World in B&W

Have you ever thought what the world would be like in black and white?

Would it be like a Charlie Chaplin movie where everything is mime-like?

Would there be complete silence?

Would it be better or would it be the loneliest thing you could ever imagine?

Black and white to me seems quieter, and more peaceful. There would be less pretention and more expression. It would bring a more careful understanding of the world as there would be more focus and observation on the substance rather than the superficial.

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7 YEARS on WORDPRESS / The Sunday Currently vol. 15 / GGSS – Valuing Oneself

7 years on WordPress yet I still forget when exactly my anniversary is because TBH, I’ve been here longer than that. Looking back, I just imported my previous wordpress blog on to this account, on this day, 7 years ago. More or less, I’ve been blogging on WP since 2010, but blogging on other platforms since 6th grade in 2002! You can do the math! LOL!

I was eager to write about How to Value Oneself and how to Value Your Worth after a long conversation with a friend early this morning, but since it’s my anniversary, I thought of adding something more………I need a new SUNDAY CURRENTLY post since it’s a Sunday!

Last time I did this was 2 years ago! I cannot believe it was that long ago! I used to do this all the time, and the last one seemed like I just wrote it yesterday!

Without further ado, here it goes…..

THE SUNDAY CURRENTLY / VOLUME 15

Again, this is a SIDDATHORNTON BLOG LINK UP. This series ended in 2014 yet a lot of people still continued theirs on their respective blogs. I was #76 on the list of blog links and will post my 15th TSC today as I missed it so much!

C U R R E N T L Y . . .

R E A D I N G  “Everyone Can Be Creative” by ex-nun, Merlee Cruz-Jayme. Will post a book review soon!

W R I T I N G  this blog post!

L I S T E N I N G  to the Coffeehouse Playlist on Spotify!

T H I N K I N G  of my tito who is currently in critical condition.

S M E L L I N G  Tol’s buttered chicken take out from yesterday and mothballs (which I scattered all over my room here in Cebu)

W I S H I N G  a lot of things right now. Wish it’s Christmas vacation already and that I end the year with a bang!

W E A R I N G  my sleepwear. Can’t specify since it might be a little too much (or too little) for some. Charrr!

L O V I N G  my current state as I have finally decided to let go of the past and be hopeful for the future! Also loving this Sunday in particular although it’s not really a good one for my family back home.

W A N T I N G  more time with my family—-will be going home in 2 days for the All Saints’ day weekend!

N E E D I N G  to do a lot of admin work, personal errands and pack my suitcase! Also need to have my car repaired over the holidays!

F E E L I N G  so many mixed emotions all at the same time! Feeling anxious about all the paper work and errands I need done by today, feeling excited about going home in a few days, feeling sad for my family, particularly for my tito and his kids, feeling grateful and accomplished for implementing the marketing activities and having done a lot of programs the past week!

 

Phew!!! That was quick! I need to do more of this!

And now on to my GGSS post!

I have been feeling less burdened lately as I was finally able to pull out THE thorn out of my chest just recently.

It was one day a few weeks ago, when I woke up from a very good night’s sleep that I realized that I can finally let go of the past! I even wrote about it here. Now, I can say that I’m finally opening my doors to new possibilities in life and love and that I am sending it out for the universe to devour and hopefully in turn, send to THE ONE!

It’s scares me still, but being scared sometimes means that I’m out to venture on to something good, right? I have given it proper thinking for the last 2 years (I think) and now, I owe it to myself to know my worth, my value as a person and also to my ex to be given the freedom and happiness he also deserves!

So why GGSS? As you all know, this Pinoy term/expression means “Gandang-Ganda Sa Sarili“, which in simple English translates to being narcissistic and completely obsessed with one’s physical beauty. People often use this expression when reminding their friends that they’ve gone overboard with the selfies or that they’ve been so annoyingly boastful with their looks. You get what I mean!

Using it almost always gives a wrong connotation and evokes a negative reaction, but for today, I am using it as a term of great endearment for oneself.

It’s annoying to be with people who are obsessed with the superficial a.k.a. their looks, but don’t you think that somehow, it is very important too? To be able to love yourself first among others?

A lot of us have insecurities and it isn’t healthy that we obsess over these too more than the good in us. Mahirap rin naman yung PPSS or Panget na Panget Sa Sarili diba? I admit, I am guilty of this especially since I have cooooountlesssssssss insecurities! I lack self love which is why I hate taking posting selfies for fear of rejection or negative reactions.

I envy people who have good smiles, pretty eyes, perfect skin, gorgeous hair, confidence, who are good in public speaking, and the list goes on.

Despite these, I still love myself a lot. I have learned to gradually love myself more as I grow old. I am not beautiful as per majority’s standards, but I do have my own charm, which I am not yet quite aware of, but we all do, right?

So in order to know our worth as a person, we have to dig deep into the concept of self love. It goes beyond loving only the good, our strengths, the pros, because whether we like it or not, we also have to accept our imperfections. Just the same, in loving another person, we have to be able to accept the fact that no one’s perfect and in loving, it doesn’t discriminate with the good things alone.

Hence, if we learn to fully love ourselves, we also learn to value our worth.

You love your books because you know how much they’re worth. You value blogversaries because they are important to you. You take care of the things that give you meaning and value as a person, and in the same way, if you know your worth, you will also know how to take care of yourself.

You should know when to step up, especially when you’re being stepped on. You should know when to stop when you feel you’re being taken advantage of. You should know how to stand up for yourself, especially when you know that you’re worth more than other people’s treatment of you.

To end this self love post, let us give importance and value to whoever we have become and to whoever we are, because deep inside each one of us, is our God. We value Him as we value ourselves! Now tell me, ain’t that right?

 

 

 

How to know if you’ve FINALLY moved on

I’ve been really busy the past few weeks and I feel like my whole life  just revolves around work lately. Kulang na lang, sa doctors clinics na ako matulog….ooops, nagawa ko na pala yun, dun na ako kumakain at natutulog. Pathetic noh? haha.

Yesterday, it felt so wrong to go home before 7pm just because it was a Tuesday and on Tuesdays, we go home at around 9 to 11, but I thought, I owe that to myself. I need to give myself the time to rest because like what the successful people say, “HINDI NAUUBOS ANG TRABAHO, PERO ANG PASENSYA KO UBOS NA UBOS NA!” Charr!!! This is one advice I’ve heard from one of those career videos I watch online that really stuck with me, “Work is neverending, and it will still be there when you wake up in the morning, so give time for your family, for yourself and for all the other stuff called LIFE OUTSIDE WORK!” Syempre, binago ko na yan pero that’s mainly the gist.

So there, I just need you to know that I finally had a good night’s sleep last night and I woke up (still at 5am though — ganun na talaga eh! matanda na!) feeling well……..well rested. It was one of the best sleeps I’ve had in the past 2 weeks, which I think is the real reason why my brain has recuperated and thought “hey, maybe you’ve finally moved on!”. Ang random eh noh?

So this morning, I flooded my friends with messages that just came popping in and out of my head and I told them, hey I think I finally know why I am in this place and why I am in this job! I remember what one of my doctors told me, “YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LOOK AT THE THINGS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE IN A BIGGER PICTURE.” and I guess not a lot of us can do that consistently, but since my head was suddenly as clear as the glass faces of your Korean idols, I realized, maybe this is ONE of the reasons why I am so far from my comfort zone, to be able to feel alone (and lonely at times) for me to be able to find strength in myself and to grow! Pheeewwww!

To cut this whole post short, a light bulb lit in my head and I knew that maybe this is what God wants for me, to grow and mature and to help myself.

So the question is, have I finally moved on? 

Before I beat around the bush again, I’ll tell you now that I really do think that I can finally say, YES, I have.

I think we all cope differently in life and I can’t give one advice that will be applicable to all, but what I think helped me is the fact that I am so far from home, which is my ultimate comfort zone. Obviously, I have to tend for myself, look after myself and pick up after…(guess who!)………… myself!

I couldn’t even drive outside our village before I got this job. I couldn’t go home too late without my mother giving me the cold treatment the next day. I rarely cleaned up after myself before I lived on my own. I didn’t think I could do the things I’m doing now before I was on my own. So I think, it helped a lot to realize that you’re really ON YOUR OWN for you to become really INDEPENDENT and hopefully STRONGER! 

When I screwed curtain rods to the wall or bought and changed my light bulb in the bathroom, I felt really proud that I now could do all the things that I used to ask someone else to do before. I thought, “Hey, this is what growing up must really feel like!”.

My ex and I ended our relationship just like everyone else did……bad, like buildings-torn-apart-by-godzilla-BAD, but then eventually we became friends again. Until lately, I felt like we were growing apart. I can blame that to our really busy lives now. I used to talk to him a lot, sharing our horror work stories and somehow I felt like I needed him to still be a part of my life because obviously he’s one of my best friends. He really is, but because we don’t talk as much anymore, I realized that I can live without letting him know how work sucks or how bad I was feeling. I have my barkada to tell all those stuff to.

Recently, I felt the need to talk to him again about a really pressing personal problem, but in the middle of typing my message, I realized that I have to stop going to him whenever a problem comes up. So I erased the message. And that’s it! I am finally becoming independent!

To answer the title up there, I guess you’ll know that you’ve moved on:

1. When you can finally say that your heart is full again. When you learn to love yourself despite your failures, your insecurities and your past.
2. When you mature enough to realize that your love problems doesn’t even compare to the problems of the world or that starving orphan in Africa
3. When you have spoiled yourself with all the YOU TIME in the world!!!! kapag nasulit mo na yung pagiging single mo
4. When you are happy for yourself and for your ex moving on with your own lives and probably with your own new partners
5. When despite missing having someone to always go with you wherever you want, you brave the world on your own; and when you don’t feel the need to depend on someone else to look after you or to shop with you or eat with you. You go those things on your own girl! Or perhaps your with your family and friends!
6. When you have forgiven your ex partner and most importantly, YOURSELF!
7. When you finally have the PEACE OF MIND you’ve been praying for!

WHAT HELPED?

1. PRAYER. I tell this to everyone. Prayer can heal your heart from all the pain, the suffering, the heartache. God is closest to the people who are at the lowest points of their lives (my papa keeps reminding us of this!). Prayer can even help you with your depression!
2. FAMILY and FRIENDS. Need I say more?
3. Making time for the things you love doing! I had more time to pursue photography, art, traveling and mountaineering! You make time for working out too apart from pigging out! Get a tattoo! Dance naked! SLEEEEP for 16 hours straight! Do all the things you can’t do unless you’re alone!
4. Traveling. It makes your heart grow bigger! (not literally though coz that’s baaaad!)
5. Syempre, it helps to be ALONE, to feel ALONE and to maximize all the ALOOOONE time you can get! NAMNAMIN mo yung pagiging mag-isa! Treasure it before the next person comes trashing your life again! Charot! Kidding aside, it would really make you a stronger and independent person and you’ll feel that it’s not so bad to be alone after all! Again, love and treasure being single! It’s that golden period in your life that you get to know yourself again!
6. Watch How to be Single! Lol! I’ll probably do again!

Hope it helped!

 

What is GOOD Customer Service?

In all of my jobs in the past, of course not excluding my current job, ATTITUDE is a crucial factor. It’s one of those “make or break” criteria that can significantly affect your status in the company.

I remember when I worked as an underpaid-overworked (it is important that I emphasize those) nurse in the past, not once did I ever show any horrible attitude to any of my patients nor to their relatives, even if I was provoked or so sick myself with effing cramps and dysmenorrhea while wiping their asses. Well, at least not in their faces.

That was my first job ever and being a nurse taught me not just the skills and expertise in health care but also the patience and respect that are both VERY important in customer service bec obviously, it is still 101% a customer service industry.

I remember there was a time I was going to work with very little sleep and stressed over a break up. I was feeling confused, scared and panicky all at the same time and the break up was all I could think of on the bus going to the hospital, but the moment I stepped in to our station, I knew that I had to focus if I don’t want to fuck up any of my patients’ lives too. I was there to work and to serve these people. I should give them the best care they can get, and I have to say that I am pretty proud of myself for being able to put a line between work and my personal issues.

That was true even for my callcenter stint. I talked to quite a few (lucky me!) @$$holes on the phone and some did really get on my nerves, but I couldn’t curse them back bec customers (no matter how wrong and offensive they are) are always right. But once the call is done, so was my composure—–mura galore before I took the next call.

So really, I was trained to exercise a whole loooooooot of patience in the past and to maintain self-control no matter how horrible the customer was.

So it really sucks to be on the other side for once and be given a crappy service just because they’re fucking tired of their lives or the previous customer was an ass. At the end of the day, everyone is fucking tired and you don’t know what crap one of your cutomers took from their own clients as well, so be effing nice even if it sucks, even if you’ve taken crap from your own boss too because guess what, that is life!

Nothing in particular triggered this post and this rant though. This just popped out of my head. LOL. JK, last night, tired from doing field work all day, not to mention the night before and I just wanted to bring home a nice dinner for myself real quick and this effing new girl from this place I love was OBVIOUSLY having a bad day. I noticed that she was getting impatient with the customer before me who took all the time in the world to fish the BEST chicken there ever was in the serving tray. When it was my turn, I courteously asked for a beef steak “take out”, which she obviously wasn’t paying attention to because she put the beef on a plate so I had to tell her again politely, “miss, iputos ra.”

I didn’t know she was sooo mad at the whooooole world and as expected she threw my food on top of the dish trays instead of handing them to me properly. I was thinking, “What the fuck did I do to you, girl?!”

I am not the type to spark an argument with people because let’s be real, I wouldn’t win in any of those haha and I don’t ever wanna pick a fight with my food servers ever, but I’ve done this once (to a short-tempered, lying LBC girl) and just told the cashier “mainit ulo ng server nyo noh?” before I left.

I knew I couldn’t let that moment pass without doing something to correct her attitude. When I was younger, I could take a crap from everyone, but I realized, I’ve been through the worst in life but I never took it out on strangers and that should be the same for everyone. For all I know, they could be facing so much worse. So I had to make sure that she learned her lesson without demeaning her.

What I told the LBC girl after she wrapped my package in a calm manner (I was trying hard to) “next time miss wag masyado mainit ulo mo.” Then she defensively denied that she was angrily tossing and taping my package.

To be honest, I could really feel (and I’m not the first person to say this) that somehow, it boils down to me being “Tagalog” in Cebu, why I get the crappy customer service (calls for another post soon!), which is why I do try my best to learn Cebuano, but that’s just my personal observation in general, but kudos to a number of Cebuanos who are genuinely kind and accommodating! You deserve all love in the world!

What the BIG GUY TRULY wants for our lives and other things I learned about faith

You know, I’ve been on this train ride to nowhere for the longest time. I don’t know why I chose a train for this metaphor though. It could be 4×4 Jeep or a mustang for all I care, but that’s not the point. I’ve been lost in life for what seems like forever and I’ve been going on and on about how it feels like an eternal quarter life crisis, and I don’t know how to get back on track or perhaps which path to choose in order to get to where I need to be.

Ya ever felt like this at one point in your life? Good for those who never did. I for one, feel really, really stuck in this monumental crisis since I entered my twenties and I’ve been praying for answers or guidance, buying self help and inspirational books, talking to friends about it, however, I just keep on making the wrong decisions over and over.

Then I came across this book that has been sitting on my shelf for over a few months. It was dusty yet I was drawn to it more than a fly could ever be drawn to a poop on the street. Okay that’s not a good comparison, but you get what I mean. I never felt the need to read it until over a few days ago. It’s John Ortberg‘s “WHAT IS GOD’S WILL FOR MY LIFE?“. I got it in one of the bookstores here in Cebu that sells religious and inspirational books, OMFLIT.

I think I only needed to read the first few pages before I had the clarity I needed all this time. This book opened up my eyes as well as my mind to see the bigger picture that a lot of us fail to see.

You wanna know what the real answer to the question: What does God want for my life is? It’s this: God’s primary will for your life is not the circumstances you inhabit; it’s the person you become.  – Could I emphasize that more?

They say life is made of up of the choices that we make and in making these decisions, we face challenges, anxiety and responsibility which are all important ingredients for us to grow and mature, and that is what God’s will for our lives. He wants us to grow into mature individuals and to liken His image. Simple isn’t it? It all boils down to the basic rule of God.

It said in the book that it doesn’t matter who we marry, where to send our kids to school, which job to choose. We think very shallow and narrow this way. We fail to widen our perspective. Again, it’s not about the circumstances. God has given us FREE WILL (which btw is also one of the most basic things and foundation of our religion that we all learned in grade school!), and He did so we CAN MAKE the decisions for ourselves. If you ask for a sign from God, it’s as if you’re putting Him in charge of your life. It’s as if He is making the decision for us. What you want to do is to trust that whatever you decide for yourself, He will be there to go through it with you.

I remember this particular conversation I had with Dr. Dy, the only doctor that I can talk to about religion, among our many conversations on life. He said that in certain circumstances that we cannot decide for ourselves anymore and we eventually leave it up to Him, which a lot of us do, saying, “Lord Kayo na po ang bahala.“, doesn’t that give Him the power to decide for us? Then where is free will in that? Of course it’s different if you have decided on it and you’re surrendering to God whatever comes after that crucial moment in your life, saying “Kayo na po ang bahala!” and it’s different when you say it with an intention to actually wait for Him to say, “Sige anak, choose Payless noodles over Lucky Me Pancit Canton.” – Ang babaw pala naman ng pinagdadasal. Yan tayo eh! Kidding aside, it really got me thinking, THAT IS WEIRDLY AND CONFUSINGLY TRUE, ISN’T IT??!!!!!!!!

To cut it short, He wants us to decide for us. He wants us to make all the decisions, right or wrong, because either way, we LEARN and GROW.

The moment I read the first chapter, it felt as if my mind opened into a whole new world. It’s as if I’ve been living small when I could have been seeing it in this perspective all along. Then again, it’s never too late.

BIG PICTURE.

This was constantly brought up in my conversations with Doc. You know ever since I talked to him about faith and religion, it’s as if I’ve been able to open the closed doors in my mind.

He once told me that when we human beings don’t see things in a bigger picture. We are all so focused on being successful that sometimes, our only goal in life is to actually get that triwizard cup at the end of the maze and then what? Sit on your golden throne in glory? Sorry for the Harry Potter reference. Big fan here. So anyway, when we are faced with challenges, we fail to see that ALL (as in LAHAT haha) that’s happening in your life is a piece of the puzzle that when put together, becomes the big picture that is God’s plan for each one of us, like way before we were born.

I’ve also been reading Mark Manson‘s, “The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck“. In chapter 3, which happens to be my favorite because it’s the one I could relate to the most, “YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL“. He said that he finds it contradictory that we are part of a culture that wants to make us believe that we are ALL destined to be extraordinary. If that’s so, if everyone is EXTRAORDINARY then who the f*ck is EXTRAORDINARY still?! It’s as if to say that when everyone wants an aisle seat on a plane, then all our planes should have completely aisle seats alone. Anyway, my hands are itching to write about this on a different entry because I’m getting out of point here, but see, most of the time, we fail to see the bigger picture of things.

So anyway, here are some things this MD friend told me that got me thinking and pondering:

1. It’s okay to question God – not in the way that You question His being or that you blame Him for the bad things that happen in your life, but on things that you want clarity with. Perhaps you want to know the reason behind you being put in a certain situation. Maybe you want to know what good will Cancer bring into your life.
2. Does committing suicide give you a ticket straight to hell? – If this is so, then God must not be a merciful and forgiving God after all. Isn’t true that He died on the cross to save us all? So, are those who committed crimes and were not sorry for them or are those who killed themselves exempted?
3. Is everything on the Bible true? – It has been passed on from generation to generation, are you sure that 101% of the book is translated correctly?
4. BIG PICTURE – When you see the bigger picture of life, you see your purpose in this world and it wouldn’t matter if you die rich and successful or the opposite, what matters in the end isn’t the mundane problems we are all currently facing. It’s what comes after this life and how prepared you are for it today.

I know these all sound confusing, and you may have your own opinion on these things. I myself am not sure I can wrap my brain around all these, but to quote Dr. Dy, “the moment we finally get to understand the vast infinity that is God, then He wouldn’t be God anymore“. We are humans and our brains, although powerful can never be at par with God’s. We are never meant to understand everything about God, that’s why we only have our faith to rely on in this world. 🙂