A few months into the quarantine, I finally downloaded “Bumble” to see what the fuss is about and because I was bored and curious AF. It was overwhelming and fun while it lasted, but today, I uninstalled it (again), hoping that this would be the last time that I do so! LOL.
This was the first time ever that I tried a dating app, because a) I didn’t wanna get caught using it and b) I am very much aware that dating apps are really just hook up apps. So since I was a dating app virgin, I tried the mildest of them all, or so I thought.
3 of my friends all tried dating apps and for a time, I was amused by their stories of endless dates, rejections, even ghosting which is pretty much a big part of online dating. One of them found true love on the app and we are all very happy for her because her now boyfriend is a really good man and we are all witnesses to that, and they are a perfect fit!
With all that giddy feeling in mind, I thought why not give it a try? It wasn’t til a few weeks into the lockdown, that I decided to give it a go. Being the noob that I am, I took the time to make my profile interesting, and saw how that brought about overwhelming responses. The swiping was too easy for me. I have to admit though, I did swipe right to those I am physically attracted to initially, but that was just the first step to my meticulous “screening process”. I also took time to go through the rest of their profiles and read their stuff to see if their physique is not the only thing that makes them attractive. So obviously, some of the good looking ones also did not make the cut. Ang taas ng standards! Ganda ka teh?
To be fair, those I met were artists, designers, software engineers, photographers and they turned out to be interesting conversationalists. I always loved meeting new people and the app was a good avenue for that. Although most of them never really stayed long, some surprisingly did and I get to talk to until now.
I think it was a month after I signed up that I met this guy. He is my type (duh). I didn’t realize that he looked middle eastern-ish/Indian til one of my friends brought it up (yes sorry nacurious ang friends ko so pinakita ko sa kanila). I liked that he had a tattoo band on his arm (which later on he told me was a Polynesian pattern) and that he also liked to go to Iceland (which is a country I am in love with but never told him). Apparently, we turned out to be a match and I wasn’t disappointed as he was very funny (always a pogi point for me), and that we really jived. Later on, after days of chatting in English, I found out that he was Tagalog too and just moved here to Cebu when he was in high school. Pinahirapan pa ko mag-English! So that was a bit refreshing as all of the other guys where either foreigners or Bisaya. (So I would always chat with them mostly in English or sometimes, when I am feeling a bit confident, I try to converse in Bisaya.) There was one red flag though, he is a fuck boy and he clearly told me early on that he had commitment issues, but I brushed that off, which was the start of a disaster waiting to happen. LOL.
So there I was, flirting with the guy that I found more attractive as days passed. He works at PAL, he’s half Indian and half Ilocano (another similarity we have, but never told him). He lives alone here in Cebu, because according to him, his dad travels a lot, and his sister lives in Canada. He didn’t say anything about his mom, and I never asked because I didn’t want to intrude. And he didn’t share a lot about his personal life, so I did the same (fuck boy alert #2). Weeks after, I sensed that he got bored and suddenly became inconsistent and made excuses about work (of course, I know everyone’s talking to a whole bunch of other people at the same time). When I felt that he was feeling disinterested, I talked to him about it in a casual way of course, and I could not forget that last conversation we had because he called me “clingy”. In a way that offended me, so I did what I felt like my escape plan if things get ugly, I blocked him and then eventually, deleted the app. LOL.
I went back to Bottled, which is an app that used to be just for meeting decent people around the world, but now turned out to be so much like a dating app. For two weeks, I tried meeting new people and flirted a bit (coz it was much easier to flirt with foreigners), one even became a really good friend and guess what, he’s Indian!
A few weeks after, I realized I missed Bumble guy so bad and decided to reinstall the app to see if he was still on there (pathetic alam ko!). First day on the app, I quickly swiped on guys just so I could get to the end of the list. Sadly he wasn’t there anymore, but instead of deleting the app, I decided I’ll try meeting new guys again. The next day, there was a bunch of new guys on my feed, so I swiped for the sake of swiping and right about the end, I saw a familiar face! It was him! He was back! I froze and wondered if it would be pathetic to swipe right on a guy I blocked the first time. Good thing, Bumble lets you see the guys who have swiped right on you (except that the photos are blurred), but you could still make out the guys through the colors and shapes on their main photo) and I saw that he did swiped right on me again. This blog post would probably end here if I didn’t swipe right back, right? But thinking that he was the reason I reinstalled the app, it would be a waste to let it go, so I did swiped right again. Landi diba? Teka ano bang title nito? LOL.
As they say, it was landi the second time around. LOL. Since girls had to initiate convos on Bumble, I dropped him a message , which I could not remember what exactly but it was something about meeting him again there. LOL.
We did talk for a bit that night and on the next few days, but since we were both busy with work, I got used to talking to him less than we used to, but we still did. I think it was also that time when I agreed to finally meet him. I knew it was risky as he worked at the airport and the virus was worse than ever, but I was curious as to how he was like in person, so we met for the first time right after I parted with my friends one Saturday night. I remember meeting him before 7pm and almost all the establishments were closing. He was cute, but kinda got turned off by what he was wearing. LOL. It wasn’t anything special. He made an excuse to get his wallet from his car when we decided to get milk teas. I sensed it being a fuckboy move so I quickly paid for my own milk tea. We talked and since I was nervous, I was laughing a lot. Also, I knew what he was thinking at the time. He was kinda quiet and before we parted ways, he asked me to go to the airport (he mentioned about the need to meet the passengers of the last flight they had that night) with him, in his car, but I declined. Fuckboy alert #3!
We met again for the second time after that, and it was on the night before Cebu city was declared to go back under ECQ. Again, whatever he was thinking of doing that night didn’t happen. A few weeks after, we talked less and less and then, I remember blocking him the second time around like what I do with guys I lose interest in, only that time, I did not delete the app.
Weeks passed, I sort of forgot about him until one day, I received a text from an unknown number. I didn’t know that he actually saved my number. I knew it was him, but I ignored it. A few hours after, he called. I picked up and I pretended that I didn’t read his message and I that I didn’t know who he was. And then we started talking again. Ang rupok diba?
Then we also added each other on WhatsApp and after a few weeks of flirting (again), we agreed to meet by my place (he had checkpoint privileges so he can go wherever he wants). It was a Sunday night when he came to visit his friend who lives nearby, sent a selfie and asked if he can drop by. My heart was pounding, I was excited to see him again after a long time on ECQ. He was looking good as ever with the right amount of facial hair just as I like it (which he knows). He didn’t seem tipsy even though he said they downed 7-8 Red Horse bottles. I couldn’t let him in our place so we just stayed in his car and talked. He still didn’t get what he wanted LOL except for momol galore, but I couldn’t do it and that was the third time I turned him down.
After months of talking to my friends about it, I thought that there was probably nothing wrong with getting into a FWB arrangement with Bumble guy. We just had to be safe every time, right? And of course, biggest rule of all, I CANNOT FALL FOR THE GUY, EVER! It was pretty easy, but at that time, I knew I liked him a lot already, which was a red flag for me. Then when I was constantly thinking about it, an Instagram post suddenly slapped me in the face out of nowhere and I knew it was God telling me, to take heed.
So, when he texted me last week, I had to turn him down, for good. I was gonna ghost him again (I blocked him on WhatsApp prior to this), but then I manned up and told him I couldn’t do it. I never have and I don’t think I ever can. It is tempting, but I know myself well enough to see that I will eventually fall for him if ever I do the whole fubu thing. Inasmuch as I like him and wanna do so many things to him (CHOS!!), I had to choose myself over him, because I love myself too much.
So now, I ask myself yet again, why do I always attract wolves in sheep’s clothing? Or kind assholes? LOL. To be fair, it was fun while it lasted and I know that these guys I meet are probably good people (otherwise I wouldn’t be attracted to them in the first place). They’re just not the right guys for me. So I’m taking a break from Bumble for the 2nd time around and hopefully, there won’t be a need for me to go back. It is exhausting after all, to constantly meet new people and to be in a perpetual “getting to know you” stage. I could tell why some of my friends also stopped using the app, but at least I got to satisfy my curiosity and on this day, this experiment is overrrr! LOL!
It’s gonna be a while before I get over this, so for now, I’ll listen to these songs and laugh at myself for this epic fail at love again!