You know what sucks? it’s having to come home, tired from the long commute from school and having that hunch that your parents argued again…. straightforward eh. OO dinederecho ko na, since pagpasok ko sa bahay, hindi ako kinulit ni mama. And to think that I have been having a bad day since dismissal time since I’ve been having these ill/paranoid thoughts again. Mejo nakakaasar lang na sobrang BV ko kahapon, so I just kinda slept through it after having dinner by myself. Gaaawwwd what’s happening again? Dumagdag pa yung issue with bestfriend so I just had to take it out on twitter. So I made parinig–conyo? (but it wasn’t meant for one person only kaya nga all I said was magsama-sama kayong lahat). Yehes, Those. Strong. Words. Too strong pa ata that got “some” people concerned *wink wink* and others affected. Thank God.
It’s really hard for me to come to terms with frustration, with arguments, with sadness since I’m naturally a happy person. So I just feel like every sadness is a punishment or every sadness is there to balance things out especially if you’ve been sooo happy for a time (masyado kang masaya, magpaka-emo ka naman, tipong ganun). Maybe because I didn’t pass by the church on the way home?? (but still, that’s where I went to first thing in the morning like what I always do). Haaaaaaayyyy, na-feel ko tuloy na yung thing dito sa bahay eh dahil sa tinatamad si tooots na sumama sa family roadtrip kaya nagpapaka-badtrip na lang siya para di kami makasama? Shet sama… JOKE LANG!! I really want to go pero ever since Sunday (when mama told us the bad news) na feel ko na rin naman na baka nga di na matuloy. I was looking forward to this week (well siguro sabi ni God, this week is not a time for a family roadtrip, it’s a season of sadness so heto na ang ultimate downer) since last last week pa ata. GGrrrrrRrrRr
To add to this, my bestfriend and I are going through a rift these past days or past week na ata. I think that somehow my parinig on twitter made her realize that I finally lost it. Had I not tweeted that, I don’t think she would wanna talk to me or apologize man lang coz she’s always like that. I know she’s going through a lot of things too (and she explained everything to me when she texted last night, after reading my tweet I suppose) but she always makes me feel guilty of something I’m not even aware of. Ayoko pa naman yung bigla na lang nagagalit nang walang dahilan. Paano ako mag-s-sorry diba, eh hindi ko man lang alam yung dahilan. But I should talk to her soon, maybe later….
Lastly, I just found out
something….scratch that—a lot of things pala about certain people whom I thought are good people (good people naman sila, kaya nga nung may something lang silang nagawa, it made me think, sila ba talaga yun? nagawa nila yun?), but don’t take this the wrong way. I am not in the right position to judge or to rant about them since I don’t know the whole story (and I know that they’re good people talaga haha), but it made me think twice about a lot of things, even this “thing” that’s been making me giddy and happy for a few months now. I know that they do have their reasons for doing what they did, and I understand that. What I cannot accept is the way they did it. Pero may tama bang paraan pano gawin yun? siguro meron pero di ko alam kung paano. Anyway, I am not, in any way involved in this issue (nakikisali pa kasi), napaisip lang ako (being paranoid with trust issues) baka may chance na mangyari rin sa akin yung nangyari dun sa taong kakilala ko (which is scary, btw). I know I’m being too safe in writing about this issue hahahah takot. hindi ko na nga maintindihan yung pinagsasabi ko. LONG STORY SHORT: I’m afraid of a lot of things and i’ts making me think of even more scarier things…a lot of what if’s and what nots. It’s making me doubt the things I thought were real (di ko na alam paniniwalaan ko). Masama na kung masama pero paano kung nang-t-trip lang pala yung mga tao? Paano rin pala kung hindi man sila nang-t-trip, pero one wrong move ko lang gawan na nila ako ng masama? I’m not perfect. I’m not even close to being half the person who’s close to perfect kaya pano kung may magawa lang akong isang maling bagay? SHUUUCKKKSS paranoid!
Anway, my bestfriend and I are not in good terms right now, so I cannot share this to anyone but you, my beloved blog….. kausapin ba daw? anyway….. at least I was able to take it out kahit papanoooo…
It’s almost 5am! Gotta prep for review class again!!! YES KELANGAN GANYAN KA-ENTHUSIASTIC! I’m looking forward to a much better day so I need this POSITIVITY! God bless us all! Have a great day! 🙂 –> yep, that’s a smiley my friends! Nag-s-smiley na ako ngayon! 🙂 😛 XD