there’s a reason why you can’t fight that feeling any longer…

and it’s not love, i’m telling you. why on earth am I doing something I shouldn’t be doing? Anyway, as much as I want to hate the world for all the sadness, frustrations, sufferings, occasional loneliness and all the craziness it brings, I still can’t deny the fact that it also gives me all the best feelings in the world. It gives you the feeling of magic and happiness, that heart-stopping feeling of first loves, of what-ifs and what-nots. Aside from the feeling of unfailing laughtrips with family and friends, you also experience the pure love every single moment brings, every single day of this life. 

I want to feel inspired, to feel wonderful, to feel fine, but most of all, I want to feel perfect even though in reality, I’m just a simple, shallow and crazy hopeless-romantic waiting for her chance to experience all the magical feelings they say are true in fairy tale books… I want to be able to experience in my heart, mind and soul the very feeling Claire Danes’ character, Yvaine felt in the movie, Stardust….

I could go on and on, but the time won’t allow me anymore to… so to end this pointless entry, I would like to share this again and again and again. I’ve shared this on my previous blog and I will share it here to you again… my favorite line from one of my most favorite movies of all time….

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange – no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. 
-Yvaine, Stardust, 2007

worst feeling ever…

You know what’s the worst feeling ever? Having a full stomach that feels like food’s at the level of your throat ready to be thrown up anytime.. That’s exactly how i’m feeling right now. My roommate, Caks and I went to the famed Dapitan square to have dinner and we ended up buying extra servings of rice, kare-kare and steamed fish. I never thought I would end up almost not being able to stand up on both feet and almost close to fainting.

And as if that’s not bad enough, I fought with one of my rlemates whom I’ve grown close with over the semester, again. I honestly didn’t think it would hurt her that much that I have sort of and slightly dissed the show she was enthusiastically sharing with us this morning. I was probably being my insensitive self again said the wrong things carelessly. What’s worse is that she overheard me telling off my seatmates rudely and jokingly as to why they were bullying me again. Thinking that it was her I was being rude at, she made a sooper scary comment. Anyway, I apologized before we parted ways. I’m not sure though if she accepted it. I wasn’t really expecting her to be mad at me like this. It was yet another shallow thing to be this mad at a person, but then again, who am I to say this right? 

As much as I would want to dwell on it and be depressed again, I don’t want to because I don’t want to ruin my day because of just one person. There are way too many other things that I need to think about and if she doesn’t forgive me, then it’s her decision and I can’t force her to forgive me if she doesn’t want to. Besides, I am so tired of people being so awfully sensitive these past weeks. I am so tired of getting on people’s nerves all the time. I am tired of accidentally being other people’s bagsakan ng problema or init ng ulo though I can’t blame them if we’re all a bit pressured with all the schoolwork, not to mention the personal dilemmas and the THESIS that needs accomplishing before the semestral break. 

SO Lord, thank you for this day. Thank you for the FOOD we ate. thank you for the people I’ve hurt today. Without them, I wouldn’t have learned another valuable lesson for today. Hopefully I become more sensitive to the people around me, even though they don’t always do the same for me…. God bless us all.


Earlier, I was checking out movie trailers like Unbreakable (M. Night Shyamalan), Unstoppable, Despicable Me, One flew over The Cuckoo’s Nest etc. The last one yielded a related video documentary about the infamous lobotomist, Walter Freeman. 

Yes, you read that right. INFAMOUS. According to the documentary, he specialized on this procedure only after a week of mastering it. Walter’s son elaborated that during the very first time the surgery was done, an icepick was inserted into the patient’s eye socket and jammed with a hammer into the skull and wiggled into the patient’s brain. The patients develop black eyes after the procedure.

I watched the whole thing and I learned that even Walter’s co-surgeons passed out if they didn’t threw up during the procedure. I was freaked out while watching the actual videos of his surgeries. It was so intense, I was covering a part of my eye during the latter part of the video. You can see it for yourself and learn about the wonderful world of Psychiatry!

Also, at the beginning of the video, you will see the nurse prepping the very first patient to undergo lobotomy under Dr. Walter and how she underwent ECT or Electroconvulsive Therapy (wherein they introduce around 70-100 volts of electricity into the patient’s head to induce a therapeutic grand mal or tonic clonic seizure).

I got curious as to what the movie, One flew over the cuckoo’s nest was all about since my groupmates watched the film on one duty day we missed because we had our own completion duty at Fabella Hospital. It was the last day of our NCMH affiliation duty and it was a film viewing day. 

Tomorrow will be the start of our last shift for this semester. I will be missing NCMH and our cab trips to Mandaluyong and the once-in-a-lifetime experience we had there. It was definitely a different learning experience for me and the rest of my groupmates. This last shift for the semester, my best friend, Nikki will be assigned to the same Pavilion we were assigned to (Acute ward). Hopefully she enjoys the experience as much as I did. 

P.S. This is the docu. just the sound of the background music gives me the creeps…

i bumped my head into one of someone’s ceiling beams today…

Last night, my high school friends met up at galle to celebrate JUCI’s 21st birthday! My thesismates and I extended our meeting time up until around 6:30 in the evening, so I had no choice but to run haggardly along lacson street to UST catwalk to meet up with Nikki, before we took the LRt to gateway. Then we took a fun cab ride to galle (fun because the cab’s engine kept dying atop the flyover at Edsa Shrine).

The dinner was short, crazy but nevertheless, FUN! I love it. Though we only had at least an hour to get together, I’m glad that I we still managed to spend time together, with no one missing! I’m also glad that though it is almost impossible to squeeze in any fun UBE moments in between our hectic schedules, we still manage to do so, out of love for one another. MUSHY but it’s true. (you cannot imagine what great measures and stunts we pulled off just so we could arrive before the mall closed and got Juci disappointed!).

Anyway, Juci, the birthday girl, treated us at Burgoo and I loved everything (shempre ako pa! lahat naman gusto ng sikmura ko lalo na’t gutom!) From the chicken appetizer with blue cheese dip, veggie roll, CHEESY MASHED POTATO, pizza and seafood pasta! I told you I loved everything. Just naming them makes my mouth water!! Meeting time was 6pm ata, we arrived at around 9:30 naaa coz we (Nik, Jan and I) had to run to NBS pa to buy balloons!! We even helped out with the balloon sticks just so we could finish faster. (gosh bakit ganito ako mag-talk ngayon?).

Boy, am I glad that though we only had more or less an hour to be together, we were still able to have fun and get loud, wild and crazy! 

Last time I posted birthday pictures here was at Chris’s place last July. I wonder where we’ll be on Jan’s Birthday. I really wonder how we’re gonna celebrate hers when she’s in Dumaguete!! oh nooo!

At around 45 minutes past 9, Juci suddenly realized that she still hasn’t claimed her stuff at the package counter. The mall closes at 9pm! So we had to get those at the employee’s entrance behind the mall. At around 10 pm, aside from a few employees, the four of us (because Chris had to go ahead) walked our way out of the almost empty mall. 

HAD a SWELL TIME YESTERDAY! I love my friends soooo much!

Today, I had to wake up as early as 6 am to text our study’s pilot participants and leave for school at around 7:30 am. Had a quick breakfast with my family and checked facebook before I finally took the G-liner. An hour and a half later, I was preparing the papers needed for the pilot study. At around 1 pm, we’re done. Will go back to them tomorrow before our duty starts at 12 noon!

Tonight, I have tons of stuff to study! Hopefully I won’t go to school unarmed tomorrow! I need to stay awake for the rest of the night. Will listen to DJ Tom Alvarez later!!

P.S., I read one of Paolo Coelho’s tweets earlier and through him, I learned about the story of the Fisherman and the Businessman. To tell you the truth, I needed that! It was very timely of Paolo (yehes, first name basis) to tweet that, now that I am almost through with college and I have no idea what to do next! Hopefully, you guys get to read it and be inspired as well! 

Good night! Don’t let the bed bugs bite! Toodles!

hear ye, hear ye!

The semester’s about to end…

Ex-batchmates from lasalle are about to graduate… some already have… and yet here I am, still clueless as to what I have to do for our thesis to finally push through…

that does sound a little bit poetic, doesn’t it? But it sort of just came out as I am slowly typing this. A few hours earlier, I read and re-read my rlemate’s blog. She has finally updated after 4 months. Then, I stumbled upon an entry of ala paredes’ latest entry about people being judgmental and all. Then after that, I started looking for other celebrity blogs that I used to visit before. Lo and behold, they’ve all updated their blogs as well. I also visited some of my ex-batchmates’ blogs, thus the reason for my reminiscent and emo intro…

This week is the beginning of an end. Quite ironic and unoriginal (i got this from one of laguna beach’s episode titles), this is, but it’s the truth. Slowly, the semester’s coming to an end. The days might have seem long and tiring, but when I come to think of it, I would never have thought that 3 months have already come to pass. I always say and think at the beginning of every scheduled hospital shift, “this is going to be a long one…”, but I would always take whatever I said back in the end saying otherwise.

I never even realized that the final grading period has come if it wasn’t for my etar professor who acknowledged that very fact! I was caught up with all the pressures in school that I often get disoriented with time (which isn’t a good sign at all). Suddenly, I was awakened by the fact that the monthly and preliminary grading periods have passed by like a breeze and This FINAL grading period is also my last chance to make up for what I have lost. I never thought that time would fly this fast. At the beginning of the school year, I could still remember having high quiz grades, but now, I have slowly been taken aback by my performance. Well, not really. I was expecting this to happen. Hopefully, I can still change that and won’t let myself fall down in vain. I should try to work as hard as I can to reach my goals, this time! I can still do this! I just have to have faith and strive HARDER!!!

please Lord, Help us all!