there’s a reason why you can’t fight that feeling any longer…

and it’s not love, i’m telling you. why on earth am I doing something I shouldn’t be doing? Anyway, as much as I want to hate the world for all the sadness, frustrations, sufferings, occasional loneliness and all the craziness it brings, I still can’t deny the fact that it also gives me all the best feelings in the world. It gives you the feeling of magic and happiness, that heart-stopping feeling of first loves, of what-ifs and what-nots. Aside from the feeling of unfailing laughtrips with family and friends, you also experience the pure love every single moment brings, every single day of this life. 

I want to feel inspired, to feel wonderful, to feel fine, but most of all, I want to feel perfect even though in reality, I’m just a simple, shallow and crazy hopeless-romantic waiting for her chance to experience all the magical feelings they say are true in fairy tale books… I want to be able to experience in my heart, mind and soul the very feeling Claire Danes’ character, Yvaine felt in the movie, Stardust….

I could go on and on, but the time won’t allow me anymore to… so to end this pointless entry, I would like to share this again and again and again. I’ve shared this on my previous blog and I will share it here to you again… my favorite line from one of my most favorite movies of all time….

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange – no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. 
-Yvaine, Stardust, 2007

worst feeling ever…

You know what’s the worst feeling ever? Having a full stomach that feels like food’s at the level of your throat ready to be thrown up anytime.. That’s exactly how i’m feeling right now. My roommate, Caks and I went to the famed Dapitan square to have dinner and we ended up buying extra servings of rice, kare-kare and steamed fish. I never thought I would end up almost not being able to stand up on both feet and almost close to fainting.

And as if that’s not bad enough, I fought with one of my rlemates whom I’ve grown close with over the semester, again. I honestly didn’t think it would hurt her that much that I have sort of and slightly dissed the show she was enthusiastically sharing with us this morning. I was probably being my insensitive self again said the wrong things carelessly. What’s worse is that she overheard me telling off my seatmates rudely and jokingly as to why they were bullying me again. Thinking that it was her I was being rude at, she made a sooper scary comment. Anyway, I apologized before we parted ways. I’m not sure though if she accepted it. I wasn’t really expecting her to be mad at me like this. It was yet another shallow thing to be this mad at a person, but then again, who am I to say this right? 

As much as I would want to dwell on it and be depressed again, I don’t want to because I don’t want to ruin my day because of just one person. There are way too many other things that I need to think about and if she doesn’t forgive me, then it’s her decision and I can’t force her to forgive me if she doesn’t want to. Besides, I am so tired of people being so awfully sensitive these past weeks. I am so tired of getting on people’s nerves all the time. I am tired of accidentally being other people’s bagsakan ng problema or init ng ulo though I can’t blame them if we’re all a bit pressured with all the schoolwork, not to mention the personal dilemmas and the THESIS that needs accomplishing before the semestral break. 

SO Lord, thank you for this day. Thank you for the FOOD we ate. thank you for the people I’ve hurt today. Without them, I wouldn’t have learned another valuable lesson for today. Hopefully I become more sensitive to the people around me, even though they don’t always do the same for me…. God bless us all.