Celebrating the two of the most important men in my life

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Today we celebrated father’s day and my brother’s last day here in Manila. Tomorrow he’ll be flying to Cebu for work and he’ll be staying there for a month. Then he goes back home for 2 days for a conference/training in July, before he leaves again to stay in Cebu for good, or at least for a year or two. This is his first real job and as mushy as it may seem, it would be heartbreaking for me to see him go (even though I won’t be seeing him off at the airport tomorrow).

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It hasn’t sunk in at all yet, probably because we went to church today like we would on any normal Sunday. We were as usual, making fun of each other during the mass. Went to Katipunan to get some cakes and to our favorite Chinese restaurant in Taytay to get our pre-ordered lunch. Drove around with his extremely loud house music playing in the background. It didn’t feel like his last day at all.

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We had lunch with our family and relatives, and even though his impending trip became the subject of every conversation, it still feels like it isn’t real at all. Am I just imagining it all? Will his flight get cancelled so he won’t have to go yet, at least not for a few more days? Am I going through denial, the first stage in coping with loss? If it is so, then would I have to go through the other stages(anger,bargaining, depression) as well in order to reach the final stage which is acceptance? Why am I overthinking the whole thing? Are my parents feeling the same thing? Is Kat, my brother’s partner-in-crime, too cold-hearted to feel this way?

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Why is it so ironic that I’m having these kinds of thoughts, that I’m feeling sad and all, but I couldn’t even cry a single tear? I’m going to miss my brother. That’s the only reason why, but I couldn’t let it out by crying so my brain’s compensating by sending mixed messages to the other parts of my brain and now I’m going nuts! Oh now my tear ducts finally decided to work again. Really?

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As I was typing the first few sentences of this post, my sister was even asking for the latest episodes of their favorite shows, “Game of Thrones” and “Suits” from him. Am I the only one acknowledging the fact that he’s not going to be here anymore this time tomorrow?? Why isn’t anyone crying at all?

I know my parents are so proud of him, especially my father. Today being a celebration of our fathers’ fruits of labor, isn’t it just fitting to celebrate a father’s greatest achievement in life, which is his children? To be able to see them stand on their own two feet and walk along a path that they have been preparing for, for the longest time……the path of life. I know we are all proud of my brother and I wouldn’t wish him anything but happiness and prosperity in love and life.

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Dear God please be with my brother just as You have been there for him since he came into the world. Keep Him away from all evil, sickness and tragedy. Thank you for giving him what he deserves. 🙂

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