I was kinda hoping that today’s going to be such a downer like yesterday. Fortunately, I’m too much of a happy person (like all of my RBC’s have happy faces on them and they flow through my body and bring happiness to my whole being) that I don’t get upset that long. Yesterday, I was so emotional that I had those moments staring blankly at the ceiling and kept thinking and rethinking of whatever the hell I did yesterday (see previous post), but since I was able to let it out (by praying and sharing it to some stranger), I do feel so much better right now. I may really have a bipolar disorder for having such extreme emotions shift from one to another. But I think that being able to express it through blogging and praying is more than a hundred notches higher than beating myself up or keeping everything to myself to pile up and explode later.
ANywhooo, I am glad that I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will never ever stop committing mistakes in this lifetime and boy am I even happier that I have gotten past that stage of depression and went straight to acceptance phase. Now, I am nothing like what I’ve been yesterday. I was able to laugh at myself again and have moved on. Finally. Thank God and for my friends and for myself. Still, I wanna graduate already and get this over with! drama ko talaga, i love it.
I had been preparing for this major major report for almost the whole of the remaining days of the sembreak after we passed our thesis last Nov. 4. I was pretty much engaged those last few days after All Saints’ Day and before classes resumed last Nov. 10 that I have literally been up working my head off through several straight days and nights, with occasional pee breaks and privileged meals. I have never been so engrossed in such a schoolwork like this in my whole life and to think that final revisions for thesis and the thesis defense itself were only days ahead after classes resume. So to cut the long story short, I had yet made my biggest mistake and failure today as I have literally poured everything I have worked hard for for weeks down that freaking drain!! I had not only made a fool of myself, but I also proved to everyone in class today that I am such a stupid, nonsensical, trying hard student whose much better off called (whatever synonym of failure you have in mind right now).
Anyway, I’m glad that we’re almost halfway through. I really, really need a break and I need to catch up on a much needed sleep! Thank God tomorrow’s enrichment schedule is only up to 12 noon (but I doubt that there’s no catch to it, so I much brace myself for whatever that is going to be).
You know, I never would have thought that there will come a time in my life that I would feel depressed as I am these past days, that I am not smart enough. It would have been much more acceptable for me to feel down for not being as pretty or as fashionable as the rich and the famous, but never for the fact that I am not as mentally gifted as the others. It’s not that I don’t want to be smart at all because I do, but not to the extent of me being so grade conscious and becoming either vain or bitter that I am much more better or worse than the others. And who are these “others” that I keep talking about? Well, It is them who have been pressuring me for the past 4 years I’ve been in college (rather, 3 and a half years).
Sometimes, being a mediocre or an average person won’t keep you on the safe zone all the time. Sometimes, average people can and will try to keep up with the superior people and by the time they are in the midst of a battle, they’d feel exhausted and come to a point wherein they lose hope and surrender. Good thing this average person that I am does not give up that easily. Thanks to another good thing I call faith. It’s really a blessing for me to have been a Catholic, with a deep enough faith in the Lord and a strong support system because I would never have survived this path I’ve chosen to take if not for them. So I thank you Lord, my friends and family for not giving up on me. Somehow, I’ve always thought that in the end, everything will fall where they rightfully belong and I cannot wait for that to happen! So, so much for the emo days, the crazy and wild me is back and kicking! Hopefully the emo days won’t come back, not until they are about lovelife naa. echos! good night everyone! Don’t give up on life coz God will not give up on YOU!
Just so you know, you worthless groupmate… ANG HARSH! (baka makarma)… nonetheless, I still hate you. How I wish I could put you through the same perils and adversities I’ve been through yesterday!! DRAMA QUEEN?!?! NAKOOOO God bless you na lang talagaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…. GRRRRR!!!!!!
Hey you! YES YOU, dayum you thesis! We are so through! WE ARE OVER!! I can’t believe I finally made it through the rain!! Kahit wala pang defense… GRABE intense.
I only slept for 4 hours yesterday!
FROM 2am-5:41 am the next day!! INTENSE!
THANK YOU PO LORD!!!!!!!!
Please bless our thesis!!!