2 months ago, I almost backed out of taking the test due to severe anxiety. I even begged my mother the night before the exams to let me take the test in December na lang because I seriously thought that I wasn’t completely prepared yet, but true enough, like what our Dean/Asst. Dean said during our last pep talk before the exams, UST has been preparing us ever since we first stepped into that school, 4 years ago. Sabi nga nila yung reviews and enrichment daw yung icing na lang sa cake. YUNG SPONGECAKE, matagal na daw na-bake!!! To tell you honestly, I bought reviewers that I merely touched and I panicked on the last 2 weeks before the exams. Been too lax because I kind of had this confidence that no UST-CON will ever fail the boards. Then came the dreaded July 2-3, 2011, my rlemates and I met at St. Paul University’s (alma mater!) entrance and did a little bit of catching up and checked each other’s requirements for the exams. I kind of felt good that we all saw each other before the exams. It helped me a lot kasi I needed to laugh off the anxiety I was feeling that day! I think that we were all anxious…..pero MILD na lang, yung tipong alert yung utak mo and nakakapag-process pa yung brain mo ng matino! Like what they taught us in nursing school, sa stage ng mild anxiety ka usually nakakapagbigay ng health teachings sa patients mo dahil naiintindihan pa nila yung mga binabanggit mo. YES! may na-retain pa sa mga lessons!

Anyway, like what I said, I passed the board EXAMS! Still cannot believe it, and it’s been a week after the results were released. I’m glad that I offered everything to the Lord. Truly works wonders! THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I need to go church-hopping with Mara and Joey and go back to all the churches and saints we asked help from!!!! THANK YOU PO LORD, St. Jude Thaddeus, St. Clare of Assisi, St. Pio of Pietrelcina, St. Thomas Aquinas and of course, St. Paul!!!!!

I also want to thank my family who’s been there for me ever since I took the USTET 4 years ago. Thank you for tagging along during special events at school, for waking up sooooper extra early on Mondays just to take me back to my dorm, for always being supportive through thick and thin and for loving me for who I am. Thank you Papa, Mama, Kat and Jus for sacrificing for me. I LOVE YOU ALL! :’)

I also want to thank all of my relatives, titos, titas, cousins and my lola who prayed for me, day and night!! Nakulitan si God sa inyo, pinasa na Niya ako!!!!!!

I also want to thank my friends, SR: Jacqueline (bestie), Jannina, Christine, Kristine and PUGAKS: Louise, Marion and Mel and my college friends: Mara, Carlo, Maan, Denise, Fen, Chu and Bri, rlemates, classmates, batchmates, college professors, CI’s, Dean and Asst. Dean, to the whole UST-CON. Thank you for being there for me/us. Thanks for all the encouragement and laughtrips na pampawala ng stress and pressure sa boards!!! Thank you all for praying for us, for imparting us the knowledge, skills and attitude we needed. THANK YOU PO!!!!!!

So to all boards passers including all my friends, classmates, college and high school batchmates, KUDOS!!!! We all did a great JOB!!!!! Ready to serve the world with our caring hearts, minds, hands, lahat lahat naaaa!!!!! THIS IS IT!!!!!!

P.S.#1 To Jess (special mention?), na ka-building and ka-merienda ko nung boards, naalala ko lang yung sinabi mo after natin mag-take nung test I ata or test II, sabi mo, “wala namang bumabagsak na UST-CON sa boards diba?” (yung tipong worried pero mayabang? wahahah) To you ateh, thank you lang ah sa confidence na binigay mo nung nagpapanic na ako!!! IKAW NA TALAGA!!! IDOL talaga kita!!! and to my RLEMATES, salamat sa mga feedbacks and last minute reviews and joketimes (in between) pag break time!!! tigas ng ulo pero I love you all!!!!!

P.S.#2: I would never have posted this entry kung di ko pa nabalikan tong entry na to:
KALOKKKKAAA!!!! I LOVE UST!!!!! Goodbye college na talaga and HELLO WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and before I forget, Congrats to my beloved classmates, Bev Ong and Royce Ong (together with  16 other batchmates) for topping the boards!!!! KAYO NA TALAGA, ONG DYNASTY!!!!!! and UST na talaga! sorry mayabang ah, pero top 2 top performing school kasi eh!!! 468/469 test takers eh!! SORRY, minsan lang po magyabang, patawarin!!!!!!!! tomorrow, humble na ulit ako!!! PROMISE! :)))


bakit ba ang LOVE may kakambal na PAIN? SADNESS? AWAY at TAMPUHAN? sana lagi na lang masayaaaaaa…

sana hanggang first half lang text na to yung mafeel ko…:((((

malamang sa sobrang sama ko, ganito sabihin mo….

but still, i’m always hopeful na magiging okay pa rin in the end…..EMO shit kaasaaaarrrrr!

strawberry fields forever…

I came across Kiana Valenciano’s profile on twitter and saw her current background which is somehow similar to the strawberries in the movie “Across the Universe”, which also happened to be one of my favorite movies/musicals of all time (big beatles fan here). So I looked for some shizz HERE and i found these! I was supposed to make gaya Kiana and make the first pic as my background pic on twitter kaso kakahiya eh! hahaha! follower ko siya? (conyo-conyohan ka na teh porket bum ka?) labo.

Anyway, this made me miss ACROSS THE UNIVERSE and made me sing Jai guru deva om (again and again and again), so now i got the LSSyndrome (which unfortunately can only be remedied by another song that’d get stuck in yerr head…), daming satsat………………

To make the long, pointless story short….I wanna look for that dvd of mine wherever the hell ONDOY took it and watch it again sometime…… I MISS THE PSYCHEDELIC, HIPPY VIBE of the movie. Go watch it and GET LSSed by BEATLES songs! You;ll love it for sure!! Plus, Jim Sturgess from the movie 21 and upcoming movie One Day is the lead star!!! AWESOMENESS!!!!

of love and loss…

Today, as I had breakfast, I started checking out FB and Twitter (as usual), and sadly, I learned that the sister of one of my dearest college classmates, who also happened to be one of the happiest people I’ve met and whom I have been lucky enough to be friends with especially during our last year in college, lost her sister yesterday due to cerebral hemorrhage secondary to a ruptured aneurysm.

This classmate of ours texted us last Wednesday asking for prayers when her sister had an unexpected seizure attack which rendered her unconscious. A few hours later, she texted again telling us her sister was then already in comatose. My heart sank deep and immediately, I was at a loss for words. Her sister and I weren’t friends but there was this heavy feeling in me that made me fall in deep thought for a while. Maybe because I knew that she was very young and I can always remember her as the girl whom like her sister had this really, really cute and sweet smile. Today, I also learned that close friends made this beautiful FB page for her. It was then that I realized how truly blessed her family is to have a beautiful girl like her who gained a lot of people who loved her. I know that her family will be touched knowing that at least their daughter lived a very beautiful life filled with love and happiness. So wherever she is right this very moment, I know that she still has that smile that even a very depressed and problematic person could not resist smiling back to.

And before I end this, I’d like myself and everyone else to realize that in every loss, there is also something we gain. We might not know the reason for these losses in life, but in time, with genuine acceptance, we learn that God has already had everything planned for all of us. It is our duty instead to know whatever it is that He has in store for us, what His purpose is for us because we are merely His instruments for a much greater plan beyond this mundane life we are all living.

And as everyone always says especially in times like these, LIFE IS SHORT and we all know what comes after that! God bless us all!

Millicent Pangilinan
joined Christ in paradise August 4, 2011
**Photo was taken from her FB page and apparently her last FB profile pic.

it’s always been a dream of mine to….

be a film maker… ever since I discovered the joy of editing videos back in high school. I made videos and gave it to friends as gifts for their birthday. I made our school trips more memorable by “immortalizing” them in videos. I made videos of special family gatherings and gave a copy to my relatives so they can relive these celebrations and enjoy them as much. 

Then came college. My classmates and rlemates and even professors (i think) were also amazed by what I can do. I never used windows moviemaker so most of them were surprised to see a different set of effects, transitions etc, but mostly, I think they were amused by the wit and humor I like to put into those projects. As expected, I became the semi-permanent video editor for most of our projects all throughout college. There were times that I even had to direct the films myself! Hindi naman sa pagbubuhat ng bangko pero I could not deny the fact that I enjoyed watching those videos as well because I made sure that those did not only meet the objectives of the project, but also made people interested and amused. 

True enough, I succeeded in creating those projects. I cannot explain the joy and fulfillment I felt when we watched those videos in class. When you hear people laughing hard, applauding, crying out a few “Yes namans” and “woohoos”, you cannot ask for more, but thank God instead na natapos mong i-edit yun the night before. HAHA!

Though I said I did well and succeeded in doing all the dirty work, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it was pure happiness that I felt while making those. I experienced not sleeping at all just to finish editing in time. I cried a lot and bargained for more time from God. I even had to absent myself from morning classes, onde day and had my parents bring me to school in time for the film showing (last period ata of that day). There was even a time when I had to talk to our professor because I literally was finishing a video on the class period when it was about to be shown. Those were the most anxiety-provoking, distressing and most horrifying days of my life, but I will never exchange those moments for anything much less because I learned a lot and to tell you again, I felt rewarded and fulfilled every single time. Of course, I wouldn’t have learned moviemaking and photoshop if it weren’t for my truly talented father, my idol (ibang entry ko na lang i f feature si itay! and other family members…).

After graduation, people will talk a lot about their plans and what’s up ahead for them and sure there were some who wanted to try something different, something unrelated to the course we’ve taken. One of those was me. 4 years ago, I would’ve taken film making in UP but I chose a science-related course instead. I was being more practical and realistic than being idealistic. I was thinking that I would be more successful if I was a nurse than if I made indie films or if I followed in the footsteps of my father, being an artist. Since I wasn’t as talented as my father, and since I passed the entrance exam and interview in UST for my first choice which was nursing, I considered it one of my dreams come true. No one really forced me to take up this course but myself and I’m glad I did because I learned a lot and I loved it even if most times I almost wanted to give up. So four years later, I found people who were having the same dilemma I have and I’m glad that I am not the only one who feels like doing a whole lot of other things in life other than the path we’ve chosen. I wanted to study again. I wanted to take up FINE ARTS and FILM MAKING in UP if time and my parents would forbid me to. I wanted to take Culinary classes and Creative Writing classes. I wanted to be a photographer, travel blogger, food blogger. I wanted to design my own clothes (inspired by the TV shows I watch), I wanted to go sky diving, bungee-jumping, surfing, wakeboarding, snow-boarding and a lot of other extreme sports. I wanted to jump off a cliff. I wanted to dive. I wanted to do all those things and I still want to and I know I can if only I’d give it a try. But as for now, I know what I have to do and I am not regretful of the decisions I made in the past. I love my life and I know someday, I will be able to do all of these. 

OPS di pa tapos…. haha!! This morning, a college batchmate posted a link on FB and just reading the title and seeing familiar faces such as TADO, ERNING, RAMON, JUN and RA (whom I have been looking up to ever since STRANGEBREW days pa lang), I did not hesitate and watched it immediately. True enough, it was REALLLY ENTERTAINING but more importantly, very HELPFUL as well. Even though they made it look like a big joke, it wasn’t because it was real and I know that these people are really geniuses when it comes to indie film making. This is why I wanted to take up FILM MAKING in UP SOOOO BAD, because I wanted to meet Ramon Bautista (BIG FAN OF STRANGEBREW and BREWRATS radio show) and because I wanted to learn more about this ART. I even wanted to make my own strangebrew back when I was younger! That’s how inspired I was when watching that show. It seemed so pointless back then, but looking back, I realized that they were truly brilliant people. HANDS DOWN to all of them!

So here are RAMON, TADO, JUN, ERNING, RA and LOURD in WORD OF THE LOURD!! ENJOY and make sure you LEARN a lot!