SISTER APPRECIATION POST

I think it’s about time to finally write something decent about my sister. After all, she’s been my silent confidante since the beginning of time, way before the dinosaurs walked the earth. lol.

In a month’s time, she will be getting married. I know that it will happen for her eventually, but it shouldn’t be this fast, right? To me, we are still in high school and all our problems still revolve around quizzes and asking our parents if we could go to the mall with our friends. Why is it suddenly all about growing up and leaving the nest?

I guess I’m kinda feeling needy because even though we have never been the kind of sisters who spill everything to each other, we’ve always been close in a way that we know we would always have each other’s back no matter what. I always counted on that and for good reason.

I remember back in grade school, I would be so protective of her during school fairs for fear of her being caught and detained in the jail booth. lol. She would be this crazy silent kid back then and we’d always be together waiting for papa to pick us up after school. I didn’t know what was going on in her head, but her presence gave me a sense of comfort after a long day in school. That moment after school was somehow what I looked forward to the most. I was probably suffering from anxiety at such an early age, but I’m glad I knew that despite being worlds apart in our huge school, I had someone I can be with if something came up.

We’ve probably never talked about this a lot anymore, but growing up, she would also be the one with the highest grades in school. She was consistently studious up until college. She never failed in anything and our parents never had any problems with her in school. She never got into any trouble and she was always the goody two shoes in the family.

In high school, I assume that she finally came out of her shell and became more aware of her identity and what she wants in life. She then met her friends who’ll soon also become her bridesmaids at her wedding. She became more outgoing and outspoken. She transformed into the exact opposite of who she was as a kid. It was a coming of age moment that bloomed into a go-getter, firm decision maker, girl boss that she is today, and I look up to her for that.

She learned to go places, to go after what she wants, to explore herself more. She made decisions unfazed even by the constant, indirect nagging of mama. She was an epitome of a woman who knows what she wants and gets it.

This is why I often say that she is the ate (older sister) I never was. At times, I’d go to her for advice. More often than not, she would be the planner of our family travels. She knows how to adult more than I do. She’s good with money. She’s scary like mama, whom she often clashes with too. I guess she’s the only one in the family that mama is secretly scared of too. She [mama] cannot sway her easily like she does with me. And lastly, she is the boss of her own life. I couldn’t be more envious of her.

Film Photographs by yours truly with my favorite muse!

xoxo,

HOPE AMIDST DARK TIMES

It’s been exactly a week after the elections, yet I still have a heavy heart, with crying bouts every once in a while when I am overwhelmed with emotions and fear of the unknown looming over. I cannot seem to accept the truth or “the truth” that is forced upon a nation that only truly wants good governance.

It’s only been a week, yet I have cried more than I did after a break up. It pains me so much more because I’m scared not only for myself, but for my loved ones and millions of hopefuls. I often ask myself, “What happens next? Will I finally make a decision to move out of the country? Will our life in the Philippines be highly dependent on whether we are pink or red? What about my family?”

There are times that I’d drive to work and feel my chest tighten whenever I see campaign stickers of the opposing party. I’d often catch myself staring blankly at the unknown, unable to function at work. Sometimes, I’d panic. A lot of times, I’d cry. Most people, even Kakampinks say, they weren’t surprised that the red-green tandem won. I was. I really had high hopes and I was excited for a chance at a better Philippines.

Sadly, I was wrong.

As I write this, I’m reminded once again to accept the reality that life has its way of teaching us lessons the hard way, of helping us remember the mistakes of the past, of further building our character, of seeing beauty in chaos and of understanding that we cannot always get what we want, even if it is for the greater good.

To quote one of my LK-passionate friends, J, “Di pa handa ang Pilipinas para sa isang President Leni Robredo“. In a way, I agreed, not in a negative, blaming tone, but with a hopeful, “carry on” mentality that someday, we will be.

PAIN

How many times have you been hurt? When was the first time you did? Any debilitating ones? And do you also ask yourself again and again, why the heck do we need to experience pain?

As I write this, my eyes are a bit swollen from crying about a certain character in one of the fictitious series I’ve long been following. I won’t spoil anything, don’t worry. When the episode was over, I took a leak after holding it for too long and realized, how many times do we have to experience pain in our lifetime?

In my 31 years of existence, I’ve experienced all kinds of pain. Not even gonna sugarcoat it with “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, because it fucks the shit out of you. From jellyfish stings, to my oftentimes unbearable period cramps, to losing myself and even loved ones and to thinking that one day, I’ll lose more.

Was supposed to publish this a few days ago, but I didn’t feel like doing so ’til today when I learned about a girl, an artist only a year younger than me, found dead. Another loss, another reason to feel pain, but it doesn’t stop, does it? Pain is part of life, ironically.

Back in college, a professor once said that people tend to forget what pain feels like. She was teaching OB Nursing. She said that it’s also partly why women get pregnant for the second time, even though the first one made them go through hell of a pain. Ain’t that just wonderful?

But then again, aren’t you grateful for when that day comes, and you wake up not feeling so hurt anymore? The jellyfish sting eventually fades. The cramps eventually go away, thanks to my meds lol (I know I have to go to an OB the soonest). And surprisingly, the pain of losing a loved one progresses from DENIAL in DABDA (5 stages of grief) to that last A which stands for what leads to healing, which is ACCEPTANCE.

Whenever I get scared or feel like questioning all the painful things happening around lately, I look up and ask for strength and grace to go through, accept and eventually be grateful for it all. Not an easy feat, but it is what it is. Let it fulfill its purpose.

xoxo,

KAPANGYARIHAN

First things first, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAMA MARY! Haven’t prayed the Rosary in a while, but glad we were able to squeeze in a quick trip back home for Mama’s birthday over the weekend—this meant praying the Rosary as a family every day after dinner. To me, praying has always been very calming and reassuring. Gives you that feeling of certainty and safety amidst all the bad stuff happening around. Speaking of KAPANGYARIHAN, don’t you also feel oh so powerful when you pray and when you know God and Mama Mary both got yerrr back?

I could say the same for Ben & Ben‘s new song and also my ultimate favorite atm, “KAPANGYARIHAN“. I finally gave in to Spotify’s suggestion to listen to the band’s—(are they actually called a band? coz they seem so much more than just a band. Yehes meganern?) second album, Pebble House, Vol. 1: Kuwaderno.

I’ve actually seen previews a few weeks before their new album launch through a photographer I follow, Aia Solis. I assumed (based on her stories) that together with other photographers, she helped shoot photos for Ben & Ben’s album cover and other publicity photos.

I think I may like this new album more than their first. It had lots of collaboration with equally talented artists including Chito Miranda, Moira Dela Torre, KZ Tandingan, Juan Karlos and some artists whom I’ve heard first on this album, Zild, Munimuni and SB19 who all did great, btw!

I only got to listen to their most popular songs from their first album, so comparing that to my obsession with their second album would be unfair and only leave a bad taste in your mouth, so no comparison here, promise! To be fair though, I think that listening to their sophomore album gives you a grasp into a reality that goes beyond break ups and heartaches. I felt empowered and not just because of their song “Kapangyarihan”. They incorporated so much more issues in this album, which is a plus! You’ll have to listen to it to know, and like what they said in this interview on TV Patrol, these songs hit you in the spot. I couldn’t explain it any better than that. Lol.

Last week, while working from home and when I finally listened to the album, I literally dropped whatever it was I was doing when “Kapangyarihan” played. The words were too powerful, I couldn’t contain what that song evoked in me. In my mind, all I can think of was the “Tumindig” movement–closed fist high up in the air!

Over the weekend, the song was also featured on TV Patrol saying it was a big hit and I suddenly remembered just a few days prior, I posted about how the song made me feel on literally all of my social media accounts. Wait, it’s not why it’s trending right now, is it? CHAROT! Echos lang powshshzhswwhh! Kidding aside, it should be listened to by everyone, especially by those in position.

I know being a Filipino right now, in this pandemic seems like a long and agonizing torture, but we will have to endure this for now, knowing that God’s grace will help us go through it all. And of course, the biggest thing we can do right now is to do our research before the elections and when the time comes, VOTE for the right people! I cannot stress that enough, because we’ve had enough!!

Leaving you guys with THE SONG! I hope it does more than give you LSS, the goosebumps and teary eyes!

P.S. Kudos to Ben & Ben! Was listening to this song on repeat on my flight back to Cebu and all I could think of was how beautiful the Philippines is (it looks so glorious from above) and we cannot just let people destroy it.

Akala niyo ba, ang kapangyarihan
Ay nasa inyo? Sino ba kayo?

‘Di naman kami nagkulang
Sa aming pag-uunawa
‘Di ka namin isusuka
Kung hindi ka pa sukdulan

Huwag niyong tapakan
Ang katarungan

Akala niyo ba, ang kapangyarihan
Ay nasa inyo? Sino ba kayo?
Magwawagi ang katotohanan
Ang kadiliman ay ibabagsak

Nagsisilbi ka dapat
Nagsisilbi ka dapat

Ibon na may layang lumipad
‘Di mo na makukulong

Akala niyo ba, ang kapangyarihan
Ay nasa inyo? Sino ba kayo?
Magwawagi, ang katotohanan
Ang kadiliman ay ibabagsak

Nagsisilbi ka dapat
Nagsisilbi ka dapat

Katotohanan ang dapat mamuno
Sa namumuno sa mamamayan
Makatarungan ang dapat mamuno
Sa namumuno sa mamamayan

Nagsisilbi ka dapat
Nagsisilbi ka dapat

xoxo,

The Sunday Currently / 17

In case you wanna know, this is a SIDDATHORNTON BLOG LINK UP. This series ended in 2014 yet a lot of people still continued doing this on their respective blogs. I was #76 on the list of blog links and will post my 17th TSC today as proof of life. lol.

C U R R E N T L Y . . .

R E A D I N G  I know it’s been more than a year, yet I still haven’t finished reading “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”. You don’t have to rub it in my face. *rolls eyes* Well, if you must know, I just recently found the book in the trunk of my car after MIA for almost a year, so this time, I promise, I’m gonna end this once and for all. Lol.

W R I T I N G  I haven’t written anything for a while. I think I may need to write that article for my writing course due many weeks back. *ya think???!* 

L I S T E N I N G  to my landlady’s dog barking at the neighbor’s dog yet again. It’s a lazy Sunday morning and I just finished an episode of “SCHMIGADOON“, an Apple TV Musical that Abbey Sy recommended on her IG story. And since I brought it up, I had to look up my fave song from the show atm, “Corn Pudding“. Super catchy, isn’t it?

T H I N K I N G  of how to earn more moolah and all the stuff I need done today, but also thinking about how I just wanna stay in bed all day. Get what I mean?

S M E L L I N G  nothing. Chill, I don’t have the virus! Boy, I need to eat!

W I S H I N G  I could figure out a way to earn more mooolah! haha mukhang pera much?!

W E A R I N G  my Kill Bill shirt from yesterday. Don’t ask why! lol.

L O V I N G  this day. It’s Sunday! Also, my skin—Been taking supplements and drinking lotsa water, detox juices, kombucha. Hope all those are paying off. Also loving this VOD subscription app for all the new movies, live tv and series! If it weren’t for my family, I would’ve unsubscribed from Netflix already! Also loving this new IG TV series by “First Bike Ride” called Super Ultra Panks. If you’re into biking these days and into kwela adventures with your friends, you have to see this!

W A N T I N G  to go diving or lounge at the beach for the longest time. *sighs again* lol. 

N E E D I N G  a vacation and really good food!

F E E L I N G  grateful still for good friends and good conversations. Also loving my alone time with GOD.

Happy Sunday everyone! Hope you are all happy, safe, sound and in the warm, loving arms of your loved ones! Yes, cheesy Sunday, it is!

xoxo,