ever get to see in my film SLR. It’s a pretty good camera. A few days of using it made me even want to buy one myself. Plus, it helps in being able to post photos immediately! I missed not having to wait for my photos to be developed before I could write a new entry! LOL!

Phew that was a mouthful!

So early this morning, when I went out to get some mint leaves for my water, I saw all these pretty, water droplets on the leaves of the plants. I’ve been reading about plants lately, mostly on the most ideal time to water them. I learned that apparently, these water droplets can actually harm plants, but only when they haven’t evaporated by noon/hottest time of the day. So that’s why it isn’t recommended to get the leaves wet, unless you do it very early in the morning or late in the afternoon, which gives these time to evaporate in cool air. It is therefore advised to water just the soil especially when the it feels lighter than usual, which means that it’s really dry.

Okay, there’s a lot of side stories on this post! This would definitely take a while! 😛

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Seeing the water droplets made me decide to bring out my father’s camera and shoot, especially since it’s also my favorite time of the day to take photos!

I originally wanted to just get some mint leaves, so I did that and took photos of them too.

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When my parents bought these herbs, they were told that some of those they got were Mint and the other similar-looking ones were Citronella.

That was about 3 weeks ago. This morning, when I was looking at the plants closely, I noticed that these two herbs look awfully the same, except that the other type had pointy leaves that were hairy. Yikes!

So, I had to google what Citronella really looked like and I was beating myself up for not doing it sooner because apparently, citronella looks like grass, because it is GRASS! Wow.

Anyway, I had to check and see what herbs we have growing in our planter boxes. For all I know, we could be keeping carnivorous plants in there or I could be waking up one day to mutated plants that are shooting tennis-ball sized peas, or not. Good news is, I found out that these herbs below with round leaves are Peppermints and those on the photo above are actually Catnips/ Catmint plants!

Catnips are named as such because cats love them! Do the research.

Both Peppermint and Catnip leaves come from the family of mints, thus smell minty and both can be used for indigestion and stomach cramps, but I had to use peppermint for my lemon and mint water just to be safe. Plus, I don’t think I want hairy leaves in my water, not now, not anytime soon.

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We also have Basil plants which look so much better than the Thai Basil plants we got before, but both smell like Basil so who’s complaining?

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I’m still not sure what these flowers are. I couldn’t see anything similar on google, but they look so beautiful and I always stop by to admire them. Plus, ang sipag nila mamulaklak! You can even see new flower buds on this photo!

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After I got my mint leaves, I did my early workout, focusing on my butt, legs and arms (thanks to the daily workout app). Also didn’t forget to stretch and do my favorite dance cardios prior. Loving Club Fitz’ Uptown Funk and Marshall Fitness’ I’m a Slave 4 U!

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There’s my lemon and mint water! 🙂

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Just had my family’s leftover Pad Thai from last night which was soooo good. What’s bad is that my legs, butt and arms are feeling sore as I’m typing this, but it feels good to know that the exercises are really working! Going up and down the stairs feels especially harder and I’m expecting it to be much worse tomorrow, but I’m looking forward to that!

**all photos were taken using Canon a6000.

** listening to:

The Sunday Currently, Volume 12

R E A D I N G  Attachments by Rainbow Rowell. I honestly couldn’t put the book down. It’s one of the lightest and feel good stories I’ve read in a while. I like it more than Eleanor and Park.
W R I T I N G  some good stuff on my planners.
L I S T E N I N G  to nothing. Wow. That’s a first!
T H I N K I N G  of making it right with my mother/parents.
S M E L L I N G  trying my best to…I can smell clean sheets which I changed yesterday and the smell of a freshly laundered shirt even after a whole day of wearing it.
W I S H I N G  I could turn back time.
W E A R I N G  my “Spread the Love” shirt (how fitting!) and a comfy pair of shorts you buy for Php50 in Greenhills or in this bazaar in Taytay.
L O V I N G  my new laptop where I am currently typing this entry and where I typed the last 2-3 entries. I’m also loving the fact that there are such things as portable Photoshop applications!
W A N T I N G  this new job so bad and the Jenny Ofill book! I saw someone on my feed today who has them (2 books of the author, apparently). They must have them in NBS or Fullybooked or Powerbooks already! Keeping my fingers crossed!
N E E D I N G  to make ammends.
F E E L I N G  awful. The worst part is, today’s Valentine’s Day.

Cliché

I was really hoping I could do another collage for this other topic our instructor gave us for our homework, SOULMATES.

It took me days conceptualizing and thinking of ideas on what images to include and how I would like it to look as a whole. Indeed, like what she told us, digital collage isn’t as easy as it sounds.

I put the idea to rest for a few days and cleared my head before deciding to have another go at it today. I reopened the draft I saved and started adding some of the free images she gave us (as promised) on to it. Suddenly, ideas started pouring in. Before I know it, I was getting sucked out of the creative block.

So yaaay! I made another one just in time for Valentine’s day!

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Paris. Cloud 9. Guy on his knees. Sea of flowers. It is exactly what it looks like. No hidden meanings, just one heck of a good, old cliché.

I wish I could make something not as obvious though. I’d like to be one of those collage artists who ever so brilliantly puts 3 images together and that’s it. Message comes through.

I, on the other hand love sprinkling too many images in one collage, making it seem like an amateur’s work. Wait what?! I am an amateur! 😛

Kidding aside, Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Remember what the Beatles say/sing, All you need is love!

and

“Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.”

~ Alfred Lord Tennyson